Need advice about NEW PUPPY. Please help.

[catr225]

I''m very sad to be writing this, but I am in serious need of advice.

A little over a week ago now I got a Bichon-poo puppy. To tell you my situation, I graduated from college on May 14th, moved 5 hrs from home on the 15th, got the puppy on the 22nd and started my new full-time job on the 31st. I''m in way over my head.

She is a big biter (as many puppies are) but I cannot even praise her, hold her, or love her without a hard and sharp nip. It''s so discouraging especially when I am depressed. When I was planning things, I knew that getting the puppy would be hard work because I read countless books on the topic and I took an active part in raising my family dog. But this is very, very hard.

I suppose its a combination of being homesick, living alone and everything- but this puppy is not making me feel how I envisioned. In fact, I have cried almost every night since I got her back here.

Part of me thinks: stick it out- things will get better.
But the other part is unsure if this is the right decision.

My boyfriends'' parents want a puppy and I know she could have a good life there, too. It probably would be very hard for me to see the little beautiful puppy that I could not care for with them.

I need some advice- should I put aside these depressed feelings and keep the puppy? I have enough money and I normally am a very big dog person. I know she could have a healthy life here as well as with his parents.

Or should I give her away, swallowing my pride and my potential hurt feelings?
HELP. Please

 

[strmrdr]

Do the best thing for the dog and for yourself.
Do you have the time, energy, love and patients with everything going on to properly train the dog?
If not find it a good home.

 

[tawn]

Not quite the same situation as yours but...

We ended up moving due to my husband''s work, and moved into a townhouse where we coudn''t keep our puppy because there is no yard, only a no-dogs allowed beach! Actually, we kept him there for several months, until we went to Maine and dropped him off with our in-laws. It''s really hard...but he loves it there, and they just retired and he''s in love with their poodles! Now, we don''t know if we''ll be able to ever separate them or not! It was really hard to let him go...but now he has acres of land to roam around on and he''s so spoiled!

All in all....we had to do what was best for the puppy and at least we still get to visit him! Good luck with your decision...no matter what you decide!

 

[Kaleigh]

Puppies need lots of love and TLC. There is no short cut. I have two Bichons and they require a lot of time and patience. If you don''t have the time to raise this puppy properly, do the right thing and give the puppy to someone that will.

 

[Jennifer5973]

My gut says you should give the puppy to your boyfriend's parents if you are sure they can provide a good and loving home.

This is hard and I commend you for taking the brave step to consider the options. Is it just that the puppy's personality isn't what you thought (too rambunctious, the biting) or are you unable to properly train the puppy? There was a recent thread about another member here who couldn't properly care for a new puppy and gave the puppy away, which was best for all. Puppies need to be let out every few hours and thoroughly trained in numerous areas over the first year of their lives. Can you do this?

Perhaps a better choice for you if you want a dog is to look at rescue and shelters where most dogs are out of puppyhood and many are trained. i know you miss the cute puppyhood but if it's the love and long-term companionship of a loving dog you crave, this might be a feasible and more realistic option. When I adopted my first dog from the shelter, he was 1 year old and fully trained and out of puppy biting. There was NO WAY I could have handled a puppy back then but I was more than capable of properly caring for an older, established dog. Regardless, a dog is a huge and long-term commitment and you need to be ready to accept this responsibility. As I believe you understand by your concern, dogs are not "things" to be discarded when the going gets rough.

I think if you look deep inmside your heart, you'll know what the answer is. Good luck.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 6/1/2005 9:34:52 PM
Author: Jennifer5973

When I adopted my first dog from the shelter, he was 1 year old and fully trained and out of puppy biting. There was NO WAY I could have handled a puppy back then but I was more than capable of peoperly caring for an older, established dog.

Good thing I read Jenifer''s post before adding mine - it would have said the same thing.
I am not very familiar with bichons'' character - but if they are very active dogs, you might want to reconsider the breed. There can be huge, vast difference between dogs'' characters and finding the right match is only somewhat easier than finding it in a human. Dogs tend to bend after your requirements easier... but if you do not have the time to go though allot of dog training, finding a good match from the start makes some real difference

 

[Kaleigh]

Her puppy is a mix between a Bichon and a Poodle. Bichons are a usually very intelligent, loving, but hard as heck to house train. They need lots of supervision and attention. My oldest bichon is so smart that I have to spell out words that I don't want him to hear and he is catching onto that pretty darn quick. I may have to resort to sign language!!!!

ETA: Most bichons are sweet and lovely dogs. I take my younger one Callie to visit my grandmother at her nursing home two times a week. The ladies just love her and look foward to her visits. I know my grandmother does, it really brightens up her day.

