Need help on situation with noisy neighbors!

[LAJennifer]

I need your advice on addressing a situation. There are 2 girls that live upstairs from my fiance and me. I have lived here for 6 years and it has always been a very peaceful place to live. The girls moved in last fall. One of their bedrooms is over our bedroom (I think they are college students). Well, 2 or 3 times a week (I think it is when her boyfriend stays over) – we are awakened by a jarring thud in the middle of the night (last night it was 1:18 am – but it has happened before pretty close to 3 am). And it is never just one thud, there will be a series. It sounds like someone is dropping weights onto the floor and it sounds like it is going to come through our ceiling. I don’t know if it is actually weights that are being tossed or dropped, but that is just what it sounds like. Whatever it is, it is something very heavy that is being repeatedly dropped on the floor at about 30 second intervals. We started using a white noise machine – it drowns out all other sounds except for those loud thuds. It is severely affecting our lives and obviously, our sleep. I am soooooo not confrontational - but I need to address this situation. If I let my FI handle it, it won''t be pretty. Suggestions? I thought about writing a letter to the tenents with a cc to the landlord. Help please.

 

[monarch64]

Hmmm...when I lived in apartments and had issues with neighbors, I just went to the landlord and complained. Usually what would happen is the tenants being complained about would receive a warning letter from the apartment complex, and the behavior/offense would end. No one likes confrontation, especially me, but if you don''t have a landlord who''s there on the property and would do something about your situation for you, you may have to say something to the girls yourself.

 

[Lorelei]

More flies with honey than vinegar is my first thought. Could you maybe approach them in a non confrontational way and explain the problem and see if they are prepared to work with you to stop it? If this doesn''t work then I would definitely speak to the landlord. Get evidence if you can, try to record the noise if possible and keep a log of dates and times when you get these disturbances. I hope this helps, but try the nice approach first, if this doesn''t work then use other methods.

 

[ammayernyc]

Write a letter to your neighbor but don''t cc the landlord yet, unless you''ve verbally mentioned it to your neighbor before. Send it return receipt (that way you have proof that they actually got it). Say somewhere in the letter that you would love to resolve the situation without getting the landlord involved. That way they know that you''re willing to do that.

Hopefully, they just didn''t realize they were making all that noise and will now stop.

 

[Caribou]

Maybe it''s the headboard..

Kidding!

I had an upstairs neghbor who walked really heavy and was just plain loud.

It annoyed me but I dealt with it, until that is, she decided to go out one night during a ''school'' night got home after 11 and proceeded to vaccum her apartment. That was it, I had had enough.

The next day, I called the apartment manager (who was a friend) and asked if this beast of a woman had any other complaints for her loudness..she hadn''t I couldn''t not believe it....I then told her what happened the night before so they left a note on her door asking her to be considerate of her neighbors and reframe from vaccuming after a certain time. Actually come to think of it, I think I left the note. Anywho, she came home when I was there, read it and proceeding to stomp on her floor like a psycho!

She never made a peep after that.

I suggest you call the office so that there''s some record of this happening, then if they don''t, leave a note on their door. They may not realize how loud whatever it is they are doing is. Although, I think it''s just a given in most apartments you can hear your neighrbors.

I won''t even go into detail what I heard one night while sleeping in a different less sound proof apartment.

Nasty!

 

[Rebemdee]

I agree, honey at first, not vinegar! Upstairs neighbors can make your life painful if you don''t get along.

Maybe you can be sorta funny about it, like, "Hey, nice to meet you. I just wanted to check in because occasionally there are these HUGE THUDS around 1am or 3am, and I wanted to make sure you weren''t dropping any bodies on the floor up there! Ha hahahah.....seriously, it is really loud, and I was wondering if maybe whatever is making the noise could wait until later in the day."

I think if you talk to them first you will get less ill will, and if it doesn''t work, then go to the manager.

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 2/22/2006 11:42:56 AM
Author: Caribou
Maybe it''s the headboard..

Kidding!

Actually, we hear that too on various occasions - thank god it doesn''t last very long!

 

[decodelighted]

I''m thinking maybe don''t confront them in person ... people can get defensive if put on the spot. I might leave a fun "housewarming gift" like a six pack of beer or a plant or something with a note ... "Belated welcome to the neighborhood." But in the note P.S. --- some loud thuds at 1am-3am have been keeping you up and you''re sure they just don''t realize how loud they sound below ... so just a heads up!"

