Need advice on what to do!

[Treasure43]

My fiance and I are debating whether to get married in 2010 or 2011. My parents are only able to help with the dress, which leaves us to finance the rest. We''ve trimmed the guest list to 100 and cut corners where we can and with our honeymoon and rings, the whole affair looks to be almost 15K when we were planning on it being 10K. His parents have offered to help us out if we have the wedding in 2010 as much as they can but said they could give us half if we waited until 2011. It seems the smart thing to do to go with 2011, even though I''d love to be married next year. I guess I''m just looking for thoughts.

 

[cocolaw]

are you talking about the difference in 12 months or 6? where are both of you in your lives? college, grad school, working?

 

[Treasure43]

Either the summer of 2010 or the sumer of 2011. So a difference of 12 months. We''ve both graduated from college and have full-time jobs. I''m a teacher and he''s an accountant. We''re both paying off student loans so we would have trouble footing the entire bill in the summer of 2010 without cutting things we wouldn''t want to sacrifice. If we wait another year (till the summer of 2011) we would be able to have his parents help so we could have a nice wedding that isn''t ridiculously expensive and still have some savings in the bank for a house.

 

[FrekeChild]

Ours will cost around $15,000 for 25ish people. That was a lot to ask of my dad (at least, we thought so) and so we're putting the honeymoon off until we can afford it ourselves. Now granted, our wedding is in Vegas, so we kind of get a honeymoon there for a day after the wedding, but that doesn't count if you ask me!

So I would say that you should put off your honeymoon or cut back on that somehow.

 

[cocolaw]

i would probably wait. it is so hard to save money, and to have a down payment on a house would be huge! and as you know, the months FLY when you are engaged. i know that you would rather get married sooner, but do you live together and share expenses now? if so then getting married won''t make your lives that different. but moving to a house WILL!! yeah i would wait.

 

[Octavia]

Hmm, that''s tough. On one hand, it seems financially smarter to wait...but will any of that be offset by sharing benefits, tax stuff, etc. once you''re married? I''m guessing, since your FI is an accountant, that he''s compared the pre- and post-marriage implications? On the other hand, being engaged for a long time kind of sucks...we had almost a 2-year engagement and for about half of it, all I''ve wanted was just to be married. I would have gone to the courthouse in a second if we hadn''t already chosen the venue and caterer, paid deposits, and all that.

In short, I''d say to do whatever feels right to you, unless it means going into debt for the wedding.

 

[AsscherNut]

It will also help to register for your honeymoon, instead of housewares if you already have that stuff. I have had a few friends do that and they were able to go on a really nice honeymoon as a gift from all of their friends and family. They used www.honeyfund.com and its FREE to sign up

Good Luck!

 

[iheartscience]

I would have a hard time waiting an entire extra year to get married, personally. If I were you, I would go ahead and try to do it in the summer of 2010 and skip or cut back on a few things.

The one good thing I found in paying for the wedding is that you get to spread it out a bit. There are deposits, then the balances aren''t due until closer to the wedding, etc.

If you can figure out ways to save on certain things do you think you could swing it? For example, could you just do wine and beer instead of a full open bar? Or could you figure out a way to make extra money somehow? Sell stuff on eBay, get a part time job, etc.?

I hope you''ll be happy with whatever you end up doing!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 7/26/2009 10:06:45 PM
Author: thing2of2
I would have a hard time waiting an entire extra year to get married, personally. If I were you, I would go ahead and try to do it in the summer of 2010 and skip or cut back on a few things.


The one good thing I found in paying for the wedding is that you get to spread it out a bit. There are deposits, then the balances aren''t due until closer to the wedding, etc.


If you can figure out ways to save on certain things do you think you could swing it? For example, could you just do wine and beer instead of a full open bar? Or could you figure out a way to make extra money somehow? Sell stuff on eBay, get a part time job, etc.?


I hope you''ll be happy with whatever you end up doing!

Ditto Thing 2.

I''d also be concerned because the parents made this offer and I''m sure they would honor it, but their finances seem to be a little tight. Is there any possibility that something could derail their best intentions? Further fallout from the economy, maybe, or a family medical situation? Also, have they offered a set amount, or have they offered to equal your costs? I ask because if it''s the latter, you need to be sure that you''re all talking about the same thing when you''re talking about "wedding costs."

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 7/26/2009 10:26:47 PM
Author: VRBeauty

Date: 7/26/2009 10:06:45 PM
Author: thing2of2
I would have a hard time waiting an entire extra year to get married, personally. If I were you, I would go ahead and try to do it in the summer of 2010 and skip or cut back on a few things.


The one good thing I found in paying for the wedding is that you get to spread it out a bit. There are deposits, then the balances aren''t due until closer to the wedding, etc.


If you can figure out ways to save on certain things do you think you could swing it? For example, could you just do wine and beer instead of a full open bar? Or could you figure out a way to make extra money somehow? Sell stuff on eBay, get a part time job, etc.?


I hope you''ll be happy with whatever you end up doing!

Ditto Thing 2.

I''d also be concerned because the parents made this offer and I''m sure they would honor it, but their finances seem to be a little tight. Is there any possibility that something could derail their best intentions? Further fallout from the economy, maybe, or a family medical situation? Also, have they offered a set amount, or have they offered to equal your costs? I ask because if it''s the latter, you need to be sure that you''re all talking about the same thing when you''re talking about ''wedding costs.''

Thanks everyone for your advice. To answer a few questions:

We''re already living together so that''s not an issue. We are just concerned that if we scrimp and save we''d be sacrificing some of the things we want and then we wouldn''t have much in savings after the wedding.

