Money Wrench in Lovely Plans

[Gypsy]

Okay. So apparently when I was talking about eloping and destination weddings FI thought I meant within the US. Or something... apparently he wasn't listening all that closely when I kept showing him places on the net and saying things like 'I like this one... imagine the wedding pictures" and "wouldn't it be incredible to get married in front of a waterfall."

Today I talked to two lovely people that would be able to provide us with dream destination weddings for under 10K. Oded regarding Crystal cruises-- Wedding aboard the ship on a 7 day Mediterranean cruise plus 7 nights accommodation for $8800. Plus another 1300 for airfare. This includes photography

OR (and this one is my favorite) Genie at Peter Island Resort in BVI about a 7 day romance package plus wedding for $9000 plus about $1000 for airfare. Not including photography.

So... was thrilled and talked to FI about it. He was thinking Vegas. THEN either the cruise or an Island for the honeymoon (he loves the Peter Island Resort too).

ARGH! He wants his mother to be there (okay, that's fair) without her having to spend 3K. Closer to 1K.

So, from cancelled wedding numbers one and two... Art of Emotion photography still has $400 deposit of ours toward wedding photography. So I suggested a weekend in Carmel or Monterey. Wedding on a beach... small reception afterwards with cake and champagne SOMEWHERE (have no idea where) then us leaving for Peter Island or Fiji .

But that would mean flying out the west coast... only to fly back here for the Peter Island resort... or going to Fiji... which I didn't like as much as going to Peter Island.

SO.. I suggested we get married in his sisters HUGE backyard. A tent, a minister. Some cake, champagne and some other desserts for a dessert reception. With just our immediate family. His sisters, mother, grandfather and uncle... and my mother and whoever else comes from between my aunts and uncles and grandparents. But he was afraid (with good reason) that his mother or sisters would 'accidentally' tell one of his 200 family members in NY about the wedding and they would just 'pop down' for the reception... which would cause WWIII with my family.

So... again. I feel like crying. I was starting to feel hopeful that this would happen. And again. The our family's are getting in the way. He wants his mother there. Its such reasonable request. I want my mother there too... but my parents are better off than his mother is.

 

[mrssalvo]

aw gypsy, i'm so sorry this is all so stressful for you. i can understand the importance of wanting his mom there and still keeping in very, very small. any chance you could just not tell anyone, including mom until the last minute so there wouldn't be time for any slip-ups? you know, tell her you all want to do something special for her and to dress up on such and such a night. have a limo pick her up and take her staight to the ceremony? Or even if you want a few more family members there, make them think they are just coming over for dinner. no reason to inform 200 other family memebers of a small dinner right? then surprise the guests once they get there with a wedding. just like Sandra Bullock

 

[Gypsy]

Well. No that would be a lovely idea. But the problem is that my family is on the West Coast. So a surprise dinner into wedding event would be a bit difficult to orchestrate without alienating all of them. If they all lived within a 100 miles of one another I would be totally for that.

Peter Island is apparently very secluded and hard to get too... and expensive to get to... so I am just thinking of us paying for his mother to come there. Or at least helping her out. But that''s not a perfect solution either.

May need a slightly less secluded location to have this shindig at.

 

[galeteia]

That''s a good idea, except I am assuming having in your sister''s backyard would allow her to spill the beans to everyone.

I wonder how difficult it would be to keep your FSIL in the dark as well? How long would it take to set it up? If you could get your FSIL and FMIL out of the way for the day, say off for a spa, and set up while they are gone?

It might be a bit difficult, but possible.

I am so sorry The Saga is continuing.

 

[somethingblue]

Along the lines of the surprise idea - could you arrange for all of your parents to meet for a BBQ at your fiance''s sister''s house. Your parents could fly there and then once they are there - SURPRISE - you are getting married. That way all the key players from the west have made the trip without giving the east coasters time or reason to invite the whole clan. Just a thought.

 

[E B]

Date: 5/25/2006 7:27:15 PM
Author: somethingblue
Along the lines of the surprise idea - could you arrange for all of your parents to meet for a BBQ at your fiance''s sister''s house. Your parents could fly there and then once they are there - SURPRISE - you are getting married. That way all the key players from the west have made the trip without giving the east coasters time or reason to invite the whole clan. Just a thought.

somethingblue''s idea is a great one. In one of my Spring bridal mags, a couple had this same predicament (large family) so they invited their closest family/friends to dinner at their house, and, SURPRISE! A minister, champagne, cake, and dancing. No one knew.

This might be the best way for a small, intimate wedding that''s definitely under wraps.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay... so I have the following ideas.

1) we get married at peter island and pay for his mom. This will be about 1.5K for wedding arrangements, 1K for photographer, and 1K to help his mom out. So 3.5 K.

2) we have to fly to San Juan or Florida to get to Peter Island anyway. So we fly in one afternoon. Get married the next day with everyone in attendance, then leave for Peter Island right after cake. Florida, Miami would be less expensive place Get dressed up in our wedding finery again at the Island and have a photographer take pictures. Would probably cost about 2.5K to do that.

3) St. Thomas. We fly into St. Thomas instead. Peter Island has s shuttle two days a week from St. Thomas. We get married in St. Thomas. Take pics there. Go to the Island. St. Thomas would be less expensive (possibly) for his mom and my family as it''s bigger and has different array of accomodations. Don''t know how much this would cost.

 

[Tybee]

Oh Gypsy!
Peter Island looks BEAUTIFUL! Those wedding pictures would be lovely.
Too bad you can''t work out getting married THERE.

I think you''re smart to plan your wedding somewhere else and then leave for Peter Island, though.

Since your guests will be traveling, you can consider having your actual wedding on a day
other than Saturday, it might be less expensive. We opted to get married on a Monday.
That was a silly mistake on our part, because now all our guests will be in St. John for our
honeymoon! We keep joking that the NEXT time we get married, it will be on a Thursday.

Good luck with St. Thomas. I actually don''t like it as much as the other Virgin Islands, it''s too busy
for my tastes, but it might be really convenient for your plan. You might also want to look into
St. Croix (my uncle used to live there, and I am quite partial to it!) We chose St. John because it''s largely
National Park, more quiet and sleepy.

 

[Gypsy]

Good advice Tybee -- I already gave up on St Thomas it wasn''t going to work. So I started looking in San Juan. *shrug*... but I''ll look into your suggestions for sure!

And I was thinking Monday too... now many Thursday is a better idea!

 

[Mara]

why not just pay the extra $2k yourselves for his mom to come to one of your first choices?

then you can have the outside of US thing, invite everyone but knowing that only a few will come, his mom will be there, and all are happy. done.

i'm always all for the simplest method...that BBQ thing sounds way too high maintenance and tricky with all the sidestepping you will have to do. just do what YOU want to do and fork out the extra to have his mom there for sure.

 

[Gypsy]

You know Mara. I think your right... gonna talk to him about it right now.

 

[Mara]

oh and the other thing re: the day...we had ours on a wednesday...some people arrived on saturday before so they''d have a full week, some people other people arrived around monday and then left on friday. but if you did a thursday then they could come in on a wed and then leave sunday. we had stuff planned for mon and tues with the group and then got married on wed. everyone came to the rehearsal dinner too on tues night. so it worked out great. in any case i think as long as you know that people will want to come to make a vacation out of it, you''ll be fine with whichever day you choose. oh and we left the island after we got married and went somewhere else for honeymoon. just seemed more fun that way.