Mysteries of Invitation Wording: Honour, Honor ...oh my

[AnitaT]

Hello,
We got our invitations drafts back and have some questions about invitation wording ettiquette. Quick background: We are getting married in a church and having a reception.

At the moment, we have:
Together with their families
Anita T and awesome FI
Request the pleasure of your company
at the celebration of their marriage
followed by date, time, church information and reception to follow, plus related information.

Our planner pointed that the convention is to use "honor of your presence" when the ceremony is being held in a place of worship. That's cool with us. We had used the language above because we didn't know otherwise.

So, I have numerous questions:
1. When do you use honour or honor? I have seen invitations with both and don't know what to make of it.
2. Do I need to change "celebration of their marriage" (Request the hono(u)r of your presence at the celebration of their marriage)...does that sound like we are only inviting people to the reception?

 

[chemgirl]

I could be totally wrong about this, but I think 'honor' is the American spelling and 'honour' is the British spelling. For example, I'm Canadian and I've always seen it spelled 'honour'. We adopt British spelling here!

I am using an American computer and its marking the word 'honour' in the above paragraph as a spelling error.

Hope this helps!

 

[missjaxon]

I could be totally wrong about this, but I think 'honor' is the American spelling and 'honour' is the British spelling. For example, I'm Canadian and I've always seen it spelled 'honour'. We adopt British spelling here!

I am using an American computer and its marking the word 'honour' in the above paragraph as a spelling error.

Hope this helps!

You are correct chemgirl! Honor is the American spelling and Honour is the Canadian/British way of spelling the word. Just like Humor/Humour, Favor/Favour , Flavor/Flavour etc. So it depends if you are Canadian or American on which way you choose to spell the word, they both mean the same thing!

 

[JulieN]

The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of...

 

[AnitaT]

The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of...

I have also wondered about the use of marriage and wedding -- invitation examples use both.

 

[JulieN]

I think I see marriage more often than not.

 

[mayachel]

The bridal books agree with your planner-that when it is being held in a place of worship honor is used. My interpretation is that it implies a formal ceremony as opposed to a JOP 15min deal, that while beautiful may be a little less high on formalities. With that in mind, I felt like I wanted to signify that my wedding was going to be formal, just in our own way and not in a house of worship but outdoors. I couldn't understand why everyone kept telling me this made it less formal-so I ignored the books and also used honor on my invites.

 

[AnitaT]

Mayachel--I totally like your way of thinking

So, to recap: honor and honour-- no difference? I read through the section in my Knot bridal book and could not get guidance on why some use one spelling or the other.

On a different, but related topic-- entree selection. We are going to have a meat entree and a vegetarian option (I am vegetarian). However, we haven't had our final tasting and don't know what kind of meat dish we are going to have. Should I just label the meal choices as vegetarian and non-vegetarian? Meat and vegetarian? We played around with the idea of using icons like a carrot or cow/chicken. But, then thought people probably wouldn't want to see a visual representation of their meal.

 

[VRBeauty]

one definition of celebration is:

the public performance of a sacrament or solemn ceremony with all appropriate ritual; "the celebration of marriage"

 

[AnitaT]

Oh VRbeauty, that is actually quite lovely!

I like that you can read "celebration" as both an observation of a formal & meaningful ceremony and a getdown partaay...both of which we hope to have on our day.

 

[chemgirl]

Is there any way that you can wait until after your tasting before printing the invites?

I love meat, but my FI is a vegetarian. If given a card saying # meat and # vegetarian, I would opt for meat simply because a lot of weddings have horrible vegetarian food. We've had some lovely nights where FI is given a plate of steamed veggies as his "meal." However, I'm sure you're going to give the vegetarian meal the same attention that you would give the meat meal. I mean the vegetarian meal will probably be something just as yummy and elaborate as the meat dish. In that case, I'm not really sure which I would go for (as a guest). For example, if the meat meal was a chicken breast with veggies and potatoes, and the vegetarian meal was something like butternut squash ravioli with cream sauce (an example), I'd go for the vegetarian dish.

In my opinion, the guests can't really make an informed decision without knowing the actual dishes.

 

[AnitaT]

Chemgirl-- I have so been in similar dining situations as your FI. Somehow, people think vegetarian means steamed, bland veggies...like you don't have to try. So, the veggie option is definitely going to be tasty. Unfortunately, we don't know what either option will be yet. And, we can't wait to do the invitations until then. But, I hear ya.

 

[kelpie]

Mine says exactly what you have now. I didn't sweat over it. To me "honor" is more solemn and "pleasure" is more celebratory.

 

[AnitaT]

Hi Kelpie! Good to know.

 

[mayachel]

We are also a vegetarian and omnivore couple. We were able to put the actual dishes we are serving on our invites but I have to say it was "interesting" to see who responded with what. I was surprised to see so many omnivores choosing the veggie option (we also had both a meat and seafood option(for the kosher folks). To that end, a number of friends and family mentioned in passing that since they knew I was a vegetarian, they were certain it was going to be something delicious. (No pressure right?!) Luckily I think it is going all be amazing. Then, there was a segment of folks who didn't even need to look at the invite to know they were having the meat. What ever it was! And a very few, maybe 5 or 6 out of the 150 or so coming called me and asked for more details, which I was happy to give. Odds are if someone isn't sure, they will do that, and by the time you are fielding those calls you'll be in the know.

