Married but seperated by distance?

[princessv]

Just wondering what you ladies thought.

Well my boyfriend paid for the ring this weekend!

So he says its coming by sometime over Thanksgiving break (or before!)

This has got me seriously thinking about wedding dates. Problem is I''m in school one hour away from him and next year he plans to transfer here, problem is I only have 1 1/2 years left to go whereas he has anywhere from 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years. I would like to have a wedding sooner (September/October 2006) rather than later, but then I know we won''t get to live together. Being in a small town with no job opportunities, I''m probably going to end up in DC (3 hours) working. Should I wait till he graduates for us to get married? Logically, it seems like the right thing to do.

 

[larussel03]

Are you still in college? Or Grad School?

Either way, if it were me, I would wait until you both have graduated so that you can officially start your life together - together. I know distance is hard (beleive me, I know, we''ve been on opposite ends of the country for months at a time, and then I spent an extra year at school to get my masters while he started working 2 hours away), but it''ll be so worth it after you''re married. I''m the kind of person who gets excited and wants to do it all, but sometimes waiting makes it that much better, especially if it''s the difference b/w seeing your spouse when you wake up and go to sleep and not.

 

[anchor31]

As I''ve said on another thread, your situation is very similar to mine. My SO and I live five-ish hours away from each other because I left for school. After the current semester, I will still have two and a half years to go until I can go back home and begin my life with him. It''s really hard. I wish we could start our lives together NOW, but I need this degree. And as much as I''d love to marry him next summer, we couldn''t live together for another two years. For me, marrying my SO would mark the beginning of our life together, so it would lose some of its meaning if we married two years before we could live together. I wouldn''t mind a two-year engagement though, it would give us plenty of time to plan!

YAY for him buying the ring!

Do you think he''s going to propose? In this kind of situation, where the two members of the couple would be ready to marry and start their life together but are held back by factors they don''t really don''t have control over, I don''t think long engagements are necessarily a bad thing. It''s not like "I''m making you unavailable to others until I''m really ready to get married", but more like "We''re both ready to commit to each other and start our lives together, we just have to wait a couple of years so it''s physically possible".

I hope I''m making sense!

 

[princessv]

Hey girls, thanks for the responses!

Sweetpea, I''m in grad school. I totally understand the wanting to do it all LOL! We''ve been on opposite ends of the country too, North and South ugh it was terrible not getting to see each other but once every 2-3 months. So now being about an hour apart doesn''t seem like much distance at all!

Anchor31, I don''t mind long engagements either which is what this would totally be. The thing that got me to thinking about getting married sooner rather than later is scheduling. This summer would be best for my schedule but I''d really like for him to finish before we get married. Being in law school sucks sometimes

this is my second year and by next year I have to worry about taking the bar in July (ugh) and then being thrown into the workplace. So in my head I''m like where''s the time for wedding planning/wedding/honeymoon? LOL

And yes, he will propose really soon before Thanksgiving break is over or so he says so I''m expecting a ring anyday now!

This has been long in coming as we were supposed to be engaged last by last December. (better late than never!

) And when I moved we were living together but with the hurricane and us having to relocate...well now we are seperated by distance again, which is not as bad as before!

I''m so glad I found PS where you ladies are in similar situations as me. Alot of my friends don''t understand the whole long distance relationship deal.

 

[njc]

I think anchor gave you some good advice! There is nothing wrong with a long engagement.

Are you sure DC is the only place you could find a job? Have you tried to look where you are? I only ask because i live in the DC area. Could you get an internship or work as a clerk where you are now?

My personal experience is that my DH graduated a semester behind me (same school), i stayed and got a fun job (couldnt find a real one anyways, resession!) but then we went home to different states for over a year. We didnt get engaged until we both moved to DC... we both wanted to be on our feet (emotionally, financially) and totally ready for getting married!

 

[princessv]

Hehe don''t think you are nosy at all! DC is most likely the best place for me to find a job. I''m at school at W&L in a small town of Lexington, VA and DC is the biggest recruiter. Being that the student loans are going to kick in 6 months later, and the HUGE amount of debt I''m in from school, I don''t think I could afford to get a fun type of job

although otherwise that would be a nice option.

Besides I really like DC and somehow always pictured myself there

 

[njc]

i LOVE Lexington... i went to school at Virginia Tech... was just down there for a wedding at the Lee Chapel.

It could be a tight squeeze of time to wait, but you could start planning everything now/this spring/summer when you have time, so most things are done already. Honestly, once the running around of finding sites, photographer and a dress is done, you are kinda done. There is still stuff to do, but its not as pressing or time consuming. You could always get family and friends to help you out. If i didnt have either, nothing would have gotten done for our wedding!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/8/2005 10:35:31 AM
Author: princessv
Hey girls, thanks for the responses!

Anchor31, I don't mind long engagements either which is what this would totally be. The thing that got me to thinking about getting married sooner rather than later is scheduling. This summer would be best for my schedule but I'd really like for him to finish before we get married. Being in law school sucks sometimes

this is my second year and by next year I have to worry about taking the bar in July (ugh) and then being thrown into the workplace. So in my head I'm like where's the time for wedding planning/wedding/honeymoon? LOL

And yes, he will propose really soon before Thanksgiving break is over or so he says so I'm expecting a ring anyday now!

I'm so glad I found PS where you ladies are in similar situations as me. Alot of my friends don't understand the whole long distance relationship deal.

I totally understand your anxiety, I sometimes feel that way too... With all this, when is it going to happen?? But it will, there's no point to worry about it right now.

I'm so happy for you! You're so lucky! Be sure to come back with the story and tons of pictures once he's popped the question!!

My friends don't understand either. I've heard a lot of "long-distance relationship don't work, trust me I've had experience" and "you're blackmailing him into marriage by refusing to move in with in before marriage" and "you're freaking out about engagement, he'll do it when he'll be ready, so give the guy time". For most of those people marriage isn't even important, so why should I listen to them? At least hear people value and respect my opinion and views in life AND they help me through my waiting time! PS rocks! (pun intended

)

 

[princessv]

Hehe just wanted to say I do have a wedding site already picked...we were going to get married in New Orleans but I''m not sure how we both feel about all that now with the hurricane so I picked another what does everyone think about the Biltmore? I know its kinda cliche almost in a way but I do think its gorgeous!

Njc: when I say Lexington, VA most people have NO clue lol! So I''m glad you at least knew...I sure love

fall around here its so gorgeous! My boyfriend and I also went hiking at Crabtree falls earlier this year sooo beautiful!

Anchor31, I have a feeling its either going to happen this weekend (doubtful) but 60% of next weekend!

(Sorry its taken me so long to get back my stupid new laptop of 42 days decided to die on me

)

 

[Kit]

Hi Princess,

I am in the DC area too. Lexingon is beautiful! That is horse country--I used to ride quite a bit. My SO grew up in Radford, his family is still there.

You''re right, DC has a ton of lawyers...a good market for you. But what about Richmond? I wouldn''t rule it out. It seems kinda lame unless you know it, then it seems great because real estate is very cheap, and there are a lot of plusses in terms of the cultural offerings. Shopping, music scene, heavy arts scene there. And...it''s the state capitol, so there must be a serious need for lawyers. There is also a considerable amount of financial services going on there, lots of banks have offices there so perhaps if that is your thing. SO went to graduate school there (VCU) and he really warmed up to it--we are planning to get married there eventually. Hope this helps!