My dilemma...

[anchor31]

As you are probably sick of me saying, my SO promised we would get engaged in 2006, and for various reasons, I am 90% sure he will do it for our anniversary in August, or maybe sooner in the summer depending on when we go on our little anniversary holiday. I''m really excited and started to look for my dream ring and send him pics and quotes.

Unfortunately, I learned last week that two days after he made that promise to propose to me, he lost his job. He was feeling crappy about this for the first few days and I was very supportive, so he seems better at the moment, but I don''t want to bring up the ring subject before things get better because I don''t want to seem insensitive to his financial situation.

However, since last week I found THE ring I really want and I am getting quotes. I''m hesitant to talk to him about it even if it''s not that much expensive (945$US at Whiteflash) because it''s still a lot of money for someone jobless... On the other hand, since I''ve showed him other things I like, I''m a bit worried that he might go for the ones I showed before (which I would still love, but it''s not quite IT, ya know?

) and/or get ripped off for a piece of junk (mall jewelers...

) in the mean time.

Bottom line: I''m not quite sure what to do. I''m probably worrying for nothing, but there''s no way to know what he''s really planning, so... And I''m sure you show what it feels like once you''ve found THE one!!

Any advice?

 

[SoonIHope]

Oh, anchor, I''m sorry to hear that! Best of luck to him finding something else soon!!

As for the ring, I would say that since you have previously sent him pictures etc, it makes sense for you to go ahead and give it to him. Just say he can file it away as your favorite for whenever the time comes, since you know he has a loooong time before he has to buy it. Emphasize that you know it''s not coming any time soon (maybe don''t even mention the summer/August guess) but you wanted to give him the info before you misplaced it (hehe as if you would do that). Then you rest easier knowing he has it, and if he DOES decide to surprise you earlier than expected, he''ll have all the info!

Good luck to you both!!

 

[caligal]

Anchor- my boyfriend and I just talked last night about what we would do if one of us lost our job- so sorry to hear it has happened to your guy. I agree with Albi- slide the picture to him entitled, "for when it is time." That way he doesn''t go out and get something else, cause he may have the money saved now, or could come from tax return. Has he filed for unemployment? Hey it''s there to help you out for times like these!

 

[SeattleSparkle]

Oh my gosh!! You just reminded me about the tax return!! I totally forgot about that. So .... I''ve been wondering why my bf has been all of a sudden interested in rings for me. Where was this money going to come from? He''s currently a law student, so not making any money ...yet. However, he did have a job this summer that paid really well but he''s always complaining about how much they took in TAXES! Because that job was only for the summer and hasn''t worked this year outside of that, he''ll get all that money back....

Oohh, one reason to like the IRS. Its like a little savings "layaway" plan.

 

[snuga]

I forgot about tax returns too! GENIUS!!

Anchor, SO SORRY to hear about his job, it is always a terrible thing to go through and I hope that it gets easier!! I would still email him about your ring. Just make sure you let him know that you aren''t expecting anything right now. I''m sure that he won''t take it the wrong way if you just explain to him why you sent it.

I hope things get better!!

 

[ellewoods]

Hi Anchor.

I''m really sorry to hear about your BF''s job situation. I''m sure he''s really stressed right now....and the holidays don''t help matters. But it sounds like you are a very supportive girlfriend so just continue to do your thing!

As for the ring situation......I think it is a delicate situation because he probably has thought "how the heck am I going to save for a ring now?" even if you don''t think he has thought about it, I''m sure he has. He probably feels really down right now, and would be upset if you wanted to talk about rings.

That being said....I think you should sit down with him and say, "BF, I am really sorry about your job situation. I am here to help you in whatever way I can. We can make it through this like we''ve made through tough times before and we''ll make it through them in the future. I love you and I want to be with you and I''m happy about how things are going with us."

Then after you''ve given him that reassuring talk you can give him the pic and info. Either in that conversation or you can leave him the info with a note, or send him it in an email. Make sure you say something like, "I am happy about how our relationship is progressing and I know things will happen when the timing is right. I know that right now is not the right time and I am not intending to put any pressure on you.....I have found what I think is my dream ring, and I want to give you the info for the future when the time is right, so I don''t misplace it."

And then totally cool it on the ring talk/pictures etc. with him for a while. That way he won''t feel pressured etc. It sounds like you already are doing that, but just be careful since he probably feels pretty low right now and you don''t want him misinterpreting the ring pic as pressure or you being insensitive.

And remember....get excited! It''s almost 2006!!!

 

[anchor31]

Thank you. You all make me feel a LOT better!

Yes, my SO filed for unemployement until he finds something else. He is a man who enjoys working and loved his job, so it still sucks, but it's better than nothing at all. And you're right, tax return should be good for him next year.

Thank you for the suggestions. A little "just so you can put it in your file

" note is a very good idea. I think I'll still wait until after the holidays since I know he's not going to propose then and I'm still waiting for my vatché quote, but I'll do it so I can stop worrying!

I'll let you know how it goes.

