married but waiting

[07bride]

So I am not waiting for the proposal but I am waiting for the ring. I got married in June of 07 and when I got engaged in June of 06 My fiance gave me a sterling silver ring to hold the place. Then what happened is he proceeded to buy me a white gold and cz set with the promise of replacing them at some point. What is bothering me is that money is not an issue to the point that he/we could not afford to buy real and everytime it gets brought up it ends up in an argument. I feel cheated out of the dream all american girls have, and also I am surprised to feel that way since I wasn''t one of those girls who plans their wedding since childhood. I feel as though he is using my own sensitivities to spending money and lack of entitlement against me and I feel guilty and greedy for even asking after the real deal, even though on a logical level I know that it isn''t unrealistic when you have the money to ask for/ expect what most others get lovingly and exitedly from their fiances. Now on another note he isn''t a total deadbeat guy, he works hard, saves hard and cooks and does laundry. The other concern I have is that everyone thinks that the ring I am wearing now is real and if we couldn''t replace it exactly people would know something changed and it would be hard to convince them that he just went out and bought me more jewelry, or it may look like am a total B**** if we said we traded it in for something new. I don''t know what to do, and I just wanted to know what others think.

 

[07bride]

Maybe I should add that according to him., the main reason he hasn''t bought a ring is that he says it takes time to pick it out, but we dated for 12 years and have been married almost 1 now and that means he has had almost 2 since we got engaged. Personally I just don''t get his hesitation, or lack of interest in even looking, which he hasn''t really done. We went a couple of times just browsing in mall stores for fun when we first got engaged and then nothing ever since. What do you all think? Am I unreasonable? Should I feel gulity for asking? What do you think is holding him back?

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

If it was given to you with the intent of an upgrade, I wouldn''t say you''re being selfish in asking for the "real" thing if that''s what you want. Not to be nosy, but are you able to afford to upgrade to a diamond? Maybe what you could do is replace the CZ''s in your set with diamonds, and no one would be the wiser. Other than you, DH, and the jeweler, of course!

If money isn''t the reason, I would try to sit down, calmly, and tell him how you feel and why you feel that way about not getting what was originally promised to you. It''s natural to feel let down if you had other expectations...

 

[bee*]

If it was promised to you and money is no issue, and the reason that he says it''s taking so long is that it just takes time to find the upgrade, I would sit down in a calm way and just explain to him that you will help him find it if that''s what the issue is. Is he very frugal with money in general-that might be another reason?

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/8/2008 3:55:31 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04

If it was given to you with the intent of an upgrade, I wouldn't say you're being selfish in asking for the 'real' thing if that's what you want. Not to be nosy, but are you able to afford to upgrade to a diamond? Maybe what you could do is replace the CZ's in your set with diamonds, and no one would be the wiser. Other than you, DH, and the jeweler, of course!

If money isn't the reason, I would try to sit down, calmly, and tell him how you feel and why you feel that way about not getting what was originally promised to you. It's natural to feel let down if you had other expectations...

Even if they can't, there are still other lower-cost options. Like white sapphires. The Natural Sapphire Company has a lot of stunning stones. Sapphires are as beautiful as diamonds and almost as durable, and a lot of women have them as engagement stones (Princess Diana, for example).

This might be too personal of a question, so I'm just going to ask it rhetorically. Is it possible that the husband has some sort of an unresolved anger issue going on, and not getting a diamond (or similar real stone) is his way of showing it without being confrontational? I'm not saying that the husband is a jerk. What I'm saying is that there are some men out there that don't deal with anger well and will do something passive-aggressive instead, as opposed to flipping out openly. I know that my BF does this. He is sensitive to anyone pushing him around or making demands on him, and the more he perceives this, the more he will dig his heels in, conveniently "forget," etc. He didn't even realize he was doing it until I called him on it! In my case, I know where this comes from: his ex-wife (who he was with for 20 years) seriously is a b**ch. He married her when they were very young and didn't realize how bad her behavior was -- or that she had substance and psychological problems -- until after they had kids and many years had gone by. She made a lot of unreasonable demands -- such as insisting on wedding set upgrades every few years -- and whining, threatening, being abusive until they were met. Showing anger in return to her just backfired, so he learned subconsciously to be passive-aggressive and procrastinate or "forget" when he does not want to do something and feels he is being pushed. I have to be mindful that a lot of what he does is a result of prior conditioning and not due to anything I did/did not do. Does this husband have prior relationship baggage as well? For example, was he ever married or engaged at some point and something like the woman dumping him or not liking the ring happened to him -- and that's why he won't shop and gets mad when it's brought up?