 

[strmrdr]

Go up knock on the door , explain what is going on and ask them to stop.
99% of the time that is all it takes.
Works for me.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 2/22/2006 12:24:36 PM
Author: strmrdr
Go up knock on the door , explain what is going on and ask them to stop.

99% of the time that is all it takes.

Works for me.

I agree. There''s a good chance they just have no idea that whatever it is is so loud in your apartment. Just nicely point it out and move on to some of the other suggestions above if they get defensive and/or keep making the noise. I am also someone with loud upstairs neighbors (bass that shakes our apartment) but unfortunately the culprit is the super''s daughter, so we basically just say turn it down and don''t have anywhere else to turn after that.

But I bet in your case, just asking them in a friendly way will probably do the trick! Good luck!!!!

 

[FireGoddess]

As someone who lived in the same apartment for six years without incident, until one night I was having a graduation party and one of my friends fell (hence a pretty loud thud), I would have much more appreciated being asked to keep it down by my neighbor than having the COPS show up at my door. The cops came and of course we weren't ever really loud to begin with so they just rolled their eyes, told us there was a complaint, please keep it down, wink wink, bye.

I still think that was one of the rudest things I have ever experienced. It honestly made me feel like really pissing them off on purpose.

My point in telling you this is that I think they should be given the opportunity to hear about and correct the situation themselves before being reported to the landlord. Most people are very reasonable, it's the ones who are upset (to clarify, those that are hearing the noise) that tend to want to avoid the confrontation and the face to face. But if done nicely, they should respond to your plea. If not, that's what the landlord or condo association or authorities are for. But nothing's worse than being yelled at for a complaint that was never voiced to you. My 2 cents.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 2/22/2006 12:38:49 PM
Author: FireGoddess
As someone who lived in the same apartment for six years without incident, until one night I was having a graduation party and one of my friends fell (hence a pretty loud thud), I would have much more appreciated being asked to keep it down by my neighbor than having the COPS show up at my door. The cops came and of course we weren''t ever really loud to begin with so they just rolled their eyes, told us there was a complaint, please keep it down, wink wink, bye.


I still think that was one of the rudest things I have ever experienced. It honestly made me feel like really pissing them off on purpose.


My point in telling you this is that I think they should be given the opportunity to hear about and correct the situation themselves before being reported to the landlord. Most people are very reasonable, it''s the ones who are upset (to clarify, those that are hearing the noise) that tend to want to avoid the confrontation and the face to face. But if done nicely, they should respond to your plea. If not, that''s what the landlord or condo association or authorities are for. But nothing''s worse than being yelled at for a complaint that was never voiced to you. My 2 cents.

well said
Iv talked to both of my neighbors and have an agrement no cops.
knock on the door and it will be taken care of.
No fuss no problems.

 

[Kaleigh]

I agree, write a letter and don''t CC it to the land lord. Try to work it out before involving anyone else. Good luck must be a real nuisance.

 

[LAJennifer]

Ok, so my FI and I went up and knocked on their door 2 nights ago and made them aware of the situation. They first tried to blame the noise on the old lady that lives next to them (she''s never woken me up in 6 years and their bedroom, not hers, is over top of our bedroom). Turns out they are law students and the "thuds" are most likely their heavy bookbags. So we asked very nicely for them to be aware that the noise is greatly amplified through out ceiling and to be respectful of that during the early am hours. They agreed. Two nights later, they are still doing it. A "thud" at 1:30 am tonight woke us up again (though this time, there was no walking around to go with it). And here I am at 4:30 am, unable to get back to sleep - and going mad after not having slept through the night once this week. Now what?

 

[rainbowtrout]

I've lived in apartments my entire life, and we solved most of these sorts of problems by talking to the neighbor FIRST. My experiance with a lot of women (even me sometimes) is that we go on about "not being confrontational" as a way to be passive agressive and not deal directly with the situation. Suck it up and deal with getting to know your neighbor face to face and politely telling them the problem. You might even like them. Not enough people know their nighbors anymore...


ETA: good on your for going and talking to them (was typing while you must have posted). I guess the next question is, do the thuds bother you enough to deal with the landlord?

