Some people thrash diamonds. Some people are careful enough to get away with a 7-7.5 hardness stone and not destroy it right away.
But in general, I''d say stick with something of 8+ in hardness. Spinel, chrysoberyl, alexandrite, sapphire, ruby etc... Topaz I would avoid because it is somewhat brittle, in spite of its hardness. Quartz (mohs of 7) is a very abundant substance in the environment (dust particles, dirt, gravel...) so anything in the 7 and below range will be more prone to scratches and whatnot. There are few common substances of hardness 8 or above, so gems of 8+ are less prone to scratches. They can still be chipped or abraded by knocking them on hard surfaces, though.
And you will have to keep in mind the fact that a colored stone will most likely need to be repolished at some point in its life... but, if a person is careful, it should take quite a while for the gem to sustain that much damage.
If you are super-careful and don''t wear it all the time I would go no lower than a 7-7.5.
My e-ring stone is a tsavorite garnet which is a 7-7.5. I only wear it when I''m out and not even then if I am doing dangerous things with my hands.
No gems - even diamonds - should be worn 24/7, but some stand up better than others. You need to check out toughness and ease of cleavage as well as the Mohs - Mohs will only tell you how well the stone resists scratching, it''s not an indicator of strength.
It''s worth finding out what her feelings are about wearing an e-ring. I was fine with not wearing mine most of the time - but then I chose it and knew what the score was. My horrible FSIL on the other hand insists on wearing what is a beautiful diamond somewhere under all the dirt 24/7... (she doesn''t ever want to take it off so it NEVER gets cleaned!)
I have had a yellow oval bezel set topaz in my ER for 15 years. No chips. Granted it now needs a re-polish because the table is crazed. I have sent it off to Peter Toracca to be evaluated. Perhaps he could post a picture of it to show what 15 years of wear and tear look like.
Spinel is fine, and for those who are a bit more careful I''d agree with Pandora that garnets are fine, same going for tourmalines and beryls (except emerald and bixbite unless of very good clarity). Andalusite is also a very durable stone, but I think very few ladies would choose it for an e-ring (beacuse of colors).
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