When men do stupid/illogical things, I always try to look for the reason before I beat myself up about it -- because 99.99% of the time, it has nothing to do with me.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[07bride]

The stone in the e ring is half bezel set and I have been told these are hard to reset, I may be wrong. The wedding band doesn''t match the e ring in terms of the white gold being more yellow and there are bent spots on the channel setting from poor craftmanship (it came this way with odd overlaps etc.) Money is not the issue as we have enough, but he is definetly more frugal with me than himself or others. I just feel so frustrated and as though talking has done little thus far, he is not even willing to go out and look at what our options are.

 

[vslover]

How do you handle your finances? Do you have only joint accounts or separate accounts for fun money, etc? If possible, maybe you can start setting some of your own money aside for a ring and talk to him about it. Maybe when he sees you''re really serious he will be too. Good luck. I''d be very frustrated too.

 

[07bride]

Sandia,

I don''t think that he as anger issues, but he has expressed that he feels growing up is hard. I find that I try to be very accomodating and that comes from my own childhood issues. He is very stubborn and it could be that he is digging his heels in, but he is not a surprise romantic gesture guy either meaning he will not just show up one day with the ring, I know him well enough that, that will never happen. He was so excited and happy about the wedding which he mentioned brough up a lot of growing up issues for him, that I don''t understand how the ring could fall under that category, besides the fact that it is traditionally done prior to the wedding so that issue should have been resolved for him prior to the asking. Thanks to everyone who has replied so far.

 

[07bride]

VS lover,
I definetly have enough of my own money that I could buy it myself, but it isn''t about the item so much as the meaning, I want him to show some initative and so some work and pick it out. I don''t feel like bailing him out of another situation that he should have been responsible enough for. I didn''t get the experience of being the engaged girl who gets a lovely gesture of romance...it really isn''t that romantic if I go get it myself. Plus I have reservations about people finding out the truth, only because I don''t feel like explaining the situation. Sorry if I sould like I am not looking for solutions. He is very selective about what he wants to do and when he wants to do it. meaning in general he isn''t irresponsilble only if he doesn''t feel it is important, or thinks he isn''t getting his own way.

 

[meresal]

How big is the CZ in your ring... apprx ct? If it is on the larger side, maybe your husband, as well as you, is worried that other ppl would notice a differencw. Say, if bc of price you had to replace it with a smaller size, then he would feel bad bc you both would have to admit to all of your friends that it wasn''t real at first??? This is just the first thing that came to my mind...

 

[surfgirl]

Hmmmm, I was just reading this thread and comparing it to another thread where there wasn''t much support for the OP and here I totally support you. I suppose it''s all in how people present the situation in their post...OK, enough ruminating, the real issue is that your husband promised to get you a real ring(s) (not clear if both rings are fake or not) and now he''s going back on his word. So I dont see it being about the ring, I see it as him not honoring a promise to give you a real ring when finances afforded him to do so. Sounds quite strange to me and I''m not sure what to say. I also thought it sounded a bit passive aggressive and then you say he''s frugal - which is a nice way of saying ''cheap'' - with you, but not with himself or his friends? That''s a red flag right there dear. Seriously, I''d be very upset right about now if it was me. I think it was lovely that you guys used a silver ring because it was what you could afford back then. But now, if he can afford - and by afford I mean he can pay outright, cash, not charge it - then it seems like there are deeper issues on this subject. I''d suggest you have one more go at talking it out with him but this time, I wouldn''t come at it from a "why dont you get me a real ring now?" and instead, come at it from a "what is it about buying a real ring that''s got you so down about it?" and then try to help him understand how it makes you feel, when he goes back on something as meaningful as wedding rings. I assume you''re not expecting some gargantuan rock, but rather, something within his/your budget, yes? Do you even HAVE a budget? If so, you could also offer to pre-shop for him and give him some options, or outright select what you want and let him know? Maybe he''s just overwhelmed with the prospect of buying a ring and he doesn''t want to fail? I have no idea, I''m just grasping at straws...But if you cant resolve it, you might consider couples counseling because if it''s not merely a case of being overwhelmed, then it sounds like it could be something quite a bit deeper...

