Man taking the woman''s last name

[Gwyn]

SO, I Know that traditionally the woman takes her new husbands last name.

More and more woman are hyphenating the two or not chaning their last names at all.

I like the idea of my husband and I having the same last name (Especially for when we have children). In my opinion, its nicer/easier when family's all have the same last name but I really don't care for his last name (It sounds a little ridiculous with mine. think of..."Mallory Maloney"... kind of goofy huh. No offense to anyone named that. And, truthfully, he has never been a fan of his last name either.

Mostly though, I really really love my last name its nice and short and simple. Everything someone would want in a name.

My question is, would it be so horrible if my husband took my last name instead of the other way around?

No one on his side is traditional in the slightest so I doubt they would take any offense. Besides, bride's families never take offense when she takes on his last name so I dont think a grooms family would be hurt.

Probably the worst that could happen is some of our friends tease him that he is whipped or something for taking my last name.


Anyone know any couples, or themselves, where the man has taken the woman's last name?

 

[surfgirl]

An old bf of mine had cousins who hypenated their names together...Her''s came first, IIRC, then his.

 

[neatfreak]

No, I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all Gwyn. As a kid who grew up with a different last name as my mother, I would have appreciated my family all having the same name, it would have made things easier.

I'm taking my fiance's last name because I also want our family to all have the same last name. He has the better last name out of the two, but he jokingly said that if my last name had been "better" he would have changed names instead. And I know he was being serious!

I would avoid the hyphenating though, as those names can just get so long and confusing so fast. But that's just my opinion.

We have friends who combined their last names to form a totally new last name too. I think that's a very cool idea as well.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Gwyn,

A family friend and her husband decided to both hyphenate their last names when they got married, and this was oh, about 15 years ago maybe. They''re now the "His last name - Her last name family." It works for them.

I''ve actually been thinking about the whole name-changing issue myself. I personally would rather keep my name legally after my FI and I get married, but he wants me to take his last name. My FI is not at all happy about that and he even said to me the other day that it wouldn''t feel like we''re married if I kept my last name. I''m not crazy about his name, although it sounds fine with my first name. I''m just so used to my name, it could a pain to change legally, and I''d like to keep my last name in our immediate family. I only have one sister (who did change her name) and no brothers. I''m not sure yet what to do but it will be interesting to read others'' reponses.

I think if both people are fine with it, what''s the problem?

 

[surfgirl]

I''m keeping my name but I''m in my 40''s and have had my name for eons so it''s silly to change it, especially professionally. That said, I asked my FI if he wanted me to change my name and he was emphatic about not changing it. He said he thought it was an out dated notion that the man somehow owns the woman, like she is property or something. I was like, "phew!" because I didn''t want to change it anyway. Someone I know who recently changed to her husband''s name said it is a PITA to do...

 

[snlee]

Date: 5/30/2007 7:13:26 PM
Author: zoebartlett

I've actually been thinking about the whole name-changing issue myself. I personally would rather keep my name legally after my FI and I get married, but he wants me to take his last name. My FI is not at all happy about that and he even said to me the other day that it wouldn't feel like we're married if I kept my last name. I'm not crazy about his name, although it sounds fine with my first name. I'm just so used to my name, it could a pain to change legally, and I'd like to keep my last name in our immediate family. I only have one sister (who did change her name) and no brothers. I'm not sure yet what to do but it will be interesting to read others' reponses.

Not feeling married because you have different last names? That's crazy. I've been married almost a year now and I didn't change my last name. I have never felt not married because we have different last names. That's just silly.

My husband and I have thought about the name change thing. He has never been a fan of his last name and we're pretty sure our future children will take on my last name. It's unconventional but if no one has a problem with that, I don't see why not. It'd be nice if our family all have the same last name. If anything, my husband would change his last name. But as of right now, neither of us has made any name changes. It's just too much trouble. Definitely a PITA!

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 5/30/2007 6:43:17 PM
Author:Gwyn

My question is, would it be so horrible if my husband took my last name instead of the other way around?

Definitely not horrible! I know of 2 separate couples who chose to take the wife's last name when they got married. One is a friend of mine from high school, whose wife has an unusual last name and no brothers to carry it on... her husband was perfectly happy adopting hers. The other was DH's friend from college, whose last name was actually a female body part.

He was VERY happy to switch to his wife's name!