It''s not that their finances are tight. They just don''t think they culd come up wih 7K in 11 months. That''s quite a bit of money. However, given a little under two years, his mother has said she could save AT LEAST 7K. She might even be able to save more. They''ve offered at least 7K and we''ve budgeted our wedding to be at a little under 15K so that''s about half. She''s also said that if it ends up being a little bit more than 7K that''s fine as well. This gives us a little more leeway on doing things and we won''t have to do anything the bare minimum and be worried about our finances. My stepfather is also saving up and said that he''ll be able to contibute more if we wait the two years.

However, it does mean waiting another year. Neither of us wants to wait another year after the wedding for the honeymoon and we''re pretty set on having the honeymoon right after the wedding. So I guess financially it''s the best move, it gives us more time to plan, BUT it''s another year of engagement.

 

[rhbgirl24]

We are basically paying for our wedding ourselves. We in the same situation as you, both working, but paying back student loans as well. Our wedding will cost about 25K when done, then the honeymoon. Our parents have paid about 6K, so it helps, but doesn''t really bring it down to a small amount!! But we''re doing it, everything is spread out, and I just keep saving. I pay the wedding fund right when I get my check, before anything else. its hard, but you can do it!

 

[Lilac]

I know you said you''re pretty set on having the honeymoon right after the wedding, but maybe you could take a much less expensive vacation for a couple days after the wedding to get away and relax, and save the "big honeymoon" for 6 months or a year later. DH and I couldn''t go on any honeymoon right after the wedding but we went away for a few days a couple months later to just get away and now we''re going on our actual honeymoon in 2 and a half weeks (around 6 months after our wedding)! We''re so excited about it and SO HAPPY to have something so fun to look forward to now!

So if you wanted to get married in 2010 maybe you could take a short, less expensive vacation immediately after the wedding and then save up for a few more months to be able to go on your big honeymoon!

 

[LilyKat]

It all comes down to what your priorities are and what you (and your fiance) want. There''s no right or wrong answer.

If it were me, I''d much rather get married sooner and plan my wedding to fit whatever budget (however small) was available. But if you''re set on having your wedding a particular way, and it costs a certain amount, it seems you have no choice but to wait.

I would just echo VRBeauty that other peoples'' financial plans can change, even with the best intentions. Would you be able to manage a wedding in 2011 even without the 7K promised? I would have a back-up plan ready, but that''s just me.

 

[Patchee]

You do not have to have a riduculiosly (did I spell that right

) wedding!

You want to get married in 2010, do it!!

Why wait? Money issues are ALWAYS going to be there.

Tomorrows Promise to Nobody - meaning get married, who know where you will be tomorrow!

My wedding was UNDER 10K - yes I wrote that right! No, this is did not include our rings, my dress or honeymoon but actual wedding was under 10K!

I say 2010~ Do it!

 

[tlh]

you could get married - court house style in 2010 - and renew in 2011!
Best of both worlds!

 

[tigian]

If it were me, I would go ahead and get married sooner rather than later. With your budget, I''m sure you will have a beautiful wedding. I think you will be proud that you financed the wedding yourself without your parents or in-laws having to save and contribute. If they have money down the road, it may be more useful as part of your downpayment for a house.
One thing that I learned from my wedding is that the sky is the limit in terms of how much you can spend. With a more limited budget at the time, I am so happy I didn''t spend more on my wedding (I can afford more now) because it ended up perfect. So think of the limited budget as a good thing because it really is only one day, though a very special one, it is still one day.

 

[ficklefaye]

i''ve been engaged for over 2 years, i''m getting married in october, and honestly, i wish i got married last year

we weren''t in a hurry, but having a long engagement just hasn''t been that fun for me, i didn''t even take advantage of it because i started planning with less than a year to go, i don''t think i saved that much more in a year, so i would say, just get married next year, if you wait two years, who knows what else will come up, our wedding ended up costing us more than we expected and i''ve had to take money out of my savings, so i don''t think waiting that extra year helped us

 

[Treasure43]

Again, thanks for everyone''s continued great advice! I had my fiance read this so it gave us both something to think about. We''re just concerned that we won''t be able to finance this wedding and invite our 100 guests without withdrawing most of our money that''s in the bank, which is a scary thought. We''re trying to figure out ways to cut costs but the reception seems to be a big cost that there isn''t a way around. I''m not thrilled at waiting another year to get married but don''t know if it''s the financially smart move or not. Everyone is right, unexpected things can come up. It''s hard because there are a few things we''re not willing to sacrifice and this day only happens once in our lives. Yet it''s a HUGE amount to spend on one day of our lives. **Sigh** we''re both so conflicted on this...

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 7/27/2009 11:24:05 AM
Author: Lilac
I know you said you''re pretty set on having the honeymoon right after the wedding, but maybe you could take a much less expensive vacation for a couple days after the wedding to get away and relax, and save the ''big honeymoon'' for 6 months or a year later. DH and I couldn''t go on any honeymoon right after the wedding but we went away for a few days a couple months later to just get away and now we''re going on our actual honeymoon in 2 and a half weeks (around 6 months after our wedding)! We''re so excited about it and SO HAPPY to have something so fun to look forward to now!

So if you wanted to get married in 2010 maybe you could take a short, less expensive vacation immediately after the wedding and then save up for a few more months to be able to go on your big honeymoon!

Ditto this! We are having a DW and we are traveling with everyone so no extra days alone, but we are going to NYC for a long weekend the weekend we get back and we are taking a weeklong business trip without the kids to Europe in Sept. We are planning our honeymoon for next spring because we don''t have time off from work or extra money for a honeymoon on top of a wedding!

I don''t think it makes it any less special as Lilac said and it will give you something else to look forward to after the wedding!