Need some dress reassurance, please

[katamari]

I have two dress issues that I am freaking out about currently.

Freak out # 1.

I was out of town this weekend for a wedding (two of my best friends--it was absolutely amazing!) and I came home to a message from the person doing my dress alterations (I had asked her to remove the train, fit the bodice, and reshape the dress so that the crinoline could be removed. I also am using a designer and not just a seamstress because of all the changes I requested). When I called back, she let me know that she did not feel it will work to remove the crinoline and would be unable to reshape the dress without it. It is an asymmetrical dress, slightly trumpted, and she said it would loose this shape without the crinoline. She said she tried several muslin mock-ups of the skirt, but it just didn''t work (keeping the trumpet flair) in any inclination.

I want to take her advice (she is the professional), but now I am stressed because I specifically wanted to make my dress less formal. My biggest pet peeve about DWs is when the bride is dressed to the 9s and everyone is dressed to, about the 3.5s. I want to wear a birdcage veil and pearls (double-strand necklace, simple drop earrings, and a bracelet). Should I (1) tone down on accessories to look less formal? Should I (2) have the crinoline removed anyways even if it changes the shape of the dress? Or, should I (3) just deal with it and look out of place? FWIW, FI is wearing suit pants, a shirt, tie, and vest (but no jacket).

Freak out #2.

I have been looking for a BM dress to wear to our reception (which is 2 weeks after our DW, after we return). I am wearing my wedding dress through dinner and then changing after dinner/planned events. I was thinking about a Vera Wang maids dress, but then I found a dress from etsy that I really like by Amanda Archer. The problem--I have to order it without ever trying it on. It is made to custom measurements, so I know I shouldn''t worry. But, this is a huge deal. Would you order a dress you love on a dress form that you would not see on you? I think it will look good on my shape (very curvy, large chest, slightly pear, small waist). I also think it is more my style and has many elements of the VW dress I like while compensating for those I don''t. But, I actually know that I love the way the VW dress looks on me (and am just speculating about the etsy dress).

If you could follow the jumbled post, any thoughts are completely appreciated!

Here is my actual wedding dress:

 

[katamari]

The etsy dress:

ETA: This is in cotton. I would probably get another fabric.

 

[katamari]

The Vera maids dress:

 

[kama_s]

Is that Vera Wang dress the same one as you posted before? Because if it is, that would be my preference over the Etsy dress. I''m always wary of buying clothes online, and this is something you dont want to risk. If it doesn''t work out, it''ll add so much more stress.

I don''t know what to say re: your wedding dress, sorry

My personaly preference would be to have a less-poofy dress and keep your jewellery as-is. Is there no way she can take out the crinoline and somehow make the dress work?

 

[katamari]

I hear ya, kama. I am all about buying my clothes online, but only when there are return policies. I asked her to send a sample, but since everything is handmade, that is not an option. The Vera maids dress is the one I posted before. PSers generally disliked it (not everyone, though), but my posture was terrible in the pic, and I think that is why. FI also doesn''t like the VW, but he has only seen it on the model and he all he could comment on was the color (and I would be getting the dress in ivory).

I am going to stop by the shop where my real wedding dress is on Wednesday. I am hoping we can come up with something. There are three layers of crinoline, so even if we could get rid of one, I would be happier. I got the dress cheap, so if I had to buy a new dress, it wouldn''t be a huge loss, except that I am 99 days out! EEK!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 5/25/2009 11:16:39 PM
Author:katamari
I have two dress issues that I am freaking out about currently.

Freak out # 1.


My biggest pet peeve about DWs is when the bride is dressed to the 9s and everyone is dressed to, about the 3.5s. I want to wear a birdcage veil and pearls (double-strand necklace, simple drop earrings, and a bracelet). Should I (1) tone down on accessories to look less formal? Should I (2) have the crinoline removed anyways even if it changes the shape of the dress? Or, should I (3) just deal with it and look out of place? FWIW, FI is wearing suit pants, a shirt, tie, and vest (but no jacket).