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/8/2008 5:00:31 PM
Author: surfgirl
Hmmmm, I was just reading this thread and comparing it to another thread where there wasn''t much support for the OP and here I totally support you. I suppose it''s all in how people present the situation in their post...OK, enough ruminating, the real issue is that your husband promised to get you a real ring(s) (not clear if both rings are fake or not) and now he''s going back on his word. So I dont see it being about the ring, I see it as him not honoring a promise to give you a real ring when finances afforded him to do so. Sounds quite strange to me and I''m not sure what to say. I also thought it sounded a bit passive aggressive and then you say he''s frugal - which is a nice way of saying ''cheap'' - with you, but not with himself or his friends? That''s a red flag right there dear. Seriously, I''d be very upset right about now if it was me. I think it was lovely that you guys used a silver ring because it was what you could afford back then. But now, if he can afford - and by afford I mean he can pay outright, cash, not charge it - then it seems like there are deeper issues on this subject. I''d suggest you have one more go at talking it out with him but this time, I wouldn''t come at it from a ''why dont you get me a real ring now?'' and instead, come at it from a ''what is it about buying a real ring that''s got you so down about it?'' and then try to help him understand how it makes you feel, when he goes back on something as meaningful as wedding rings. I assume you''re not expecting some gargantuan rock, but rather, something within his/your budget, yes? Do you even HAVE a budget? If so, you could also offer to pre-shop for him and give him some options, or outright select what you want and let him know? Maybe he''s just overwhelmed with the prospect of buying a ring and he doesn''t want to fail? I have no idea, I''m just grasping at straws...But if you cant resolve it, you might consider couples counseling because if it''s not merely a case of being overwhelmed, then it sounds like it could be something quite a bit deeper...

Ditto. I think that''s good advice.

I can see why this must be frustrating you. It''s difficult to imagine why your husband would not want to even look at rings, if money isn''t an option. Are there any other issues in your marriage that might make him less motivated about getting a ring? Not to be nosy, but as someone else said, there may be some passive-aggressive behaviour going on there.

You also said he''s frugal. Could it be that he thinks its frivolous to spend so much money on a new ring, when the one you have looks like a diamond, anyway? How does he feel about jewellery purchases in general?

I think the suggestion to pre-shop and perhaps actually show him a pic of your desired ring would be helpful. At least then he would''nt have the excuse of not knowing what do buy.

 

[Pandora II]

Could I suggest that you both go for couples counselling anyway. I am seeing a lot of big red flags in your post and I think you both need to deal with these as fast as possible.

I can see exactly what you are feeling. He is making you and your happiness less than a priority. You want him to do this for you not only because it was a promise, but because you feel he''s treating you in a lesser way than other girls'' husbands.

I''m not surprised you are upset, and that going out and replacing them yourself would be a bit like buying your own birthday present.

Can I ask how old your husband is?

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 2/9/2008 9:20:02 AM
Author: Pandora II
Could I suggest that you both go for couples counselling anyway. I am seeing a lot of big red flags in your post and I think you both need to deal with these as fast as possible.

I can see exactly what you are feeling. He is making you and your happiness less than a priority. You want him to do this for you not only because it was a promise, but because you feel he''s treating you in a lesser way than other girls'' husbands.

I''m not surprised you are upset, and that going out and replacing them yourself would be a bit like buying your own birthday present.

Can I ask how old your husband is?

I agree. Hopefully that will be able to solve some things.

 

[07bride]

Thanks everyone so far for the input. I think that at this point it is something that we both feel overwhelmed by. After another discussion we finally got to go look this weekend and what happened was...I felt slightly tearful and not wanting to look at anything that didn''t look like what I already had since I don''t want to explain the difference etc. and overwhelmed by spending more money (although we can pay cash for this purchase) on a single item than we ever have without really knowing why we are paying what they cost....ie we have educated ourselves about what to look for but unlike buying a car or a couch or something where you are reasonably sure that you know what you are getting because everyone has experience and familiarity with these products. Funny enough though he really enjoyed finally getting to look, and mentioned that he was sorry that we did it out of order and encouraged me to look at everything and let him deal with the explanation if necessary. It also opened up a discussion about talking to a jeweler to just replace stones if possible. So I think that we are finally starting to walk down the road to a resolution. To offer some answers to questions asked...In general he has bought me some jewelry in the past that was very nice so he is not totally resistant. He is a very focused type person meaning when he gets his mind on something he is almost obsessive about it, doing tons of research and price comparisons etc.. He generally does better with new things and change when he believes it is his idea or when he states he is ready. I do agree with others on here that I feel sad about the promise and not the rings themselves, and that replacing them myself would do further damage to the situation, meaning I would still feel sad and resentful as well as like I bought my own b-day gift (or like why didn''t I just marry myself since I also did most of the wedding planinng etc) But it really has been great asking you all as an unbiased/confidential group and for that I thank you all. I am also welcome to more ideas opinions thoughts so keep ''em coming.