 

[Libster]

I feel for you. I remember the puppy days!!! You''ve been given wonderful advice, and I have nothing more to add, except I know you will make the best decision for your little one. Good luck and hang in there!!

 

[Mara]

When we got Portia, I was totally ill-equipped to deal with a puppy, I hadn't had one since I was a little girl and the first few weeks were VERY trying. She didn't want to cuddle, she was having accidents all over the place, she didn't listen, she was a nipper on the hand as well, etc. In fact, the only time I felt calm was when she was sacked out sleeping which thank goodness was a good amount of time. Otherwise she followed me wherever I went and I had to keep and eye on her EVERY SECOND. I felt I could understand what parents felt with a newborn...only on a scaled down version.

When she slept, I dreamed about the days when she would be older and we could have a 'real' companion, aka a more calm and loving dog that wouldn't nip or pee on the floor. There were a few day when it was VERY hard, but never once did I *seriously* think about giving her up. She had already worked her way into our hearts and there was no way I was doing anything but keeping her. When I would look at her sleeping on the floor under my chair or in my arms....that cute little face just wiped away every bad thing she had done that day.

Now she's a year+ and she is an awesome, amazing dog and we absolutely adore her and are just smitten. Everyone compliments us on her, she just has the best personality, she's loving and affectionate, she listens, she just is an exemplary dog in every way (except for her sensitive stomach but hey you can't be perfect!). Now I look back at her puppy pictures and wish that I'd known then what I know now...that things WILL get better and that you just have to stick it out. I also wish that I'd enjoyed her more as that 4lb white ball of fur rather than wishing for the times when she would be an adult. They are adults for 99.9% of their lives, they are only truly those wild little puppies for a few months.

One thing that helped me immesely was getting a personal trainer in on the 2nd week we had Portia and having her show me how to deal with the puppy and what to start showing her..aka the right way to do things. It was about $150 for an hour of her time and well worth it long-term. After that I had a 'goal' and we worked on training for an hour or two every day. It really helped me bond with her as well. So you may want to get a trainer and/or get her enrolled into doggie classes or something...get a book on how to train the dog, so that you can both learn together and it's a very positive bonding experience as well.

One other thing...you mention being homesick, depressed, and that the dog is making you cry every night..it sounds to me like this dog may just be the catalyst for this outpouring of negative emotion, or the 'last straw' in what may already be an otherwise troubled life for you...I don't know what is going on in your life, but please do not let the puppy be something to fall back on...and the pup's job should not be to make you happy. In a way that makes me think of people who want to have a child in the hope that it will make a bad marriage better. Why did you get the puppy originally...you noted you did alot of research etc...so you have been wanting this for a while. Why give up so easily?

Honestly, I cannot advise you what to do with this small puppy, but be aware that you are her parent now and that her small, trusting life is in your hands. Do whatever you feel is best but know that a dog is a long-term responsibility, you are taking that responsibility on and committing to be a good parent to the dog. That means alot of patience and love and not always expecting the dog to please you or make you happy.

I think if you stick it out you will be rewarded with much love, but if there is too much going on in your life now...then give the dog up and let it find a better life elsewhere. Feeling sad seeing the dog go somewhere else is not a reason to keep her.

Having said all that, our dog Portia is such a big part of our lives now, she is like our child and I love spoiling her rotten. She is only 1, but sometimes when I think about the future when she may not be around, it makes me very sad. There won't ever be another dog like Portia....just as everyone's dog is unique, and I feel we are blessed to have gotten lucky with such a wonderful girl!

 

[catr225]

Thank you all for such kind and thoughtful advice.

To answer some questions, I guess what went wrong is me for the most part. I did not anticipate feeling so down with all the great things that are going on in my life. I thought that the puppy would give some much needed companionship when I was far from home.

I imagine that she will come along- and that she will calm down as she gets older. But then I wonder if it is me, will I become more prepared for this? If I am unsure, is it fair for me to keep her?

I am definitely taking all of your advice into consideration. I am glad that you all understand how difficult of a decision this is... everyone else I speak to kind of blows it off as no big deal.

Thanks again.

