Nickname or full name?

[ladyciel]

My FFI's name is Daniel, but nobody ever calls him that - I mean NOBODY. He's Dan, and I suspect he will be for as long as he's alive. So, when planning wedding items that will have our names, does etiquette require his full name? This came up when I was searching for available domain names to use for the website I plan to build for us. I told him ErinAndDan.com was taken and wondered out loud if ErinAndDaniel is available. Immediately he was like "Daniel??? Nobody calls me that!". He really seemed opposed to the idea.

This brought to my mind questions of whether using Dan in our wedding would be considered improper. I think it's fine for the website, and I'm pretty sure we'll use full formal names for our invites, but what about anything else we print, like programs, favors, etc, or during the ceremony? "Do you, Dan(iel)..."

What do you guys think?

 

[sarahthewarrior]

My sister''s name is Catherine, and nobody calls her that either--she''s always been Katie. For favors and really informal things, she used Katie. For the invitations, programs, and during the ceremony, she used Catherine. A friend of mine did the same with Matt/Matthew. Even if no one calls him Daniel, that''s still the name his parents gave him. He wouldn''t put "Dan" on the marriage license, would he? Exactly--because that''s not his name.

 

[neatfreak]

I have NO idea what we're doing yet. I assume that using the whole name is "proper", but I also think that these days if your wedding is somewhat informal you could use the nickname. But if it's a formal wedding you need to use the real name.

My fiance goes by Asher, but that is his middle name. No one but his mother calls him his real first name and he hates it. So far we have just ordered save the dates and we used just "Asher Lastname". But our wedding and invites are relatively informal, so I think that weighed in on our decision to use just his nickname.

For the real invites we'll probably write out his whole name, but he's kind of opposed to the idea. **Sigh** We'll see....

 

[njc]

For the sake of the internet lets say my "name" is Mary Elizabeth, but I have always gone by Lizzie. Many people dont even know my first name.

I say do what you feel comfortable with. I liked using my full name to make things more formal, but used my nick name just as much because thats who I am.

Used full name (Mary Elizabeth):
Marriage License
Invitations
Cover of wedding program
Honeymoon reservations

Used nick name (Lizzie):
Internet website address
Save the dates
Back of wedding program (message from B&G)
Everything at the reception (table cards, favor tags, cake knife, napkins, etc)
Parents photo album (our album says Mr and Mrs DHFirstName OurLastName)

During our ceremony, the first time they said our names (We are here today to celebrate the union of...), both of our full names were used. When we did our actual vows, I used Lizzie and DH his informal/regular name (I Lizzie, take you DH...).

Can you switch your names for the website? DanAndErin.com? I tried to switch things back and forth because I didnt mind my name not being first (and as far as I know there is no rule about it being bride then groom name)... I was willing to share the attention!

HTH!

 

[tanyak]

Used full name (Mary Elizabeth):
Marriage License
Invitations
Cover of wedding program
Honeymoon reservations

Used nick name (Lizzie):
Internet website address
Save the dates
Back of wedding program (message from B&G)
Everything at the reception (table cards, favor tags, cake knife, napkins, etc)
Parents photo album (our album says Mr and Mrs DHFirstName OurLastName)

During our ceremony, the first time they said our names (We are here today to celebrate the union of...), both of our full names were used. When we did our actual vows, I used Lizzie and DH his informal/regular name (I Lizzie, take you DH...).

My husband is named Benjamin, but he goes by Ben and we followed this list exactly.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 4/30/2007 11:43:52 AM
Author: tanyak

Used full name (Mary Elizabeth):

Marriage License

Invitations

Cover of wedding program

Honeymoon reservations


Used nick name (Lizzie):

Internet website address

Save the dates

Back of wedding program (message from B&G)

Everything at the reception (table cards, favor tags, cake knife, napkins, etc)

Parents photo album (our album says Mr and Mrs DHFirstName OurLastName)


During our ceremony, the first time they said our names (We are here today to celebrate the union of...), both of our full names were used. When we did our actual vows, I used Lizzie and DH his informal/regular name (I Lizzie, take you DH...).

My husband is named Benjamin, but he goes by Ben and we followed this list exactly.

Yeah, I like it too, thanks njc!!!

 

[diamondfan]

It is tough because Daniel is his given name but not one he uses, and I can see his point. I like using the more formal name for offical things though, that is just me!

I have a friend who is named Cindy, not Cynthia, and another friend namedAndy, not Andrew, and it seems tough for people to get that there name is not a nickname or short for something else...sort of the opposite of your issue. I guess if he totally feels that Dan is his name and that is it, then that is important to consider.

 

[ladyciel]

Thanks for the list, njc! Looking at that I can see the logic behind your choices. I like the way you used both versions in your ceremony, having a formal introduction and then making your vows more personal by using the names you use for each other on a daily basis.

 

[Pandora II]

I''ve got this problem too. FI is always Andy - except to his parents who call him Andrew - no idea why they do that.

We are going with Andrew on the Invitations and License.

Andy on STD''s, website, favours etc

For the Order of Service and other bits and pieces I am designing a monogram so that makes it easier.

After we are married I am having stationery produced that says:

Mrs Andy (his last name)
Address

I asked my mother what she thought about having Andy not Andrew as she is pretty up on what is acceptable or not and she thought having Andy was fine. I know its a bit oldfashioned and not very emancipated to call my self MRS his names, but all my cousins etc have nice postcards and letterheads like this and I always wanted some of my own!

 

[sumbride]

We''re in the Matt/Matthew boat too and we used Matthew on the invitations and Matt on the website and EVERYWHERE else. I think people can cope with knowing that Dan is probably a Daniel, but if he wants it to be Dan, I think that would be ok.

 

[basil]

Full names. It''s an easy decision for us, though. Fiance''s name is only 3 letters, so he doesn''t even have a nickname. Mine is longer and people often shorten it, but I prefer the long version anyway, so that''s what I''ll use.