Gwyn
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2007
- Messages
- 745
Here are some things that have been bouncing around in my head that I thought I would just put out there. Anyone bored and looking for some amusement/drama or whatever; enjoy.
Without going into too much detail I will say that my mother and I''s relationship as of last few years has been...strained. She has got it into her head that I don''t love her and am ashamed of her and her lifestyle because I chose a different path then her. Or atleast I think thats the reason, who knows.
Regardless, this wedding is important to her and I have tried to include her in most things. This is a little hard since i live in Los Angeles and she lives in New England without internet at home but we get by. It helps that my older sister reccently got married and my mother has gotten out all her strong marrying-off-my daughter-going crazy-controling-everything urges
Anyway, she reccently came to visit FI and I in LA and met FI''s parents. Everyone got along well and liked each other. NO big deal. Then, I was talking with FI''s sister and she tells me that my mother made her mother (FI''s mother) promise to throw me a bridal shower. Apparently my mother felt bad that she wasnt out here to throw one and made FMIL promise to do so. I told FI''s sister that it was totally unnecessary and to just forget about it but she responded that since her mom promised they had to do something so tell them what i want. I know that my own mother probably meant well but it puts me in a very akward situation.
#1 I am very weird on the whole gift thing in general so a shower for me is already a little akward. I didnt even want to register for the wedding but FI said he bought everyone else stuff when they got married so he didnt feel bad having them buy him stuff.
#2 I met FI on the east coast and we only moved out here about a year ago. Therefore, I have no friends or family out here (other then my future inlaws) and though i am very close with his sister and have speant alot of time with the mother, that is really it. My mother would fly out for it so thats 3 people. FI has some distant aunts/females cousins and there are the wives/girlfriends of his male friends that are coming to the wedding that could be invited but i dont want a bunch of people i dont even really know being obligated to go out somewhere and spend their time at a shower and buy me a gift and such.
#3 My mother''s idea of a shower involves a theme, printed invitations, rented hall and catered food. FIs mother, probably never even thought about one maybe a cookout or something. They are not the kind of people who do anythign formal like that and I am afraid that with two such clashing ways of doing things, it is going to get messy. And i really dont want my mother insulting his.
#3 My main problem is that I know his mom probably doesnt mind doing it so much but I think that, if she wanted to, she would have done so on her own...you know what I mean. She is an unbelievably nice lady and I adore her but as far as the wedding goes, I get the impression that, to her, the wedding is for the female. So this is my wedding not her sons. She had a daughter and did all the wedding stuff. I think in her eyes my family should be handling everything. She and FI''s dad paid for all of his sister''s wedding because in their minds thats the role of the bride''s family. She even made a comment that its my/my family''s job to pay for the wedding and everything (which I am fine with). But it makes this whole shower thing a little more uncomfortable for me.
I am probably just over thinking it. I haven''t been finding myself more emotional lately but I have been finding that all this wedding/new family stuff makes me more obsessive. It is just the way that it was expressed to me that makes me weary. kind of a "Your mom made my mom promise this so figure out what you want us to do and we will do it" kind of a way.
Okay my proposed solution (after that long and probably way too much information introduction)
Would it be too weird to ask that, in leiu of a shower, she throw a Jack and Jill. That way FI will be there and it wont be so akward inviting people because they are all close friends/family of FI? And it will take the focus off me and put it on us as a couple instead
I kind of want to avoid a confrontation with my own mother about it because she is so sensative to how i react to her that she will probably think that i am mad at her and dont want her in my life or talking to people who will be in my life and she will get all worked up (I am really not exaggerating). How do I sell her on the Jack and Jill thing without making it seem like I hate her idea of a shower? Ive tried before to get her to understand that certain things just "aren''t my cup of tea" but she usually ends up hurt and upset. I am thinking of telling her that FI really wants an engagement party/shower that he can be involved with (which is true) and it just makes more sense to combine.