OTOH, they are probably exhausted, stressed, and forgot about it after you told them. Maybe another gentle correction?

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 2/25/2006 7:11:50 AM
Author: LAJennifer
Ok, so my FI and I went up and knocked on their door 2 nights ago and made them aware of the situation. They first tried to blame the noise on the old lady that lives next to them (she''s never woken me up in 6 years and their bedroom, not hers, is over top of our bedroom). Turns out they are law students and the ''thuds'' are most likely their heavy bookbags. So we asked very nicely for them to be aware that the noise is greatly amplified through out ceiling and to be respectful of that during the early am hours. They agreed. Two nights later, they are still doing it. A ''thud'' at 1:30 am tonight woke us up again (though this time, there was no walking around to go with it). And here I am at 4:30 am, unable to get back to sleep - and going mad after not having slept through the night once this week. Now what?

letter to them and the landlord detailing the situation and mention that they were asked to knock it off.

 

[monarch64]

Again, I think it''s time now for you to bring up the issue with your landlord. You''ve asked your neighbors nicely, and the behavior continued. You gave them a fair warning that went unheeded, whether intentional or not, so now you can let the powers that be deal with them. There isn''t a friendship or any other interaction between you and your neighbors, so why let them continue to infringe on your basic right to a good night''s sleep without them suffering the consequences? If there is a clause in your lease that says anything about noise, your landlord''s job is to make sure tenants adhere to all rules/regulations, not yours.

When my husband and I moved into our first place together, we had a family below us (about 10 people in a 2 BR apt.) who''s cooking every night made our apartment smell like dog food, and I am not exaggerating. I read through our lease agreement and found a clause that specified there was to be NO "odiferous" smells escaping a tenant''s apartment. It may sound petty, but the smell was really making us want to gag every night when we came home. How do you knock on your neighbor''s door and tell them their cooking smells are drifting into your own apt. and making you ill??? I went right over to the leasing office and made a complaint. We never had a problem again...maybe their exhaust fan in the kitchen wasn''t working, or they stopped cooking dog food, I don''t know.

 

[marvel]

Date: 2/22/2006 12:24:36 PM
Author: strmrdr
Go up knock on the door , explain what is going on and ask them to stop.
99% of the time that is all it takes.
Works for me.

Ditto! Right then and there, even if it''s 3 in the morning. Go knock on the door and say, ''sorry to bother you, but i was awaken by loud noises coming from up here and i was just hoping you could keep it down a bit . thanks, good nite''

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 2/25/2006 9:13:02 AM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 2/25/2006 7:11:50 AM
Author: LAJennifer
Ok, so my FI and I went up and knocked on their door 2 nights ago and made them aware of the situation. They first tried to blame the noise on the old lady that lives next to them (she''s never woken me up in 6 years and their bedroom, not hers, is over top of our bedroom). Turns out they are law students and the ''thuds'' are most likely their heavy bookbags. So we asked very nicely for them to be aware that the noise is greatly amplified through out ceiling and to be respectful of that during the early am hours. They agreed. Two nights later, they are still doing it. A ''thud'' at 1:30 am tonight woke us up again (though this time, there was no walking around to go with it). And here I am at 4:30 am, unable to get back to sleep - and going mad after not having slept through the night once this week. Now what?

letter to them and the landlord detailing the situation and mention that they were asked to knock it off.

Yep, possibly time to escalate. If it''s a bookbag - that''s kind of a lame excuse. They can''t just drop it on the bed first, or on a desk, instead of the floor?

I probably would have marched right up there after it happened and said, "Yeah, so, this is still not working." But since the time for that has passed, it''s up to you whether you want to give them another chance or just do what storm suggested.

 

[marvel]

At this point, they''re evern starting to pi$$ me off

! I''m ready to walk over there myself and tell them to shut th h3ll up

!!

I need my beauty sleep. A few nights of being sleep deprived and look out!