ETA: What's the veggie dish? Ours is Butternut squash, manchego, rigatoni with marscapone sauce. mmm....

 

[Haven]

So, to recap: honor and honour-- no difference? I read through the section in my Knot bridal book and could not get guidance on why some use one spelling or the other.

You're correct. "Honour" and "favour" are traditionally written in the British style on formal (or semiformal) invitations here in America, but both are correct. More people seem to be using the American spelling of the word nowadays.

 

[les12]

I worked in a stationery store for 4 years. This is the traditional etiquette we went by:

If your wedding is taking place in a church or a place of worship, use "honour" and also "favour" (for a response card, "The favour of your reply is requested").

If not, "honor" and "favor" are used.

Hope that helps!

 

[Haven]

I worked in a stationery store for 4 years. This is the traditional etiquette we went by:

If your wedding is taking place in a church or a place of worship, use "honour" and also "favour" (for a response card, "The favour of your reply is requested").

If not, "honor" and "favor" are used.

Hope that helps!

Who was your etiquette source? I'm just curious, because this advise is so contrary to anything I've ever read.

The traditional etiquette mavens (Letitia Baldridge, Judith Martin, Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt) advise to use "honour of your presence" when the ceremony takes place in a house of worship, and "pleasure of your company" when the ceremony takes place anywhere else.

As for the spelling, traditionally, we use the British spelling even here in America, but brides have been opting for the American spelling as of late.

ETA: Les, I'm assuming that when you said "If not, "honor" and "favor" are used." you meant that the American spelling is to be used for ceremonies taking place outside of a house of worship.

I realized this might sound like I'm questioning you, Les. I'm not! I really have a bizarre fascination with etiquette, so whenever I learn something new I become obsessed with the source and just want to read more. Sorry if it came across any other way.

 

[les12]

I worked in a stationery store for 4 years. This is the traditional etiquette we went by:

If your wedding is taking place in a church or a place of worship, use "honour" and also "favour" (for a response card, "The favour of your reply is requested").

If not, "honor" and "favor" are used.

Hope that helps!

Who was your etiquette source? I'm just curious, because this advise is so contrary to anything I've ever read.

The traditional etiquette mavens (Letitia Baldridge, Judith Martin, Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt) advise to use "honour of your presence" when the ceremony takes place in a house of worship, and "pleasure of your company" when the ceremony takes place anywhere else.

As for the spelling, traditionally, we use the British spelling even here in America, but brides have been opting for the American spelling as of late.

ETA: Les, I'm assuming that when you said "If not, "honor" and "favor" are used." you meant that the American spelling is to be used for ceremonies taking place outside of a house of worship.

Haven, I'm referring to the case in which a bride chooses the phrase "the honor/honour of your presence" regardless of whether or not the ceremony is in a place of worship. In other words, just because it is not in a place of worship, does not mean that "pleasure of your company" must be used. Does that make sense? For instance, if a bride is having an evening wedding, she may want the formality of "the honor of your presence" even if her wedding takes place in a reception hall and not in a church.

We typically used Emily Post as well as the Crane Blue Book for etiquette.

ETA: Don't worry- I definitely did not take it that way! This is just the way our store and stores in the surrounding area have done it. I might mention we are "down south"

 

[Haven]

I smell what you're cooking now, Les. Thank you for clarifying, I just misinterpreted your meaning. Sorry!

And I'm glad you didn't take it the wrong way. I know I've mistakenly offended some people here when I asked questions about their responses to etiquette posts, but really I just want to KNOW MORE! I think I'm so interested in all things etiquette because they remind me of my beloved grandmother and her very strong adherence to all things proper.

 

[AnitaT]

We are also a vegetarian and omnivore couple. We were able to put the actual dishes we are serving on our invites but I have to say it was "interesting" to see who responded with what. I was surprised to see so many omnivores choosing the veggie option (we also had both a meat and seafood option(for the kosher folks). Odds are if someone isn't sure, they will do that, and by the time you are fielding those calls you'll be in the know.

ETA: What's the veggie dish? Ours is Butternut squash, manchego, rigatoni with marscapone sauce. mmm....

Mayachel-- we still haven't decided what we are doing for our final tasting, but your veggie option sounds amazing. In fact, I think that is a good question to ask because there are SO MANY yummy veggie options.

 

[AnitaT]

And I'm glad you didn't take it the wrong way. I know I've mistakenly offended some people here when I asked questions about their responses to etiquette posts, but really I just want to KNOW MORE!

I missed this exchange between Haven and Les, but I wanted to write about it because it perfectly exemplifies why I enjoy PS. I asked a non-PS forum about guidance with wording our ceremony start time since we are starting at a quarter after the hour to observe a tradition. Our ceremony time stirred up folks and I received comments that made me feel defensive: my logic didn't compute, I was being rude by making our guests wait (which I am not intending to have happen). Despite the other helpful information I received (did you know that you don't use past on wedding invitations because that is used on funeral invitations?), it made me feel wary about posting there in the future. I hope this post doesn't come off as negative or upset, but I just wanted to emphasize that I really, really appreciate the supportive and cordial tone encouraged on PS. Thank you!

 

[JulieN]

A deceased person has passed on. It is a quarter past one o'clock.