No longer worried, what''s happened to me?!?!

[chocolatefudge]

Hi Everyone,

If you''ve read other threads by me you will have noticed that I have been very stressed out waiting for a proposal. I feel like I''ve felt this way for about three years. Every special occassion that arrives has me thinking that today could be the day! Birthdays, Christmas, Holidays (vacations to you lot! ) Valentine''s Day, Our ''anniversary,'' Bonfire Night (yeah I know!) Anyway you get the picture......

Anyway, I think the past Christmas was the real low point, I was sooooo convinced tht it would happen as we had moved in together the previous April, we are very happy, everything that SO had wanted out of the way had happened (graduation, settled in jobs etc) But he didn''t porpose. However! On New Years Eve he told me tht it would happen at some point during 2008. I was really excited (although he was slightly tipsy at the time.) I began to think it would happen on my Birthday (Feb 2nd) It didn''t.

The strange thing is that I feel like I don''t care now!! Is this normal? I love my SO sooooo much and know I want to spend my life with him but suddenly after dreaming about an engagement and getting married for years I feel like I can''t be ''bothered'' with the situation now. I don''t know whether it''s because he keeps moving the goal posts and I think it will never happen? He received a bank statement on Monday and was getting really stressed out because he''s short of money. This is very strange as he''s always been so sensible and always has money. He sat going through the statement with me and I could see that there were no secret depostits made to another acocunt, and no receipts for jewellery but I didn''t care!

We''ve been together for 7 years in April. I just feel like I''m so bored with waiting that I no longer care what happens. Has this happened to anyone else?? I don''t know what''s wrong with me, it''s all I''ve ever wanted!! I think deep down I don''t feel like there will be a proposal this year and so there''s no point getting my hopes up. He''s never given me a ''time before and refuses to talk about timelines as he says he wants to surprise me.
He used to say we couldn''t get engaged while at university as we hadn''t got jobs and had no money so I thought when we graduated it would happen. We graduated two years ago this summer

 

[honey22]

Hey chocolatefudge. Sometimes I have felt that way too when I was convinced it wasn''t going to happen. I think in my case though, it was a little bit of a ''protective mechanism'' kicking in, and me trying to convince myself that I didn''t care. I think it''s easy to get caught up in other things in life, and that puts the whole engagement waiting on a back burner. Maybe with everything that you have dealt with (your little doggie) lately, the waiting has just seemed less important.

Although, I guess something inside me can''t help but think are you having second thoughts? Maybe you have reached those crossroads when a woman just says, enough I need something out of this relationship and I am not getting it - time to reassess. I am not saying this is the case, just a suggestion?

I still believe in sitting the boy down and trying to talk to him (which I am sure you have done), try and explain where you are coming from.

I am reading back and I really hope this post doesn''t come across as condesending. I really can relate to how you are feeling. My partner and I have been together for 12 years this July, and it''s only been in the last 6 months that we have both wanted to be married. We are having my ering made now, so it''s all good, but I can still remember the pain and insecurity I felt for a long time when he wasn''t really to commit. I know that I could totally strangle someone when they told me this, but it will be worth it, to know that he asked you because he was truly ready and wanted to marry you, not because he felt pressured. I know that I could have put my foot down, given him an ultimatum, and more than likely ended up dragging him down the isle quickly, but I needed to know in my heart of hearts that he was standing there declaring his love for me cause he wanted to.

Good luck!! Lots of hugs! Remember that there are some here that know how you feel, and are always here to help.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Thanks Honey Your advice was really reasurring to read. One thing that I have always maintained is that I wouldn''t want him to propose because he felt pressured. I want him to WANT to marry me. I remember reading a post from someone else saying that she was worried that her SO had been pushed into proposing and I really don''t want this to happen.

Think you are also right about my dog. Last week was such a horrible week and I''ve been feeling very down about everything so maybe I''m just a little depressed

Thanks again

 

[honey22]

Oh sweetie, I really wish I could make things better. I saw your post about Shadow last week, and everytime I look at my labs I think about you and your little one. Hopefully the new puppy will brighten up your day and bring sunshine back into the house. Puppies are just magic for making everything seem better.

I have spoken to so many girls who have said at one time or another that they felt like they pushed for the ring, proposal etc, and I don''t want to live with that feeling forever. One lady I spoke to had been married over 10 years, and it still bothered her. That would just eat at me!

Please don''t give up! I am sure things will just turn around and everything will look brighter soon!

Take care * hugs *

 

[bee*]

D told me that he would propose to me by the end of 07 when we sat down and talked in Jan 06 so once he gave me that timeline, I didn''t worry too much about things. I kind of felt what was the point in it. I believed that it would happen in 07 and it did. As he''s given you a timeline of 08, I wouldn''t talk to him too much about it unless you think that he might be saying it just to keep things happy. Try not to get your hopes up around special occasions as a lot of men won''t do it on those dates as they think that it''s expected. D picked some random weekend in October for ours! I hope that it happens for you soon though.