Here is my actual wedding dress:

I think it is every brides right to be dressed to the 9''s on her wedding day! I know i will be, and i''m getting married in my back yard.

Could you not request that your guests dress up a bit more so that you do not feel so out of place?

I would be worried that taking the crinoline out would remove too much shape, as it is a beautiful dress.

I like the vera wang bridemaids dress too.

 

[Yimmers]

I''d listen to the advice of the designer - she''s the expert here.

If you like how VW looks on you, then go with it. The Etsy dress is custom made, so if you don''t like it, you can''t return it. Plus, the neckline will likely draw more attention and emphasize your chest. Thus, it may not look proportionally right on you, while the VW has a natural waistline with a belt which will emphasize your small waist.

 

[honey22]

Date: 5/26/2009 5:00:25 AM
Author: Yimmers
I''d listen to the advice of the designer - she''s the expert here.

If you like how VW looks on you, then go with it. The Etsy dress is custom made, so if you don''t like it, you can''t return it. Plus, the neckline will likely draw more attention and emphasize your chest. Thus, it may not look proportionally right on you, while the VW has a natural waistline with a belt which will emphasize your small waist.

Ditto, I would have to err on the side of caution and listen to what your desginer says. I don''t think you can be too dressed up on your wedding day, but you have to feel comfortable in order to enjoy your day fully. You could always pull back on the jewellery to tone the look down if you are still unsure.

 

[laughwithme]

I think you should not remove the crinoline from the dress - and, in my opinion, that is not a SUPER formal dress and I don''t think you at all need to be worried about being overdressed versus the other guests. You''re the bride, for heaven''s sake! I would say allow the designer to make any changes she feels comfortable with but beyond that, nope, the dress is stunning un-altered anyway.

I personally like the Etsy dress. I have had excellent luck ordering all sorts of things online, inc dresses, and because the general style is similar to the VW dress, I wouldn''t be too nervous. Ultimately, it comes down to which one you like better and if you''re willing to take a small risk.

 

[rhbgirl24]

I think it would be just fine if you are "Over" dressed compared to everyone else! Most of the time the bride is! I would take the advice of the pro, just in case. What happened if you tell her to do it anyway, and you don''t like the way it looks?

I would go with the VW dress, you can try it on. I know in my experience, I can like the look of one thing and HATE it on me!

Good luck!

 

[Morgie44]

I think that if you take the train off your dress, it will be perfect for a beach wedding! Are you worried that the crinoline makes it too formal, or that you will be too hot with it in? Maybe they can take a few layers of the crinoline out to deminish the poof a bit, to kind of meet in the middle?

For your reception dress, I prefer the Etsy dress, but I don''t think I would be brave enough to by it sight unseen, for such a big event...

 

[GoodSoul]

It''s a lovely dress! I too think that you should heed the designer advice but ask if you can have less crinoline, just enough to keep the silhouette. With the train off, I think it''s not that dressy even for a beach wedding. You can then chose to tone down your accessories and try out to balance it out. You are going to look gorgeous!!

I have been eyeing on that etsy dress for awhile but was concerned about not able to try it out as well. I think you should go in and try out the VW again (if possible).

I think we are in the opposite situation as I just found out what my SILs and DH''s niece are going to wear and my original plan of evening dress went down the hill. They will be dressed in the traditional Chinese Cheongsam with sequins, beads and stuff. I was still thinking about changing into a plain grey dress to be comfortable! Hahahaha... I have to shop for a more formal dress now.

 

[allycat0303]

Hi Katamari!

I don''t think it''s a super formal dress. I honestly would just drop the accessories (but I''m not an accessories person..so grain of salt) and maybe have FI dress different, like a lightweight, pale colored suit in tan (with a jacket...unless he really is anti-jacket), and go with more casual shoes for yourself.

I WOULD NOT have the crinoline taken out. I think that''s part of the beauty of the dress, is the way it was made. And in my opinon, I don''t think the dresses pouffiness will decrease the formality factor.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 5/26/2009 3:30:17 PM
Author: allycat0303
Hi Katamari!