 

[LegacyGirl]

Well I hope it all works out for you. Have you asked any of the vendors here how much it would cost to replace the stone? That might be your best option if you don''t want anyone to know.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Aww, I can see where this would be frustrating for you when he has already promised that he would get you your ring...and I know what you mean about wanting him to make the effort and not just you go out and do it yourself. I hope that your shopping trip has launched you on your way to your new ring, you deserve it!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Date: 2/10/2008 12:07:09 PM
Author: 07bride
ie we have educated ourselves about what to look for but unlike buying a car or a couch or something where you are reasonably sure that you know what you are getting because everyone has experience and familiarity with these products.

So *get educated* about what you''re buying! This a great place do that, and there are several people more than happy to chime in and answer any questions you may have along the way.

Date: 2/10/2008 12:07:09 PM
Author: 07bride
I felt slightly tearful and not wanting to look at anything that didn''t look like what I already had since I don''t want to explain the difference etc....

It also opened up a discussion about talking to a jeweler to just replace stones if possible. ...

It sounds like you want to just "replicate" what you have, but just with a real stone. Why not post some pics and contact a few pricescope vendors and ask if they can produce what you''re looking for? You may also be able to find the "perfect" diamond through that same vendor and kill two birds with one stone (although I do not advocate the killing of birds in any way--with stones or otherwise!

).

 

[jng2b]

I would be very upset, too. It sounds like he is the type of guy that takes a LONG time to do anything. From what I''ve read, it sounds like you were together for 9 years before you even got engaged? And then another 2 years before you got married? This seems like an unusual amount of time. Could he be harboring some sort of resentment about getting married? And then taking it out on you/your ring? It just makes me think - I don''t know what took such a long time to get married, but maybe this is just a symptom of a bigger problem. Good luck and I hope you work it out!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 2/11/2008 10:32:18 AM
Author: jng2b
I would be very upset, too. It sounds like he is the type of guy that takes a LONG time to do anything. From what I''ve read, it sounds like you were together for 9 years before you even got engaged? And then another 2 years before you got married? This seems like an unusual amount of time. Could he be harboring some sort of resentment about getting married? And then taking it out on you/your ring? It just makes me think - I don''t know what took such a long time to get married, but maybe this is just a symptom of a bigger problem. Good luck and I hope you work it out!

Or that''s just the way they wanted to do it... some people are together a long time before they get married be it choice or be it that they are young. I''ve been with my SO for 5 years, we''re just about to be engaged (as soon as my ring is finished

), and we will probably wait 2.5 years to be married (weddings are sooooooooo expensive when the groom wants 200 people there

).

I know a couple that has been engaged for 11 years. They are perfectly happy and will get married as soon as they can afford their "dream wedding" while I may not agree that saving upwards of $350,000 just for a wedding is a good idea if you are a lower middle class couple that''s just the way some people want to be.

 

[meresal]

Date: 2/11/2008 10:42:52 AM
Author: LegacyGirl

Date: 2/11/2008 10:32:18 AM
Author: jng2b
I would be very upset, too. It sounds like he is the type of guy that takes a LONG time to do anything. From what I''ve read, it sounds like you were together for 9 years before you even got engaged? And then another 2 years before you got married? This seems like an unusual amount of time. Could he be harboring some sort of resentment about getting married? And then taking it out on you/your ring? It just makes me think - I don''t know what took such a long time to get married, but maybe this is just a symptom of a bigger problem. Good luck and I hope you work it out!

Or that''s just the way they wanted to do it... some people are together a long time before they get married be it choice or be it that they are young. I''ve been with my SO for 5 years, we''re just about to be engaged (as soon as my ring is finished

), and we will probably wait 2.5 years to be married (weddings are sooooooooo expensive when the groom wants 200 people there

).

I know a couple that has been engaged for 11 years. They are perfectly happy and will get married as soon as they can afford their ''dream wedding'' while I may not agree that saving upwards of $350,000 just for a wedding is a good idea if you are a lower middle class couple that''s just the way some people want to be.

