Hi Everyone. Sorry for the dramatic headline, thought I''d make an entrance in style. I''ve lurked for a long time and just registered today. Ironically, it was the realization that I am NOT close to getting engaged that pushed me to do it.
I turned 27 last month, and have been with my BF (he''s 30) for 2 years (ann is next month). When we first started dating, he brought up the topic of marriage and said he would like to be married after dating for 1 year. I was weary that he was talking marriage so soon, but that sounded like a great plan, he was a great guy, getting married was something that has been important to me, so everything seemed wonderful. I didn''t bring it up much because I figured that after dating for a year, he would just do it like he said he would.
Close to our 1 year mark (our original timeline), I started bringing up the issue and he said he wasn''t ready and would need more time. At about 1.5 years we went ring shopping together, and I picked out my dream ring. I thought going ring-shopping meant that we were close to getting engaged, but it didn''t. He said he wasn''t ready again and gave me a new timeframe, which was March because I had wanted to be engaged before my birthday. There were always new reasons for extending the timeframe (he "wanted to wait until he was 30", "made more money", "got a new job", had a "certain feeling" etc). Around January, he said he wouldn''t be ready by March/April afterall, and that he couldn''t give me another timeframe-- although he new for sure that I was the perfect girl for him and that he wanted to be married to me "someday". I tried breaking up with him but got back together because on a day-to-day basis, nothing was wrong with our relationship and I missed him too much.
All of the waiting and hoping has been really frustrating for me. I worry that maybe it won''t happen and I will never be married because he was stringing me along. He has a lot of issues from his childhood--his parents divorced when he was young, and he has always provided emotional support for his mom. He worries that getting married may equal abandoning his mom, and may mean more obligations/less freedom for him, just like when he was young (for example, he couldn''t go away for college because he had to stay close to his mother and take care of her). He is torn because he does not want to lose me, yet has overwhelming hesitation about getting married. I have suggested that he talk to a therapist but he is reluctant.
I don''t think he is stringing me along intentionally, and I feel guilty for thinking about leaving him because he is such a great boyfriend, but I also am extremely worried about my future, especially as I am getting older. Also in my culture (Indian) it is not typical to be dating for so long without marriage so I have added external (and internal) pressure. I was hoping someone out there has some wisdom that could help me through this.
On a better note, last month I was visiting my parents on the east coast and had a custom RHR made. It is a 2ct pink sapphire in a legacy-inspired setting (similar to my avatar), which was shipped today. It has elements from my dream e-ring (cushion cut, halo, pave). Although it stung a little that after 2 years of dating the ring I got was from myself, it was also empowering to not have to wait for a guy to get a great ring.
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