Newbie in waiting...

[BrissyK]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to introduce myself to this forum, I have been lurking for the past 3 days at work, no less, but I am so happy to have a group to share the ups and downs with.

I moved in with with my FF (future fiancé?) 6 months ago and we have been seriously dating for 1.5 years. We were on and off for two years prior to that. Anyway, everything is wonderful between us now, we are very much in love and very happy and I can''t wait until I could start planning our wedding.

I have a big birthday coming up - my 30th actually and we had a few conversations before the summer started about "being on the same page", "taking the next step", every euphemism you could imagine, lol. He knows I want to be engaged by my birthday which is in 3 weeks so...hopefully I won''t be a lady in waiting for long.

Anyway, those were the only real conversations we have had about it, all jovial and light and I did not start fully stressing out until about 3 weeks ago when I found an appraiser''s card at the apartment.

So, I called me mom in a panic, because I never discussed with FF what type of ring I would like - and don''t get me wrong, I LOVE my FF but I am planning to wear this baby for a long long time and I want it to be the right fit for me. My mom told me not to worry, because she believed he was using our family jeweler who happens to be her best friend. So, they would not show him anything bad, and they also know I would like a 2 carat radiant cut. At least, I thought that was what I wanted. Truth is I have NO CLUE. I have never tried on any rings and I think it may be too late now. I have heard that he has already purchased the ring. But my mom won''t tell me anything!! Which is great in that she doesn''t want to ruin the surprise but of course me being obsessed lately I am ready to jump out of my skin.

Yesterday I was walking around the city and almost went into Tiffany''s to try on rings just for fun to see what shape would look best. But I stopped myself because I thought - I don''t want to try on big beautiful rings and fall in love with something and then have that image to compare the ring I ultimately get to. I''d rather see what I get, put in on for the first time, and think it is beautiful without having any other images in my head.

Sigh. Lol, so this is what I think of constantly now. That, and of course WHEN. I think the ring is ready for pick up this week. We are going out to the beach this weekend so it may happen there, though it is not the most romantic setting as we''ll be sharing a house with at least 10 random people. But his sister is coming into town on Saturday for the weekend and she lives in California, so maybe he will want to do it beforehand so we could celebrate with her. That leaves Friday night or Saturday. Hmmmmm....I would be so excited.

The other part of me thinks he may wait for my birthday but I am having a really big party with friends and family and I kind of would like to keep the two things separate. Of course the sooner he does it the better because I am so excited I can''t even think about anything else lately.

And all this obsessing started 3 weeks ago. Lol. I didn''t even care to talk about anything with him or be part of the process before that. Now I feel like maybe I should have been more involved.

Anyway, that is my current state of affairs. Thanks for reading everyone.

 

[firebirdgold]

YAY!!

Welcome to Pricescope!!

I hope your stay is record-breakingly short!!

That is so sweet that he''s been quietly working away at getting you a ring! I''m sure you''re going to love whatever he''s choosen for you!

 

[sumbride]

Welcome and it sounds like your stay should be pretty short!!!

If he''s using a family jeweler, if you end up not liking that shape or setting on your hand, you have a pretty good chance of exchanging it since you won''t just be some random customer to them! But give it a chance because a 2 ct. radiant sounds delish! And I agree that you probably shouldn''t try anything else on right now if he''s already got the ring burning a hole in his pocket. If you love it when it is presented to you, you''re all set! If not, well, good thing the jeweler is your mom''s best friend!

 

[galeteia]

Welcome to PS

Congrats on your impending engagement-- it sounds like it's arriving in a hurry. (Yay!) I can see how you'd be a little alarmed, because I would be too, if I was in your shoes, because there is so much excitement bound up in the prospect of getting engaged, I find myself very emotional in general and something like the ring being chosen without any input would really through me for a loop, just because I was already so excited about the engagement.

I think a large number, if not majority, of the lovely ladies here on PS favour the 'if I am going to wear it until I die, I get some say in it!' view. It's sweet that your FF (yep, Future Fiance) wants to surprise you and propose before your birthday, but it's understandable to be a little dismayed that he didn't consult you at all. So don't feel badly if those thoughts cross your mind!

