Need BM advice!!!

[FLgirl41]

So I am trying to figure out how to incorrporate my girlfriends in my wedding and I need some advice. I would love to have 10 bridesmaids but I can''t becuase my fiance only has 5 groomsmen possibly 7 if he asks two of his law school buddies (hes only known them a little over a year by wedding time he will know them 2 and a half); which is unlikely.

We have made the desicion to have one of my bridesmaids be a groomsmaid. She has been friends with my FI longer than I have known her and it was her idea to stand on the grooms side. So that leaves me with 9 potential bridesmaids when at this point I can have 6.

4 of the 9 I know I will for sure ask to be bridesmaids(my two sisters, my best friend since 7th grade (I was the MOH in her wedding), and my very close friend from college) The other 5 I am in a little perdicament! I got a little tipsey one night and without thinking I informally asked 2 of them to be a part of my wedding, they are the girls I first met when I moved to Florida and are basically my only true girl friends in Florida. They have offered to help me with anything and I really would like to ask these two to be the remaining of the bridal party.

So that leaves me with 3 girls I really want to be part of the wedding. 2 of them I have known since I was in kindergarten and have been a huge part of my life up until I was 20 or so. Since then we have kept in contact and try to see each other a couple times a year. If my fiance asks two of his buddies from Law School I will have them be a part of the bridal party, but if not I don''t know how to incorporate them and the last girl who was my first college friend and college room mate for all but one year of college.

So how do I incorporate these three girls. The two that I have known since kindergarten are bestfriends so they could do something together. But I want them to feel like a big part and I want to show them that I appreciate them just as much as the rest. Would it be tacky to have girl ushers, I mean we are already haveing a very non traditional wedding, we have a groomsmaid and my brother is marrying us. They could wear chocolate dresses to match the groomsmen...

I would like to have all of them be part of the wedding in some way. We are not doing readings because either of us are religious and I can''t really think of things for them to read that are not religion based.

I know I probably made no sense. So if any part is confusing just ask. But I really need advice because I would like to ask the girls formally when I am in Minnesota for Christmas.

Thank you in advance!!!!

 

[Cleopatra]

What about having them read scriptures (if it is a spiritual ceremony) or even just ask them to be with you before the ceremony as a sort of "fake" bridesmaid - who has no commitment to buy a dress or anything like that - but JUST to be a special friend on your big day. I know I'd be more than happy to do that for a good friend of mine

EDIT: SOrry - just saw that you aren't doing readings....sorry

!!

 

[FLgirl41]

Date: 10/22/2007 3:03:28 PM
Author: Cleopatra
What about having them read scriptures (if it is a spiritual ceremony) or even just ask them to be with you before the ceremony as a sort of 'fake' bridesmaid - who has no commitment to buy a dress or anything like that - but JUST to be a special friend on your big day. I know I'd be more than happy to do that for a good friend of mine

EDIT: SOrry - just saw that you aren't doing readings....sorry

!!

That is fine no worries here!

. I have thought of maybe finding some non-spiritual poems to read. But the problem with that is I don't want it to be too sappy or cheesy.

 

[largirl]

Do any of them have special talents like singing or playing an instrument?

You could also have them be your attendants. They are usually credited in the program and you could give special thanks to them as well.

 

[aprilcait]

They could be ushers. Who says ushers must be guys, right? They could hand out programs or greet people.

 

[Stephanie]

Wow, 10! I can''t even keep up with two. We are not doing a large wedding party just because we don''t feel like there are many people that are important to both of us. My girlfriends that I have had for forever are doing the ushering and I have given the more responsible friend the task of making sure that everything (luggage, overnight bags, dress bags, etc) gets to the hotel. He feels extremely important because I have told him that he is charge of setting up our suite. He loved the idea - go figure. There are a ton of ways for people to be involved and a ton of ways for them to help you out at the same time. Plus, saving on the favors is a huge plus in my book!

 

[labbielove]

I was in a similar situation, and I explained how I didn''t want a ton of bms, they were so important to me and we wanted them to be included in our day-
they were very understanding (and actually relieved to be a ''non-bm''!) Here''s some "duties" these friends helped with- we were very lucky

1 dear friend actually hosted my shower in her home when my mom passed away and we were unable to have it where we''d been planning-

Another friend had little kids so was free during the day while they were in school- she was wonderful in doing some of the DIY stuff at her convenience and dropping it off to me when she was done- for example, putting together the bathroom baskets, our luminaries, and some photo boards

Another friend is great with flowers so I asked her to help me choose the Mum plants for the front of the church. it was a fun shopping outing together.

Are they in your area? If so you could include them in your dress shopping trips- my sisters are all OOT so I asked a couple of friends to come with me on the initial trip,and then also to a fitting to learn how to bustle me,etc.