Anyway sorry for all the rambling. I am just going to stop the post now! Just wanted to get some things out of my head!
Without going into too much detail I will say that my mother and I''s relationship as of last few years has been...strained. She has got it into her head that I don''t love her and am ashamed of her and her lifestyle because I chose a different path then her. Or atleast I think thats the reason, who knows.
Regardless, this wedding is important to her and I have tried to include her in most things. This is a little hard since i live in Los Angeles and she lives in New England without internet at home but we get by. It helps that my older sister reccently got married and my mother has gotten out all her strong marrying-off-my daughter-going crazy-controling-everything urges
Anyway, she reccently came to visit FI and I in LA and met FI''s parents. Everyone got along well and liked each other. NO big deal. Then, I was talking with FI''s sister and she tells me that my mother made her mother (FI''s mother) promise to throw me a bridal shower. Apparently my mother felt bad that she wasnt out here to throw one and made FMIL promise to do so. I told FI''s sister that it was totally unnecessary and to just forget about it but she responded that since her mom promised they had to do something so tell them what i want. I know that my own mother probably meant well but it puts me in a very akward situation.
#1 I am very weird on the whole gift thing in general so a shower for me is already a little akward. I didnt even want to register for the wedding but FI said he bought everyone else stuff when they got married so he didnt feel bad having them buy him stuff.
#2 I met FI on the east coast and we only moved out here about a year ago. Therefore, I have no friends or family out here (other then my future inlaws) and though i am very close with his sister and have speant alot of time with the mother, that is really it. My mother would fly out for it so thats 3 people. FI has some distant aunts/females cousins and there are the wives/girlfriends of his male friends that are coming to the wedding that could be invited but i dont want a bunch of people i dont even really know being obligated to go out somewhere and spend their time at a shower and buy me a gift and such.
#3 My mother''s idea of a shower involves a theme, printed invitations, rented hall and catered food. FIs mother, probably never even thought about one maybe a cookout or something. They are not the kind of people who do anythign formal like that and I am afraid that with two such clashing ways of doing things, it is going to get messy. And i really dont want my mother insulting his.
#3 My main problem is that I know his mom probably doesnt mind doing it so much but I think that, if she wanted to, she would have done so on her own...you know what I mean. She is an unbelievably nice lady and I adore her but as far as the wedding goes, I get the impression that, to her, the wedding is for the female. So this is my wedding not her sons. She had a daughter and did all the wedding stuff. I think in her eyes my family should be handling everything. She and FI''s dad paid for all of his sister''s wedding because in their minds thats the role of the bride''s family. She even made a comment that its my/my family''s job to pay for the wedding and everything (which I am fine with). But it makes this whole shower thing a little more uncomfortable for me.
I am probably just over thinking it. I haven''t been finding myself more emotional lately but I have been finding that all this wedding/new family stuff makes me more obsessive. It is just the way that it was expressed to me that makes me weary. kind of a "Your mom made my mom promise this so figure out what you want us to do and we will do it" kind of a way.
Okay my proposed solution (after that long and probably way too much information introduction)
Would it be too weird to ask that, in leiu of a shower, she throw a Jack and Jill. That way FI will be there and it wont be so akward inviting people because they are all close friends/family of FI? And it will take the focus off me and put it on us as a couple instead
I kind of want to avoid a confrontation with my own mother about it because she is so sensative to how i react to her that she will probably think that i am mad at her and dont want her in my life or talking to people who will be in my life and she will get all worked up (I am really not exaggerating). How do I sell her on the Jack and Jill thing without making it seem like I hate her idea of a shower? Ive tried before to get her to understand that certain things just "aren''t my cup of tea" but she usually ends up hurt and upset. I am thinking of telling her that FI really wants an engagement party/shower that he can be involved with (which is true) and it just makes more sense to combine.
Anyway sorry for all the rambling. I am just going to stop the post now! Just wanted to get some things out of my head!
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