MOH is about to be fired

[AmberWaves]

Today my Matron of Honor went dress shopping without me. Without calling, without making sure of the colors or anything. So, I get a call from my FMIL, "Lena''s got her dress!" Despite knowing she went without me, or without even asking me about it, I''m happy because it''s finally done. So, FMIL says, "It''s a lovely brown color." What? It''s supposed to be rust! I say, "It was supposed to be rust." She said, "No, it''s fall colors!" Um... There is not one stitch of chocolate brown or any other color of brown in our wedding so far. We''ve discussed this color many many times. So, FMIL also got her outfit, and it''s brown. Out of all the people in our wedding, they are the only two who are wearing brown. I didn''t know what to say... I was honestly speechless.

So FI gets on the phone, and says,"what happened to the rust?" Well, the color was UGLY his sister said. We didn''t ask for any specific dress style, no particular place- just one thing- RUST (or copper, cinnamon, sienna). So FI gets into a screaming match with his sister and his mom, and she sides with his sister. Saying she doesn''t know why we''re being like this, and Paul says, "Mom, we asked for ONE thing from you guys, just to pick a dress in ONE color." Now, they say they didn''t have a cinnamon/copper color at David''s.

Finally, we get a call from MOH, they''re at Davids and there is now a cinnamon, but they didn''t know if it was "to my liking". What?! So, as of the last conversation, we now had a chocolate brown dress amongst everything else rust..

I''m just so fed up, 7 phone calls from them telling me brown is better and we need to grow up.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Oh sweetie, that is awful. That was totally inappropriate for her to do. Basically she is deciding on what color your wedding should be. She never should have tried on a color that was not your choice.

You know, to thwart off this type of thing with anyone else...you might venture into a fabric store and get 5 or 6 fabric swatches of the colors and hues you have visualized. Pin them together and hand them to everyone needing to shop. They could use the swatch group as a guide. This may also thwart off more of those snide comments about your liking etc.

I really feel your disappointment...try not to let it get you. Just stand your ground and stay course with your vision. Not theirs.

DKS

PS. The acorns are forming now...squirrels are knocking immature ones to the ground. They are all green and not fully opened. My offer is still available...I just don''t know when they will be ready. I suppose green colored acorns are going to set you off too? Not the perfect hue? JUST KIDDING!! Trying to make you giggle....

 

[AmberWaves]

DKS, honestly, I truly don''t care anymore about the color thing.

Now I''m just worried my FMIL and FSIL will think rudely of me, ya know? I''m seriously so easy going about all this wedding crud that I don''t want them to start thinking I''m psycho! I had such a great relationship with my FMIL that now I wonder if it''s all ruined. My stomach aches thinking about 4 years of bonding thrown aside because of a dress. I also don''t want my FSIL and I to have a terrible relationship either.

So the things I''m thinking right now are: I hope this "issue" doesn''t color the rest of our relationships later, and seriously, how hard is it to find a dress around the color I showed them many many times????

DKS, your sense of humor is uplifting!

 

[door knob solitaire]

You are not psycho.

You show that by allowing them to find the dress...of course within reason (same color family as the theme of rusts, coppers, etc...hello??)...it would be courteous if they found it and brought you back to view it or just take you with them. You arent going with using all the exact dresses and not even the exact shade. You are a pup in the woods...no were near evil bridezillas or psycho as you say! I don''t think they are thinking you went overboard. You are not the type to speak out. They know you.

I know you are concerned about the heated exchange...don''t be. I think you''ll find another day another sunset feelings aren''t and weren''t as bruised as you think they were. They too have invested 4 years with you. They love you and are also not going to allow this to be a turning point.

Your future SIL is going to be a sister. You can yell at sisters and guess what...they still love you. You''ll see...there won''t be any damage. And Amber, try to get your skin a little thicker. There are times when you refrain from speaking your opinions as you don''t want to come off as being to outspoken...but not everything falls into "the be a doormat category". This one...it is OK that you speak up. You do so and have no regrets...OK?

DKS

 

[Harleigh]

Hi Amber,

That really stinks that they did that to you, and having it be mother and daughter together, it''s like they''re teaming up on you. I think you should ask them to show you the dresses and if they are not within your color scheme, then suggest they might take them back with you and maybe you could show them the colors in which you, for the millionth time, have chosen as your wedding colors!!!