I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do about changing mine... I love my last name and DH actually likes mine better than his, but he is an only child and wants his name to be carried on, whereas I have 2 brothers so that's not really an issue for me. But I agree that I want our family to share the same last name, so I think I'll change mine eventually... just probably not until we have kids.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/30/2007 7:54:20 PM
Author: snlee

Date: 5/30/2007 7:13:26 PM
Author: zoebartlett

I''ve actually been thinking about the whole name-changing issue myself. I personally would rather keep my name legally after my FI and I get married, but he wants me to take his last name. My FI is not at all happy about that and he even said to me the other day that it wouldn''t feel like we''re married if I kept my last name. I''m not crazy about his name, although it sounds fine with my first name. I''m just so used to my name, it could a pain to change legally, and I''d like to keep my last name in our immediate family. I only have one sister (who did change her name) and no brothers. I''m not sure yet what to do but it will be interesting to read others'' reponses.

Not feeling married because you have different last names? That''s crazy. I''ve been married almost a year now and I didn''t change my last name. I have never felt not married because we have different last names. That''s just silly.

My husband and I have thought about the name change thing. He has never been a fan of his last name and we''re pretty sure our future children will take on my last name. It''s unconventional but if no one has a problem with that, I don''t see why not. It''d be nice if our family all have the same last name. If anything, my husband would change his last name. But as of right now, neither of us has made any name changes. It''s just too much trouble. Definitely a PITA!

I know, tell me about it!

I REALLY don''t understand why my FI feels so strongly about it, but he''s a little sensitive to things sometimes. I tried telling him that socially we''d be known as "the _______''s" but he doesn''t see why I''m hesitant to change it legally. Changing one''s name legally is a huge PITA and I''ve had two divorced friends comment on that (it''s esp. hard when you try going back to your maiden name, apparently). I think my FI is underestimating this point. He sees the whole name changing thing as just something you do, esp. if you plan to have kids (using the ol'' "everyone needs to have the same last name" arguement).

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/30/2007 8:31:24 PM
Author: ephemery1

Date: 5/30/2007 6:43:17 PM
Author:Gwyn

My question is, would it be so horrible if my husband took my last name instead of the other way around?

Definitely not horrible! I know of 2 separate couples who chose to take the wife''s last name when they got married. One is a friend of mine from high school, whose wife has an unusual last name and no brothers to carry it on... her husband was perfectly happy adopting hers. The other was DH''s friend from college, whose last name was actually a female body part.

He was VERY happy to switch to his wife''s name!

I haven''t decided yet what I''m going to do about changing mine... I love my last name and DH actually likes mine better than his, but he is an only child and wants his name to be carried on, whereas I have 2 brothers so that''s not really an issue for me. But I agree that I want our family to share the same last name, so I think I''ll change mine eventually... just probably not until we have kids.

Oh, now I''m curious!! Can we have a hint? It rhymes with ___________ ?

 

[surfgirl]

Yeah, I want to know that name too! Does it rhyme with Delores?

 

[basil]

My fiance would never agree to change his name, though I tease him about it occasionally. I think he''d just be worried about what others thought, more than an attachment to his name, though. I think in a lot of circles it would still come across as "weird" for a man to change his name to his wife''s...you would have to put up with a lot of explanations, I bet.

He''d prefer if I changed my name, but I really doubt I will. My mom never changed hers, and never had any problems. It''s a professional identity for me now, and I don''t like the way our names would sound hyphenated. I don''t see that it makes us any less married...he''s not totally thrilled with it, but so far not so much so that he changed his mind about marrying me

 

[anchor31]

Where I am, legally changing your name is a difficult and costly process, but I''m actually considering it. Because it''s so complicated, not many people do it, so I haven''t heard of a man taking a woman''s name personally. However, my siblings and I were very nearly given our mother''s name (but she decided to give us hyphized names instead, silly woman

).

 

[jcrow]

Date: 5/30/2007 8:46:33 PM
Author: surfgirl
Yeah, I want to know that name too! Does it rhyme with Delores?

ha i was thinking rhymes with tube.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 5/30/2007 9:16:39 PM
Author: jcrow

Date: 5/30/2007 8:46:33 PM
Author: surfgirl
Yeah, I want to know that name too! Does it rhyme with Delores?

ha i was thinking rhymes with tube.

..... and we have a winner!! JCrow gets the prize...

But yeah, can you imagine? They are definitely sparing their kids a lot of grief... how horrible would it be to go through elementary school with that for a last name??

