More In-Law Nomenclature

[FireGoddess]

All these threads have me thinking....and I''m not sure if the way I''m doing it is right, so I figured I''d ask.

I have two sisters. When they get married, their husbands will be my brother-in-laws. I get that.

My husband has a ton of siblings. DH''s brother is my brother-in-law, right? Is my husband''s brother''s wife my sister-in-law? Or just my husband''s brother''s wife?!

I''ve called her my SIL, and then someone will say something alluding to the fact that they think I have a brother, and I have to explain it''s my husband''s brother''s wife. Am I doing this right?!?!?!

 

[ephemery1]

Haha... I think you have it right. And as far as I know, there won''t be any official test or anything...

My situation gets confusing when we''re hanging out with my BF''s cousin and his wife, who are really good friends of ours... and that often includes his cousin''s wife''s brother and HIS wife, too... I have NO idea what to call them, but we spend enough time together that I feel like there should be some sort of official title! Then there are situations like the charity walk where I spent a fair amount of the morning with my BF''s cousin''s wife''s brother''s wife''s mom''s domestic partner, who happens to have the same first name as me... I gave up on trying to explain that one to people at work the next day.

 

[diamondfan]

Firegoddess; from my understanding your siblings spouses are your in laws, on both sides. Sometimes you have to clarify, like my husband''s sister is my sis in law and her husband is my bro in law, but neither of them are my blood sibling. My sister''s husband is also my brother in law, so I will sometimes say My sister''s husband to make it more clear. Otherwise, when I discuss my brother in law, my friends will ask, your sister''s husband or your sister in law''s husband...a bit confusing but not to big a deal

 

[Kaleigh]

Ok here is one I''ve always struggled with. Husband''s father died when he was10. He has a step father who he adores. Is he my step father in law?? That''s what I have referred to him as, but somehow it just doesn''t sound right?? We will be married 20 years this September. I would love to call him something other than my step father in law.

 

[diamondfan]

K, I would just call him my father in law...he has been there for the long haul and I think it fits...no one necessarily needs to know that detail unless you want to tell them! I love my step sister like a blood sister, and so I just call her my sister. When people get a bit confused, I say she is my step sister by law and my sister in my heart!

 

[eks6426]

Here''s another one--

My first husband died. But I''m still close to his parents. I remarried so now I have new in-laws. What do I call the parents of my first husband?

 

[diamondfan]

I would call them "my former in-laws"...sorry about your loss...

 

[sumbride]

I have three siblings and they are all married. My bf has two siblings, one of which is married and one that is divorced twice. I''m clear on the siblings and their spouses, but what about their spouses siblings... my brother once referred to his sister-in-law as my sister-in-law and I just sort of stared at him. How could his wife''s sister be my sister-in-law? His wife was my sister-in-law, yes, but her sister??? Of course, I like her better, but that doesn''t mean we''re related. but are we? Oh, and I''m really close to my sister''s mother-in-law too, but I don''t like my future mother in law.

it''s all so confusing.

as to my future brother-in-law with the two ex-wives, he has 2 kids with one of them who I see regularly. I understand they would be my neice and nephew, but is their mother my (future) ex-sister-in-law? I think I''ll just use her first name. That may actually be a good policy for all of this.

 

[froufrou]

my boyfriend''s sister just had a baby last year and named her after me (my name isn''t very common, and after she met me she decided she really liked it so thats why that is the name). anyway we both drive down there and see them all pretty often and I have no real neices and nephews so i almost feel like this baby should be related to me already but she isnt at the moment... ... haha, i shoudl start referring to her as "my future future neice".

 

[FireGoddess]

Wowee - and I thought I was confused - some of the situations here are much more complicated! Thanks for the advice and info!

 

[curlygirl]

Ooh, I''m a little late to this thread but I''ve been struggling with all of these things too! I say my husband''s step father is my father in law because he''s the only one in the picture since my husband doesn''t speak to his real father. But my husband also has 2 step sisters. Are they my step sisters in law??? And one of them just had a baby. Is the baby my step niece??? It''s all too confusing.

 

[Blenheim]

I think that the main problem is that all these terms were coined when family relationships were much simpler. With all of the mixed families today, it gets much more complicated. I''d just use the term closest to the existing ones, and if someone has questions explain the exact relationship.

But if we want to talk about confusing, my grandfather had five or six sisters. All of them called him "brother." Then all of their kids called him "brother," because that''s what they always heard their parents say. And then all of my generation, except for my brother and me, always called him "brother." It''s kind of funny to hear someone call someone 60 years their senior "brother." I know who they''re talking about though, and that''s what matters.

 

[CJS924]

If you''re referring to your BIL''s sister, I think she would jsut be referred to as your BIL''s sister. I think. Hmmm. Bwahaha...I''m confused.

 

[bobacha]

LOL this is a fun thread to read

In my family, we''ll never had this problem because we''re still following the traditional Chinese way to address relatives. We have a unique title for everyone, depending on how they are related to ourselves and they''re all different.

For examples :

We have different titles for :
1. Older brother''s wife
2. Younger brother''s wife
3. Husband''s sister
4. Wife''s sister
in English they''re all just "Sister-In-Law" ..

The same goes for Uncles and Aunts, it depends on whether they''re older than our parents, and whose sides they come from Dad''s older brothers, Dad''s younger brothers, and Mom''s brothers are addressed differently.

It is super confusing for people who are not used to this hehehehe. But once you get it, you get it And when we refer to them in conversations to fellow Chinese.. they will know right away how the person is related to us by just the title that we use to refer to them.. Isn''t it cool ? hehehe but it could really complicated.

Anyways.. don''t mean to confuse anybody.. I know this is not a forum to discuss culture just wanting to share

 

[JenStone]

Date: 5/15/2006 5:24:49 PM
Author: bobacha
LOL this is a fun thread to read

In my family, we''ll never had this problem because we''re still following the traditional Chinese way to address relatives. We have a unique title for everyone, depending on how they are related to ourselves and they''re all different.

For examples :

We have different titles for :
1. Older brother''s wife
2. Younger brother''s wife
3. Husband''s sister
4. Wife''s sister
in English they''re all just ''Sister-In-Law'' ..

The same goes for Uncles and Aunts, it depends on whether they''re older than our parents, and whose sides they come from Dad''s older brothers, Dad''s younger brothers, and Mom''s brothers are addressed differently.

It is super confusing for people who are not used to this hehehehe. But once you get it, you get it And when we refer to them in conversations to fellow Chinese.. they will know right away how the person is related to us by just the title that we use to refer to them.. Isn''t it cool ? hehehe but it could really complicated.

Anyways.. don''t mean to confuse anybody.. I know this is not a forum to discuss culture just wanting to share

Bobacha, I was going to write the same thing, except with Korean! It''s super-confusing and frustration to someone who''s learning the language, but I prefer this method over _____-in-law.