 

[Independent Gal]

Yeah, I wonder if it might be a lot of fuss to keep up with 10. Maybe make it less fun for everyone. Somehow I ended up with 7, and while I don''t have to chase them about dresses and stuff, I just feel like it might feel weird on the day getting ready and having so many people. Less intimate.

Find something else fun for them to do! Being an usher doesn''t sound fun to me, personally. But it would certainly make them feel included, and it''s over pretty fast and then the fun can begin.

 

[misysu2]

Wow! 10 BMs!

A little off topic, but if you''re still open to the idea of having readings, etc at your wedding ceremony, I found a good starting place for inspiration: http://weddings.about.com/od/weddingreadings/Directory_of_Wedding_Readings_Religious_Secular_Classic_Unique.htm

There''s a good mix of readings, poetry, etc. here for the secular wedding. Thinking of using some of these for my own.

 

[FLgirl41]

So you don''t think it would be tacky to have girls be ushers/greeters/hand out programs/maybe read a poem.

Also do you think there would be hurt feelings like: I have known you longer than some of the bridesmaids why am I not a bridesmaid and they are; for example the two that I have known for 17+ years compared to the two that I have known for a 1+ years.

I just don''t want to hurt anyones feelings, but the two girls I have known for 17years I never really talk to on a regular basis just here and there when we are not busy or are in the same state. The other two i just met I see regularly have girls nights with monthly and are willing to help.

I feel like this has been my toughest decision thus far in the whole wedding planning...

 

[FLgirl41]

Wow, eveyone replied faster than I can type. My last message was posted before I read a few of the postings.

I know that 10 is a lot but I have lived in 3 different locations so I have gained very close people in each location and I have two sisters who are very close to me as well.

I just don''t know which way to go. I appreciate all the advice. And I will take a look at that web site with the readings, actually I will delegate that duty to my FI he reads quicker than I do.

I don''t know why I am stressing about this. It shouldn''t be this difficult.

 

[misysu2]

One thing I don''t want you to do, FLGirl! Don''t compromise because you''re worried about hurting people''s feelings! This is one of the most important days of your life and it''s not their day. I would hope that they will all acknowledge your happiness and honor your decisions. They should know that you''re making these decisions for specific reasons, and these decisions are what is going to make your day the best for you. Weddings aren''t popularity contests, and I hope that all of your friends and siblings remember that before they are offended at your decisions.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey FL! I hear you on the different locations / collecting friends thing. I have lived in... let me see... ten cities and five countries in my still young-ish life.

Depending how old you are, I wouldn't worry TOO much about offending people by not asking them to be BM's, since it's more a 'duty' than an 'honour' unless the Bride is someone you truly love. The only caution I'd give with new friends vs. old friends is that in my experience, about 3/4 of the friends I make in a new place aren't friends for life. Are these people going to stay in your life forever? If so, it's fine to ask them over the old friends you don't talk to much.

Unless... do you feel like the old friends are people whom you truly love and who truly love you? I have a few friends back home whom I talk to probably four or five times a year, and then e-mail periodically in between. But these are people I would drop everything to go help. You know, spend my savings to bail them out of jail (heeheee!), raise their children if they were in a horrible accident (heaven forbid!), love them forever kind of friends. Doesn't matter how often we talk, the love is there forever.

So, yeah, I guess that's what I'd ask myself. Which of the 'optional' gals do you love more and which love you more with a love that will last your whole lives? I.e., so that you don't find yourself looking at your photos in 20 years of you and your BMs and saying 'who was that girl anyway?'

 

[Neveah]

My FI and I were having the same problem.....I wanted 9, he wanted 11. We went back and forth trying to figure out if we should cut it down (6 on each side was our "ideal") if some should do readings, but then who to seperate??? We finally stopped and decided it''s our day! We''re having them all! We are damn lucky and blessed to have so many close friends and family who we would want up there, so that''s where they''ll be. We don''t care that it will take them as long to walk down the aisle as the ceremony will take, or that all 20 of us can''t fit in a limo....we got a party bus instead! And as far as the "craziness" with that many people....that''s the MOH and BM job to round everybody up! HA HA. And really with all of them surrounding us it makes it that much more of a celebration!
Seriously, who cares if there''s more BM than Groomsmen? One GM can walk with two BM''s......one on either arm. You can make it work. And really, it just makes your wedding that much more unique!

 

[Trelala]

To avoid hurt feelings between friends, I decided that only my sister and hubby''s sister would be BMs, there was no Maid of Honor. And hubby''s brother was the only groomsman. It worked out beautifully for our small-ish (80 ppl) wedding.
Let us know what you decide!

 

[FLgirl41]

Thank you everyone for the input! I am just going to let this all soak in and revisit the situation in a few weeks.

I will propbably revisit it with new issues so I will probably bring this thread back.

Again thank you all!