I agree here... I actually had FF read over this thread and he felt the same way I did a few days ago. I don''t necessarily see what the husband has done wrong here. They went looking at rings, and they realized that to replace the CZ with a diamond of exact replication will be very expensive, more so than it seems they originally thought. It also sounds like he is just as worried as she is about not having to reveal to their friends that they have been, at the risk of sounding harsh I apologize, lying. He even said that if she wanted the diamond now, he would take the blame for lying. I''m just saying I don''t see all these underlying "issues" that everyone else seems to think are so obvious, and are in need of counseling.

07 Bride: If you don''t mind me asking again... what apprx size and cut is your CZ, so we might have an idea of "how" frugal your DH might be?

 

[07bride]

To answer a few more questions, We dated for a long time because we were high school sweethearts and needed to finish school etc before marriage. Also it is his custom he shouldn''t really get married before older sibilings and his older brother only got married 6 months prior to our engagement. I don''t want others to think badly of him for "lying" I really love this man and don''t want others to side against him or think poorly of him, I don''t believe that this would help our relationship at all. Right now for the most part all of our respective families get along and I don''t want to create unecessary drama. The stone on the e ring is about 1 carat set in a semibezel solitaire setting with a rather wide band. The wedding ring is channel set 7 small cz on a band. However he is a guy who generally takes longer to do things than most. Thanks again for all your advice and concerns.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

If it were me, I''d pick out about three ideal cut stones from vendors like Good Old Gold or WhiteFlash and send him the links. That way he could still choose, yet it wouldn''t be like picking a needle out of a haystack. In addition, that is the most frugal way to get a high quality stone. If your settings are in good condition and you want to reuse them, then fine, you can send them to the vendor to set the stones for you. If they are not, then you can always tell family that you were not happy with the quality of the settings with the yellow showing through and decided to change your settings. I don''t see that as an issue either way. It probably would be better to just get a new channel set band regardless as opposed to trying to alter that one. Then you''d have an alternate wedding band to wear if you were somewhere where you didn''t want to wear your real rings.

 

[designdreamr]

I''m going to call it how I see it here: It definitely sounds like there are a lot of things going on here, and that you two really do need to seek some guidance, from a life coach or something... You said he''s mentioned that it''s been hard for him to grow up? That''s a red flag. I''m glad you two went shopping together finally and that he showed interest and excitement- that''s a great sign. But hun, I also read that you are wanting this whole thing to be perfect: he didn''t do things romantically the first time around, didn''t help with the wedding planning, etc, and so now you won''t be satisfied unless he picks out the ring and goes and buys it? You were with him for MANY years before you were engaged (and since you''d already waited so long I don''t see why you couldn''t have waited for him to do it right the first time, but that''s in the past now, you can only move forward from here), so you knew what you were getting into. We teach people how to treat us, and it sounds like he''s putting himself and even his friends/family before you, his wife. Even so, he''s not going to be the perfect romantic guy, he''s just not. A lot of guys aren''t. You might be disappointed that he seems to be going back on what he promised you (which is wrong for him to do), and you may want this perfect scenario of him going out and picking out a ring to prove he loves you and cares, but if you want that ring, and if you want to make your marriage work, you have to accept him for what he is at his point (to a reasonable degree) and what he will and won''t do, so in this situation, you''re going to have to work with him. You''re going to have to go out and do the hunting: look at rings, get educated, decide what you can buy, what you like, what you want, and have him go out and kill it, so to speak. If he finally now wants to go with you, and is willing to do the explaining to family and friends, I think that''s awesome. But you need to buck up and ride this current wave he''s on-if he''s currently excited about it, you need to take advantage of that NOW and not let your emotions and embarrassment about the situation dampen his desire. Think about it: you''ve been asking him for months to shop for the new ring, he finally does it, and now you''re giving him a mixed message by not wanting to look at rings! If you want a real ring, accept that it''s going to be different and that you guys will have to explain it if someone asks, but don''t make him feel stupid for finally wanting to do this for you. And absolutely, shop around for a similar size stone and setting if that''s important to you, which it sounds like it is. You''ll probably be surprised at how few people will even notice really. I couldn''t tell you the details of what either of my best friends rings look like at all! I know this has been somewhat of a harsh reply, and I hope you are seeing the good intentions behind it. I just am not a believer in coddling anyone when they are asking for frank advice, especially when there are some glaring issues. He''s clearly having a hard time "growing up" as he''s already admitted to you, and I think that''s just going to be hard. But the best thing would be to not expect him to be something he''s completely not when you''ve known he''s not the whole time (the whole romantic thing) and don''t push unrealistic expectations on him at this point. Help him- shop, get educated, and ask him to go look at what you''ve found. And consider seeing a life coach or pastor or therapist, whatever- I really believe that couples should do this from the beginning to keep things in check and fresh and open. But if you''re having issues like this and things aren''t getting communicated well and feelings are just getting hurt, you really do need to seek some outside help. And to give some reason as to why this particular subject is a hot button for me: one of my best friends married a really great guy, but she married him with just the promise of a real ring to come soon after... 4 years and a one-year-old son later, she''s still waiting...

