New LIW :)

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Hi all,

I figured I'd intro myself and get some advice while I'm at it.

I am 27 (going on 2 and he just turned 34. After what seemed like a multitude of HORRIBLE dating experiences i decided i needed to try something new, so i went on match.com (don't laugh). We met, we connected and now 8 months later we are ring shopping! We have lived together 4 months. Funny thing is we grew up in the same town and have lived less than 2 miles from each other most of our lives!! I am completely head over heels for this guy as he is with me. My family loves him, our friends love us...i guess i finally know what happens when people say "it will all fall into place with the right person!"

Anyways, here's my dilemma. Me and my best friend both met our men around the same time. She moved to another state for him (far far away) and her bf wants to get engaged very soon, but he is not very involved and didn't want to look at rings with her. He gave her one budget, then kept cutting it down until it was 1/3 of what he said originally. She was very upset because she felt like he just didnt care what he was buying her, and because he wasn't involved. So now fast foward to this past weekend, my bf and I went ring shopping as i was undecided between two tiffany settings, and we just wanted to see what we could get for the budget he chose and i also wanted to send her pics and see what she liked too. My bf is VERY involved and wants me to have the perfect forever ring . We had a super nice salesperson who wrote down everything i'm looking for in a stone and let me take pics to send to my friend. Now i feel bad bc i feel like she might see me as trying to throw it in her face (and i'm totally not trying to do that). Actually i feel that way a lot since i feel like im always gushing about my bf and she has a lot of issues with her bf. So how do i get her advice about ANYTHING without it seeming like i'm throwing something in her face? Have any of you ladies been in this situation before?

 

[wakingdreams53]

Welcome to LIW! It's so great that you & your bf are actively ring shopping & he's as excited as you are.
It's a shame about your friend though.... but tbh, from your description, it sounds like your friend has a lot more issues w/ her bf than just engagement rings. Try not to gush too much and leave that for the ladies here! Be there for your friend, 'cause it sounds like she's going to need a shoulder much sooner than she's going to be showing off her finger...

 

[CaprineSun]

Oh, I LOVE online matches that turn into true love!! Congrats!! & Welcome!
And, good luck with your friend's situation.

 

[peonia]

hi! i'm fairly new too

this is such an exciting time in your life, isn't it? it sounds like you have a gem of a BF and you're having fun together ring shopping! and i've recently been reading about so many successful online dating stories, i'm no longer a cynic about it

the situation with your friend seems sticky... i think you're already on the right track not wanting to offend her and being wary of that, i'm sure you value her opinion but maybe there's another friend you can turn to for advice on your own ring? as for her issues, i've learnt that unless it's a very harmful situation for a friend, trying to advise them or make any unwanted comments about their relationship is never such a good idea. i think that when she's ready to talk about her issues with her BF, she'll turn to you for help. until then, i think the best thing is just to be there for her and to not let her compare herself to you, because not only would that make her miserable, it would take some joy out of your fun too.

good luck!

 

[Amys Bling]

First- welcome and congrats to you

As for your friend- i might keep convos to the point and not discuss your ring budget or go on and on about ring shopping. As much as she is happy for you sure she is hurting a little too. Maybe help her ring shop but totally keep the conversation on her and don't bring up you or your budget or your ring.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Hi everyone!!

Thanks for being so welcoming (and helpful)! I think i'm going to like it here

The online dating thing was somewhat awkward for me to tell people...i was almost kind of embarrassed at first. But i was done going to clubs, bars and i wasn't meeting new people at work or even through friends (since they were all pretty much hitched). So i tried it. We talked for a few weeks before meeting, then we met for an early brunch (i work on second shift so i work at 3pm) and we have been together everyday since!

As for my friend, i really really really appreciate all the comments. Now that the ring shopping is essentially "done", there's not much to say in that area (thank god, because it stresses me out thinking about it haha). I guess in general its not even the rings or wedding talk, it's normal relationship talk thats tough. I would never comment anything bad about her bf. She has opened up once (a few weeks ago), and she was really upset and i just supported her. I know its really tough for her to move and have no friends and to leave everyone behind and the reality isn't really living up to the dream...yet. But i think keeping the convo general (talking about our jobs, school, tv haha) will work.

So thank you for the very warm invite! I think this site is filled with very nice and knowledgeable people and i can't wait to comment on posts i've been lurking on forever.

