shigidigi
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2007
- Messages
- 401
No, dont worry- we''ll still be getting married I am just having serious thoughts about canceling the wedding we''ve been planning!!
I am bad about sharing bits and pieces about my personal life because I don''t want to bore you all (god knows we all have problems) and I don''t want to come across as someone who cant handle the hand of cards I was dealt. But in this case, I will give you a brief cliff''s notes version of my background.
I am the eldest child in my family. My parents divorced when I was only 2 months old (my mother just couldnt stand my father anymore) and she moved us down to Florida from NC. Both my parents got remarried quite a few years later to new people two weeks apart from one another (can we say crazy time??!). My father had three additional daughters with his new wife and my mother had two sons with her new husband- all within 5 years.
My mother is still married, my eldest brother just went off to college and announced that he is planning on marrying his mormon girlfriend in June (they have been dating since August).
My father and his wife divorced a number of years ago and is now planning engaged to a woman who is 21 (much younger than myself). And to top it off my sister (also 21) got married in July of 2006, so I am not the first one to get married.
Here is my dilemma- my parents (mom and dad) do NOT get along. My father pretends to be all sweet to my mom and my mom just flat out cant stand him. Since we are having a small wedding in the mountains of NC (no traditional anything), I didnt think it was weird that my mom asked to walk me down the aisle. After all, she raised me and we are uber close (despite the fact that I moved 3000 miles away to San Fran). My father catches wind of this scenario and calls to yell at me for an hour discussing how I am a thoughtless daughter and how walking me down the aisle is a "man''s role" and that by not allowing him to do it is a measurement of how much (or lack I guess) I love him. In all honesty I dont feel like we are close enough to have him walk me down the aisle- we''ve never had a great relationship. I even thought of having my mother''s father (almost like a father to me) walk me down to save the peace (we should call him Switzerland!) but I know that will still displease my father.
My mother can''t offer to contribute any money to the wedding because having my brother in college and my second brother about to start college in a few years she is strapped. No biggie- I was going to make this an inexpensive as I could and FI and I would just pay for it ourselves. Dad offered to give me the same amount of money he gave my sister for her wedding- not a lot, but generous regardless.
Since FI''s parents live in FL as do mine, we decided since it was a long drive for them to come to the wedding we would rent out a cabin to have them all stay. Not expensive, and very beautiful. Since my father''s family lives in NC I didnt even think that they would need accomodations too.
However, now that my father is playing this game of "if you do for your mom, you should do for me" I now feel obligated to book them a cabin as well. And even though he is offering us some money for the wedding, the costs are just spiraling out of control now and I just dont want to spend the money.
FI and I are thinking of moving back to the east coast (most likely NC) next fall and the prospect of buying a house is a big money issue for us. I have finally come to the conclusion that I would rather not spend the money on this wedding, elope here in SF, and spend the money we would have spend as part of a down payment on a house.
I know this has been disgustingly long but I seriously need some opinions. What would you all do? Save the money (and my sanity for that reason trying to deal with my family) or go through with it knowing it will be fun but still having the potential for a family feud (and how embarrassing too in front of FI''s sweet family!!)
I am bad about sharing bits and pieces about my personal life because I don''t want to bore you all (god knows we all have problems) and I don''t want to come across as someone who cant handle the hand of cards I was dealt. But in this case, I will give you a brief cliff''s notes version of my background.
I am the eldest child in my family. My parents divorced when I was only 2 months old (my mother just couldnt stand my father anymore) and she moved us down to Florida from NC. Both my parents got remarried quite a few years later to new people two weeks apart from one another (can we say crazy time??!). My father had three additional daughters with his new wife and my mother had two sons with her new husband- all within 5 years.
My mother is still married, my eldest brother just went off to college and announced that he is planning on marrying his mormon girlfriend in June (they have been dating since August).
My father and his wife divorced a number of years ago and is now planning engaged to a woman who is 21 (much younger than myself). And to top it off my sister (also 21) got married in July of 2006, so I am not the first one to get married.
Here is my dilemma- my parents (mom and dad) do NOT get along. My father pretends to be all sweet to my mom and my mom just flat out cant stand him. Since we are having a small wedding in the mountains of NC (no traditional anything), I didnt think it was weird that my mom asked to walk me down the aisle. After all, she raised me and we are uber close (despite the fact that I moved 3000 miles away to San Fran). My father catches wind of this scenario and calls to yell at me for an hour discussing how I am a thoughtless daughter and how walking me down the aisle is a "man''s role" and that by not allowing him to do it is a measurement of how much (or lack I guess) I love him. In all honesty I dont feel like we are close enough to have him walk me down the aisle- we''ve never had a great relationship. I even thought of having my mother''s father (almost like a father to me) walk me down to save the peace (we should call him Switzerland!) but I know that will still displease my father.
My mother can''t offer to contribute any money to the wedding because having my brother in college and my second brother about to start college in a few years she is strapped. No biggie- I was going to make this an inexpensive as I could and FI and I would just pay for it ourselves. Dad offered to give me the same amount of money he gave my sister for her wedding- not a lot, but generous regardless.
Since FI''s parents live in FL as do mine, we decided since it was a long drive for them to come to the wedding we would rent out a cabin to have them all stay. Not expensive, and very beautiful. Since my father''s family lives in NC I didnt even think that they would need accomodations too.
However, now that my father is playing this game of "if you do for your mom, you should do for me" I now feel obligated to book them a cabin as well. And even though he is offering us some money for the wedding, the costs are just spiraling out of control now and I just dont want to spend the money.
FI and I are thinking of moving back to the east coast (most likely NC) next fall and the prospect of buying a house is a big money issue for us. I have finally come to the conclusion that I would rather not spend the money on this wedding, elope here in SF, and spend the money we would have spend as part of a down payment on a house.
I know this has been disgustingly long but I seriously need some opinions. What would you all do? Save the money (and my sanity for that reason trying to deal with my family) or go through with it knowing it will be fun but still having the potential for a family feud (and how embarrassing too in front of FI''s sweet family!!)
300x240.png)