(Not to mention you missing out on the fun of going into a store and trying on sparkles! How often do you have the chance to go try on engagment rings?

)

Are you worried that you won't like the ring, or do you have faith in your family's jeweler enough to feel confident they will choose something you like, or is it that you didn't get to participate in the process? Just trying to get a feel for things.

And again, welcome!


Edited to add: A more accurate tone!

 

[robbie3982]

Welcome! I agree with Sum. I don''t think you should try anything else on either. Wait until he puts it on your finger and hopefully you will fall in love with it

. I''m so excited for you! I can''t wait to see pictures of what he''s picked out!

 

[aquarius_ser]

First and foremost, you are a SMART woman not walking into Tiffany''s! I don''t have that much discipline!

Try not worry whether you''ll like it or not.... It''s 2 CARATS!!!!!!!!


Welcome to the agony of Waiting!!

 

[BrissyK]

Yes Galateia - I think I''m kind of upset that I wasn''t at all consulted. It all happened so fast, when I first moved in with him I thought he would propose within a year and there was never a doubt that we weren''t heading down that path. But I thought it would take him a while to save money for a ring since I have a good idea of his finances and he is not a saver - I do more of that. He is a spender.

He was insinuating for a while that he was saving for something "big" but he only started saying that and curbing his spending about two or three months ago. Anyway, I guess I thought that when he would be close I would hint at some ring types or on a walk around town one day suggest we pop into a store to try on rings for fun and so he and I would have a better idea of what I wanted. But I did not expect him to act so soon. And for my mom to be in on this and be unwilling to tell me anything one way or another.

As soon as I saw the appraiser''s card I called my mom and said "I am really worried he has purchased a ring. He doesn''t even know what I would like, and he doesn''t have the best history of getting me gifts." My mom said "Well, doesn''t he know you want a 2 carat radiant?" And I said "No, we have never discussed it". So then she tells me that she wasn''t going to say anything but that she believes he is buying from her friend and not to worry because she knows what I like. To which I responded "how could she when I don''t even know myself".

I think I am a little upset at everyone - my mom for not going ring shopping with me and my FF for not even asking what I might like. And at myself for being so control freakish about this - why can''t I just go with the flow and trust that this will be great?

This past weekend I saw a friend who had recently gotten engaged - she had a stunning, I mean oh my god ROCK on her finger - 3 carat cushion cut with little diamonds all around the band. Anyway it wasn''t her rock that got me - she told me that she had been looking at rings for months with her mother and then her fiance went to buy the ring with her mother''s help after she had picked it out.

I am not going to be ungrateful, I will be delighted with what I get, and I''m sure it will be beautiful, but I am somewhat upset that I was left out of this part of things.

 

[BrissyK]

Also ladies - of course I told my mom and her friend I wanted a 2 carat - lol, who doesn''t?? But I am not sure he could afford a ring like that, even if he gets a good price on two months of saving.

My mom is being vague so I actually don''t know what kind of ring I have at all lol.

But, truthfully, I am just excited to be so CLOSE.

I hope it happens this weekend!

 

[sumbride]

Date: 7/27/2006 3:35:45 PM
Author: BrissyK

I think I am a little upset at everyone - my mom for not going ring shopping with me and my FF for not even asking what I might like. And at myself for being so control freakish about this - why can''t I just go with the flow and trust that this will be great?

That''s part of what makes being a LIW so frustrating... you''re not in it for the ring, but you do care about the ring. And since nobody gives you any information you''re sort of isolated and lost... it''s not fair and it''s not fun. It would have been better if you could have spoken up earlier, but you didn''t know HE was ready... while most of us have the opposite problem, I completely understand why that would be so frustrating! I actually posted something like that once because I''d shown my BF one ring I liked but still wanted to be involved in the process and I was upset because he was teasing me that he already knew what I wanted thanks to the emailed picture.... I was panicking! You sort of lose all sense of reality in this stage, and it''s completely normal! I really hope you like the ring but I totally get why you''re upset about not being involved. At least you get to pick your wedding ring! And hey, you should pick his too, without his input, since he picked your e-ring!

 

[BrissyK]

Lol, yes Sumbride I should just come home one day in 6 months or so and say "Honey, guess what? I picked out our wedding bands today...I thought you''d look great in a pink gold band with a solitary diamond in the center". Heheh...