ETA:

"I think it is a delicate situation because he probably has thought "how the heck am I going to save for a ring now?" even if you don't think he has thought about it, I'm sure he has. He probably feels really down right now, and would be upset if you wanted to talk about rings."

That's exactly why I'm hesitant to bring this up now. I'm sure he thought about it, especially since he gave me his timeframe two days before. He had big plans with his money...

So I'm going to wait until the holidays are over. That's stressful enough for him as it is, and I certainly don't want to make him feel crappier.

 

[ellewoods]

Obviously you know your BF the best, but I also agree that waiting until after the holidays to give him ring pics/info would be best. I''m sure he''s not going to take things the wrong way (pressure from you) but I''m sure he feels pretty low right now and you guys will start to hear about holiday engagements, big gifts, etc. with the holidays and he might feel worse about not having bought the ring yet, or not being able to start saving for it yet. Holidays just bring out a lot of emotion and so I think waiting until after would take a lot of the pressure off of him.

 

[Kit]

Oh, no. Anchor, I am so sorry. I have been there--a couple of times. Hugs! I agree with everyone here, good advice. Also I will emphasize, treat the situation as delicately as possible. I think sometimes men have more pressure on them from their families, society, etc. than women do when it comes to the job department.

 

[appletini]

anchor: I love your new avatar. I''m so sorry your BF lost his job, I hope he gets another great job very soon. I agree with ellewoods, and wouldn''t mention anything right now, unless he brings it up. Men feel like they have to the provider, and when they can''t do that its very hard on them.

 

[anchor31]

UPDATE!!!

My SO and I were talking on the phone this evening, and he said how happy it made him to get a birthday card from my family (his birthday was last week). Usually we have a birthday dinner for him, but I''m not home because of school, so they sent him a card. It makes him very happy that my family appreciates him (they appreciate him more than his own parents do, but that''s another story...

) and he said he''s happy they know their daughter chose a great guy. So I teased him and said that that way he knows that when he''ll go and tell them about his intentions to propose to me, they''ll welcome him in the family with open arms! That made him laugh.

I''m not sure if he intends to talk to my parents first, but while I assured him I didn''t need my parents'' permission to marry, I told him I really think they would appreciate the gesture of him telling them about it first. I am their baby after all...

We discussed it a little and we might take my parents out to dinner to announce it to them first, as an alternative. We''ll see. And he did let slip he wanted a private, intimate and romatic proposal... Yay!

And then the conversation switched to rings. He assured me he didn''t mind me sending him pictures, and he asked "aren''t the rings you showed me more like wedding rings?" I laughed and said that solitaires just don''t do the thing for me and I prefer five stones. Which is lucky for him, actually, because a 1.00 tcw five stone is a lot cheaper than a 1.00 ct solitaire! He said he doesn''t care about the price, he just wants to give me what I want (I LOVE this man!). So I told him about the five stone trellis with yellow gold shank, and said that if he likes the style, he can choose between platinum (more expensive, but sturdier) and white gold for the trellis, and pick the carat weight (.5 to 1.00 tcw) according to his budget and preferences. I sent him an E-mail with the pic, contact info and the quotes for .5 tcw. It should give him a good approximative idea...

I also offered to give him an engagement ring too if he wants. I''d love to give him one, but I''m not sure he wants one.

He still is pissed off about his job, but the morale seems up. He said he''s looking forward to Christmas and giving me my present!

Apparently, he told my mom about it and she was very pleased.

Minus the job thing, this is such a great time in our relationship. We can talk and share everything and I feel so happy and at peace. I am going to be engaged to the man of my life within a year and I''m going to marry him. It''s the most wonderful feeling.

 

[Blue824]

I''m glad he''s feeling better! Losing a job is rough, so its nice he''s in a better state of mind now. That''s cute that he liked the card so much. By bf is always shocked when my family gets him xmas presents...I''m like well, we have been dating for 4 years now, what do you expect! But it really does mean a lot when the families reach out and are open to the new boyfriends. Also...I''m glad you won''t be getting a dolphin E-ring

and that he''s open to your ideas and input!

 

[Kaleigh]

Your story or update really made me smile. I think you guys have such a wonderful and supportive relationship. It''s also nice for him to have your family. I love your avatar and am a big fan of the trellis setting. Good luck and hope he finds a great new position soon.

 

[SoonIHope]

Aw, yay anchor!!! I''m so happy for you!! So great that he''s feeling better about his job situation, and excited about giving you your christmas present and happily talking about rings!!!

Soooo excited for you, things seem to be looking up! It''ll happen SOOOON!!!!

 

[anchor31]

Thank you everyone! I get excited every time I think about him...

I also had a "OMG!!" moment yesterday... He told me he talked to his mother about his intention.

It sort of reminded me that this is really happening!!

And then he said his mother told him that if he thinks he knows me then he knows what is best for himself.

That makes me feel welcome and appreciated...

His parents are very bitter people because their marriage is a failure but they won''t divorce because she needs the financial security and he needs someone to do the house work for him, but I try to not worry too much about them. I know they will become my in-laws and I will have to deal with them in the future, so I do my best to keep the relationship friendly even if I think they treat their cats better than their children.

