Moving in together (aka I got a job in his city!)

[absolut_blonde]

So... I went on a job interview last week in SO''s city. Similar job to what I do now, same job title, slightly different details (I handle residential homes presently and this would be non-residential). I wrote an excruciating 3 hr test and then had a lovely interview with 2 of the women who worked there. I was fairly certain that they liked me, but was afraid that my lack of direct experience would''ve done me in and I wasn''t sure how I did on the test for that reason.

A week passed and today I started to think they''d gone with someone else. Wrongo. They just left me a message saying that, basically, I have it if I want it.

I''m SCARED! Is this normal? I''m really excited but I''m freaking out too! It''s such a big step. I''ve never lived with anyone before! Eeeee. I know he''s ''the one'' but I''m going to miss my city. (And my parents-- I''m 24 and still at home due to the ridiculous cost of living here).

 

[that_someone_special]

Aw congrats!

I''m 24 and at home too, but am a little nervous to move iin with my BF this fall.. I think I will miss my quiet suburb life.. but moving to uptown will be fun too

you are definately not alone!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/9/2008 8:39:11 PM
Author: that_someone_special
Aw congrats!

I''m 24 and at home too, but am a little nervous to move iin with my BF this fall.. I think I will miss my quiet suburb life.. but moving to uptown will be fun too

you are definately not alone!

Glad to see I''m not the only one who''s a bit nervous! I know I will love living with him, it''s just a big step for me. I''ve never wanted to live with more than one SO in my lifetime and he knows this. So this is like, the next step til we get engaged.

I talked to the woman from the job today (she is super cool and left her home number for me). It''s finally starting to sink in... yesterday I was more in shock, because I figured they were going to go with someone else.

I started looking at houses/condos/townhomes in his city today. We''ve been looking for awhile but knowing we''ll be buying something soon is super exciting.

 

[Octavia]

Congratulations on your new job!! That's very exciting.

I think it's normal to be nervous about moving in together. My FI and I have practically been living together for a year now, but I'm still a little scared about letting the lease expire on my old apartment. I think that pretty much anyone here would advise you, though, that you should talk seriously with your BF about plans for the future before moving in together (if you haven't already). That way, you don't go into it expecting that the engagement will come within 6 months or a year or whatever, while he expects that as long as you're already living together he can take his own sweet time. If you aren't on the same page now, it won't magically happen just because you're under the same roof.

Also, people don't talk about this too much here, but it might be good to draft a cohabitation agreement detailing who is responsible for what, and what will happen if one of you ever moves out. It doesn't have to be crazy in depth, but if you both sign it and have it witnessed, it's good protection for each of you in the event something unfortunate happens (which hopefully you'll never need, but I think women tend not to protect themselves adequately in this regard, so I'm a huge advocate for agreeing in advance, while things are good). And if you're going to buy something together, please please consult a lawyer or someone super-knowledgeable about non-marital joint real estate transactions. Just looking out for you

Anyway, good luck on both of these huge steps in your life! I hope everything works out wonderfully!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/10/2008 6:48:09 PM
Author: Octavia
Congratulations on your new job!! That''s very exciting.

I think it''s normal to be nervous about moving in together. My FI and I have practically been living together for a year now, but I''m still a little scared about letting the lease expire on my old apartment. I think that pretty much anyone here would advise you, though, that you should talk seriously with your BF about plans for the future before moving in together (if you haven''t already). That way, you don''t go into it expecting that the engagement will come within 6 months or a year or whatever, while he expects that as long as you''re already living together he can take his own sweet time. If you aren''t on the same page now, it won''t magically happen just because you''re under the same roof.

Also, people don''t talk about this too much here, but it might be good to draft a cohabitation agreement detailing who is responsible for what, and what will happen if one of you ever moves out. It doesn''t have to be crazy in depth, but if you both sign it and have it witnessed, it''s good protection for each of you in the event something unfortunate happens (which hopefully you''ll never need, but I think women tend not to protect themselves adequately in this regard, so I''m a huge advocate for agreeing in advance, while things are good). And if you''re going to buy something together, please please consult a lawyer or someone super-knowledgeable about non-marital joint real estate transactions. Just looking out for you

Anyway, good luck on both of these huge steps in your life! I hope everything works out wonderfully!

Oh, we''ll definitely be doing up a contract of some sort if we buy together. The other option is to put the title and such in my name. If we were to break up, I am fortunate in that my parents could and would help me out til I was able to sell the place or find a roommate. I''m not sure which route we''ll go. Depends how much each of us has to put down, it''s all still so up in the air!

We are on the same page now, I think. We''ve found a middle ground as far as a timeline and all of that goes. Of course, I''d still love to be surprised earlier...

But we understand where we''re both coming from and I think it will work out. I''m just so damn excited to be in the same city as him permanently! Finally! We''ll have endured about a year of LDR when all is said and done. I know some do even longer than that but I''m going crazy... LOL

 

[Octavia]

It sounds like both you and your BF have really thought things through, which is fantastic! Excitement is such a good feeling, I hope you enjoy every last second of it.

 

[monarch64]

I won''t get into legalities or whatever...I will just remark on the feelings that go into moving in together instead!

I moved in with DH when I was 24, he was 31. I had only ever had female roommates before so I was of course a little freaked out at the thought of living with a guy, especially one I knew was the man I would end up marrying! It was scary, but also comforting in a strange way. I knew I was saying goodbye to my single life and saying hello to my sort of married life, whether we had taken vows or not. And THAT was strange! There was some grief involved on my part, more than his, I hadn''t realized that this step would mean I had to make certain sacrifices, such as no longer being available to go out at midnight without consulting my now DH...that caused some hmm shall we say "spats" in the beginning? Then there were disputes over whose furniture went, whose stayed, etc. Really no big deal as his stuff could be mostly labeled as "crap" that he''d collected haphazardly from various sources over the years, whereas mine had been given to me as "hope chest items" from high school graduation on...

I am getting way off track. AB, things will be fine. You and your FI will work things out and hopefully find a peaceful way to live together like every other couple does. Consult PS whenever you have disputes for feedback! I know it''s a frightening propspect to just move in with someone. Of course you''re feeling freaked out about it! Do you parents know that you''re moving in with BF? Mine didn''t at first...well, my mom did, but my dad didn''t. I don''t think my dad knew until we got engaged about 8 months after we moved in together!

I am just typing out loud here....but you will be fine. I wish you and your BF the best of luck. Take care of yourself, take care of him, make sure he takes care of you...and things will work out!

 

[LaraOnline]

If you genuinely plan on getting married, it''ll be a great experience for you, that, when married, you will look back on in the years to come with pleasure.
If you don''t end up married, the actual living together will probably still be pretty cruisy... it''s only moving out (and, according to the stats) getting it together with another guy later on that can be influenced in a negative way.

 

[gwendolyn]

That is so exciting (and yes, a little scary)! I think it''s going to be great--just remember that it''ll probably take a couple of months to settle into a new routine as you figure out who will do what chores and stuff--I''ve heard that couples sometimes are a bit stressed at first and can bicker more often than normal. But it''s only temporary! It''s just until you get used to your new situation and figure out how everything works. I hope to be moving in with my honey in a couple of months, and I feel excited and a little scared too! But I think it''ll work out great for both you and me.