 

[JessesGrl]

Catr- about a month ago I posted on here about my puppy "saga"...I too got a puppy right after graduating from graduate school, I am planning a wedding ( it is in 4 months) and starting a new job this month. I had thought it would have been a great time to get a puppy, before me and my fiance are married and trying to have a baby.
........Well we take the beautiful shih-tzu home and she is A LOT more work than I expected. I was getting up several times a night to take her out to pee and poo and she also had a really strong bite. She was very hyper and while it was cute, I was afraid to leave her alone while I went to work in a crate or "pen" b/c she had so much energy...I felt it was so unfair.
My fiance and I talked it out after having her for 5 days and realized that with me working full time and him working about 50 hours per week, we would not be around enough for a puppy who needed a lot of time and energy spent on her. It was the HARDEST thing to give her back, I cried for two days....but inside I knew that we did the right thing and it was best for us and the puppy.
Hopefully now she has a good home where her owners will be around for her when we could not be. It has been 3 weeks and I am still sad about her...but someday we will try to get a dog, when I am home with the kids!!!!
Honestly I know how you feel, it is a tough spot to be in...but if you know your boyfriends parents will give her a good home, I would do that. This was you can still visit and love her but you won''t be overwhelmed with her care.
Good Luck!!!

 

[jorman]

Puppies bite. It''s just a part of discovering things, playing and teething. They just need to be disciplined to show that is not okay. Boomer use to bite a lot. Those puppy teeth are sharp and it is very frustrating when all you want to do is snuggle with them after a long day. What we did was this: After a bite (any kind at all, or even any attempt to bite)we would hold his nose so his mouth was closed and he could not open it. Be firm, but do not hurt the puppy. He will dislike this very much. While we were holding his nose we would say, "NO BITE!NO BITE!" Be firm and raise your voice. Then we would release and say "Kiss". He eventually learned and any time he would make an attempt to bite we would say, "NO BITE! Kiss" he stop in mid-bite and would lick our hand instead. It took time, but now he never bites. He is all about kisses. I would say it took about 2 months to get him to stop biting completely. It also helps to start some basic commands, like sit, to show you are the boss and establish that you will be in control not him. I know he''s a dog, but they will take advantage if they can.

Puppies are like kids. They can get mixed signals quickly. You have to be firm, not mean, just firm.

 

[ursulawrite]

I remember when my Boston Terrier was a young pup and she would not come near me; not because she was scared but because me chasing her was a fantastic game. So I started ignoring her. Folding my arms and turning around. Dogs HATE to be ignored more than anything in the world.

The same principle can be applied when your pup tries to bite you. Give a firm "no" or "no bite", fold your arms and turn away.

I hope everything works out for the best with you and the pup. I don''t mean to pry, but was the dog an impulse buy from a pet store?

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 6/2/2005 10:06:08 AM
Author: jorman
Puppies bite. It''s just a part of discovering things, playing and teething. They just need to be disciplined to show that is not okay. Boomer use to bite a lot. Those puppy teeth are sharp and it is very frustrating when all you want to do is snuggle with them after a long day. What we did was this: After a bite (any kind at all, or even any attempt to bite)we would hold his nose so his mouth was closed and he could not open it. Be firm, but do not hurt the puppy. He will dislike this very much. While we were holding his nose we would say, ''NO BITE!NO BITE!'' Be firm and raise your voice. Then we would release and say ''Kiss''. He eventually learned and any time he would make an attempt to bite we would say, ''NO BITE! Kiss'' he stop in mid-bite and would lick our hand instead. It took time, but now he never bites. He is all about kisses. I would say it took about 2 months to get him to stop biting completely. It also helps to start some basic commands, like sit, to show you are the boss and establish that you will be in control not him. I know he''s a dog, but they will take advantage if they can.

Puppies are like kids. They can get mixed signals quickly. You have to be firm, not mean, just firm.

Sound advice. The puppy isn''t biting out of aggressiveness. It''s what they do. The pup probably wasn''t around it''s litter mates as the mates usually solve the bite inhibition problem. Also, a puppy is not going to cuddle like an adult dog. They are on puppy speed. You have to train the pup NOT to bite - or at least soft bite. Much like a baby, a pup will use it''s mouth to explore the world. And OH THOSE puppy RAZOR sharp teeth. I took to wearing oven mits until I could properly teach the pup bite inhibition.

I can remember the early days of puppyhood. I felt like a failure because the dog wasn''t - wel, a dog. As Mara noted, these puppy days pass quickly. The only good puppy is a sleeping puppy.

This to shall pass. BUT - they are like sponges at this age. If you feel overwhelmed, do enlist the aid of a trainer.

Good luck. And, at the end of the day, do what''s best for the pup.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 6/2/2005 10:37:52 AM
Author: ursulawrite
I remember when my Boston Terrier was a young pup and she would not come near me; not because she was scared but because me chasing her was a fantastic game. So I started ignoring her. Folding my arms and turning around. Dogs HATE to be ignored more than anything in the world.

