New Girl in Town

[MisakiChan]

Hi, I'm Misaki! Glad to be here.

So, my story. I've been with my current bf for almost a year now and we have discussed marriage. Last week, he talked to his parents about it and they said we should wait 2 more years to get engaged and then 1 year to get married. He always told me he wanted to propose sometime next year and now I'm told I have to wait one more year. I love him and I'd certainly wait for him, but I wanna be absolutely sure he will do it.

I'm 19 and he's 20, we're both in med school and have a long way to go to finish our education, so our parents would have to support us financially.

What do you think?

 

[wakingdreams53]

As a 20 year old, I'd like to ask you what the rush is.
You are unable to support yourselves, are both on a rigorous academic path.

You're looking for certainty and unfortunately, there is none. Best bet is to enjoy the relationship as it is and not consider yourself a "lady-in-waiting" because it will very quickly drive you crazy.

This is the best advice I can give you, as I definitely understand where you're coming from and am experiencing it too.

You two are in love and see a future together. There's nothing better.
Focus on your studies, become independent of your parents and the doors will be wide open for you.

Ask your bf if he truly wants to marry you. Don't get too excited if he says "yes" because you'll still have to wait. Reminding yourself of that "yes" for the next two years will also drive you crazy. And to be quite honest, you never know what'll happen in a year, let alone two.

(My story: SO proposed to me 10 months into our relationship but wanted it to be a secret until we could prove our financial stability to our parents. I made him take it back because a secret sucks and was breaking my heart. We're going on 3 years this January. I try my hardest not to be "waiting" and it genuinely drives me crazy, but at the end of the day, I remember, "what's the rush?" and that keeps me, relatively sane.)

 

[Amys Bling]

I think his parents are right. You are soo young-- only together for one year- and unable to support yourselves. What is the rush? Why not wait and do it right when you are independent and established? You can't expect his family to support you two as a young married couple...taking the step of getting engaged and marries ahould be done when you are able to move out and start your lives together emotionally and financially.

 

[MisakiChan]

Yes, I know we're young and I agree we should wait. However, in our country med school lasts for 6 years and right now we're in second year. It would mean 5 more years until we finish college and then another 5 years until we finish residency.
I've never been a true believer in marriage and happy endings and I've never waited a boy to come up and "save me". I wouldn't care if he never married me.
Thanks for the support!