My cat hates me...

[sap483]

I''m convinced that my 7 month old kitten Theo hates me. He without a doubt loves my FI but he could really do without me, even though I''m the one that feeds him, takes him to the vet when he''s sick, cleans his litter box, etc. The cat refuses to sit on my lap, even though he''ll gladly curl up on FI''s lap or even our friend''s/family members'' laps when they come for a visit. He won''t even sit on the same piece of furniture as me. With FI, he''ll curl up with him and cuddle in bed every morning. With me, he won''t even let me hold him for more than 30 seconds. I''m not sure what I''ve done to make my cate hate me,my only thoughts are that FI lets him do whatever he wants and I stop him from climbing on the counters and scratching the furniture. Could that be making him dislike me? It''s starting to make me sad and FI thinks I''m crazy.... Please help!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 3/25/2008 10:45:15 AM
Author:sap483
I'm convinced that my 7 month old kitten Theo hates me. He without a doubt loves my FI but he could really do without me, even though I'm the one that feeds him, takes him to the vet when he's sick, cleans his litter box, etc. The cat refuses to sit on my lap, even though he'll gladly curl up on FI's lap or even our friend's/family members' laps when they come for a visit. He won't even sit on the same piece of furniture as me. With FI, he'll curl up with him and cuddle in bed every morning. With me, he won't even let me hold him for more than 30 seconds. I'm not sure what I've done to make my cate hate me,my only thoughts are that FI lets him do whatever he wants and I stop him from climbing on the counters and scratching the furniture. Could that be making him dislike me? It's starting to make me sad and FI thinks I'm crazy.... Please help!

Cats are funny creatures! Sometimes they respond to less energy, rather than more from their Mums and Dads, so try ' ignoring' him for a while and see if that turns things around. He might then seek you out for attention. If he does, try to keep the energy low by sitting quietly and gently fussing him, then back off and leave him wanting more. I am sure he doesn't hate you, keep trying different things to see what works, but try this first. He is young yet, he might grow out of this and calm down to be a complete love bug, so don't give up! I have had kittens which have treated me with sheer disdain before, much to my misery, but once they grew up a bit, they were completely different!

One of mine really seemed to hate me for a couple of years, he cried and reared back whenever I touched him!

I was so hurt, I had never had a cat do this before!! All he was interested in was dry nursing one of the other cats! But in time, once he was older, he began to seek me out, and now he is pretty much Mummy's cat, he still won't settle on me much, but he loves to be with me!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Ditto Lorelei - it made me so heartbroken as a kid that the kittens my mom got for me seemed to like her better than me, but I realized as I grew up that it was partly because she was less focused on them and also generally more quiet and less energetic. My DH had the same frustration when we got our current cats.

I think that a combination of trying not to pay TOO much attention to the cat, and also being super-aware to make sure that as many of your movements and noises as possible are quiet and gentle around them should help.

Also remember that most kitties do settle as they get older. I''ve found personally (and from talking to other owners and even kitty behaviorists) that 6 months to a year or even a year and a a half are often the crazy times for kitties when they are less affectionate and more rambunctious, but they almost always settle down and become more loving and affectionate and calm after that age.

 

[Erin]

Me and my ex had a dog. About the time he was three we got a cat. I always restrained the dog from playing too rough with the kitty so the ex always held the kitty to protect him. If that''s my best explanation it''s also all I can come up with.

I accepted the fact that the cat didn''t care much for me and we became a polarized family. The dog was Mine and the cat was his. I started ignoring the cat because it peeved me that I was meaningless to him even though I always fed him, changed his box, fed him treats. He couldn''t have cared less about me.

On the rare occassion when he wasn''t around for a while, I played second fiddle just because he was lonely but it never did change.

I would say, because I harbored resentment for the cat in some way he reciprocated the aloof behavior. It never encouraged him to be around me more.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/25/2008 11:19:19 AM
Author: Starset Princess
Me and my ex had a dog. About the time he was three we got a cat. I always restrained the dog from playing too rough with the kitty so the ex always held the kitty to protect him. If that''s my best explanation it''s also all I can come up with.


