New LIW in desperate need of advice

[GettingDesperate905]

Hi everybody,
I have been lurking for about six months now, and am officially entering the ring (no pun intended).
My FF told me in october that he was buying my engagement ring. He has it in his possession now, and I am absolutely going insane. Are any of you in the same situation? I feel like Im engaged already but cant tell anyone. he has been so open about the whole process, but now if i ask him anything he clams up. How can he tell me every single detail and then expect it to be some surprise proposal? Now everytime we go out to dinner or anywhere for that matter Im high strung thinking "THIS COULD BE IT!!!!".... and its not, which in turn leads to me being frustrated and angry, which really isnt his fault. I just wish I knew when he was going to do it. if he waits months, i may actually die.
Any advice on keeping my sanity?
or at least loosing it at a slower rate and with a little bit more grace?
thank you

 

[LilyKat]

First of all, welcome!

As regards him withholding the ring - there was a thread started on this just a week ago by Dreamer_daschie, it's worth having a look at (if you haven't already) for reasons why a guy might hold onto the ring. I would go by his general behaviour to work out what's going on. Are things all good in your relationship (aside from this)? Does he still seem happy and excited to marry you, talk about the future, etc? If so, I'd be willing to bet he's got a special proposal planned, and you just have to relax and be patient.

If the wait is really upsetting you, I would sit down with him and have a non-confrontational discussion about how the wait is really getting to you. Explain how you feel, and if he cares about you, he will put your feelings before whatever surprise he had planned. Just be aware that you might regret it if you find out he had something wonderful planned all along. Though personally, I feel the same way as you - to me the elaborate proposal/surprise aspect was far less important than actually being engaged.

If you feel he might be having second thoughts, the same discussion is needed.

 

[GettingDesperate905]

Thank you
We have been having an ongoing discussion, date is pretty much set. We know what we both want, and things are great in the relationship. He''s just holding on to the ring. He has mentioned he know''s how he''s going to do "it". I asked him this morning, to put my mind at ease, and let me know if its coming this month. His response: "I dont know". That drove me crazy. If he knows what he''s doing, he should know when,and he shouldnt be holding it off, as we''re already wedding planning. I think maybe sitting down and telling him that I really think we should just make it official and completely explaining how I feel may be the best option.
Thank you for your input

 

[HopeDream]

Hi GettingDesparate905,

Since your man was so kindly up-front with the ring ordering details, he''s probably now trying to be extra mysterious to plan a completely unexpeced and absolutely wonderful "Epic love story ultra-romantic our great-great-great-grandchildren will still be telling the ledgend #1 most perfect in the world across all time and space ever" proposal.

As you may guess such a proposal will take time, energy, and sneakieness that would fool a ninja.

Stop trying to expect it, and wait until he''s definaltey acting very weird and squirrely before getting your hopes up.

Fill your life with social get-togethers, organizing projects, and do some extreme soul searching to be very sure that this man is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Read books! bake delicious treats, go for long walks and take art-shots of the seasonal foliage. Start sewing a quilt for your bed.

You can do it !

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 1/10/2010 3:36:59 PM
Author: HopeDream

Fill your life with social get-togethers, organizing projects, and do some extreme soul searching to be very sure that this man is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Read books! bake delicious treats, go for long walks and take art-shots of the seasonal foliage. Start sewing a quilt for your bed.

THIS whole paragraph ought to be the header at the top of the LIW forum

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 1/10/2010 3:36:59 PM
Author: HopeDream
Hi GettingDesparate905,

Since your man was so kindly up-front with the ring ordering details, he''s probably now trying to be extra mysterious to plan a completely unexpeced and absolutely wonderful ''Epic love story ultra-romantic our great-great-great-grandchildren will still be telling the ledgend #1 most perfect in the world across all time and space ever'' proposal.

As you may guess such a proposal will take time, energy, and sneakieness that would fool a ninja.

Stop trying to expect it, and wait until he''s definaltey acting very weird and squirrely before getting your hopes up.

Fill your life with social get-togethers, organizing projects, and do some extreme soul searching to be very sure that this man is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Read books! bake delicious treats, go for long walks and take art-shots of the seasonal foliage. Start sewing a quilt for your bed.