 

[anchor31]

Date: 5/30/2007 9:28:50 PM
Author: ephemery1

Date: 5/30/2007 9:16:39 PM
Author: jcrow

Date: 5/30/2007 8:46:33 PM
Author: surfgirl
Yeah, I want to know that name too! Does it rhyme with Delores?

ha i was thinking rhymes with tube.

..... and we have a winner!! JCrow gets the prize...

But yeah, can you imagine? They are definitely sparing their kids a lot of grief... how horrible would it be to go through elementary school with that for a last name??

... I''m still clueless. Must be because I''m a Frenchie.

I agree that bad last names can be hell for kids, though.

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 5/30/2007 9:43:15 PM
Author: anchor31

Date: 5/30/2007 9:28:50 PM
Author: ephemery1

Date: 5/30/2007 9:16:39 PM
Author: jcrow

Date: 5/30/2007 8:46:33 PM
Author: surfgirl
Yeah, I want to know that name too! Does it rhyme with Delores?

ha i was thinking rhymes with tube.

..... and we have a winner!! JCrow gets the prize...

But yeah, can you imagine? They are definitely sparing their kids a lot of grief... how horrible would it be to go through elementary school with that for a last name??

... I'm still clueless. Must be because I'm a Frenchie.

I agree that bad last names can be hell for kids, though.

I think they are referring to the last name being "boob" which is slang for female breasts. Or breasts in general... I'm pretty sure guys can have them too

I also assume the "delores" comment was a "Seinfield" reference though it could just being someone being creative

Anyway..


My mother had a different name then my sister and I and it did cause troubles, espesially in elementary school. THat is partially the reason, i suppose, that i lean towards having similar last names.

Plus, if you are not hypenating and you have different names, whose last name do you give to your children? I mean tehy belong to both of you right? doesnt seem right that one would get to bestow their last name on the child. Especially since my guess is it is typically the guy's last name getting "passed on" and the woman that suffered through pregnacy and labor

thanks for all the comments, give me and FH something to consider.

 

[sumbride]

I''m chiming in late, but I definitely think it''s cool to have the man take the woman''s name... it''s a little harder logistically during the change process, as he would have to go to court and have a judge rule on it, vs. just taking in your marriage license... but it is possible.

I kind of wish my FI would do that... I''m not that attached to my name, I''d actually be happy to get rid of it, but his last name ends in -ER and so does MY first name... My friends have been calling me ER-ER since we got engaged. I''m not enthusiastic about it but I do like the idea of us having the same name... I wish we could just pick something entirely different! But not, you know, like Skywalker, eh Robbie???

 

[neatfreak]

Gwyn, my parent''s have different last names and my "real" last name is my fathers. But I also have my mothers maiden name as a second middle name. PITA!

 

[KimberlyH]

My cousin and her husband hyphanated their names and use them both. They now and their kids have a REAAAAAAAAAAAALY long last name
AAAAAA-GGGGGGG but it works for them, that''s what really matters, what works for you and your future hubby, Gwyn?

 

[Pandora II]

I have a double barrelled surname - which in the UK is a nightmare as everyone makes assumptions about you, although people do remember you easily.

It''s quite amusing at work where both my bosses have double-barrelled as well. All three of us took our father''s surnames as well - they weren''t mother''s surname + father''s surnames.

I love FI''s surname, but he is tempted to take the second half of mine - very odd reason too: His name begins with an M, my second surname begins with a B. On ballot papers, the higher up the ballot you are the better your chance of winning statistically in elections!

I will keep my name for politics and his for everything else and I hope he keeps his too!

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 5/30/2007 10:05:45 PM
Author: sumbride
I'm chiming in late, but I definitely think it's cool to have the man take the woman's name... it's a little harder logistically during the change process, as he would have to go to court and have a judge rule on it, vs. just taking in your marriage license... but it is possible.

I kind of wish my FI would do that... I'm not that attached to my name, I'd actually be happy to get rid of it, but his last name ends in -ER and so does MY first name... My friends have been calling me ER-ER since we got engaged. I'm not enthusiastic about it but I do like the idea of us having the same name... I wish we could just pick something entirely different! But not, you know, like Skywalker, eh Robbie???

WHAT???


You mean the process would be different?

Why?


So i just found this article

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-03-20-names-marriage_N.htm


I wonder how old it it?


He will totally not want to do it if its a difficult/expensive process.

 

[monarch64]

I see nothing wrong with it, it may be going against the norm but if you and your families are comfortable with it and you''re able to change his name without it being a huge ordeal then why not?