I accepted the fact that the cat didn''t care much for me and we became a polarized family. The dog was Mine and the cat was his. I started ignoring the cat because it peeved me that I was meaningless to him even though I always fed him, changed his box, fed him treats. He couldn''t have cared less about me.


On the rare occassion when he wasn''t around for a while, I played second fiddle just because he was lonely but it never did change.


I would say, because I harbored resentment for the cat in some way he reciprocated the aloof behavior. It never encouraged him to be around me more.

Starset - I wouldn''t be surprised if the cat picked up on your resentment and/or negative feelings towards him/her. The behaviorists I''ve talked to at the shelter where I volunteer said cats are surprisingly sensitive to stuff like that.

I''m sorry it was such an adversarial relationship.

Of course, dogs are generally more accepting and more easy-going and less high strung than cats as a rule, but I truly believe (and its been my experience) that if you have patience and an understanding of their behavior, its possible to forge a good relationship with almost any member of either species.

 

[CaptAubrey]

As Lorelei said, cats are funny. I''ve owned a number of them in my life, and every single one "bonded" with one person as a kitten and thereafter preferred to spend most of its time with that person--that was its favorite lap, its favorite spot in bed at night, etc.

Unlike dogs, cats don''t seem to give a d**n who feeds them or cleans the catbox. Their minds get made up, and that''s that.

 

[niceice]

We''ve always had cats and it seems like they are naturally attracted to whoever seems to have the least interest in them. In fact, more often than not, they will walk up to the one person in the room who hates cats and start rubbing all over that persons legs... We have one cat who is skiddish and will bolt out of the room at the slightest noise, seems to be afraid of adults (not known to her) and completely disinterested in people most of the time, but who will run up to small children and follow them around the house with great intent, allow them to drag her around like a rag doll, etc.

 

[JoangA]

Our cat doesn''t like me much either, but is much better with hubby. He actually scratches and bites me! We just ignore each other.

Question, How are you correcting him when he scratches furniture or climbs on the counter? That may be scaring him, and giving him mixed messages. I try to create an environment they will cooperate in. If you put sticky tape on the counter, and the area they scratch, they will stop. Cats don''t like touching thing sticky. I bought clear, double sided wide tape at the art supply store, didn''t show much on the furniture, it worked great. Then after they get the habit of scratching on their post, you can remove the tape. Same with the counter, when they jump up and it''s all sticky they stop, I just waded up packing tape. Then your not the bad guy!

Just a thought..

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I have raised orphan kittens and one thing might be your scent. There are certian perfumes and deoderants cats love and they hate. Odin is my cat but he LOVES my FI''s deoderant. One thing is to take a shirt your FI has recently worn and wear it around when FI isn''t there. This is clearly a scent he feels safe with and he may find you more approchable with it. If you do give him treats, give them to him from your lap so you smell like it.

Is he fixed? My male only liked me until he was fixed. Once that was done, he became less territorial and more open to my FI.

Another thing is grabing the scruff of the neck, lifting it and rubbing it. NEVER lift a cat this way or they will choke, but when they are on your lap it helps. When a mother cat carries her kittens that way, it releases endorphins into their system so they don''t make a fuss about being moved. It continues to do so throughout their life, but not as strongly, so he will associate you with happy feelings if you do it when he is calm.

As for scratching, the best thing I have found are cardboard ramp scratching posts. They are corrigated cardboard and you put catnip in the holes. My parents tried everything and their 3 cats love it, so do both of mine.

Good luck, he really doesn''t hate you.

 

[Gypsy]

Strange. Hally prefered her Daddy to me. Until I watched John carefully, figured out that she likes much softer petting than the other two cats, started petting her softly, and she started sticking to me like glue.


No other advice than to compare how you treat and touch the cat to how he does and BIG HUGS!!