The same principle can be applied when your pup tries to bite you. Give a firm ''no'' or ''no bite'', fold your arms and turn away.

I hope everything works out for the best with you and the pup. I don''t mean to pry, but was the dog an impulse buy from a pet store?

Yes, good advice as well. Dogs respond to different praises/"punishment". Nothing was worse to my pup than ignoring. It''s quite a good deterient for many puppies.

 

[Diachi]

My thoughts:

1) Puppies bite but some breeds are more obstinant then others and thus, harder to train/live with if they are not the "right" breed for you...IMO, Bichons fall under this catergory (before I ruffle any feathers, my "nephew" is a Bichon that I adore-just not the breed for everyone like a lab/golden/etc.). So a different breed may be better suited and require less attentive-training.

2) IMHO, it is NEVER a good idea to get a young puppy (8-12 weeks) unless you have the ability to put in the time for raising/training. Either coming home during lunch, hiring a dog walker/pet sitter, taking your vacation time, bringing the dog to work with you, etc. It is the most developmental stage for a dog to go through and lessons learned now will effect it (especially negative) for the rest of its life

3) Most vets/experts/etc. recommend leaving/crating a puppy for a limited amount of time (a good rule of thumb is 1 hour for every month they are, thus an 8 week old puppy should be let out to potty every 2 hours), this gives it the opportunity to suceed in its housebreaking and gain the necessary mental stimulation it requires.

4) Most importantly, don''t beat yourself up about the situation and take it one day at a time. It is natural to have "buyer''s remorse" and the first couple of weeks with a new puppy can be overwhelming! I can''t tell you how many times I have been contacted by new owners trying to decide if they should keep a puppy in the 2-4 week period after it goes home with them. Do what you feel is best but give yourself some time and you will probably end up with a wonderful companion!

PS-My sister is a hard-working teacher, part-time conductor, and district attendant and leaves her now 3 year-old Bichon for up to 9 hours a day although when she first got him, she was off for the summer break and didn''t leave him like that until he was almost 6 months old . He misses her but does fine and is gated in the kitchen/living room with access to puppy pads (with a new friend Billie the toy poodle).

 

[KrWz]

I got a one Month old Puppy just this past January. I expected that it would take alot of time and patience but the time and patience I needed was much more than I had ever expected. Waking up at odd hours, cleaning up accidents, keeping him from biting furniture and from stopping him from playfully nipping... etc etc Through the weeks and months it felt like it was always 1 step forward in training the puppy but then before i knew it it was 2 steps backwards. It was very tough but I kept reminding myself that ''he''s just a puppy'' and that with time, love, and patience she''ll eventually learn. When she''s bad, make sure your voice tone changes so that she knows she''s being bad. You need to also let her know that you''re the "Alpha Leader" and that she follows you and not the other way around otherwise she''ll get worse and do whatever she pleases.

My suggestion is that if you''re 50/50 whether or not to keep your puppy or not, wait it out until you''ve had for about 4 or 5 months if you can. That''s how long i''d say it took me. It may take a little more or less time depending on your work schedule and how much time you can spend with her.

Good Luck!

 

[widget]

Hi, Catr...

Unless there has been some dramatic change in your feelings even in the last few days, I recommend you find the puppy a new home...the sooner the better...for BOTH your sakes! Giving him up is nothing to be ashamed of...in fact I think it''s commendable..

Many many years ago I got a puppy at the wrong time in my life, probably for the wrong reasons. I was having problems at work, and marital problems as well. Maybe I hoped a puppy would help "fix" things, or at least make me feel better...a lot to ask of a fifteen pound ball of fur!

I''m so ashamed to admit this, but I just wasn''t there for that puppy...but I was too ashamed to return him to the shelter. I had him for almost a year, and no doubt because of my state of mind, what started as "puppy problems" became "dog problems". I ended up having to give him up anyway. It was very painful.

I have NEVER gotten over reproaching myself for this..

I LOVE DOGS... I''ve had them all my life, and have two treasured, spoiled babies now. But timing is indeed everything...and maybe this is the wrong time for you.
And if it is the wrong time...this doesn''t mean there won''t be a "right time" in the future.

Good luck,
widget

 

[Kaleigh]

widget,
Well said as usuall.

 

[Jennifer5973]

Date: 6/2/2005 6:50:14 PM
Author: widget
Hi, Catr...

Unless there has been some dramatic change in your feelings even in the last few days, I recommend you find the puppy a new home...the sooner the better...for BOTH your sakes! Giving him up is nothing to be ashamed of...in fact I think it''s commendable..

