hi everyone.... i don''t post on here often but i come on here sometimes and read others'' posts and from this i know that you guys give really good advice, which i need!!
i have been married for a little over 2 years. my mother in law issues certainly aren''t the worst anyone has every heard of, but they are tough. i don''t think she even realizes it, but she has control issues and always needs to be in charge.
i realize the situation i am using as an example sounds like it is not that big a deal, but this type of scenario is repeated over and over and that is why it is a problem. this past sunday we had a lot of work to do in the yard at our house, and my husband had asked his dad and brother to come over and help. his mom decided to come along as well. they were there all day, from one in the afternoon until almost midnight. when it came time for dinner, my m-i-l asked me if i wanted her to go pick up pizza or ''i would be happy to cook dinner as well'' (i was not doing the manual labor in the yard so it was not a situation of, if she didn''t cook we wouldn''t be eating. i was very available to make dinner). i feel like, when we go to her house she cooks dinner, so when she comes to our house i should cook dinner. i told her this (nicely), and that i wanted to cook that evening. she said okay, but then would still go out to the grill and check on the chicken, and she also set the table and got out some of the serving dishes, etc. separate example but same night: we had a dog we are watching for a friend this week tied up out in the yard, and she said ''i''m going to go get her.'' i told her the dog was fine where she was, she wasn''t barking and it wasn''t too hot, and she still said, ''yeah well i''m going to go get her anyway.''
i realize she is trying to be helpful, and i know she doesn''t try to be irritating on purpose. but it makes me feel like she doesn''t think that i can handle cooking dinner, so she needs to do it. or that she knows when the dog has been outside too long better than i would and so makes the decision to bring her in. i feel like she thinks she always knows what is better in any situation than i do, she doesn''t respect me or the fact that it''s not her house and just behaves like she would if she were at home. i don''t act like that when i am at her house.
my husband, s-i-l and to a lesser extent b-i-l, all recognize these issues and agree with me on them. the main reason why i feel this needs to be resolved now is that my hubby and i are talking about having kids soon, and we can both see this carrying through to children as well. i don''t want to have my parenting constantly undermined by her saying ''oh i''ll go check on the baby'' or ''what should i make her for lunch?'' and doing what i''m supposed to be doing all the time.
i have read a lot of articles that say in issues dealing with in laws that the spouse who is the child is supposed to address them, instead of the in law. after sunday my husband suggested taking her out to lunch and telling her what she does that bothers me. one part of me thinks this is a good idea, and another part thinks that she will feel attacked (even though i''m sure my hubby would do it very nicely and diplomatically) and get defensive.
how do you guys think is the best way to handle the situation?
i have been married for a little over 2 years. my mother in law issues certainly aren''t the worst anyone has every heard of, but they are tough. i don''t think she even realizes it, but she has control issues and always needs to be in charge.
i realize the situation i am using as an example sounds like it is not that big a deal, but this type of scenario is repeated over and over and that is why it is a problem. this past sunday we had a lot of work to do in the yard at our house, and my husband had asked his dad and brother to come over and help. his mom decided to come along as well. they were there all day, from one in the afternoon until almost midnight. when it came time for dinner, my m-i-l asked me if i wanted her to go pick up pizza or ''i would be happy to cook dinner as well'' (i was not doing the manual labor in the yard so it was not a situation of, if she didn''t cook we wouldn''t be eating. i was very available to make dinner). i feel like, when we go to her house she cooks dinner, so when she comes to our house i should cook dinner. i told her this (nicely), and that i wanted to cook that evening. she said okay, but then would still go out to the grill and check on the chicken, and she also set the table and got out some of the serving dishes, etc. separate example but same night: we had a dog we are watching for a friend this week tied up out in the yard, and she said ''i''m going to go get her.'' i told her the dog was fine where she was, she wasn''t barking and it wasn''t too hot, and she still said, ''yeah well i''m going to go get her anyway.''
i realize she is trying to be helpful, and i know she doesn''t try to be irritating on purpose. but it makes me feel like she doesn''t think that i can handle cooking dinner, so she needs to do it. or that she knows when the dog has been outside too long better than i would and so makes the decision to bring her in. i feel like she thinks she always knows what is better in any situation than i do, she doesn''t respect me or the fact that it''s not her house and just behaves like she would if she were at home. i don''t act like that when i am at her house.
my husband, s-i-l and to a lesser extent b-i-l, all recognize these issues and agree with me on them. the main reason why i feel this needs to be resolved now is that my hubby and i are talking about having kids soon, and we can both see this carrying through to children as well. i don''t want to have my parenting constantly undermined by her saying ''oh i''ll go check on the baby'' or ''what should i make her for lunch?'' and doing what i''m supposed to be doing all the time.
i have read a lot of articles that say in issues dealing with in laws that the spouse who is the child is supposed to address them, instead of the in law. after sunday my husband suggested taking her out to lunch and telling her what she does that bothers me. one part of me thinks this is a good idea, and another part thinks that she will feel attacked (even though i''m sure my hubby would do it very nicely and diplomatically) and get defensive.
how do you guys think is the best way to handle the situation?
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