Good luck!

 

[nclrgirl]

Hi 07bride. I was in the same situation, and I think that it is hard for other people to understand without being there. I am not really into "things". My fiance bought me the setting that I wanted, which came with a CZ center stone. It''s beautiful! And he had said that he would wait to propose until he "filled in" the centerstone, but ended up proposing before because he was too excited! What a sweetie! I told him that he should take the time to save before buying a diamond. 8 months later with no word from him, I started saving and looking at diamonds myself, but let him know that I was doing so. What bothered me so much is that I felt like I had to lie when people asked me about the centerstone because he was embarrassed and asked me not to tell anyone.

He did end up buying me a BEAUTIFUL diamond and my ring looks gorgeous! I however, did pay for half of the stone, because I knew how much $$ he had saved, and to get a stone the exact size of the CZ cost a bit more. (I originally picked out a smaller stone, but my ring didn''t look the same as when he gave it to me and that made me sad, so the jeweler let me exchange for a larger stone.)

It sounds like you''re on a good road. Please don''t think that this diamond thing means that there is something wrong with your relationship!! Like I said, if I hadn''t gone through the same situation, I''d be critical too, but this is just something that you don''t understand unless you''ve been through it. I hope this helps ease your mind!

 

[choro72]

I think I can sort of relate...When your husband shops, he make sure that he knows what he is going to get, right? He researches for hours upon hours, going for twice as many referrals normal people would. Spends lots and lots of time on it, and all you think is how overboard he is going.
He also takes a looooooong time to START doing this process. He may research into stuff he is into, his hobbies, track those forums every single day until you feel as if he is spending time on everything except the ring.

I don''t know how much of this is accurate, but I basically described my BF. I know you feel silly that you are doing all this research while he nods on, but as the other poster said, you are going to have to accept that. It may be a good thing too. This way, you get the stone that you EXACTLY want.
I know I know, it''s not the stone, you want to see him putting effort. But you wrote that you went shopping recently, and he seemed excited about it. That''s a good sign. Looking at the speed that he works at, him merely showing interest is a HUGE expression of his commitment to this thing! I know it doesn''t sound much, but people move at different paces, so what may seem like a trivial gesture to others means a lot coming from him.

Judging from what you write, he does other little things like cooking and doing laundry. Try to focus on those little things, on why you married him. I am positive that you will be able to overlook his slow-ness. Even if it isn''t happening to your ideal scenario, you will only push him away again if you say so. Take his interest as an opportunity and gear the motion towards an actual purchase.
Take heart! I don''t think your husband is not interested...He just needs to be pushed a little, and it''s ok for you to do it!

As for worrying about what people think, forget about it. You married the man, he is yours, and you are merely changing the symbol. It''s none of their business to wonder what happened.

 

[07bride]

thanks nclrgirl for the reassurance that others have gone through the same thing. It is nice not to be alone. And Choro72 he is a researcher, slow mover for sure. It just seems to me that he hadn''t done much research at all about this. We are stilll working on it but at least all else is well with the marriage. I know that in my heart the diamond is not the end all be all. I will never have to do laundry again as long as I am with him and that means a lot to me, as well as he cooks me food everyday that I have to work. We both work nights and he always gets up earlier than me and sacrifices his time so that we can have a wonderful dinner together before work while I sleep in. This is a huge point to brag about, and you may not understand if you don''t work nights, but most women I work with have husbands who work other times and still they get up and cook dinner for them. We are talking about the jewelry more and more and working on dates to shop in the future. I started the post because I really had no one else I could talk to about it, and even if I happened to know others in the same situation (which I don''t) it seems unlikely that they would divulge their secret.