Maid of Honor Troubles

[itsasecret56]

Hi Everyone. I''m new here but after reading through this forum for the last few months I was hoping I might be able to get some help! I''m going to try and keep it short...but this is a little complicated... Thanks in advance for everything.

Ive been engaged for a little over a year, and with the wedding being 6 months away, things are really starting to get to me. I have a total of 5 bridesmaids, when I asked them all to be in the wedding, I said I have "bridesmaids of honor" mainly because I have two best friends, a childhood friend and my college roommate and didnt want to pick between the two. My church required me to designate a maid of honor for paperwork as did the dress shop. I picked the college roommate because she lives locally to everything as I no longer live in my hometown nor does my childhood best friend.

My college roommate took me designating her for paperwork purposes and ran with it. She has been really mean to the other bridesmaids and is acting like this wedding should work around her schedule. I havent asked her for much help other than two things, which she was too busy to find the time to do. My childhood best friend is hurt and upset because the college roommate told her she didnt want her opinion and that she is the maid of honor.

I hardly ever hear from her anymore, she complains about how shes going to be the fat one in the bridal party everytime I talk to her and she kind of makes me feel bad about myself because she would do things differently.

I dont want to ask her to step down because we have been friends for years, and I''m not sure what has gotten into her...but this certainly is not the girl I know(or thought I did)

My mom has to take over planning the bridal shower because she is now too busy to take care of it. My mom felt terrible and just wants to have something nice for her daughter. The other BMs are going to help with the planning, but this was something the roommate said she was handling. With the holidays looming my mom wants to get it figured out before its too late!

I just dont know what to do. Its a terrible feeling thinking your so called best friend isnt happy for you...she has done some other things, like insult my ring. Her exact words were, "its nice and all, but I want something bigger) I didnt know a 1.25 ct was small? I think its beautiful and more than enough...and besides that why would you ever say something like that to someone? Ive seen rings before that werent my "Style" but I always said how beautiful they were because its nice to say and you dont want to offend someone or something so special. I dont know if its jealousy kicking in or if she has just changed.

It has honestly gotten to the point where I wish she would just remove herself from the wedding so I dont have to have a discussion about how much she has changed. I think its her boyfriend, whom I dont want to invite to the wedidng, but thats another story for another day.

Bleh.

Luckily my FI is wonderful and tries to help with all the girl stuff she has not been here to do.

 

[monkeyprincess]

You need to ask yourself whether this is really the person you want standing next to you on your wedding day. It sounds like she is partly spoiling what should be one of the most exciting times of your life. Sometimes you just need to stand up for yourself. I think you owe it to yourself and your other bridesmaids.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I would talk to her. If you really think it''s b/c of her boyfriend, she may need some help. You can always approach it from more of a concern like "Hey- I''m just worried about you b/c you''ve been acting so differently lately, and you don''t seem happy like you used to be- is everything OK?" I wouldn''t attack her, b/c that will likely make her more angry. However, if you don''t want your party to be torn apart, I think it''s time to intervene.

Sorry you''re going through this!

 

[tlh]

The wedding planning process will show you who your true friends are - and who is garbage. You are moving towards a new life w/ your partner - and might as well evaluate some of your other relationships along the way. It is amazing what pettiness and jealousy can do - and how even dear friends can''t even hide their jealousy. While others will completely surprise you and step up to the plate and just be there for you... in soo many ways.

You''re doing a lot of planning for your future, you might also want to take that time to evaluate your "friends" too. Now I say this with caution.. because the wedding planning is stressful, and can make even the most normal of people - crazy stressed out control freaks. (Myself included.) Sometimes you just have to realize your day, though special - is not a world revolving or life changing thing for anyone else... even your nearest and dearest friends... and single girls- who haven''t gone through that stress themselves, really will never understand it - until they are there themselves.

This also goes for the groomsmen, but they often just have sooo much less expected of them than the bridesmaids. 1)Get fitted. 2) show up. That is about it... and a lot of bridesmaids think that is their duties too... and don''t realize all the stress until they go through it. Man, it was funny to hear my husband talk about what an a$$ groomsmen he was at the 4+ weddings he''s been in. He didn''t even know he was a bad groomsmen until our wedding. He just thought it was normal to be that WASTED during all the pictures. He apologized, but it is sorta a thing for many people - you just don''t even know - until you''re there... in THOSE shoes.

Hugs, I hope things get better for you. The only way to back off the MOH-zilla is to tell her, that there are TWO MOHs. her and your childhood friend, and explain it to her like you did us. Hopefully that will help.

 

[VRBeauty]

If you value her friendship enough to have asked her to be your "co-MOH", then you should value it enough to talk to her about your concerns and the disruptive effects of her behavior.

 

[Winks_Elf]

I''m having problems with my MOH as well. I had her come with me to look at BM dresses, and showed her one that I was THINKING about for her. Then I ask her to let me know her schedule so we can go look at BM dresses somewhere else and she freaks because she she really wants that gown, and "I thought we had decided on my gown, and we just need to pick colors?" THEN she asks me (after I tell her I''m thinking about the browns for the wedding) if it would look really bad if she orders her gown in lipstick red while the rest of the girls wear brown (um, yeah!). THEN she proceeds to tell me what gowns she''ll be ordering for her daughters that she just kinda stuck into the wedding party (I''m sorry, but the last time I checked it was my wedding, and do you really think a 2-year-old can pull off a gown with spaghetti straps and a train??? I don''t even WANT her baby to be there, she''s not in the wedding!. So I expressed to her again that I hadn''t decided on the dresses for the BM''s, and that it is going to be a long day for her, and it wouldn''t be fair to her will-be-2-year-old year to be dragging her along (and that since everyone will be drinking it''s not appropriate, late night, etc.), and she should probably ask her mom to watch the baby then. So the next time we talk, I gushed about how excited I was to be going gown shopping, to which she responds, "That reminds me, I have to order the gowns for the girls." I reminded her nicely that her children (there are three) are not in the wedding party, and the little one really shouldn''t be coming, so she didn''t have to worry about ordering special dresses. She pulled the "well, DH and I haven''t decided yet." In other words, I have no control over who she brings to the wedding and what she puts on her daughters. I''m pissed. She wanted her daughter to be the littlest flower girl (sorry, but that honor belongs to MY daughter!).

It''s almost like there''s some passive agressive behavior going on, like she didn''t have what she wanted for her own wedding so she''s trying to run the show. She never helped me with the one task I asked from her (to go on-line and research hotels in the area of the venue), and has stopped taking my calls, is icy and not really saying anything when I talk to her, etc.

Soooo, I have already asked the person who was my first choice (after profusely apologizing for not trusting my gut) if they would fulfill the role. They were very gracious about it. I still have to talk to Jo, but I''m not rushing to pick up the phone or stop by. When she does get around to contacting me, I''ll tell her we need to talk. Terminating her as MOH is not something I want to do on the phone or through email. I plan to tell her that I''ve needed her assistance, and she was not only not available, but there seemed to be some hostility so I think it would be best if the role was filled by someone else.