need advice quick....

[rainbowtrout]

OK, so I have offically managed to ruin my own valentine''s day (we postponed it until sat). I''m having one of those time of the month days and EVERYTHING gets my dander up. I tried so hard to control it but I said a bunch of stupid things and was generally grumpy and actually drove him out of the apartment. He was going to make dinner for us but he said he''ll just do it tommorrow and he doesn''t want to be with me today.

I''m not totally sure where he went but he said he''ll be back tonight. Here''s my question:

Do I let well enough alone, and just be calm when he comes back?

Do I make brownies or cookies in addition to saying I''m sorry and calling him to come back?

(I''ve already bought him flowers)

I mean, there are some reasons why I was pissy at him but he seriously didn''t deserve this. What can I do to make it better, or is this just one of those times where you can''t make it better and should let well enough alone?

The worst part is that I am sitting here writing this and I KNOW I behaved horribly and my emotions still are saying alternantly "scream" "throw things" and "cry" and I NEVER act like this!!!! I don''t know what is wrong with me

 

[sistagrl2004]

WE all have times when we''re not feeling nice. I think you should make the brownie/cookie peace offering, but give them to him when he returns..Maybe he needs some space too.

 

[monarch64]

Call him and apologize, and talk things out. Chances are he doesn''t want to really not be with you, and if you talk about it you can probably salvage the evening. Make brownies or whatever TOGETHER later!

 

[stermag]

Rainbow,

Stuff happens. I don''t think the episode you''re describing is much different from some of the ones I''ve been through with my BF, only I''m never brave enough to own up to it online

Figure out whether the feelings that caused you to blow up were valid or whether hormones might have made you overreact. If you really feel you messed up, give him a call to apologize and tell him that he''s welcome back, but no need to go into theatrics to atone either. If he accepts your apology but still prefers to see you another day, accept it and move on with your night.

I guess, in situations like these, it''s too easy to swing the other way and try to overcompeensate by apologizing too profusely or crying and begging him to come back.

In my opinion, if you calmly call and just say "you know, I don''t know what is up with me today, but I thought I should let you know that I''m sorry for a, b or c". Chances are, once he sees/hears you''ve calmed down, he''ll want to come back on his own.

 

[stermag]

I should add one important thing: only apologize for what you really feel sorry for... and accept responsibility for what you really feel responsible for.

Sometimese, when the outcome of any given argument is really bad... and I have that feeling of just wanting to take it all back, I have a tendency to accept responsibility and apologize even for things which he should have been held responsible for... and that''s not fair.

For example... if the argument starts with some criticizm you made of him, but in defense, he hurts you by saying something mean or rude, don''t say "it''s all my fault, I shouldn''t have criticized you"... etc... Know what I''m sprayin''?

 

[rainbowtrout]

Thanks for the help guys--I can be a little invasive in terms of his space, so I held off calling him until he came back (we live together, I knew he would eventually).

So I just said I was sorry for not being able to control myself better and for making the day less fun than it should have been. Silly widget is in the other room making dinner after all...don''t know what I did to deserve him sometimes. I wish I hadn''t messed up the day..but sometimes crap happens.

*sigh* Honestly we are both under so much stress right now its a miracle he didn''t break down too. Oh wait--he had his breakdown yesterday (I''m half kidding here but I knew it was bad when he said ''why couldn''t we just go to tiffany? this is too complicated... ). I just want this to be OVER and to know what we are doing with our lives next year already.

I offered the brownies, but he didn''t seem interested, so I chopped the potatoes for the French fries instead. This is the one time this year he''s cooked for me so hopefully he doesn''t light something on fire

(if you''re wondering, I''m in here PSing because I felt weepy again so I went in the other room with some tea and advil so I don''t rain on his cooking parade...I love the luxury of having an office. Hope we can afford one next year. OK--stopping all thoughts of next year stress NOW. or at least trying)