 

[audball]

Hi and welcome! It sounds like your time here will be short and sweet!

As for your friend, that is a hard situation. I'm sort of in a similar situation, but with my older sister. We both started dating guys within 2 months of each other this time last year. Her and her boyfriend have started the talks and are moving in the right direction (and happily so), but he's not as ready as she is to move forward. She's disappointed, but he's been honest, open, and communicative about it so I think things are good. Andrew and I were hoping they'd get engaged first, just because we plan to elope anyway and I know she's sooo ready. But we don't want to put ours off not having any idea when her BF will be ready. We've got the ring in the works and have tentative plans to be engaged by the end of the year. So I'm sad for her that it's not happening as quickly as she wants, but I'm not going to let it dull my happiness about my own situation. I know she'll be happy for me either way, and I'm sure if your friend is as good a friend as you think, she'll feel the same way. I do agree, though, to try and not flaunt it too much knowing that there may be some jealousy, despite her love and happiness for you.

Goodluck!

 

[fabulousfindk]

That's a hard situation, and I've been on both sides - I've been the one that's in a less than great place having to be super happy for my friend, and I've been the friend that's in a more stable place than the other trying to be careful of her feelings.

From the POV of your friend.. I would talk to her about it sooner than later. Without implying that you're better off, I would say that you don't want to push the things in your life in her face, and that you'll proceed however she wants you to. If she doesnt want to hear about all the ring and wedding stuff, respect that - Find people in your life that you can gush with and share all the little details with, with whom you don't have to think twice before sharing. You deserve to be excited and happy during this time, congratulations!

It's hard to be careful with someone's feelings when you're super happy. And it's hard to act happy for someone else when you yourself aren't happy. And don't assume it's jealousy - it is probably much more complicated than that. But if it's a friend you want to have for a long time, I would tread lightly, and gush elsewhere! She'll come around eventually.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Thanks for all the kind advice! It really helps.

Luckily there is not much to talk about anymore as i just sent her the pics and left out the price. I just danced around it when she asked But i decided (with her opinion) that the Novo fits my personality better than the Tiffany setting. Then my bf proceeds to tell me "I already told you that, why don't you believe me?" ahaha Guys just don't get it, i need my best friend's opinion TOO!!

I am just trying to be really supportive to her right now since i think like some of you have mentioned there is probably a lot more going on there.

@audball:: We are kinda in the same-ish situation! I want to elope as well I'm not into the big wedding and stuff (hence why i'm getting the nice ring budget lol) It must be tougher because your sister is older and seeing you and your bf proceeding forward must be really tough for her. I think it's really sweet that you guys were thinking of trying to wait till they are engaged, but i understand how that might not work since you guys are def ready and on the same page about getting married. One good thing about all this, as i see it, is that you guys are eloping - so when your sister DOES get engaged, you can jump into all the wedding planning with her for HER big day which will be really fun for you both! I think when we come a certain age and WE are ready, nothing seems to be happening FAST enough. I can't wait to see some pics of your bling!!!

I'm having fun poking around the site Again thanks for the warm welcome!

 

[audball]

Thanks for all the kind advice! It really helps.

Luckily there is not much to talk about anymore as i just sent her the pics and left out the price. I just danced around it when she asked But i decided (with her opinion) that the Novo fits my personality better than the Tiffany setting. Then my bf proceeds to tell me "I already told you that, why don't you believe me?" ahaha Guys just don't get it, i need my best friend's opinion TOO!!

I am just trying to be really supportive to her right now since i think like some of you have mentioned there is probably a lot more going on there.

@audball:: We are kinda in the same-ish situation! I want to elope as well I'm not into the big wedding and stuff (hence why i'm getting the nice ring budget lol) It must be tougher because your sister is older and seeing you and your bf proceeding forward must be really tough for her. I think it's really sweet that you guys were thinking of trying to wait till they are engaged, but i understand how that might not work since you guys are def ready and on the same page about getting married. One good thing about all this, as i see it, is that you guys are eloping - so when your sister DOES get engaged, you can jump into all the wedding planning with her for HER big day which will be really fun for you both! I think when we come a certain age and WE are ready, nothing seems to be happening FAST enough. I can't wait to see some pics of your bling!!!

I'm having fun poking around the site Again thanks for the warm welcome!

