prncessang228
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2007
- Messages
- 22
hi all
it''s been a while since i''ve posted on here and i''m STILL waiting (sigh).
i''ve been with my bf on and off for almost 3 years now (will be 3 in Feb). we''ve had major setbacks in the past but the last one i have to honestly say was about a year and a half ago (we''ve fought since then but nothing too major).
I have PMDD and have only been dealing with it for the past 6 months. it''s gotten much better since i''ve been seeing a counselor and taking meds. the symptoms are virtually gone (i still get a little moody but don''t all of us women around that time). This was hard for my bf to handle but he managed somehow (took lots of personal space).
we''ve been seeing a counselor for the past 3 weeks now (had 2 sessions so far) and this last one was really good. in the first session, I discussed how i was bothered by him sending me back to my apt (i usually stay at his home unless it''s my turn to have my 3 daughters i have joint custody of) b/c he wants "me time". it''s usually b/c i''ve given him a hard time about putting my things away when i leave his house or complains about my clothes smelling like my apartment (i live around smokers so my apt now smells like smoke-it''s awful). we also discussed me feeling like he''s dragging his heels with moving us forward. he told the counselor that he wants us to live together and eventually get married but he wants us to be on the same page (not bickering over small things) before that can happen. upon ending that session, the counselor told him no more "me time" for more than a few hours. he can also us the time that i''m not there to do the things he wanted his space for. he agreed. she also advised me to let go of the little things we were arguing about-i said i would. she also asked him if we could stop the aruing, what the next step in our relationshiop would be-he said to have the kids spend more time at his house (they come over about once a week right now). he suggested a few times a week.
we had our second session on friday (2 weeks after the first one) and we''ve been getting along wonderfully. my bf flew to Chicago over the weekend of the 28th and the kids and I stayed at his house. he also carved pumpkins and spent 2 hours trick or treating with me and the kids. there was no arguing and we''ve had alot of fun together. this past friday is our normal day to spend together w/out the kids since they are at their dad''s house. i had to pick them up from school which is not usually the case but their dad had to work late and asked me to pick the kids up and take them to the babysitters for him. my bf suggested that we could watch the kids instead b/c he didnt feel right dropping them off at a babysitters house when they could stay with us-i thought it was so sweet and showed me that he cared for my kids a great deal. i told the counselor this and she thought it was an excellent step forward. she suggested to my bf that he try making me his top priority instead of himself (he''d been living alone for 6 years before he started dating me so he had only himself to think about). she told him it would be a big adjustment but she thought it would help move the relationship forward alot and ease some of my fears and stress. he agreed to do it but told me it might take some time which i was ok with and understood. the counselor then suggested that the kids start spending the night w/me at his house-she asked when that could happen. i told him it was totally up to him b/c i didnt want to push-he said this coming Friday would work best since the kids won''t have school. I agreed. I do worry a little bit that he might try to back out of it as the day gets closer but I also feel that it would be ok if he truly didn''t feel ready for it.
when we were leaving the counselor''s appointment, my bf commented on how nice the houses in the area were and suggested we look around for a sign to call and see how much they were selling for. we found a random one on a corner lot that was really pretty. We were both stunned at how reasonable the house was-it was twice the size of my bf''s house now and way less than we expected. we talked a bit about it over lunch-mostly about what we would do w/his now house since the market is so sluggish and selling might not be the best option-keeping it as a rental seemed better.He also mentioned that he would love to have a basement since he''s from IL and misses them (and would also like to have a hiding place if the kids get to be too much) last nite, i was telling a co-worker about the house and decided to try and find it online. i did and was shocked-it was SO pretty, had wood floors just like my bf''s house, the backyard was huge, and it had a basement!!! i was totally excited-we hadn''t seen the inside of the house yet. i called my bf and told him and he asked me to email him the link so he could see. he emailed me back later saying it looked really nice and that me,him, my kids,his sister and her husband (who used to be a realtor) should all go look at it this coming saturday. i didn''t know what to think. in our counseling session he seemed so leery about moving in together so soon just b/c he''s never lived with kids he''s had to help raise and stressed to me it might take some time and now he wants to go look at a bigger house?!! i worry though that if he really did want the house, it would be something i would be helping him move into now and me and the kids would follow later which would really hurt my feelings (but i know he knows this).
is this the direction we should be heading in? or is this just something he''s doing to try and make me happy? i''ve warned him before about getting my hopes up and then not following through (he''s been dropping proposal hints for about a year now and still no ring).
i know that the end goal in his mind if for us to truly get married and live together as a family but at his pace. the house is a huge step and a good one (but only if we move into together). should i praise him on this or just wait to see what happens? i know that he''s not just stringing me along b/c he wouldn''t be going to the counselor with me.
thanks in advance for any advise!!
angie
it''s been a while since i''ve posted on here and i''m STILL waiting (sigh).
i''ve been with my bf on and off for almost 3 years now (will be 3 in Feb). we''ve had major setbacks in the past but the last one i have to honestly say was about a year and a half ago (we''ve fought since then but nothing too major).
