November? You''re joking, right?

[Snickerdoodle]

Quick recap of my story: Me: 33, him: 33, Us: 3 years next month. Cohabitating since December. We''ve become best friends, we rarely fight, always have fun together, and he makes me a better me. Two weeks ago after partaking in a few margaritas, I tried to coax him into a jewelry store, but he managed to get the upper hand and we went to a pet store instead, where we ended up leaving with two new family members. See https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/i-tried-to-get-him-into-a-jewelry-store-this-weekend.84649/ for the hilarity that ensued.

This past Saturday evening we the Wiener Nationals to see a friend race his wiener (his wiener dog, ladies. Get your minds out of the gutter!). If you''ve never seen Dachshunds race, and you get the chance to, go! It is the funniest thing on 4 stubby little legs. Anyway, we had a couple beers at the track, then stopped to have a late dinner accompanied by a glass of cabernet (the reason I mention our imbibing is because apparently it''s easier for me to hound him about our impending engagement when my throat is adequately lubricated).

Near the end of dinner we began to discuss our trip to the Dominican Republic in November. His focus in this discussion is the judo tournament he will be competing in for the first 3 days of our trip. My focus is the remaining 5 days which will be spent at an adults-only, all inclusive resort on a white sandy beach (oh cabana boy, another pretty drink with an umbrella, por favor!). So I mention to him (again) how it would be so perfect to get married on the beach while we''re there (sigh...but I know you really want your family there when we get married, and since they don''t like to go outside the Nebraska state lines, getting them out of the country is out of the question...sigh). We continue the discussion as we leave the restaurant to peruse the closed shops in the area. Then he tells me that he planned to propose on the beach while in the DR, but that would mean waiting until November. (Sure, why not? What''s another 6 months on top of 3 years?

) He then says that there''s a 13 year-old boy in the judo class he teaches that has been giving him a hard time about not proposing yet.

Boy genius: So are you and your girlfriend engaged yet?
Snail-paced man: Not officially, but I''m planning to propose in November.
Boy genius: You think she''s going to wait around that long?
Snail-paced man: Uh...yes?
Boy genius: You''d better hope so. What''s taking you so long?
Snail-paced man: Uh...umm...Go over in the corner and give me 20 push-ups!

I think I should go buy that kid a new XBox game or something!

Then the ribbing and light-hearted jabs started:
I told Mr Snickerdoodle that I should probably just wait until that kid turns 18 and start dating him because I''d probably get my proposal sooner!

"Aren''t you the only guy at the judo club who isn''t married or engaged?"
"No, there''s also Shane."
"Shane? You''ve never mentioned a Shane before. Oh, wait, wasn''t Shane the girl on the latest season of The Bachelor? She did get her proposal. Nice try, though."

"How about I just get you some more rats to show how committed I am?"
"NO!!! I want carats, not something that eats carrots!"

So, anyway, he says he understands that November is a long ways off, and he''ll move it up if I don''t want to wait that long. He told me to give it some thought and let him know.

Pros
Uber-romantic beach setting for the proposal
This would be his self-imposed deadline
We''ll finally be engaged!

Cons
Waiting until November
Not being able to relax because I''ll always be on the lookout for the proposal
Not having the out-of-the-blue, completely-taking-me-by-surprise proposal I''m sorta hoping for
Worried about the whereabouts and safety of the ring before he gives it to me while we''re in a third-world country

If you''re still reading this, please feel free to make comments, and lemme know what you''d do if you were me.

(I''m not asking "What should I do?", because I''m going to do whatever feels right for us, I''m not seriously hounding him or giving him ultimatums, or otherwise being a pain-in-the-a$$ about getting engaged, but I think we both know it''s about time

)

 

[Deelight]

In the grand scheme of things 6mths is not all that long . You have been together 3yrs whats another 6mths between friends

.

While I am sure you eager and what to get engaged at least you know he plans on doing it and think how beautiful the DR will be. Hello cocktails on the beach

.

 

[KCCutie]

Oh, my I needed that little giggle....your story totally reminds me of me and my SO!