 

[Lorelei]

Just had a thought....Is he a pedigree like a Siamese or Persian etc?

 

[LegacyGirl]

Did the cat go to the bathroom on your pillow yet? That''s when you know a cat truly hates you. (my bosses cat did this to him) LOL.

 

[sap483]

Lorelei- I hope the same thing happens to me to! Here's the thing though, I am generally much more quieter around the cat. FI comes home and is running around all over the house with the cat. (It's quite the sight btw, FI is 6'5" and to see him rolling around all over the floor with this tiny kitty is priceless.) The cat loves it when FI showers him with attention and plays rough. So I thought maybe that was the problem and so I tried to act like FI. Well the cat just looked at me like I was crazy. I've never had a cat before, so I'm really not used to this. I'll try ignoring him- my fear though is that he'll think I don't like him and ignore me even more. He's not a purebreed- just a gray tuxedo kitty that we adopted from the shelter. Btw I'm sorry you had to go through this too. As I mentioned before, FI thinks I'm getting upset for no reason, but it hurts when the cat is affectionate with everyone but me!

AmberGretchen- That's a good thought. I'll make sure that I don't do anything to scare the cat. I have to say though, our cat has no fears. Unlike other cats that belong to some of our friends, noises don't bother him very much. Perhaps he just doesn't show it though!

Starset- Yes exactly. That's my fear if I start to ignore him. I don't want him thinking that I dislike him. I have to admit too that I keep mentioning to FI that if I had a dog it wouldn't do this. I've always been a dog person and FI has been a cat person. I really do love the kitty now, which surprised me as I've never been fond of cats.

CaptAubrey- I hope it's not too late!

NiceIce- It seems like ignoring the cat has worked for many of you on here. I'll give it a shot.

JoanQa- I normally tell him no and remove him from the counter or move him from the furniture. I've tried the sticky paws strips and the only place they've sort of worked is in the plants. While he no longer digs in the dirt, now he just knocks the entire plant over or tries to eat the leaves. Maybe I'll try some regular double sided tape on the furniture. He does have a scratching post downstairs which he uses, but FI and I are thinking maybe we should get him another one in the living room. Thanks for the suggestion!

BrazenIrishHussy- Wow I never thought I might be putting him off with my perfume, etc. I will definitely try to wear one of FI's shirts and see if he responds differently. I will try rubbing his scruff too when he's laying down. As for the cardboard ramp scratching posts- he does have one that he likes. He also likes the furniture!! I will try getting a second one for him upstairs. Oh, and interestingly enough my cat is not attracted to catnip, is that abnormal?

Gypsy- FI typically plays rough with him but I've never paid attention to how he pets him during quiet time. I'll play closer attention next time. Thanks for the hug

LegacyGirl- He threw up on my pillow, does that count?

 

[Hera]

He may be associating you with the negative situations like taking him to the vet, scolding and disciplining him. I think it''s time your FI takes over those duties!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Re: the catnip, most cats won''t respond to it until they are at least 6 months old, sometimes later. And it takes a while for the full sensitivity to it to develop. I''m convinced to that some cats take way longer than that - we have one who is going to be 2 years old in July, and its only in the last couple of months that he has really started going on for catnip. But now he does...with a vengeance LOL

 

[Pandora II]

Peanut butter and salt and vinegar crisps make you any of my cats'' best friend.

Try putting some on your finger for him to lick off (watch you don''t get bitten by mistake).

 

[Gypsy]

Take a bath in tuna.

Sorry. Couldn''t resist. I am very sorrry that the cat avoids you. It would REALLY hurt me too.

 

[nebe]

My Sneaky McGhee, whom I've had 10 years now, loves me but she will NOT let me hold her. P, who she's known 2 years, can hold her all he wants. And if we're sitting on different couches, she sits with him! Of all the nerve!

Of course I'm the one who pays her vet bills, buys her food, cleans her litterboxes and invests hundred in toys she won't touch (give her shoelace...) and still I get no respect! Man that little bugger...

