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[claireb85]

Hi everyone!

I have been lurking around these boards for awhile and I finally decided to post something. I have been with my bf for 4 1/2 years and we''ve been living together for almost 3. He is in grad school and finishing up his classwork now before he heads into a year of clinicals. We have talked a lot about getting married and we are going to wait until he is completely finished with school (May 2010). A long engagement is fine for us because that will give us time to save for the wedding, which we will be financing ourselves. He says he is 100% sure he wants to marry me and I know he has the money for a ring, so I''m just not sure why he hasn''t proposed. We went ring shopping a few weeks ago and he seemed to be pretty knowledgeable about diamonds, so I know he has been doing some research online. It just doesn''t seem like he is anywhere near making an actual purchase, which frustrates me because I''m wondering how much longer he''s going to make me wait. Like so many of you have posted before me, it is so irritating to watch all of my friends meet their bf/get engaged/get married before we are even engaged. I know it''s not a race and I don''t want him to feel pressure from me, but it is incredibly frustrating. I just don''t understand what he''s waiting for. After 4 1/2 years, I would think he''d start making plans for a proposal. It seems like it''s "time" to me. What do you think?

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Hi Claire, welcome!

There could be a whole host of reasons for why he hasn''t proposed yet. He might be waiting for a special time to surprise you. If you are both on the same page you have nothing to worry about. Just give him time, I''m sure you will get your ring!

 

[misskitty]

Hi, claireb85, and welcome to LIW!

May 2010 isn''t too far away, so maybe he''s waiting to get past that school hurdle before taking the next step.

 

[sapphirepulse]

I definitely sympathize with you. My FI and I have been dating almost five years (our anniversary is later this month.) So many people I graduated with were getting engaged and married, people who had been with their SO less time than my BF and I.

I can''t speak for your BF, but it might not take him long to go from planning to proposing. We first went ring-browsing in February. We had a ring made by March, and we got engaged in April. Maybe he wants to wait til he has finished school. Maybe he planning something and is just really good at hiding it from you, haha.

If it really bothers you, maybe you could gently bring it up sometime when he seems receptive. I have a slight tendency to be neurotic sometimes and I couldn''t help but voice some of my curiosity to my BF, and he reassured me that it wouldn''t be long. It was kind of a joking thing between us for a while.

If I may ask, what kind of grad program is he in that he''s doing clinicals? I''m just wondering if we''re going to school for something similar.

 

[PumpkinPie]

welcome to PS claireb85

 

[LadyJane83]

Welcome Claire!

From your post it seems likely that he is waiting until May 2010. As long as you''re sure that you both are on the same page, don''t worry. I know it''s frustrating though! Have you outright asked him about a timeframe?

 

[claireb85]

Sorry everyone, let me make a correction to my OP......He will not be finished with clinicals until May 2011! I would love to get engaged sometime soon, so I can start planning for a wedding that will hopefully happen sometime soon after that. He is in vet school, sapphirepulse. I try to bring it up sometimes, but it just doesn''t seem to me that he is in any hurry to be engaged. For me, I feel like I have put everything on hold while waiting for him to finish school and I am ready to move on to being engaged/married within the next couple years. LadyJane, I have tried to ask him for a direct timeframe, but he seems to get irritated and he always says "I can''t give you an exact date." I just don''t know if I can hold out until May 2011 for an engagement.....That seems like such a long time from now!

 

[LadyJane83]

hmmm.....

well, the best advice i can give is to let him know how you feel and explain why you feel that way. you may just have to wait because he is still sort of in school. i think that''s reasonable. it is good to stay open and communicate about it to make sure you are on the same page, but don''t push too hard.

what do you mean that you have "put everything on hold"? do you mean that you have given up your own goals?

 

[claireb85]

No, not at all. Not my own goals. What I mean is, I don''t like the area we live in, but I have stayed here with him while he finishes his schooling. I have been in the workforce for a few years now, just waiting for him to finish up school so we can buy a house, start a family, etc. Basically, I just mean, I am ready to move on with my life, but I''m waiting for him to get finished. I''m not bitter about it or anything....I am fine with our situation, but I am obviously not very patient about the whole engagement thing.

 

[dragonfly411]

Claire - welcome to the club!

It''s at least positive that he''s done some research, that means he''s interested. I would talk to him about how you are feeling, just to get it out in the air.

Otherwise, try to understand that he probably really wants to get school done right now too.

 

[beezygal]

hey clarieb85. I TOTALLY understand your situation. My bf and I have been dating for almost 6 years.. and both of us know we'll get married one day 100000%. I asked if he's ready to get married and he keeps saying soon. Then he finally told me that he just wasn't ready. I was very anxious because I know he wanted to get married eventually and we've been together for so long, why can't we be engaged? He just wasn't ready. He didn't know when he will be ready. We kept having some little and BIG arguments over this issue. I didn't know if he'll ever be "ready" and I didn't want to waste my time. I want to get married by 26-27.

Last Nov or so, we argued so much that he wanted to break up. He was annoyed by me nagging him about marriage all the time. I was so upset 'cuz I thought that was it... we were finally breaking up for real. We "broke up" for half a day. The next time, he called me back and said he's sorry. I was so surprised. Later on, I asked him why he called me back. He said... he realized how much he can't live without me. Ever since, we've been so many closer together. We found a diamond a few weeks ago. He's ordering the setting tomorrow.

Then, I'll wait for his surprise proposal.

So, what I'm telling you is, don't nag him about getting married. I know you must be anxious. I was in your shoe before. You can always tell him what you're thinking about. Tell him about your "time", but don't bug him about it. When he is ready, he'll make the move. I read somewhere saying guys aren't ready until they have established their career and have staple income. It sucks but all you can do is talk to him and wait. Good luck!!!