Since you know he has a deadline have you guys talked about when you plan to get married? is his waiting until November pushing back the wedding date too? For me the surprise would be kinda ruined by knowing exactly when it was coming (and I''d be worried about him bring the ring to the DR too). So I''d tell him that whatever he decides is okay with me but that he has set my expectations that I will have a ring by the time I return from DR if not before. In a nice cute way of course.

You''re lucky this weekend my SO joked that he was going to wait until his younger cousin got married (and we all know this could be a very long wait). We were celebrating with this cousin''s older brother who got engaged Friday (yep lapped again!) and we all took it as a joke. When we got home I said "You''re not really waiting for M to get married before you get married are you?" and he said "no" (thank god!) so I said "Good, b/c I definitely am not!"

 

[LDubs]

You crack me up! My advice? Wait. Since you''re probably not going to get your beach wedding, maybe a romantic beach proposal would suffice? It screams lovey dovey and you''ll be reminded of the trip every time you look down at your finger

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I would hint you want it sooner - but reality is it may not be so don''t be disappointed!

It kinda takes the surprise away from it all when you KNOW it''s coming up on your vacation...

 

[Snickerdoodle]

KCCutie,
We planned to get married in 2009, and I had figured on a November wedding because we won''t be able to get our sh*t together in time for an early ''09 wedding and a summer wedding here in Arizona is not my idea of fun (we hit 105 today and it''s only May).

If your SO is waiting until his younger cousin gets married, I just hope this cousin is not still in diapers!

As for the ''KC'' in your name, are you in Kansas City? I grew up about an hour north of KC, MO.

 

[Independent Gal]

Dachsund racing? REALLY!? Wow.

Oh, uh, and November. That is really too long. Especially if you want a few kids. Romantic proposals aren't worth 6 months extra mileage on your egg supply at this point.

Not to put too fine a point on it.

I mean, not that I'd encourage someone to get married sooner if they weren't ready for that reason, but if you're both ready, and he's only waiting so that he can do it on a beach? Then geez.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 5/19/2008 6:44:12 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Dachsund racing? REALLY!? Wow.


Oh, uh, and November. That is really too long. Especially if you want a few kids. Romantic proposals aren''t worth 6 months extra mileage on your egg supply at this point.


Not to put too fine a point on it.


I mean, not that I''d encourage someone to get married sooner if they weren''t ready for that reason, but if you''re both ready, and he''s only waiting so that he can do it on a beach? Then geez.

Ditto-I say he needs to propose sooner!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/19/2008 6:31:20 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
I would hint you want it sooner - but reality is it may not be so don''t be disappointed!

It kinda takes the surprise away from it all when you KNOW it''s coming up on your vacation...

Tend to agree. I personally would not want to know the exact week or weekend it was going to happen!

What about a timeline of within the next 6 months? November is still about 6 months away... what if he does it by then or hopefully sooner? Like someone else mentioned, I don''t see the point in specifically waiting 6 months just for the beach proposal if you''re eager to get on with having a family and such.

 

[bee*]

I''m in two minds. One part of me says that six months isn''t too long to wait-seriously, the first five months of this year have flown by. The other part of me thinks that as you guys want kids, he needs to start being a bit more proactive and propose sooner. Just think though-it will be happening in the next six months!!

 

[Delster]

You have a great way of telling a story Snickerdoodle!

Is the wedding going to be November 09 irrespective of when the proposal happens?

Because if the wedding date is basically set then I don''t think there''s any need to rush the proposal. And I don''t think your cons are insurmountable. Six months isn''t that long in the grand scheme of things. I don''t think that you won''t be able to relax between here and then - why would you be looking out for a proposal when you know it''s not coming till November? It''ll still be a surprise because you won''t know exactly when he''ll do it. The hotel will be able to keep the ring safe for you.

On the other hand, if an earlier proposal would mean you guys would move the wedding closer, and if that then impacts on your timeline for TTC, then that is something worth discussing with your SO.

 

[CNOS128]

First of all, I found your post immensely entertaining and I LOVE that you made a pro/con list.