At least we''ll have my family who is loving and supportive.

 

[bookworm21]

Things sound like they''re really moving along, Anchor! Yay for you! It''s great that you and your bf can communicate so well during a difficult time. So many couples have a hard time doing that.

Let us know what happens with the ring buying and the future in-laws (and don''t let them get to you).

 

[anchor31]

As much as I would like to keep everyone posted on the ring buying process, I'm afraid my only contribution will be sending pics, quotes and contact info. I've sent him three E-mails so far and he doesn't respond to them. I was a bit worried after the first two that it was because he's not interested, but after the talk we had yesterday, it's probably just because he wants it to be a complete secret. I know he's excited about getting engaged next year and he wants to get me what I really want no matter the price, so I'll have to be patient and endure the suspense. I know it'll be hard, but it's very exciting and romantic too, so I'm not complaining.

As for the future in-laws, let's hope there won't be anything to say about them.

 

[cinnabar]

Hey anchor, I was just in the grocery store and the woman in front of me at the checkout had on your ring!

Five diamonds in a yellow gold band with platinum prongs, and a slim plain yellow gold wedding ring.

The stones looked very white, and were sparkly as anything. It was a really pretty ring, and it caught my eye because it was a bit different from all the solitaires and halos we''re used to seeing. I bet she gets loads of compliments on it, just like you will when you have yours.

 

[anchor31]

Thank you cinnabar!!!

You''ve really made my day. For some reason I was starting to question my choices yesterday, but you''ve reminded me that it''s what I really want and that''s what matters. Who cares if "everyone" (well, not everyone, but you know what I mean) has a solitaire as an engagement ring, right?

 

[cinnabar]

It fitted lovely and flush with the wedding band too, in case that''s important to you. I like a flush band myself. I suppose you could have stacking rings, one above and one below, and they''d fit neatly too. I think you''re going for a really special style that says something about your own personality. I wanted a pear because it was different from the rounds that everyone else has, so I definitely understand you wanting something that isn''t a "belly button" solitaire.

 

[anchor31]

Yes, it''s very important for me that my engagement ring and wedding band sit flush together. The five stone band allows that without spacers. Also, I will be able to wear both rings on their own, and that was a requirement in my choice. Most importantly, I don''t want huge rings. That''s not my style at all and they would just get in the way! Diamond bands have always attracted me, so when I saw that five stone trellis on WF, I fell in love!

What are stacking rings? Do you have an example to show me? And I thought that marquise in your avatar was your ring! Do you have pics of that pear??

 

[cinnabar]

By "stacking rings", I just meant rings you can wear together on the same finger because they''re slim and plain. MINE!! has two wedding bands which she wears above and below her engagement ring, you can see them in her avatar, I''d call those stacking rings (or at least, that''s what I meant).

My avatar isn''t a marquise, that''s my pear

It''s the "design your own ring" thing from the website where we bought it so it is a sort of artist''s impression rather than an actual photo.

 

[anchor31]

Oh, now I''m embarrassed...

I looked at it closely and I mistook the prong at the base of the pear for the type of a marquise... I love the cathedral setting! It is a cathedral, right?

I see you''re a fellow YG lover! Heh. *high fives*

You know something weird? Ever since I found my dream ring, I feel like my finger is very naked!

I have a question for those who have and have had proposal timeframes... Did you tell people about it? I''m dying to tell my mother, as we are very close, but I''m not sure she''ll react to it. She left school to marry my dad when she was 19 after 1 year and nine months of relationship and she doesn''t regret her marriage at all (31 great years and counting), but she does regret leaving school and thinks she should have waited. I would never leave school even to get married and I hope she knows that, and I''ll probably be 23 when married after 5 years of relationship, but... I don''t know. I really don''t know how my parents are going to react to this. I guess I should wait until he proposes... but I''m sure you understand when I say it''s hard to keep it a secret. I''m so happy I want to tell the whole world!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 12/12/2005 4:38:19 PM
Author: anchor31
As much as I would like to keep everyone posted on the ring buying process, I''m afraid my only contribution will be sending pics, quotes and contact info. I''ve sent him three E-mails so far and he doesn''t respond to them. I was a bit worried after the first two that it was because he''s not interested, but after the talk we had yesterday, it''s probably just because he wants it to be a complete secret. I know he''s excited about getting engaged next year and he wants to get me what I really want no matter the price, so I''ll have to be patient and endure the suspense. I know it''ll be hard, but it''s very exciting and romantic too, so I''m not complaining.

As for the future in-laws, let''s hope there won''t be anything to say about them.

my bf doesnt respond to emails about rings either, but I''m pretty sure he''s thinking about it anyways, so dont worry too much about that! I think it''s a guy thing, he has nothing to say back about it, so he is absorbing it but not responding ; )

 

[MrsFrk]

How very exciting!
I absolutely adore the Vatche 5 stone truffle, I think it is a great choice for an e-ring.
I have a 3 stone truffle with a YG band.