You can do it !

as an expert in this area

i agree completely!

honestly though, when my FI acted completely odd (well odder than normal) that was the night, but i had relaxed and decided to let things go however they would go at that point in my LIWitis so i did not corralate odd with proposal.

however i wanted it to be a surprise since he rarely has the opportunity to surprise me (i seem to have a habit of remembering all the details people don''t want me to recall and i''ve managed to take the surprise out of a surprise party for me).

remember, you''re going to get the ring and after that you''ll have your wedding day which is all about you (at least it seems to be that way more often than not) the proposal is his thing, after all he''s asking the most important person in his life the most important question he''s ever asked

and yes, it''s much much easier to say things like this post engagement. enjoy the anticipation!

 

[4ever]

Step one: Chill the crap out. Deep breaths

Step two: Realize that there is nothing you can do to control this situation. Nothing.There is no way to know when, where or how it will happen because he''s not going to tell you. It is out of your hands so stop trying to be in control.

Step threeistraction. There are times in a girls life where maintaining ones sanity is easyer said than done, which is why you must master the art of distracting your crazy, proposal obsessed brain. DIY manicures are your friend- time consuming, satisfying and productive. Hang out with friends more, exersize, make somthing that requires concentration, just keep your brain busy.

Step four: Be happy. Your bf want''s to marry you. Not only that but he want''s to take his time organising and planning a totally amazing, special, awesome, worthy of telling to your grandkids, makes you friend steaming jealous, makes your co-workers swoon and make you feel like the most special person alive proposal. He''s a man with a plan and patence and maintaining your sanity will be rewarded.

 

[monkeyprincess]

It is so hard to wait when you know it is about to happen! I know the feeling. My boyfriend (now fiance) had the ring for just over a month before proposing. He had it in his mind he wanted to wait until after the holidays, and sure enough, he proposed on New Years Eve. I''m sure you''re boyfriend has something in mind. Please just try to be happy and enjoy the anticipation. Try not to let your anxiety ruin his special moment. Now that I''m engaged, I realize that the anticipation was a special time too.

 

[Ms. Raptor]

October?! Gah! I would be dying, too!
My bf told me last night that he had emailed Whiteflash about making my ring and even that is killing me! He''s made me aware this is the last snipet of info I''m privvy to before IT happens.
I''m a bit of a control freak, and I do not like surprises or being cut out of big decisions, but I know he wants me to have a little bit of a surprise because he wants me to have that "OMG!" moment/feeling. So I''m sure I''ll be in the same shoes you''re in now in the near future, and you''ll already have your beautiful rock on your finger!
I''m sure your guy is just trying to give you that same special moment/feeling where you *gasp* and your heart skips a beat!
Just try to stay busy and calm and remember that this mystery of timing is all part of his effort to give you a bigger gift by making the day he asks even more special and memorable for you!!!
I know the suspense is killing you, but I think he''s trying to be thoughtful and is waiting for the right reasons! Of course he wouldn''t tell you if it was this month...he''s trying to throw you off his trail!

 

[ChocolateLover]

omg - I can definately relate to your post.

My BF also has the ring, and we''ve been talking wedding plans (even have dates and venues partially chosen). But he still hasen''t made it official! I was hoping it was going to happen this past weekend, but it didn''t.

What''s SO frustrating is that if we are going to be married this summer or early fall then we need to get on the planning! Most affordabe venue''s are already completely booked this summer, and even september is filling up fast.

I really want to make this official so I talk to my family and get their help with all this!! As of now, its a big secret.

SO frustrated. Thanks for the vent

 

[ChocolateLover]

I also want to add... I also end up being frustrated and angry every time it doesn''t happen (date night, walk on the beach, hike on the weekend...). And I feel that I can''t tell him why.

Sorry I don''t have any advice for you rough rock, just sympathy.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/10/2010 3:14:27 PM
Author: GettingDesperate905
Thank you
We have been having an ongoing discussion, date is pretty much set. We know what we both want, and things are great in the relationship. He''s just holding on to the ring. He has mentioned he know''s how he''s going to do ''it''. I asked him this morning, to put my mind at ease, and let me know if its coming this month. His response: ''I dont know''. That drove me crazy. If he knows what he''s doing, he should know when,and he shouldnt be holding it off, as we''re already wedding planning. I think maybe sitting down and telling him that I really think we should just make it official and completely explaining how I feel may be the best option.
Thank you for your input

Feb 14, 2010

 

[breakingdawn]

I can also relate EEEK!