Second -- Rats! He wants you to wait until November!?
My personal strategy for, um, waiting, is to let my BF do everything exactly on his timeline because it''s *so* important to him to create this "proposal moment" and he desperately wants it to be a surprise. But now that your man has gone & told you his plan, that kind of detracts from the ''surprise'' aspect and increases your level of agony since it''s SO far away.

If it were me, I''d tell him my pros and cons, perhaps, but not whether to change his plans, because I wouldn''t want to dictate the timing one way or another. You could tell him you''d prefer a surprise and you''re too eager to wait and what happens to the ring while in DR?

I think it''s possible (probable?) that my BF will propose on our vacation in July (because it''s near the end of the timeline he once gave me), and I had the same fears about what he''d do with the ring until that moment. My mom was like, "Most hotel rooms have safes in the room these days, so whatever." She also told me if I went swimming in the ocean I should absolutely put the ring in the safe (I''m passing along the motherly wisdom). See what she does to indulge my engagement anticipation?

But I think you should take the "not being able to relax" item out of your con list, ''cause if you tell him you want it sooner than Nov but by surprise, you''ll still be waiting for that proposal around every corner,but it''ll just be for less time. Oh, and if you''re telling him to move up the proposal, is it going to be like right away tomorrow or in a couple of months? Because the difference between 2 or 3 months and 6 months in terms of your fertility doesn''t seem like it would be all that great . . .


yay! Snickerdoodle''s gonna get engaged!

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 5/19/2008 6:44:00 PM
Author: Snickerdoodle
KCCutie,

We planned to get married in 2009, and I had figured on a November wedding because we won''t be able to get our sh*t together in time for an early ''09 wedding and a summer wedding here in Arizona is not my idea of fun (we hit 105 today and it''s only May).


If your SO is waiting until his younger cousin gets married, I just hope this cousin is not still in diapers!

As for the ''KC'' in your name, are you in Kansas City? I grew up about an hour north of KC, MO.

Nov 09 sounds like a good plan wedding in 100+ heat are no fun.

Here''s what I''d do: I tell him that all I really want is to be engaged to him so how and when it happens really isn''t the most important thing but I did hope to be surprised. I''d tell him I''m happy to wait for him to plan the perfect proposal but if it is any later than say Sept I''d like to go ahead and make sure we get the venue booked just to make sure we''re all set for our Nov 09 date. If he''s not okay with booking a venue before the ring is presented then his time-line could cause issues he never even thought about. My SO''s sister got engaged last August and is getting married in October and when she went in Sept to book her dream venue it was already booked I''d hate to see that happen to you b/c your SO is waiting for a vacation.

LOL no his cousin isn''t in diapers he''s 22 (I think) but he''s so much like my SO. Seeing that my SO played the field and waited until he was in his 30''s we all joke that the cousin will wait even longer. But in all seriousness I''m sure they were just joking and I have to admit even I laughed....it''s just so ridiculous.

Yep I live in KC! I''m on the KS side for now. I plan to move to the MO side after I get engaged probably just north of the river. So is it true? Is the dry heat actually better than this horrid humidity?

 

[Snickerdoodle]

Thanks for all the responses and opinions!

I guess 6 months really isn''t that long in the grand scheme of things, and I know how fast 6 months can fly by. But I also know how fast a year can fly by when you''re trying to plan something like a wedding. I''d like to stick with Nov ''09 regardless of if the proposal happens in Nov ''08 or next week; it just seems to work best with everything else we have going on, and it doesn''t interfer with the December holiday festivities. So, I guess I feel that if it happens sooner, that I''ll have that much more time to plan the wedding, and I guess I''d just feel funny making arrangements before we''re "officially" engaged. Maybe I''ll just have to get over feeling funny about it...

Maybe I should tell him that if he''s set on a beach proposal he should wisk me away for a weekend in San Diego! I know, SD beaches are completely different than DR beaches, but it was just a thought.

Oh, and I can now hear my biological clock ticking...loudly. (insert sarcastic tone here) Thanks, ladies.

KC--the dry heat is much better than 90% humidity! I''ll be in St Joe, MO in a few weeks for a family gathering, so I''ll have a chance to get reacquainted with humidity.