I also like DKS''s suggestion to get color swatches of fabric as a guideline...maybe they are both colorblind...oh, no, wait...that''s only men! Anywhooo...you and your FI need to set the record straight and remind them how much you want them to be a part of your special day as well as fit in with the rest of the bridal party, you know, for pictures, etc...

I say that THEM choosing your colors is completely unacceptable, and reiterate that if they DO want to be in your wedding, they might just want to fall in line! If they won''t, when the wedding day comes around, be sure to have your photographer take some great pix of you and your girls who actually followed directions and DO match your wedding party... No, that''s petty and won''t work, either, but it sounded good for a minute there. Hopefully it won''t come to that!

Cheers to you for trying to make it easy on them...most people in a bridal party would kill to have that kind of freedom. I absolutely love the idea of coordinating colors in matching dresses, or the same dress in different, complementary colors...that sounds fantastic!

Keep smiling and let us know how it turns out!! I''ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

[Steel]

Hi Amber,

From personal experience I would like to caution you that Marriage and the relationships with each of your families is as much about Bonding as it is about Boundaries.

Respect is required on both sides and it seems clear from your side that you are a very respectful lady, your new family (to be) should also feel the same and want to be respectful of your feelings and wishes at such an emotive time in your life. Perhaps they are just getting carried away and do have your best interests at heart if so they need to be told that you have specific ideas and you need them to be carried out as closely as possible.

It is not a major crisis but it is the first time you have encountered inter-family disagreements. It probably will be the first of many in your married life. I advise you and your FI quietly assert your position in the new family, you have an opinion and it should always count (more so at the moment as its your wedding).

Ps. Some books advise that it is your FI job to sort out his family and how they relate to you and vice versa, I follow this line of thinking but its an individual choice.

Oh, I think rust is a lovely colour

, choc is not a good substitute.

 

[akw94]

Hi Amber,
How annoying! Sorry they''re not complying w/your wishes about color *and* giving you a hard time about the color. People are not always the most sensitive or considerate! I would also suggest you sticking to your color theme and asking them or have FI ask them to get the rust colored dress at David''s or wherever. You can reiterate it''s not the dress style but the color that''s important to you and not even an absolute specific shade either. Geez! It''s not that difficult!
I would try not to worry too much about your relationship w/them. I imagine they will get over the dress thing and everything will be just fine. Remember, they are the ones being unreasonable, not you and your FI. In fact, you''re being extra nice by only asking them to stay in the color family and no other restrictions!

Good luck!

 

[VRBeauty]

The only caveate I''d add to what was said above is that rust tones don''t look good on everyone because of the touch of orange. My mother looks like death warmed over in anything with orange tones. Is it possible that your FMIL/FSIL are in this group?

Of course that doesn''t excuse their trying to re-design your wedding! Even if they can''t wear rust/cinnamon, there would be colors in your palette that would work for them... and they should have let you know about their concerns so that you could decide on the next step!

It sounds like you have your hands full with these two... good luck.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 7/22/2007 3:44:24 PM
Author: MINIMS
The only caveate I''d add to what was said above is that rust tones don''t look good on everyone because of the touch of orange. My mother looks like death warmed over in anything with orange tones. Is it possible that your FMIL/FSIL are in this group?

Of course that doesn''t excuse their trying to re-design your wedding! Even if they can''t wear rust/cinnamon, there would be colors in your palette that would work for them... and they should have let you know about their concerns so that you could decide on the next step!

It sounds like you have your hands full with these two... good luck.

This is the point. It is the bride''s discretion as to what color dresses she picks. I was in a wedding where the dresses were baby blue. Very, very bad color for me. But I sucked it up, didn''t say a word about it, and wore the dress. It''s not the MOH''s wedding, and the focus will not be on her. So who cares whether or not she likes the rust, if that''s the color that was chosen? I''m glad AW''s fiance stuck up for her. Good man.

 

[AmberWaves]

So I''ve tried calling my FMIL about three times today. Either she doesn''t have a phone around or is ignoring me. See, usually I''m not caring too much about being a bridezilla but FG''s post made me think: I asked for ONE thing from them, and this is what I get in return? Sorry, but that''s not okay. we''ve been trying to accomodate them for everything, my FI even gave his parents money to pay for his sister''s wedding- when he was in high school. He lent his sister thousands of dollars to help with her husbands credit, and does he bring it up? No!!! I don''t want to apologize, because I have no need to, but she could at least hear me out.

Good lord.