 

[tsm]

I am so glad (sorry for your luck) that I am not the only one going insane. I moved from a very noisy complex to what a thought was a very nice one. Only to be followed here (not literally) by someone who lived in my building in the old complex. There she lived on the first floor. I lived on the third. We were friendly (not friends but cordial) I gave her kids toys and a nice toybox etc. NOw she is the neighbor from hell. She works nights so she up all hours. Her kids are allowed to be up any time which usually means till arund three am and up at ten. They stomp on the ceiling and when I tap on the ceiling they only stomp more. One night I had a migraine (which have increased since moving here) and I went upstairs to ask them to please quiet it down. THe girl cussed me out. I''ve reported it to the land lord and the land lord simply told me to call the police after 11:00 pm. Like they have nothing better to do. That day someone threw rocks at our window and scared my son to death. The landlord did nothing again. Tonight started again, at 9:20 I banged on the ceiling, someone called my house six times and hung up. No message. Then some one from her clan tried to open my door. Mistake ...maybe he was drunk, who knows but I don''t want that around. They had a party, its now 1:00 am and the party''s over burt she''s still stomping around. I have to work tomorrow. UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. I don''t know what to do. I''m going crazy. I wish thee was a way to force the landlord to move her to a ffirst floor.

 

[allycat0303]

Honestly, I would go knock at 3:30 am when it happens and say, "We were sleeping and were awakened by some loud thuds. We were really concerned and wanted to know if everything was all right, or if we could help?" Then it keeps the peace between neighbors and they get the message that you heard.

 

[VegasAngel]

Just sharing my apartment incidents:
I lived in a first floor apartment once. Our walls were paper thin and I could always hear the neighbors upstairs having sex. I remember the first time I heard the woman I jumped out of bed thinking someone was getting beat up/raped outside, I mean that is how loud she was. Nope, just the neighbors getting their freak on. Why do you have to be so loud the entire city of Las Vegas can hear you? Not only that, after they were done I could hear them get up & go pee. No way in heck was I going to say something in person, I went to the leasing office & complained, which my boyfriend didnt want me to do since he liked listening to them, pig. I know they got a complaint letter because man they were louder than ever. Not only that the man started pounding the floor when he walked. 3 months later they moved making sure on their last night we got a grand finale. They were replaced by a woman who we could hear exercising
every night. Oh the joys of apartment living.

 

[Scooba]

I am really suprised by many of your responses. Nobody likes a tattle tale and writing a letter is cold and like taking the easy way out. I think you should talk to them, I know I was be very upset if the landlord talked to me or if I got a letter I would just be like "that b*t*h" and not care, but if you came and talked to me and were sweet and just explained that you have early hours, you tried your white noise machine but it''s not getting the job done, it''s starting to affect your life and your sleep and you don''t know what else to do, and you would really appreciate me trying keeping it down just a tad I would be very responsive, I would be like "oh she''s so sweet, I feel bad," I would probably even send some sorry flowers, I would feel really bad if I knew all that.

I am speaking from experience, usually upstairs neighbors don''t realize how much you can here, I once lived below a six year old girl and her really sweet parents, I couldn''t believe how loud they let her be at night and very early in the morning, I''m sure they didn''t know, they couldn''t have. I have been the upstairs neighbor here now for a while and one below me neighbor came up and asked us to be a bit quiter once and I totally respected that and was very sorry, but the nerighbor below us know likes to tell management and call the cops and we are honestly not making any loud noise when this happens we just have different hours, both times the cops have come I have been in bed and FI watching TV very quietly, it''s probably just because there is so walking around, water running, talking, normal noises but at 3 or 4am. Now I can''t stand this woman and think she is a b*t*h and don''t respect her and try to be extra quiet (I know I am a super brat, FI is always telling me to be quiet but I think I should be allowed to be normal in my house, and I am never loud anyways, and she plays loud music all the time and now I am petty).

Anyway, I bet these girls don''t realize how loud they are being (especially because maybe they are drunk at these hours, I was usually drunk and loud between 1 and 3am when I was in college) I just think when you have a problem with someone you should go to them and not behind their back, I hate when people have a problem with me and can''t say something to my face.