I don''t think it''s a super formal dress. I honestly would just drop the accessories (but I''m not an accessories person..so grain of salt) and maybe have FI dress different, like a lightweight, pale colored suit in tan (with a jacket...unless he really is anti-jacket), and go with more casual shoes for yourself.

I WOULD NOT have the crinoline taken out. I think that''s part of the beauty of the dress, is the way it was made. And in my opinon, I don''t think the dresses pouffiness will decrease the formality factor.

Ditto to this. I agree that a suit for him will be more in line with your dress (which is really beautiful!).

 

[kama_s]

Date: 5/26/2009 1:27:26 AM
Author: katamari
I hear ya, kama. I am all about buying my clothes online, but only when there are return policies. I asked her to send a sample, but since everything is handmade, that is not an option. The Vera maids dress is the one I posted before. PSers generally disliked it (not everyone, though), but my posture was terrible in the pic, and I think that is why. FI also doesn't like the VW, but he has only seen it on the model and he all he could comment on was the color (and I would be getting the dress in ivory).

I am going to stop by the shop where my real wedding dress is on Wednesday. I am hoping we can come up with something. There are three layers of crinoline, so even if we could get rid of one, I would be happier. I got the dress cheap, so if I had to buy a new dress, it wouldn't be a huge loss, except that I am 99 days out! EEK!

I went back to your dress thread, and my fav out of them all was the Siri. But the thing I didn't like about the VW was the colour - the brown washed you out. But if you're changing it to the ivory then I think it would look great.

I agree, if you can get the train out and one layer of crin, then the dress should be a-okay. It's the onyl day in your life you can ever wear a wedding dress, so you might as well rock it! The dress looks phenomenal, so I dont think you should be worried about anything!

 

[katamari]

hawaiianorangetree, thanks for the dress help and compliments! I could request the others to dress up more. Only our immediate families are going to be at the wedding, so they would be happy to oblige.

I am really modest, Yimmers so attention to the chest is definitely NOT what I am looking for. That is why I don''t like the dress in the other post that everyone liked most. All great points about that dress that I hadn''t really thought about, so I really appreciate it!

Thanks, Honey! I am going to meet with the designer today at 4, so I hope it works, but in the end I am going to listen to her. If not, I think I will just have to be fine with it. FI is really a jeans and tee kinda guy, so I am used to dressing nicer.

Very true, laughwithme. I specifically chose a dress that didn''t have lace, beading, or many embellishments to keep it toned down, so hopefully this will be okay. When I go to the designer today, the train will be removed, so I hope that tones it down a lot. I am not at all a risk taker, so the fact that I am even considering the Etsy dress says I must really love it.

Removing the crinoline is very much undoable, rhbgirl, and I don''t want the extra drama associated with having to find another dress in the last 100 days. And, I also often return things I buy online because of that exact reason.

I am mainly worried about pouf looking more formal, Morgie, but now that you mention it, it is going to be 100F so the less material the better. I didn''t look good in sheath dressed, but that is the look I was going for in the beginning with my wedding dress. I also don''t think I will be brave enough to order the etsy dress. Too bad I have already shot my budget out of the water, or I would just get them both.

Thanks, GoodSoul! Maybe we could share the etsy dress, lol. Any chance you are an 8? I think I am going to make an appointment to try on the VW dress again this week. I really did love it when I tried it on--it is very much my style. That is funny about your SILs. I love the look of Cheongsams, too, so I cannot blame them for wanting to wear one, but it does make a plain grey dress seem out of place. If my wedding dress was a fabulous as yours is, though, I don''t know if you could ever get me out of it

Thanks, Ally! I texted FI a pic of a tan suit to see what he thought. He said he doesn''t want to wear linen, and I cannot get him to realize that light suits come in other material than linen, but this is an option. I am the more anti-jacket. I just think the vest-only look is so hot right now. I did find a single pearl pendant I loved, so simpler jewelry is also an option.

Thanks, diamondseeker! I do love my dress, too.