Interesting article, I couldn''t figure out when it was written either, though. I''m glad you posted it, because in the little sidebar there was an explanation of why a lot of Scandinavian (well technically it was referring to Iceland i think) surnames end in "son," as in "Larson," "Hanson," "Johnson," etc. because the children were named after the father''s first name...my mother''s maiden name is Scandinavian so now I know there was a Lars in my lineage, hee hee.

 

[neatfreak]

Says it was "posted" 71 days ago, so it must be pretty new.

 

[FireGoddess]

For something other than a marriage where the woman takes the husband''s name or hyphenates, you have to go to court. My legal first name is different than what I was called all my life, and when I asked about lengthening my first name to what I''ve always been called, I was told I''d have to go to court. So I didn''t bother.

 

[snlee]

Wow, I didn''t know that in order for a man to change his name after marriage he has to go to court! Very interesting article. I hope that bill passes. I wonder if the California Legislature has considered the bill yet.

 

[Haven]

Jumping in late, but I couldn''t resist sharing . . .

I know a couple that chose to smush their surnames together sans hyphen; both names were relatively short, so no problem, right? The original surnames: Star & Sporn. The end result: Spornstar. As in, take off that first S, and you are now X-rated. I''m. not. joking. You think they would have just switched the names around. They have children, too. Poor little guys.

Gwyn--I think it''s a great idea for your FI to take your last name, go for it! I know a few couples who have created new last names for themselves once they married--one used the letters from both of their surnames, and one picked a beautiful Hebrew word for their new last name.

Good luck deciding!

 

[sumbride]

I totally didn''t mean to leave you hanging like that, but glad others chimed in! Yes, name changes that aren''t for a married woman''s last name do require going to court. Usually the judge has no problem with it, but I almost cried once watching a show where a gay couple had a unity ceremony and then one tried to change his name to the other''s last name and the judge denied it! I mean seriously, what harm would it have done? Blew my mind. I doubt they would deny it in most cases though.

And Haven... "SpornStar"??? Hilarious!!! One of the reasons I am willing to change my name is that my first and last name combo is the same as a very prolific **** star. I found that out by Googling myself. I was horrified. FI thinks it''s hilarious, of course, but I''m kind of looking forward to being the ONLY one when I change my name. I''ve googled. It''s safe.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/1/2007 9:24:48 AM
Author: sumbride
I totally didn''t mean to leave you hanging like that, but glad others chimed in! Yes, name changes that aren''t for a married woman''s last name do require going to court. Usually the judge has no problem with it, but I almost cried once watching a show where a gay couple had a unity ceremony and then one tried to change his name to the other''s last name and the judge denied it! I mean seriously, what harm would it have done? Blew my mind. I doubt they would deny it in most cases though.


And Haven... ''SpornStar''??? Hilarious!!! One of the reasons I am willing to change my name is that my first and last name combo is the same as a very prolific **** star. I found that out by Googling myself. I was horrified. FI thinks it''s hilarious, of course, but I''m kind of looking forward to being the ONLY one when I change my name. I''ve googled. It''s safe.

Lol. If THATS not a good reason I don''t know what is...

 

[firebirdgold]

We wanted the same last name and when I suggested that he change to mine he rather smugly pointed out that he was published in his original name so he needed to keep it. I'm currently running about changing my name, and it is a pita.

It seems only fair that a few men get to have the same joy.

When we got married in Hawaii the officiant gave us the impression that whatever we wrote down as our new married names would be our new names. Nothing about it only applying to me. We could have both changed our entire names if we wanted to. I mean both the bride and groom had a space for their new name and their old name.

At least the social security thing wasn't bad. I had to wait awhile but once my number was called it was pretty painless. We're going on a trip so I thought I'd wait and do the dmv thing after we get back. I'll do the bank this coming week. sigh.

oh ETA: a large number of people were surprised I was changing my name!


EYATA: If DH hadn't had a compelling reason for us to go with his name, we would have had a pretty serious discussion about it! Our last name might have come down to a coin toss! So I totally feel that it's fine or a guy to change his to his wife's. And I know it's a tad silly, but we too felt like having the same last name makes us feel more married.

 

[Independent Gal]

I think him taking your name is a great idea if he''s down with the plan. I would never give up my name for personal and professional reasons. But our kids will have his last name. That means I get to pick their first names though.

Which will be names with family significance.

I know a couple where there''s a mother''s maiden name of Wiener and another of Mayer and they were seriously joking about hyphenating those names and then calling a kid Oscar.