One of my coworkers who got married last year tells me - don''t stress too much, what''s done is done and next year you will be on the next thing - which is picking out your wedding band.

So, if I don''t love the e-ring, I could certainly pick out the perfect band for me.

 

[galeteia]

Ok, I thought I was picking up a little-hurt-and-frustrated vibe, but one can never be sure-- also, sometimes it's unclear to me whether I should be offering a shoulder to vent on or whether I should be offering a 'look on the bright side' perspective, but that's just because I'm terrible at reading tone in online posts!

Your post makes me reflect on what a valuable source of perspective this forum can be, because it sounds like you just aren't getting the support you want from your mother and your FF. Obviously, I don't know you or your mother, and can't comment on your relationship, but I know I rely on my mother to be in my corner. It sounds like you are as hurt that your mother has excluded you from this process as well, especially since you mentioned going shopping for rings with her.

My own mother is too far away to do this with, but I live with a very dear girlfriend who happily came on a LIW ring-ogling trip with me to the local maul. We got to try on sparklies, check my exact ring size, and see what carat weight I liked best. The 'sweet spot' for me is a .64. Good to know. There are so many factors involved in picking out a ring, and so much education that one needs to get under their belt befoehand, I think it's reasonable to expect some kind of input in the process.

You not knowing what your 'ideal' ring is may be very handy in this case, because you don't have any preconcieved notions as to what it should be, but I wouldn't like it very much if someone picked out my wedding dress without me knowing, and I only have to wear it for one day!

I think you should let your mother know you are hurt that you missed out on the 'fun' excursions together to look at rings, and that it didn't occur to her. Also, if you do have a friendly jeweler, perhaps you should make it clear to your mother and FF that if you don't like the ring, you aren't going to suffer in silence for the next 40 years. They could have avoided any question of you liking it if they had bothered to consult you before buying something that expensive and important.

But that's what I would do, and you may not be comfortable with that kind of 'laying down the line in the sand'.

I also encourage you to vent away-- it helps to get it out here so it doesn't explode on you and everyone else 'out there'.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Welcome, Brissy.

I hope you love your ring when you get it!

We all do a lot of venting on here, and sometimes feel a little ashamed of what we feel, but for the most part, there is a ton of support here. Don''t fret; we''ll listen!

The preferences you''ve mentioned to us *size, shape, etc* does he know about those? If so, I''m willing to bet that he at least took shape into consideration.

I hope you''re right and your stay here is SHORT!

 

[RoseAngel04]

Welcome to Pricescope!!!

Sounds like your stay as a lady in waiting will be short!!

 

[bee*]

Hey Brissy, I hope your stay here is a short one.I understand completely about what you''re saying. I know that I want to have an imput on my ring and go with my FF to pick it out. I agree with others about not trying on any rings and hopefully your e-ring will be perfect

 

[ephemery1]

Brissy, sounds like you have a lot going on in the next few weeks!! I can very much understand your concern, and PLEASE don't feel badly for feeling that way. I am notoriously meticulous with big decisions, so ring-shopping was definitely one of them... I went back and forth on diamond shape for a long time and worried non-stop about what my fiance-to-be would choose on his own (he was insistent on it being a surprise

)... until finally he gave in and allowed me to help. And I love

my ring... but even still, I do have moments where I say... "hmmm, maybe I should have gotten THAT instead..." Pricescope will do that to you!

I know several girls who have received their e-ring with no input whatsoever, and been perfectly happy with it because they know it's what their fiance chose for them, and that in and of itself makes them love it. But it does sound like it might be too late to have any more input at this point, if your bday is only 3 weeks away and you think he's planning something before then.

Many online vendors offer a return period... not sure if that's the case with your mom's jeweler, but if you are really uncertain about the ring (and stone shape) even after you receive it and have worn it for a day or so, I would encourage you to talk with your fiance about making a trip to the jewelry store... even if just to look at other settings (that can make a big difference in how you like your ring!). And if you want, the jeweler may even be willing to work with you on finding a diamond more suitable to your taste. Maybe your mom already knows whether there is a return period there or not? For now, no worries... just see what happens. A 2ct radiant sounds pretty good!!