Thanks, kama. Yeah, I am translucent pale, so I look terrible in non-deep browns. I hope I can get her to agree to one layer of crinoline! We''ll see. I am such a buy-it-think-about-it-maybe-return-it kind of shopper. I think that is why this wedding stuff is so hard for me. Too many final decisions!

 

[katamari]

Just as an update for all of you wonderful PSers who helped me with this. I met with the designer today. I saw the skirt mock-ups that she made and I did totally agree with her the dress does need something or else it totally looses it shape. It didn''t just become the flowing sheath that I thought it would, but was more like a sad limp sack. However, she went to the fabric store and bought some softer crinoline. She is going to remove two of the crinoline layers and replace them with this material. That way it still has volume, but not the stiffness I associate with big puffy dresses. YAY!

I also stopped by the bridal shop where the Vera maids dress was to try it on one more time. They had just got in the newest Vera maids dresses as well as other designers I had been waiting to see. I saw a bunch of cute dresses, but I just didn''t like them as much or feel another was more my style than the original Vera maids dress, so I ordered it! I totally feel at ease about it and am quite excited! DOUBLE YAY!

 

[kama_s]

Awesome! You''re all set then!

I''m sure the desginer is an expert, but I just wanted to add, I have a similar A-line flowing dress and I really dont want poof either. So my dress just has crinoline only on the bottom half, so it falls nice. Is that something your designer can try?

 

[Sparkalicious]

Date: 5/28/2009 12:22:53 AM
Author: katamari
Just as an update for all of you wonderful PSers who helped me with this. I met with the designer today. I saw the skirt mock-ups that she made and I did totally agree with her the dress does need something or else it totally looses it shape. It didn''t just become the flowing sheath that I thought it would, but was more like a sad limp sack. However, she went to the fabric store and bought some softer crinoline. She is going to remove two of the crinoline layers and replace them with this material. That way it still has volume, but not the stiffness I associate with big puffy dresses. YAY!

I also stopped by the bridal shop where the Vera maids dress was to try it on one more time. They had just got in the newest Vera maids dresses as well as other designers I had been waiting to see. I saw a bunch of cute dresses, but I just didn''t like them as much or feel another was more my style than the original Vera maids dress, so I ordered it! I totally feel at ease about it and am quite excited! DOUBLE YAY!

Yay! Love it ... I think you did the perfect thing. Don''t change your dress ... you''ll be fab and formal - as you are supposed to be ... doesn''t matter if everyone else is informal.

You know I love that Vera dress so I''m glad that you ordered it as well!

You rocked out in that dress and FI is going to eat his words when he sees you in it.

For whatever it''s worth - I love the Etsy dress too and think that you should get it

... you''ll find somewhere to wear it. It would be SUPER cute on you. If it''s made to your measurements and you know that that style dress works on your shape then it should be all good even though you don''t have the chance to try it on.

 

[katamari]

Thanks, Kama! It does feel good to be set. It is incredible how much I stopped caring the moment the check was signed. I will talk to the designer and ask her about having the crinoline just on the bottom--seems feasible since it is already trumpeted. It is pretty form fitting through the hips already.

You know how much I love a good enabling, Spark! We are having a day after brunch that the Etsy dress would be cute for. . .

I certainly hope you are right about FI when he sees the reception dress

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 5/25/2009 11:16:39 PM
Author:katamari
I have two dress issues that I am freaking out about currently.

Here is my actual wedding dress:

I''m so glad that everything has worked out fine. I love your wedding dress. It''s so nice NOT to see yet another strapless dress (no offence to all you strapless dress lovers)

 

[AmberGretchen]

I''m so glad you got everything worked out - that''s wonderful!!

 

[GoodSoul]

So happy that it worked out for you!!

I second Spark''s suggestion of getting the Etsy dress

I''m a 6 but I definitely do not have that tiny waist of yours! I WISH!! I WISH!! I WISH Though!!! Thanks for your compliments on my dress!

 

[Winks_Elf]

I personally would just shorten the gown to a tea or cocktail length! The top of the gown is classic for day or evening, but it''s the length and train that makes it more formal.