Hi Friends,
Eesh, this one feels hard to write but I AM STRUGGLING and just looking for some support. I went on another blog post to try to get some feedback and it was all so terrible and made me feel WAY worse about myself and the situation and I really think they misunderstood why I was venting in the first place.
I got engaged back in November. My whole life, my cousin (best friend for so long), and I discussed each others weddings. We would be each other's maids of honour. Hands down!!
However, I got engaged in November and ever since then (without going into to too many details) she has been SO .... unhappy for me. Like, not in a "he's not the right guy for you" because my partner is lovely!!!!! but more so a "I don't care, why would you want that" way. Now, before someone rips me apart - I do not need or expect everyone to have the same feelings about my special day as I do. That being said - I've been on the sideline for many a wedding and myself, I've always been so so happy and excited and supportive. I would IMAGINE my "best friend" would have been happy for me, like my other bridesmaid friends were...
She hasn't been. At all really. She's dropping comments like "ugh my partner and I would never spend our money on a wedding" "do you even want to get married" "sounds like your stressed, why bother" those kind of comments. She really downplayed something that we've been excited for each other for, for so long.
Again - fine. I don't NEED her excitement to be excited for myself, but wtf is the point in a best friend if not to celebrate in the good times, and to be there for in the bad times.
However, instead what she did was tell me (after the engagement) that she's decided to get pregnant for 2026 (and my wedding will be 2026) - This is where I caught the most flack online. Everyone said to me "how can you expect someone to put a hold on their life for 1 day for you - that's ridiculous and you sound insufferable" But that's not where I was going with this. I'm happy for her to get pregnant. I would NEVER tell her to not do that - that's her dream and I'm so happy for her. Where I struggle with the pregnancy is that she changed her timeline after I got engaged, and I know she isn't going to want to be on her feet all damn day as a maid of honour if she is quite pregnant or if she has a new baby - THAT'S OKAY I AM OKAY WITH THIS. But this IS my day. I don't claim days but the wedding day IS about the bride and groom and I need someone who can be on their feet helping me with the ins and outs of planning a wedding as well as the day of.
But more than that - she has been boisterously negative in front of all of my other friends, she is difficult to get along with, she hasn't been supportive on my journey... And she decided to rush a "wedding" of her own 2 months after I got engaged (that was never her plan she wasn't even engaged), she and her partner exchanged vows in their bedroom and exchanged rings with no one in sight.. I wasn't invited (granted it was personal so fine) but that kind of takes away her side of our deal (me being her maid of honour)- so do I have to keep mine? And now she ONLY refers to him as her husband "my husband this my husband that" almost to prove a point? Maybe I'm over thinking that but...
She also really downplayed what I was doing by having a wedding by saying "Oh - we don't need to have a wedding to be married. We're common law and that's good enough for us - why would you need a wedding?" I think what shocks me the most about this is, she can have whatever WHATEVER feelings she likes. I'm not trying to control that - I think just like a little bit of respect for my situation would have been nice, and now all of these drastic plans are coming up AFTER I told her I'm engaged.
And no one knows her like I do.
She didn't do this coincidentally, because she's never ever ever indicated any of these things before these last couple of months and then boom she just does everything to constantly tell me what's so great in her life while completely ignoring mine.
This is absolutely tearing me apart much more than I'd like - and it's starting to make me just want a really small intimate wedding with none of this hassle. I'm not a bridezilla I'm really not - I hope that you can see this dilemma for what it is and not make suggestions that I'm an insufferable friend that she is better without.
What I'd like to ask you is how can I best tell her without hurting her feelings that maybe being a Maid of Honour is too much for her to take on her plate with her pregnancy coming up and with her sudden disdain of weddings. I know she won't handle it well and so I'm just looking for some gentle (pleasseeeee) advice on whether I am maybe over reacting or maybe a polite way that you might tell your friend it's just not going to work how we planned it.
Thank you,
Louise.
