Me venting about frustrations...sorta long

[firstbase32]

Sooooooo I haven''t posted on here for awhile because I was looking into and researching a ton and my fiancee and her parents were kind of just relaxed about it and not looking into things so I got WAY overstressed and I decided to back off....but this past week has been insane and I need some help

If you remember her parents have set a VERY strict budget. We found our church and have it booked and it is only going to cost us $175 (that includes the church, the cleaning fee, and the person to opperate the sound....NOT bad at all). The church is AMAZINGLY beautiful and was built around 2 or 3 years ago so there would be VERY VERY few decorations.

We went last night to look at the reception hall her parents were wantign to book and it was an American Legion hall. The outside is nice but when we walked in it REAKED of smoke. TERRIBLY! I had a headache the rest of the night after we visited it. They said we could fabreeze the building but I think it''d take like 500 bottles of fabreeze to do it. Also the inside had TONS of stuff they siad we coudln''t move or even touch. It was going to be $175 also so I told them we needed to keep looking. I got a weird vibe from her parents when we discussed looking for another place and I almost felt bad about it but there is NO way i would be able to put up with teh smoke. Also there is a public bar that is the first room when you enter that would be open during our reception. We both do not want ANY alcohol at our wedding since we are both going into the ministry. (I see nothing wrong with drinking but I do see something wrong with drinking to get drunk which is what I''d be afraid might happen with a few people). So I''m really not wanting to even think about having it at this place. So I made a few phone calls and got in contact with a youth pastor I used to play guitar for that has a nice youth center. They have a gym and I guess they do not charge to rent it out and it woudn''t take that much to make it look nice.

But the thing that drove me crazy is with this tight budget her parents are set on serving a meal. They think that we HAVE to have a meal no matter what and that everyone would be offended if we didn''t. I said we should just have a later wedding and say we''re serving desert and pop and stuff only.
I also have a friend whom I go to college with who is older and is starting a photography business. He is charging a friend $400 and then she buys all the photos she wants. I found it as a great deal but her parents said $400 is RIDICULOUS for someone to jsut show up and take pictures....i mentioned that people on here and normal weddings spend $2000+ just for the photographer but they didn''t believe me. Her mom said she knows a lady at work who only charges $200 for pictures and then you buy what you want. I know my friend is AMAZING at takign pictures and has VERY good equipment. I don''t want this lady her mom knows to show up with a 3.1 megapixel camera and expect to take our pictures without any lightening or anything.

Lastly, her parents freaked out because we wanted to incorporate her family as much as possible in the wedding (2 of her uncles as ushers, her aunt incharge of the guest book, and her cousin greeting at the door). Her parents flipped and said PEOPEL DONT'' WANT TO SHOW UP AND HAVE TO WORK AT A WEDDING!! I was totally shocked because i thougth they would want to help and her parents said they will not let us have the uncles be ushers and that they should be seated and then preceded to say we had to run every decision by them. Her dad has since appologized but still it''s insane to make an issue out of it after we have already asked the people.

I guess this is a lot of me rambling on and on about nothing important but it''s just me being frustrated and hoping for someone to assure me that everythign will be fine. My attitude is that at the end of the day we''ll be married and I''ll be marrying my dream girl. We still have 9 months until our wedding and last night I sat out on her back porch thinking through things I could sell to help make it easier (mainly on her so that she doesn''t have to worry) I have a lot of guitar equipment that i''m VERY VERY fond of..but i guess i could part with it to help pay for stuff. What do you guys think?

 

[sumbride]

Wow!

Honestly, I would just ask the uncles if they would like to be ushers. Most people consider it an honor, and if the parents are worried about what they might think, or what they would want, better to go right to the source and ask THEM how they would feel about it. I bet they''ll say yes. It''s not "work", it''s an honor. As for the guest book, I never really saw the point of having somebody stand there because unless you have something complicated, most people know what to do.

As for the reception hall, you can rent ionizers to clean the smoke smell out of the hall, but really, if you don''t want to have it there, don''t have it there. The gym sounds like a good option. The meal thing is a big deal... you DON''T have to serve a meal. If I were a guest and had the choice between a very cheap plated entree or a nicer appetizer buffet or even just cake and punch, I wouldn''t want the meal. You have to embrace the limited budget and do as much as you can with the budget you have.... that does not mean serving the cheapest sit-down meal you can just because it''s "expected". This is very much a regional thing. We have a decent budget, but are expecting a lot of people and don''t want to take up the whole room with tables, so we''re doing a heavy appetizer buffet with dessert. People can eat enough to make it a meal if they want, but we''re not going to make it a sit-down meal. If the parents are insisting on a meal, tell them how much it will cost and that THEY have to come up with the money for it if THEY want it.

The photographer you found sounds like a good deal... this is one of those "you get what you pay for" things, and photography is the only thing, besides the marriage, that physically exists after the day is over! You don''t want to skimp on it! And you''re right in that some people spend a lot more! Ours is $3000 and that doesn''t include an album as we have a friend making ours for us using the photos off cd from our photographer. $400 for a good photographer is a GREAT deal.

Good luck to you!

 

[firstbase32]

well i just fuond out some mroe info on the reception hall at the church...good and bad news (i''m thinking that''s how it always is)....they have round and long tables, we have access to the kitchen, it is only $40, we can get in to decorate the day before at noon, they have chairs....but..... no dancing


if we can''t have ANY dancing then we''ll have to skip out on it....but if they allow for us to have our slow dances such as the first dance, the father/daughter dance....i guess we can still do it