Wow! Small world. Our stories are similar! Our ring budget doesn't sound as healthy as yours, though! Hah. We've (together) made the decision for me to go back to school for something I love and it's going to come at a price (I won't be able to work) but in the end my happiness in my job is more important. He's totally okay with future upgrades though
I have a thread here called "We bought a diamond..." that shows the stone we purchased. It's a .79 J VS2. It's currently at BGD to be partially recut (should yield .77ct after the recut) to strengthen the girdle for the setting I chose. We're very happy with it and can't believe our final cost out the door WITH the recut and setting is under 1800. It's taken a lot of legwork to get there but we're happy with our choice. We bought the diamond on February 3. It's been from where we bought it (Ohio) to us (Florida) to the jeweler we selected (Michigan) to our diamond recutter (Texas). Next is back to Florida to us, then back to the jeweler in Michigan. From there it'll go to the designer (Washington) for setting and then back to Michigan and then back to us. LOOONG road! We should have it completed and back in hand around the end of June, beginning of July.

As for my sister, yeah, she'll be okay though. I did tell her we bought a stone and she actually used that information to help bridge some conversations with her own boyfriend. She knows it will happen and it's just a when (not if) situation so I think that eases the tension a little. Our last conversations indicate that she also doesn't want a big wedding so we shouldn't have any conflict at all there with timing or such, even if we end up getting engaged practically at the same time.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Thanks for all the kind advice! It really helps.

Luckily there is not much to talk about anymore as i just sent her the pics and left out the price. I just danced around it when she asked But i decided (with her opinion) that the Novo fits my personality better than the Tiffany setting. Then my bf proceeds to tell me "I already told you that, why don't you believe me?" ahaha Guys just don't get it, i need my best friend's opinion TOO!!

I am just trying to be really supportive to her right now since i think like some of you have mentioned there is probably a lot more going on there.

@audball:: We are kinda in the same-ish situation! I want to elope as well I'm not into the big wedding and stuff (hence why i'm getting the nice ring budget lol) It must be tougher because your sister is older and seeing you and your bf proceeding forward must be really tough for her. I think it's really sweet that you guys were thinking of trying to wait till they are engaged, but i understand how that might not work since you guys are def ready and on the same page about getting married. One good thing about all this, as i see it, is that you guys are eloping - so when your sister DOES get engaged, you can jump into all the wedding planning with her for HER big day which will be really fun for you both! I think when we come a certain age and WE are ready, nothing seems to be happening FAST enough. I can't wait to see some pics of your bling!!!

I'm having fun poking around the site Again thanks for the warm welcome!

Wow! Small world. Our stories are similar! Our ring budget doesn't sound as healthy as yours, though! Hah. We've (together) made the decision for me to go back to school for something I love and it's going to come at a price (I won't be able to work) but in the end my happiness in my job is more important. He's totally okay with future upgrades though
I have a thread here called "We bought a diamond..." that shows the stone we purchased. It's a .79 J VS2. It's currently at BGD to be partially recut (should yield .77ct after the recut) to strengthen the girdle for the setting I chose. We're very happy with it and can't believe our final cost out the door WITH the recut and setting is under 1800. It's taken a lot of legwork to get there but we're happy with our choice. We bought the diamond on February 3. It's been from where we bought it (Ohio) to us (Florida) to the jeweler we selected (Michigan) to our diamond recutter (Texas). Next is back to Florida to us, then back to the jeweler in Michigan. From there it'll go to the designer (Washington) for setting and then back to Michigan and then back to us. LOOONG road! We should have it completed and back in hand around the end of June, beginning of July.

As for my sister, yeah, she'll be okay though. I did tell her we bought a stone and she actually used that information to help bridge some conversations with her own boyfriend. She knows it will happen and it's just a when (not if) situation so I think that eases the tension a little. Our last conversations indicate that she also doesn't want a big wedding so we shouldn't have any conflict at all there with timing or such, even if we end up getting engaged practically at the same time.

Well seems like an EVEN smaller world as i am going back to school in the fall too (for nursing). I graduated with a degree to become an xray tech, but in the area i live (northeast), the market is flooded so there are no jobs I looked for a year before deciding to go back to school. I currently work full time, but will have to significantly chop my hours down. My SO is very supportive Since i don't want to get married while in school, we will most likely have a 2 year engagement anyways.

