Meltdown

[buttercup80]

Hi ladies - I know I never post here, but I''ve been a long-time lurker and love all of the support and advice I find here. . . I''m sorry for the upcoming rant, but this is one of few places where I know you won''t think I''m overreacting.

A little background: BF and I have been together for 5 years and I''ve been expecting a proposal for awhile now.

- I was okay when my friend from high school married a guy she''d known for more than a year less than I''ve been with my guy.
- I was okay when we went to wedding after wedding for friends and relatives of his - some of them have kids now!
- I was okay when various wedding dates I had set for myself came and went without a ring on my finger. . .we went ring shopping back in May and I really thought something was coming.
- We went to his ex-girlfriend''s wedding in August (she''s only been dating her groom for 3 years) and BF, his brother, his sister, and his brother''s girlfriend WERE ALL IN THE WEDDING PARTY and I still had no ring on my finger.
- His cousin got engaged in June (with her fiance 2 years) and he "forgot" to tell me - I was caught completely off guard when his mom mentioned it. We got an invitation yesterday to their engagement party that was addressed to Bf and guest. AND GUEST? The bride and groom both know me and know Adam and I are together - we live together! but, you know, maybe he''ll want to bring a different date! I don''t know why, but that was the completely last straw for me.

I was so upset last night and I''m still in a bad mood today that I can''t shake. WHEN IS IT MY TURN?

 

[luckystar112]

Yikes. Why on earth would he want to go to his ex''s wedding?
I guess she''s obviously still close to his family, since practically half of them were in it!
Was that weird for you at all?

do you think he really forgot to tell you about his cousin or do you think he was afraid to?

Have you discussed a timeline?

 

[poptart]

Yes... communicate, communicate, communicate. Just try and have a calm and rational talk with him where you can tell him about your frustration, and get both of your thoughts and feelings on the table.

*M*

 

[CrookedRock]

Wow! I completey get how you feel regarding the invitation with''guest'' on it! that has happend a few times with us too, and it infuriates me!! Like you guys, we flippin live together!!! All my friends have sent invites with both our names on it... That would be my last straw too! Try to calm approach, but definately let him know that you''ve kept a lot back, it might riegister more with him if he knows this isn''t the first thing that has slightly bothered you...

Good Luck let us know what happens. Oh... And Welcome to the guilty obsession of Pricescope!!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/26/2007 6:46:17 PM
Author:buttercup80
- We went to his ex-girlfriend''s wedding in August (she''s only been dating her groom for 3 years) and BF, his brother, his sister, and his brother''s girlfriend WERE ALL IN THE WEDDING PARTY and I still had no ring on my finger.

Okay ... THIS is the one that would have sent me over the edge. I have a feeling you may be overreacting to the most *recent* slight (which is just thoughtless -- not personal, really) because you''re still STEAMING MAD about the above TRAVESTY.

Kudos to you for even making it through that DAY. Honestly, I don''t think I would have attended.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 9/26/2007 6:46:17 PM
Author:buttercup80
Hi ladies - I know I never post here, but I've been a long-time lurker and love all of the support and advice I find here. . . I'm sorry for the upcoming rant, but this is one of few places where I know you won't think I'm overreacting.

A little background: BF and I have been together for 5 years and I've been expecting a proposal for awhile now.

Eek, you have been through a lot. I have a question though - does HE know you're expecting it (sooner rather than later)? As in, you two have had a to-the-point discussion about it?

 

[musey]

Date: 9/26/2007 8:05:25 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 9/26/2007 6:46:17 PM

Author:buttercup80

- We went to his ex-girlfriend''s wedding in August (she''s only been dating her groom for 3 years) and BF, his brother, his sister, and his brother''s girlfriend WERE ALL IN THE WEDDING PARTY and I still had no ring on my finger.

Okay ... THIS is the one that would have sent me over the edge. I have a feeling you may be overreacting to the most *recent* slight (which is just thoughtless -- not personal, really) because you''re still STEAMING MAD about the above TRAVESTY.

Kudos to you for even making it through that DAY. Honestly, I don''t think I would have attended.

SEEEEEEERIOUSLY? Why, oh WHY, was he in the wedding party for his EX-girlfriend''s wedding?!?!!

I was all ready to pull out the "other peoples'' timelines do not dictate yours" thing until that. Yeah. Deco, I wouldn''t have gone, either.

Have you told him that this stuff bothers you? Obviously not "wah everyone else gets to get married but not meeeeeeee" but at least that seeing all these other people moving forward reminds you of how much you want to, as well. Or something.

 

[princesss]

Okay, first off I can''t stress the timeline talk enough! You have been expecting it for a while, but where does he think you guys are at? You really need to talk about all of this.

As far as the ex''s wedding...I''d be expecting a nice, shiny present after *that* one. Wow.

Also, one girl on here talked about how making her boyfriend (okay, maybe it was her friend doing it) think of engagement as fun helped. "Oh, when we''re married, we can do x" and pointing out how much fun her married friends were having. Instead of whiny/upset/angry pressure she made an effort to just mention the positive and always be happy when she brought it up. If he does want to get engaged eventually, maybe an approach like that would help it happen sooner?

 

[teetee]

I don''t think his cousin''s invitation was an intentional slight. I find that many people are just ignorant or thoughtless. However, with the history of events, I can see how that would bug you. It sounds like you need to have a talk with your guy.

 

[mirre]

To echo the other girls, why oh why the ex GF''s wedding? That was probably a horrible experience! As for the invite I may be completely wrong here, but as far as wedding invite addressing goes, isn''t it proper to put ''John Smith'' and Guest not ''John Smith" and ''Jill Johnson''. If it doesn''t matter then they could have been mis-informed by the people who did their invites for them. Good Luck!