Many many years ago I got a puppy at the wrong time in my life, probably for the wrong reasons. I was having problems at work, and marital problems as well. Maybe I hoped a puppy would help ''fix'' things, or at least make me feel better...a lot to ask of a fifteen pound ball of fur!

I''m so ashamed to admit this, but I just wasn''t there for that puppy...but I was too ashamed to return him to the shelter. I had him for almost a year, and no doubt because of my state of mind, what started as ''puppy problems'' became ''dog problems''. I ended up having to give him up anyway. It was very painful.

I have NEVER gotten over reproaching myself for this..

I LOVE DOGS... I''ve had them all my life, and have two treasured, spoiled babies now. But timing is indeed everything...and maybe this is the wrong time for you.
And if it is the wrong time...this doesn''t mean there won''t be a ''right time'' in the future.

Good luck,
widget

My heart twinged when I read your post. That must have been awful. But it''s clear you are a smart, sensitive, and caring person. We all make mistakes--don''t continue to beat yourself up. Pease!

And I agree with your sage advice. My gut says that too.

 

[Mara]

Catr...you also asked if you will become more prepared to deal with it as time goes on...

I say a resounding YES. For us..we had a totally different lifestyle before we got our dog. I knew it would change but didn''t realize how much. We spend much more time at home now that we have a little wagging tail to come home to. Getting ready in the morning takes an extra 30 minutes while I get her food ready, give her fresh water, put on the CD player for her, play with her, take her out and let her run around and go to the bathroom etc. That was a big adjustment I had to make..aka someone else relying on me. Can''t be gone from the house for too long...have to come home and visit with her if I have a busy day and can''t be home in the afternoons like I normally do. Can''t go away for a quick impromptu weekend unless we can ensure my parents can take the dog. Have to make sure on a hot day that the A/C will be on if I am gone for a few hours. I worry about her while I am out of the house..did I unplug the coffee maker? The list goes on.

BUT, we completely incorporated all of these changes into our life, much as your life changes with a child (though of course not as much!)..and it is no hardship at all to do these small things, they are our routine now and part of our lives.

Again, the first few months I think are trying for any new puppy mom but I really think the rewards are worth it! If you can hang in there, have the patience to do the training and stick with it (aka puppy nipping is totally normal), can afford the pups'' long term care and can really give yourself to this dog emotionally, I think it would be great. But only you know this for sure!

Let us know what you decide. But I would say YES it does get easiser as you become more experienced...as with anything really.

 

[catr225]

Hi all,
Well, I''ve thought it over ... a lot. And I told myself that this would be the weekend that I would decide so if she did go to a new home, she wouldn''t be too scared.

I''ve decided to keep her. I enrolled her in a puppy kindergarden class which starts on Tuesday which I hope will solve the puppy problems. I realized that all of the issues were my own. But I also realized that this won''t always be a new job, I won''t always be homesick and I won''t always be 22. She will be with me for the years to come.

I truly began to think about what my boyfriend''s family possesses that I do not- and I could only come up with a few things. And I''m sure I will see them on the weekends anyway!
Here''s a link to a picture so you know what I am looking at... and how I can''t let her go.Copy and paste it into your browser because I couldn''t get the attachment function to work

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/catr225/detail?.dir=d15d&.dnm=90d6.jpg

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 6/4/2005 9:26:45 AM
Author: catr225

I''ve decided to keep her. I enrolled her in a puppy kindergarden class which starts on Tuesday which I hope will solve the puppy problems.

Puppy problems go away when they are sleeping or they are no longer a puppy.

Good luck & have patience.

 

[Mara]

Yay congrats for you. Personally, I think it is the right decision to stick it out...while having a pup is hard work, TONS of people do it and do it right, so the learning experience is not cut and dry, just do whatever works best for you and the pup.

That face, so cute...!! Oh and I don't know if F&I already said this but a tired pup is a GOOD PUP. One of the ways I got P to sleep so much was lot of interaction and playing with her so that she was mostly too tired to be too much of a handful. But somehow she still managed.

The puppy training is a FAB idea, that is where P got to meet other dogs and begin her social interaction (KEY for dogs!) and also where we got to bond as we both learned more about how to teach her in a positive way etc. Also once you know there IS a way to stop her from nipping and the like, it does make you feel better, especially when you see other puppy parents with their own handfuls..you realize you are not alone. Good luck with that!

 

[fire&ice]

Regarding the tired pup is a good pup - how true! I can remember running Gus around & around the outside of the venue when he was about to his Cainine Good Citzenship test. He was still a handful at a year. I was nervous as Therapy Dog International will not consider a dog until after they pass this test. The trick worked. He actually stayed still for the aloted time.