moving in....how soon is too soon?

[thatsthegirl212]

So my bf asked me to move in with him and I, of course, assumed he''d want to wait until the end of my lease which is in November but last night he comes over and asks to see my lease and starts examining it for ''loop holes'' to see if I can get out of it and then stating if it can''t be done considering paying out the remainder of the lease... Does that seem at bit crazy?? I''d like to know what the rush is so I ask him and he gets mad thinking I don''t really care as much as him, so now I''m wondering what is the hurry? Granted, he''s the type that moveson things quickly and doesn''t like to wait around (which is good in his professional life but at home?). I told him of course I wanted it to happen but I''m not comfortable with him spending so much money just so I can move in with him now, he said if he had his choice I''d already be in with him but I''m thinking give me time! Is this crazy or is it just me?

 

[FrekeChild]

Maybe he wants to get engaged sooner?

 

[misskitty]

You''re not crazy. Do what feels comfortable to you -- if it''s waiting out the lease, or moving in after you''re engaged, or whatever, then your bf should be patient and accept that. If you feel okay with moving in now, great.

Moving in is a pretty big step, and it can be stressful at times. If you''re not ready to cancel on the lease, just let him know that it''s not that you care any less than him, but that you prefer to make this transition on your own time. You''ll have the rest of your lives to spend together, so rushing to cancel or pay out a lease isn''t necessarily an urgent step.

 

[thatsthegirl212]

Frekechild, I don''t know, maybe? Maybe not? I know he''s thinking of it but I don''t think anytime soon, we haven''t been dating a year yet and even though we''re both older (we''re in our mid 30s) I would rather know this is it and not go through moving in with someone only to find out a year or so later that he''s not the one (been there already).

Misskitty, you are right in that it is better to go with what I feel comfortable with, I''m thinking that I''m just alittle overwhelmed as of late. I know he loves me and is an amazing guy, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him but it''s a bit scary to hope so much...

 

[Indylady]

Would you mind living together without being engaged?

 

[FrekeChild]

Hmmm...Well I lived with an ex after just a couple of months, and then I moved in with FI officially after being together 9 months, unofficially after only about 4.

The first time it was more of a "I want to get out of my parent''s house" kind of thing, and with FI it was more of a "I''m pretty sure we''re going to spend the rest of our lives together, lets move in together, and find out what happens after that."

If you don''t feel comfortable with it, don''t do it. I think it''s kind of cute that he wishes you already lived together though.

 

[lucyandroger]

If you''re not comfortable, don''t do it...no matter how long you''ve been together. You do have to be prepared to explain your feelings to your BF though.

 

[*Danielle*]

Me and my SO moved in together after about 8 months (officially) but I was there all the time anyway.

You need to do what you think is right. Make sure you have a clear conversation and set guidelines you are comfortable with.

 

[purelily]

I dont think there really is a "too soon". I think it really depends on the couple. I moved in with my SO (unofficially) after 4 months. The decision was made because I decided that I would take the bar in the state that he lived in rather than the state I was in and the course was in his state. So, I came up, studied and pretty much never left We still look back at that decision and think this was the best decision for the two of us.


How do you feel about moving in with him? If you are uncomfortable with the idea then maybe you need more time? although it is cute that he wishes that you lived with him already, I am sensing in your post a sense of reservedness. Am I right? If this is true, maybe its too soon?

I could be totally wrong and off the wall as I do not know the circumstances, but whatever you decide, I''m sure, will be the best decision for you

 

[LilyKat]

I don''t think there is a set timeframe that is the same for everyone. However, I do think that moving in together is a HUGE decision, on a par with engagement. You will be sharing a legal commitment with him (the lease), as well as combining your lives in a very serious way, both practically and emotionally.

From your post, I would say it is too soon, simply because you are expressing doubts. What is the huge hurry for him? November is really not that far away. I don''t know if you were just using an expression when you said he got mad, but I really don''t think he has any right to be annoyed or upset that you want to take a bit more time before taking a major step in your relationship and life. Stick to what YOU want.

 

[Callisto]

I agree with everyone else about doing what feels right for you. Have you considered getting a subleasor?

 

[KimberlyH]

It's too soon if you haven't had a clear conversation about your hopes, dream, desires for the future as individuals and as a couple, and come to some sort of clarity regarding your expectations of one another.

I wouldn't be comfortable with my partner paying off my lease, but I might look into alternatives such as subleting. I would be bothered by his reaction though, in thinking your being pragmantic is a statement that you care less about moving forward than he does.

 

[vip0802]

i'm going to echo what everyone else is saying. you're not crazy and you should do what you're comfortable with. every couple is different and works on their own timeline, so if feel that you're not ready, you should just tell your BF that. he may be bummed out about it, but he should respect your decision whatever it may be.

 

[lulu66]

i agree, if you feel uncomfortable with it, don''t do it. just have a honest conversation with bf about why you think you should finish your lease.

as for my situation, we started dating in oct ''06 and moved in together in may ''08 and have really enjoyed living together. my lease was up & all my roommates were going their separate ways; so the choice was to move in together (to his house) or find new roommates or pay to live on my own (either of the latter two i would be at his house all the time anyway). so we discussed it & decided that i''d move into his house (which he owns). i told him when we were discussing it, he better be sure b/c once i moved in i had no plans of ever moving out!