I have PMDD and have only been dealing with it for the past 6 months. it''s gotten much better since i''ve been seeing a counselor and taking meds. the symptoms are virtually gone (i still get a little moody but don''t all of us women around that time). This was hard for my bf to handle but he managed somehow (took lots of personal space).
we''ve been seeing a counselor for the past 3 weeks now (had 2 sessions so far) and this last one was really good. in the first session, I discussed how i was bothered by him sending me back to my apt (i usually stay at his home unless it''s my turn to have my 3 daughters i have joint custody of) b/c he wants "me time". it''s usually b/c i''ve given him a hard time about putting my things away when i leave his house or complains about my clothes smelling like my apartment (i live around smokers so my apt now smells like smoke-it''s awful). we also discussed me feeling like he''s dragging his heels with moving us forward. he told the counselor that he wants us to live together and eventually get married but he wants us to be on the same page (not bickering over small things) before that can happen. upon ending that session, the counselor told him no more "me time" for more than a few hours. he can also us the time that i''m not there to do the things he wanted his space for. he agreed. she also advised me to let go of the little things we were arguing about-i said i would. she also asked him if we could stop the aruing, what the next step in our relationshiop would be-he said to have the kids spend more time at his house (they come over about once a week right now). he suggested a few times a week.
we had our second session on friday (2 weeks after the first one) and we''ve been getting along wonderfully. my bf flew to Chicago over the weekend of the 28th and the kids and I stayed at his house. he also carved pumpkins and spent 2 hours trick or treating with me and the kids. there was no arguing and we''ve had alot of fun together. this past friday is our normal day to spend together w/out the kids since they are at their dad''s house. i had to pick them up from school which is not usually the case but their dad had to work late and asked me to pick the kids up and take them to the babysitters for him. my bf suggested that we could watch the kids instead b/c he didnt feel right dropping them off at a babysitters house when they could stay with us-i thought it was so sweet and showed me that he cared for my kids a great deal. i told the counselor this and she thought it was an excellent step forward. she suggested to my bf that he try making me his top priority instead of himself (he''d been living alone for 6 years before he started dating me so he had only himself to think about). she told him it would be a big adjustment but she thought it would help move the relationship forward alot and ease some of my fears and stress. he agreed to do it but told me it might take some time which i was ok with and understood. the counselor then suggested that the kids start spending the night w/me at his house-she asked when that could happen. i told him it was totally up to him b/c i didnt want to push-he said this coming Friday would work best since the kids won''t have school. I agreed. I do worry a little bit that he might try to back out of it as the day gets closer but I also feel that it would be ok if he truly didn''t feel ready for it.
when we were leaving the counselor''s appointment, my bf commented on how nice the houses in the area were and suggested we look around for a sign to call and see how much they were selling for. we found a random one on a corner lot that was really pretty. We were both stunned at how reasonable the house was-it was twice the size of my bf''s house now and way less than we expected. we talked a bit about it over lunch-mostly about what we would do w/his now house since the market is so sluggish and selling might not be the best option-keeping it as a rental seemed better.He also mentioned that he would love to have a basement since he''s from IL and misses them (and would also like to have a hiding place if the kids get to be too much) last nite, i was telling a co-worker about the house and decided to try and find it online. i did and was shocked-it was SO pretty, had wood floors just like my bf''s house, the backyard was huge, and it had a basement!!! i was totally excited-we hadn''t seen the inside of the house yet. i called my bf and told him and he asked me to email him the link so he could see. he emailed me back later saying it looked really nice and that me,him, my kids,his sister and her husband (who used to be a realtor) should all go look at it this coming saturday. i didn''t know what to think. in our counseling session he seemed so leery about moving in together so soon just b/c he''s never lived with kids he''s had to help raise and stressed to me it might take some time and now he wants to go look at a bigger house?!! i worry though that if he really did want the house, it would be something i would be helping him move into now and me and the kids would follow later which would really hurt my feelings (but i know he knows this).
is this the direction we should be heading in? or is this just something he''s doing to try and make me happy? i''ve warned him before about getting my hopes up and then not following through (he''s been dropping proposal hints for about a year now and still no ring).
i know that the end goal in his mind if for us to truly get married and live together as a family but at his pace. the house is a huge step and a good one (but only if we move into together). should i praise him on this or just wait to see what happens? i know that he''s not just stringing me along b/c he wouldn''t be going to the counselor with me.
thanks in advance for any advise!!
angie
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