No really, cats are just funny about who can do what with them. There's not much you can do. Although you could try holding him while you give him a special kitty treat that FI isn't allowed to touch. Eventually he may warm up to you? Try wearing FI's deodorant? hehehe...

 

[princesss]

Oh no, you guys are scaring me. I want to get a cat in the next year or so, and now I''m terrified it''ll hate me.

 

[Haven]

Aww sap, I feel for you honey, that can't feel good.

I think cats choose their people, and once they make a choice they stick to it. I have no idea why they choose, or how to change it, but I can say that my cats avoid anyone who tries too hard to get their affection. I also think they can pick up on whatever energy your sending out, so if you approach him thinking he's going to hate you, he might just pick up on that.

I had to put my cat Mazi down on Saturday,

she was my little lady from the first day we took her home. She was six-weeks-old, I was ten-years-old when we adopted Mazi and her sister Bootsie. Bootsie immediately took to my father, and Mazi took to me. She slept in my bed on my chest that very first night and every single night after for the last seventeen years. She followed me around the house and "talked" to me every morning as I got ready (paced back and forth on the bathroom vanity mewing the entire time.) She was my cat. She lived on my bed, she never left my bedroom, and she really didn't care at all for anyone else except my FI. (It took an entire year, but she learned to love my FI.) There's no explaining it, but I can tell you that when you DO find a kitty and you bond with him or her, it will feel like the greatest thing in the world. I miss my Mazi so much, I can't even explain it. I'm sure you'll have that companionship with a furbaby one day, it just may not be Theo.

ETA: There are also some cats that are absolute equal-opportunity cuddlers. My little Bootsie is sitting on my lap right now as I type this, and if anyone else was here, she'd probably end up on them at some point in the night, too. She'll crawl into any warm lap, any time. Even if it belongs to my 95 pound labrador!

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m so sorry Haven! It''s not easy to lose a loved one.

Sap, I''m also sorry that you feel that way. Cats are a strange breed, aren''t they? If it makes you fee any better, know you''re not alone. I''ve just caught up reading others'' responses, and it''s good to know others have this same issue. My FI has always said that our male cat doesn''t like him and I honestly think his feelings are hurt. Now he seems happy that Henry tolerates him at least, which is a fairly new thing (and Henry is only a year and a half). Henry''s been closer to me and he will crawl on my hip if I''m lying down and he''ll go to sleep. He doesn''t do that with my FI, but he does let my FI pet him. Sometimes he''ll even sit right near my FI on the couch. Believe it or not, that''s progress. The only difference I can see in Henry is that when he was little he''d let me hold him, and he even loved to be held like a baby. He''d climb up my shoulder and bury his little face in my neck and fall asleep. It was the sweetest thing. Now, Henry will barely let me hold him and he doesn''t cuddle with me quite like he used to. I really miss that.

I forget if you''ve mentioned this already, but did Theo curl up with you when he was younger? The only thing I can think of is that maybe as kittens grow older, they gain more independence and they don''t like to be as affectionate. Kind of like kids. They grow out of that phase, sad as it might be.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 3/25/2008 7:55:38 PM
Author: princesss
Oh no, you guys are scaring me. I want to get a cat in the next year or so, and now I''m terrified it''ll hate me.

When you are choosing your cat, I suggest chosing an adult. From a good shelter or rescue that will let you spend alone time with the cat to see how it reacts to you.

Cats REALLY do pick their people, as long as you understand and respect that and are open to it... your perfect cat will pick you. You''ll see.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2008 2:58:16 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 3/25/2008 7:55:38 PM

Author: princesss

Oh no, you guys are scaring me. I want to get a cat in the next year or so, and now I''m terrified it''ll hate me.

When you are choosing your cat, I suggest chosing an adult. From a good shelter or rescue that will let you spend alone time with the cat to see how it reacts to you.


Cats REALLY do pick their people, as long as you understand and respect that and are open to it... your perfect cat will pick you. You''ll see.