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 6/10/2006 1:17:34 AM
Author: tsm
I am so glad (sorry for your luck) that I am not the only one going insane. I moved from a very noisy complex to what a thought was a very nice one. Only to be followed here (not literally) by someone who lived in my building in the old complex. There she lived on the first floor. I lived on the third. We were friendly (not friends but cordial) I gave her kids toys and a nice toybox etc. NOw she is the neighbor from hell. She works nights so she up all hours. Her kids are allowed to be up any time which usually means till arund three am and up at ten. They stomp on the ceiling and when I tap on the ceiling they only stomp more. One night I had a migraine (which have increased since moving here) and I went upstairs to ask them to please quiet it down. THe girl cussed me out. I''ve reported it to the land lord and the land lord simply told me to call the police after 11:00 pm. Like they have nothing better to do. That day someone threw rocks at our window and scared my son to death. The landlord did nothing again. Tonight started again, at 9:20 I banged on the ceiling, someone called my house six times and hung up. No message. Then some one from her clan tried to open my door. Mistake ...maybe he was drunk, who knows but I don''t want that around. They had a party, its now 1:00 am and the party''s over burt she''s still stomping around. I have to work tomorrow. UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. I don''t know what to do. I''m going crazy. I wish thee was a way to force the landlord to move her to a ffirst floor.

Sorry to hear about your misfortunes. Here is what I would do: Get a copy of your city noise ordinance - it should list the hours that noise is acceptable. Give it to the landlord and start keeping a daily (nightly) log of the unacceptable noise and the times they take place. And, personally, I would keep calling the cops every time it is excessive. Eventually, something has got to give . . .

Luckily for us, our upstairs neighbors did quiet down after we confronted them in the middle of the night. They tried to blame it on the old lady next door. I told them I knew it wasn''t her because I could hear the headboard slamming against the wall. I think they got very embarrassed - because I have not heard them have sex since. The "thuds" we kept hearing were their heavy bookbags being dropped on the floor. That has also stopped.

 

[diamondfan]

they may genuinely not be aware of how sound travels or that there is an issue that is troubling you, so it may be wise to mention it. however, if they still do it after you have talked and you then have to go to the management people or the landlord, they will then know it was you and could get pissy about it. (sad to say but could be true). Do you know anything about them or how they are? I know getting woken up is awful, so you should be able to resolve it, but hopefully without there being stress or conflict...

 

[Mara]

i think part of how to deal with the situation is your living situation. in apartment living i don't really think i'd feel like the need to tell someone face to face something because chances are they or i could move out within the next 6 months anyway. apartment living is so transient and impersonal anyway.

but when we moved in to our new townhouse, we realized our new friendly neighbor was a young 25 year old whose parents had helped him get into his place next to ours with family $$. his parents live in the complex too. anyway, he was obviously the only friend with his own house at that age in his friend group, and all his friends came over all the time, and they'd hang out outside and bbq etc. which is no big deal except they'd go until the wee hours of the morning and our master bedroom faces the front where the patios are and so sound carries REALLY easily in our townhouses, like insanely easily. if someone is talking on the patio downstairs and our window is open upstairs, i can hear their whole conversation. it's like being there..literally.

so anyway after a few weeks of the whole thing, we started going downstairs to tell him to please be quieter. he was always really apologetic and we felt bad but typically we'd only go down if it was like midnight on a weeknight and we had to get to sleep or it was past 1am on a weekend and we were like hey can you go inside and party? we can't hear anything when they are inside the house. we had to do it like 20 times all summer long before he FINALLY got the message..and that included a few over the fence convos the next day as well...just dropping things here and there like ' we heard how much fun you guys were having last nite!...' and he'd be like 'oh sorry.' or i'd be like 'hey so what's up with that chick you mentioned last nite?' he was like 'wow you could hear that?'. so it was slow going. then a guy a little older than him but party animal #2 moved into another townhouse a few houses down, about a few months later and guess what? they started going to his house to bbq and hang out. now we hardly ever hear them at our neighbors house except during the days which doesn't matter, and it's awesome because we are friendly with all of them so kind of feel like they want to not piss us off. but the person next to the other dude at the end of the building where they go now? i feel so bad for her!! and she doesnt seem super friendly to begin with so im sure she's just jazzed. i did mention to our neighbor that we can't hear them at all inside the house so i did notice then that they'd go inside more too.

but anyway if it was an apt with tons of other neighbors, we'd probably just have called the cops for noise complaints or written a letter or left a note on the door or whatever, but for a neighbor like this that we have been now living next to for 3 years, and wanted to be on good terms with him (we know he watches our house for us when we are gone and stuff)...we spent more time trying to cultivate a positive way to drill home to him that he was driving us insane. and lucky for us he's friendly and wants to be on good terms too so he really tries.