No Surpises??

[chickflick]

I've been with Jim for nearly two years and we moved in together in January. As soon as we moved in we started planning to get married on a cruise this summer but we're waiting for his bonus check (should come this Friday) to buy a ring and book the wedding.

I'm very happy that we're all settled but I don't consider myself engaged because I don't have a ring and he never really proposed. It's just been "assumed" all along. I got really moody last week when we watched "Walk the Line" because Johnny Cash kept asking June Carter to marry him. I just thought, "Jim hasn't asked me once and Johnny has asked June a million times!" Very stupid I know but that's how I felt.

I talked to Jim and he really doesn't understand. He thinks that all the things he's done like change jobs and move in with me should be enough to prove he loves me. I know how lucky I am; I truly appreciate him. He's a wonderful man but he's just not good at the romantic gestures. I love him as he is and accept him but gosh dog it, doesn't every girl expect a proper proposal?

I know it just seems illogical to him that he needs to ask me to marry him when we've already decided everything, but I keep telling him I need that moment. I need him to do something special and then ask me to be his wife.

Am I being unreasonable? Am I an ungrateful wench?? I can't help feeling this way- I'm a GIRL!!!!!

TIA for your input! Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings!!

 

[firebirdgold]

Of course you want a proper proposal! It is in no way unreasonable or ungrateful to want one.

But don't count him out yet! Just from listening to the other LIW's in seems that men become a little bit... untruthful in order to make things a romantic surprise. You've told him how important it is to you. There's a good chance it sunk in, but he's keeping you in suspense.
My bf drove me to dispair by making very negative comments everytime I showed him a ring or mentioned one. Turns out he thinks me telling him what I want takes the fun out of it! It's a very cute and romantic attitude, but still...

I don't know what it is, but there is something about the ring/proposal process that brings out any latent tendancies for sadism in men.

 

[ilovesparkles]

I really don''t think you are being unreasonable at all! My BF is bad with the romantic gestures as well, I send him care packages all the time and have gotten nothing in return. I think its just men. I have the dream that my guy (one day one day) will ask my mother for permission because I just think its so gosh darn romantic! But I know it prolly wont happen like that. I can''t think of a brilliant way for you to try and make him understand that you need that special proposal moment but I understand it 100% I''ll keep brainstorming tho...

 

[Skylah]

Thank God for this site! I swear, I have felt all of these feelings and more!

Ultimately, because he does love you and wants you to be happy, I think he will do something to surprise you. It''s good that you talk about what you want so he is aware of it. He''s listening but he won''t let you know it. Guys have this thing about "being forced" to do something or feeling like they are being told what to do, especially about proposals, etc.

I think many of us have gone through this. Remember the Friends episode where Chandler was going to ask Monica to marry him and all of that "I don''t want to get married; I won''t take a wife" stuff? Maybe the show was meant to be over the top for humor''s sake, but I KNOW that tons of women could relate to Monica''s feelings. I''m just pointing out the show because, obviously, you are not alone!

Maybe take a few days off from talking about it then sit down with him, in a totally calm manner, and tell him how you feel about him then your feelings about proposals, engagement.... I know, easier said than done but worth it! Good luck!

 

[bookworm21]

I don''t think it''s unreasonable to want a proposal. Almost every girl dreams of that moment when the person she loves most in the world asks her to marry him. Why should you be denied that just because you two "assumed" that you were to be married?

You should have a talk with him about this, because I can definitely see resentment that may start to build up over something that should never have really been an issue in the first place. I think you''ll be surprised at how understanding guys can be. If it''s hard to talk to him, try writing him a letter about how you feel. That''s what I do with my bf when I feel that our tempers are too volatile to talk things through without it turning into a yelling match.

Please keep us updated and let us know how things go.