I checked out your thread, the diamond is simply STUNNING and what a long trip it is making across the US to get back to your hands! Can't wait to see the final project!

TBH my ring budget is only bigger because it is tiffany and we all know the price hike for the name. I actually originally tried on a .74 novo ($9700) and i thought it was perfect, but my SO wants me to get closer to 1ct and the salesperson said with our budget we would be right at 1ct or slightly under for a better stone. I told her i would rather have a smaller stone that is more brilliant and pretty than a bigger stone that is not as pretty. I have told him i don't NEED tiffany, that he can go have something similar made, but he told me he would rather pay for the "piece of mind" and ease that comes with tiffany. "dummy proof" i guess??

As for your sister I'm glad everything is working out for you guys. Sometimes the comfort of knowing it WILL happen is enough to get you through until it DOES happen!!

 

[audball]

That is crazy! Definitely a small world inside of PS. There's another thread that has more of my education story (in the thread called "Calling madelise"). My original degree was in her background and we were discussing it there. I've recently decided that I hate my job and I hated the classes I was taking to get a degree (unrelated to my first one) to advance in my current job and that it just wasn't worth it anymore. Andrew has been my rock of support and encouragement.

So...how do you really feel about the Tiffany name? I'm not one to knock anybody's choices but if you really don't feel the need for the name brand, for over 10k, you could have one hell of a ring from a PS vendor OR you could have one nearly exactly the same, for probably 1/2 to 2/3 the cost. What's it about Tiffany's that he's so stuck on? Feel free to ignore me if I'm sounding pushy...I definitely don't mean it to be rude, that's just such a large budget that you could get something that looks exactly like the Novo with a diamond that's as good, or even better than what they're selling you, for less cost just because it won't come in a little blue box with Tiffany & Co stamped inside.

 

[madelise]

Welcome, RedSox! Hope your stay is short! I get your experience-- I think I've turned off quite a bit of my friends from my diamond obsession and romance addiction! But don't divert your own happiness and your relationship's natural path due to fear of offending someone else. If she's your friend, she'd understand that.

Audball! You're going back to school! I'm lifting that thread back up, I had no idea what happened to it after I posted and forgot about it..

 

[audball]

Welcome, RedSox! Hope your stay is short! I get your experience-- I think I've turned off quite a bit of my friends from my diamond obsession and romance addiction! But don't divert your own happiness and your relationship's natural path due to fear of offending someone else. If she's your friend, she'd understand that.

Audball! You're going back to school! I'm lifting that thread back up, I had no idea what happened to it after I posted and forgot about it..

Sure am! I'll bump it so you can find it

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Thank you for the support madelise!

Audball, I am definitely a Tiffany's girl...i do not own one piece of jewelry that i wear on a daily basis that isn't from there - BUT i am not a snot and really i just love their silver jewelry. Some of it i have had for 7+ years and worn it everyday and the craftsmanship and customer service is always stellar. They have always fixed things without a charge. ( maybe I've just been lucky?) Regardless of all this, while i'd love a t&co ring, i'm not "set" on it. I am a very sentimental person...he could propose with a silver band and i'd be happy. I think in the back of his mind he thinks i would be happier with a t&co ring He also liked the customer service aspect of t&co, how i can find a store anywhere and clean up my ring etc...Really, when the time has come, blue box or not i will be over the moon and he knows that so we will see what happens

I saw the bump on the education thread. I'll check it out

 

[audball]

Thank you for the support madelise!

Audball, I am definitely a Tiffany's girl...i do not own one piece of jewelry that i wear on a daily basis that isn't from there - BUT i am not a snot and really i just love their silver jewelry. Some of it i have had for 7+ years and worn it everyday and the craftsmanship and customer service is always stellar. They have always fixed things without a charge. ( maybe I've just been lucky?) Regardless of all this, while i'd love a t&co ring, i'm not "set" on it. I am a very sentimental person...he could propose with a silver band and i'd be happy. I think in the back of his mind he thinks i would be happier with a t&co ring He also liked the customer service aspect of t&co, how i can find a store anywhere and clean up my ring etc...Really, when the time has come, blue box or not i will be over the moon and he knows that so we will see what happens

I saw the bump on the education thread. I'll check it out

See, then it makes sense. If Tiffany is important to you than it is important!

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