I have picked out my stone and gave the jeweller the go-ahead!

The waiting only just started but I don''t know how long I''m going to last

-BD

 

[GettingDesperate905]

why do they do this to us?
as Bruce Almighty put it "he''s like a mean kid on an ant hill with a magnifying glass"

I am a total control freak, so not being able to control this situation is really hard. And i''m scared he''s planning something big, and I dont want that. I''d be much happier with a simple, at home, not even surprise proposal, then I am waiting and getting my hopes up to have them crushed daily. grrrrrrrrr

 

[ChocolateLover]

Me too... an at home & private proposal would be best! I''m personally nervous about the idea of a public proposal. We''re going out of town skiing this weekend, so there''s a chance it could happen then. But I think he might be planning on Valentines day. But I really hope not as I think Valentines day is a hallmark Holiday & would rather just ignore the whole thing (on any given year).

why can''t it just be over??

Guys are you listening to this??

 

[dragonfly411]

welcome to the world of I WANT hehe. I know the waiting part is rough, but I would advise to keep in mind that he probably wants to surprise the heck out of you, so let him have his fun.

It''ll be worth it.

 

[acebruin]

maybe he''s planning something already as we speak... waiting for that special date... in the mean time do what HopeDream suggested... until the day he starts acting strange and sweats more than usual...

 

[ChocolateLover]

Date: 1/12/2010 5:50:10 PM
Author: dragonfly411
welcome to the world of I WANT hehe. I know the waiting part is rough, but I would advise to keep in mind that he probably wants to surprise the heck out of you, so let him have his fun.

It'll be worth it.

I keep telling myself just this... I hope that's what's going on in my case. Sounds this is almost definitely the situation for you Rough Rock, hopefully his plan makes all your waiting worthwhile!!

 

[jewelz617]

You know he''s going to propose. You love him. You want to be with him. So relax and enjoy life. He''ll do it when he''s ready. Becoming a nervous wreck over it is only going to make both of you doubt the situation.

 

[4ever]

Date: 1/12/2010 12:56:55 AM
Author: GettingDesperate905
why do they do this to us?
as Bruce Almighty put it ''he''s like a mean kid on an ant hill with a magnifying glass''

I am a total control freak, so not being able to control this situation is really hard. And i''m scared he''s planning something big, and I dont want that. I''d be much happier with a simple, at home, not even surprise proposal, then I am waiting and getting my hopes up to have them crushed daily. grrrrrrrrr

Now that I can relate to. What helped me calm down about it is just accepting that it is out of my control and there is NOTHING I can do about it because this part of the proposal, where he comes up with exactly how he want''s to ask you is all about HIM and what HE want''s to do and what HE thinks you''ll like. You can''t tell him how he should propose (well.....you CAN but probably shouldn''t) because this is just somthing guys want to come up with by themselves. Don''t stress about how it''s going to happen, really, because his way will be the right way..

Also, yes waiting sucks, my bf has had the ring for ONE YEAR in feb. Our situation changed and it hasn''t really been the right time etc. Just stop expecting it because it''s not worth the emotional rollercoster when it dosn''t happen. Pretend he is going to propose in March and psyc yourself up for that, then if it comes beforehand you''ll be stoked and you wont be so dissapointed when it dosn''t happen!

 

[GettingDesperate905]

Here''s a rich one everybody!! So I was talking to bf last night and I mentioned how it''s really driving me insane. I was trying to just have a "where are we" talk about this whole thing and just let him know how I''m feeling, and that it is why I may have been acting off the last few days. He proceeds to tell me that it''s alright, because I''m not going to have time to go insane before he asks me. I just went with it and was joking around and said "Well, you had better do it quick then, because I''m loosing my mind at a 20% per day rate" he then told me that my level of nerves isn''t even going to have a chance to double.
So to me that means that it''s coming in the next week. I think that is what his statement points at. and if it doesn''t.... well, I guess I''ll cross, and possibly burn that bridge when I come to it.
Men... pffffft! lol if i didn''t love him so much I swear I''d have to hurt him.