Eesh, this one feels hard to write but I AM STRUGGLING and just looking for some support. I went on another blog post to try to get some feedback and it was all so terrible and made me feel WAY worse about myself and the situation and I really think they misunderstood why I was venting in the first place.
I got engaged back in November. My whole life, my cousin (best friend for so long), and I discussed each others weddings. We would be each other's maids of honour. Hands down!!
However, I got engaged in November and ever since then (without going into to too many details) she has been SO .... unhappy for me. Like, not in a "he's not the right guy for you" because my partner is lovely!!!!! but more so a "I don't care, why would you want that" way. Now, before someone rips me apart - I do not need or expect everyone to have the same feelings about my special day as I do. That being said - I've been on the sideline for many a wedding and myself, I've always been so so happy and excited and supportive. I would IMAGINE my "best friend" would have been happy for me, like my other bridesmaid friends were...
She hasn't been. At all really. She's dropping comments like "ugh my partner and I would never spend our money on a wedding" "do you even want to get married" "sounds like your stressed, why bother" those kind of comments. She really downplayed something that we've been excited for each other for, for so long.
Again - fine. I don't NEED her excitement to be excited for myself, but wtf is the point in a best friend if not to celebrate in the good times, and to be there for in the bad times.
However, instead what she did was tell me (after the engagement) that she's decided to get pregnant for 2026 (and my wedding will be 2026) - This is where I caught the most flack online. Everyone said to me "how can you expect someone to put a hold on their life for 1 day for you - that's ridiculous and you sound insufferable" But that's not where I was going with this. I'm happy for her to get pregnant. I would NEVER tell her to not do that - that's her dream and I'm so happy for her. Where I struggle with the pregnancy is that she changed her timeline after I got engaged, and I know she isn't going to want to be on her feet all damn day as a maid of honour if she is quite pregnant or if she has a new baby - THAT'S OKAY I AM OKAY WITH THIS. But this IS my day. I don't claim days but the wedding day IS about the bride and groom and I need someone who can be on their feet helping me with the ins and outs of planning a wedding as well as the day of.
But more than that - she has been boisterously negative in front of all of my other friends, she is difficult to get along with, she hasn't been supportive on my journey... And she decided to rush a "wedding" of her own 2 months after I got engaged (that was never her plan she wasn't even engaged), she and her partner exchanged vows in their bedroom and exchanged rings with no one in sight.. I wasn't invited (granted it was personal so fine) but that kind of takes away her side of our deal (me being her maid of honour)- so do I have to keep mine? And now she ONLY refers to him as her husband "my husband this my husband that" almost to prove a point? Maybe I'm over thinking that but...
She also really downplayed what I was doing by having a wedding by saying "Oh - we don't need to have a wedding to be married. We're common law and that's good enough for us - why would you need a wedding?" I think what shocks me the most about this is, she can have whatever WHATEVER feelings she likes. I'm not trying to control that - I think just like a little bit of respect for my situation would have been nice, and now all of these drastic plans are coming up AFTER I told her I'm engaged.
And no one knows her like I do.
She didn't do this coincidentally, because she's never ever ever indicated any of these things before these last couple of months and then boom she just does everything to constantly tell me what's so great in her life while completely ignoring mine.
This is absolutely tearing me apart much more than I'd like - and it's starting to make me just want a really small intimate wedding with none of this hassle. I'm not a bridezilla I'm really not - I hope that you can see this dilemma for what it is and not make suggestions that I'm an insufferable friend that she is better without.
What I'd like to ask you is how can I best tell her without hurting her feelings that maybe being a Maid of Honour is too much for her to take on her plate with her pregnancy coming up and with her sudden disdain of weddings. I know she won't handle it well and so I'm just looking for some gentle (pleasseeeee) advice on whether I am maybe over reacting or maybe a polite way that you might tell your friend it's just not going to work how we planned it.
Thank you,
Louise.
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