Gypsy is absolutely right - if its something you are worried about, then an adult cat is a perfect choice - their personalities are already well-established, and any good rescue or shelter will be able to tell you A LOT about what that personality is. They should also be willing to let you spend lots of time with "candidate" kitties before making any final decisions, and they should also have a clause int he adoption contract that specifies that you bring the kitty back to them just in case things don''t work out. Don''t worry, your perfect kitty really will find you, and its truly an experience like no other - I can''t explain the bond in words, but its incredibly precious.

Haven, my heart goes out to you for your loss - I can only imagine how incredibly difficult that must have been for you.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Kitties can be fickle. My oldest, Tela, had a heck of a time adapting to my SO when we moved in together. Years later, she will go to him for affection on occasion even if I am sitting right there but definately prefers me to him. My kitten, Miyagi, wants absolutely nothing to do with my SO. We can''t figure out why. No matter what Miyagi just won''t go to him for affection and has even been known to squish himself inbetween my SO and I while making a whiney noise like he wants me all to himself.

When your kitten first came home did your FI spend more time playing with him or interacting wtih him? Sometimes the first few days home can really shape which person the kitty decides is "their" human. I wouldn''t fret about it...he''s still young. If you have patience and do not force him into being pet or held against his will, I am sure he will eventually come around.

You aren''t crazy for feeling upset. Not at all. Try and have some patience with the little guy...maybe if you stop worrying about it, he''ll drop his guard and you two can become good friends!

 

[Gypsy]

Oh Haven I just saw that you loved your beloved baby. I''m so sorry honey. My deepest condolences.

 

[Haven]

Thank you for your kind words, guys. I''m still a wreck, but I''ve been busying myself with projects all week and showering my other furbaby Bootsie with tons of love.

sap--I went to a Petsmart tonight to spend some time with the kitties waiting to be adopted and one of them was completely in love with me. They really do pick their people--maybe Theo needs a little brother or sister? If you frequent the shelters enough you''ll find a little guy who is all yours.

 

[Deelight]

haven sorry to hear about your kitty

Sap I have 2 cats and they are nothing like each other in anyway. They go through their stages in how much and how often they show affection.

Fatso (see avatar pic) He barley likes anyone he does like me and BF some of the time but he is a grumpy old man unless he is hungry then he wants to be your friend for food. He loves to be patted with a foot but up until couple of months ago was a strictly no pick up cat and would not sit on your lap at all (Reason I got a Persian was I wanted a lap cat :K). As he gets older he gets more and more affectionate that took almost 9 years though. He also loves to be patted rough the rougher the better.

My other cat who is younger has gone through stages of who is his favourite, I found him in my backyard abandoned by his mum at 3 wks old and so I hand raised him. When we first got him he was my boy through and through, after about a year he decided BF was the be all and end all of everything that is fantastic in a human and would always snuggle him, unless he was sick or hurt then he would sook to me. Now as he heads into his 3rd year he is starting to be my friend more and more.

Cats are finicky creatures and will prefer some people to others I don''t think your cat hates you he is just being a cat. Don''t worry to much they do get more and more affectionate the older they get and with more people and I find they tend to go through stages with who they like when and for how long.

 

[sap483]

Thanks for all of the kind words of advice everyone! I have some promising news. I'm out sick today and so when I noticed Theo quietly lying on the floor, I spent almost an hour this morning gently petting him. I talked to FI last night and asked him to tell me what his favorite spots were to be petted. Apparently my kitty loves to be petted on his head, on his ears and on his cheeks. The petting made him happy with me at least momentarily. He got up and sat down on my lap for a few minutes It was also pretty funny how big of a rush I got from that. It was as if I had just won a major proposal at work. So, it seems like I may be able to win him over if I'm just patient and continue to work at it. I'm not quite ready to consider him as a lost cause yet!

Haven- I'm so very sorry about your sweet kitty. > coming your way!

 

[Gypsy]

Oh that IS promising news!!! Hope things continue to improve. Sorry you aren''t feeling well!