Now I really did it :((

[missy]

As some of you might know from my posts this year I have been having a sort of bad year. I finally was feeling a bit better and getting my life back again. Well we had a bike accident this morning and I broke my ankle/leg in 2 places. Tibia and Fibia. When I do something I do it all the way. I was taken to Monmouth hospital and had x-rays/Cat scans/blood work and met with the orthopedic surgeon who just happened to be visiting a patient there when I was there. He said it is a very bad break and will probably take a year for me to start feeling like myself again but that hopefully in 6 months I can get back to easy activities and such. I have to stay off it at least 3 months-no weight at all and they are not sure how long I have to wait to have the surgery (he said he estimates it will be at least a 3 hour surgery) because my swelling is so bad they have to wait to do the surgery. I am going to need pins and screws and what have you. All foreign language to me.

So I am a bit depressed because being active is the one thing I can use to work out my stress which I have had some of this year LOL. I am worried that 1. I will never get back to the same activity level I used to love and 2.I will never feel 100% again and 3. I am also concerned about the next # of months. How am I going to not go out of my mind. Doing nothing is not something I can do well. But I have no choice. There really is nothing I can do.

And lastly I am very worried about my job. I am a consultant and they have no legal obligation to wait for me. The clinic director is not a nice guy to say the least and his only concern is making money for the clinic and if I cannot see patients for 3 months he is not going to wait. I am the only one in my profession there so no one else can see my patients. I haven't called them yet because he leaves early on Fridays so he was already gone when I spoke with the orthopedic surgeon. I am so sad about this as I love my job but there is no loyalty when it comes to dollars. They will not just hire an interim doctor either. They will just say bye and that'll be that. So sad about this. I want to curl up and just cry about everything yanno?

I also have an appointment at the Hospital for Special Surgery Monday AM with an orthopedic surgeon my mom saw when she had a botched surgery that he fixed. My family is adamant that I get this second opinion and they know how good this doctor is having personal experience with him and his reputation is stellar but the thought of dragging myself to the city etc with all the pain I am currently in is terrifying. I have a high pain threshold I really do and I am crying from the horrible pain I have been in all day from this. Vicodin is not touching it at all. And of course no matter how good a doctor is things can go wrong so all around scared, in pain and depressed.

And I cannot get up the stairs here (at beach house) so I just gave up and will spend the night on the couch downstairs. My poor dh is doing all he can but he cannot help my pain. We were supposed to see my family here tomorrow for a belated father's day celebration and now they still want to come but I couldn't even get to the backyard today when we got home because there are a few steps down outside and I tried but just couldn't do it. I am happy I was able to climb the short stairs to the front door to get into the house. I had a cast up over my thigh but the surgeon cut it off and redid it to my knee thank goodness. So much pain.

I am so sorry to be here again crying on your shoulders. I am sure some (many?) are sick of my sad sack posts this year and I apologize sincerely. But I just had to cry here once again. This year sucks lemons. I know the journey ahead will be challenging and I will be doing my best to maintain a good attitude because there's no other choice. Thanks for reading all my ramblings.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Oh, Missy, I am so sorry! I am just stunned to read this. Accidents like this happen so quickly and can be so life changing. It must have been quite the accident so let's just be grateful that there was no head injury. Bones will heal - some other injuries are not so forgiving. I can tell that you are totally overwhelmed - as all of us would be.

Just take this day at a time, step at a time. The first and most important thing is to figure out how and who will repair the broken bones. Don't try to look beyond this point - it just is too overwhelming to think about the job and all the rest right now. Things do have a way of working out so just focus on getting yourself to surgery and out. Then the healing process can truly begin and you can have a better idea of what you will be facing for the next few months.

Hugs to you - take your pain medication and try to get some rest. Your mental state will have a great bearing on your physical healing. You know folks here will stand with you - don't worry about complaining. You have every right!!

 

[Circe]

Oh, my God, Missy, I am so incredibly sorry to hear this. On top of the year you've had ... that is incredibly unfair.

I hope the pain meds kick in soon (and, if not, it might be worth calling the doctor back to see if he can switch you to a different dosage/medicine) - before you can even put together a plan of attack for anything else, you need to get through the weekend, and your break sounds excruciating.

I so wish there was something I could do: you're one of the loveliest people on here, and I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that while I may never have met you in person, I think very highly of you, and feel concern for your well-being. In the absence of the ability to stop by with a casserole, some pillows to plump, and a perscription for Percocet or the like, my very, very, very sincere wishes for a fast & complete recovery.

 

[Smores84]

I'm so sorry Missy =(
I hope that your visit with your Ortho doc on Monday goes well.
Sounds like your job is very important to you, but you need to focus on YOU right now.
Sending you hugs

 

[dragonfly411]

Missy - I am SO sorry to hear about your recent fall and break. I feel like sometimes when it rains, it really pours. I wish I knew something to comfort you, but I know that has to be so incredibly hard on you. Don't give up though, and don't let yourself get overwhelmed by everything, or depressed. You WILL get through this and you WILL come out with new strengths you never knew possible. ::HUGS:: I hope you start having some relief from your pain soon.

 

[Enerchi]

Noooo!! Like you need THIS on top of what you're going thru!! I'm so sorry to hear you're now laid up, so to speak, for an extended time frame. What a set back- I'm thinking good thoughts for you

So what can you do to keep your self positive and de-stressed? Weights? Meditation? Limited yoga stretches perhaps?

And work - yikes!- I remember you mentioned there are some, errr, personalities there I have my fingers crossed they will wait for you... You're a skilled practitioner, that they'd be foolish to lose.

DUST DUST DUST my friend!

 

[Gypsy]

I'm so very sorry Missy.

((HUGE HUGS))

 

[AGBF]

I am really sorry, missy. I can only say that I see orthopedic trauma unfolding before me daily and have for several years since my best friend has had two major surgeries within a year (one within the past three weeks) and faces three more. Nor are they new to me since both my parents had hip replacements and my father had a lumbar laminectomy as well. But they are in my face daily since I visit my best friend in her nursing home every day. (She just had her first knee replacement) and she is in terrible pain.

You don't deserve this...not that anyone does. But you are particularly sweet and good. This is definitely an example of a bad thing happening to a good person.

Big hugs,
((((missy))))
Deb

 

[Kelinas]

Oh no! My heart sank reading this. Geez, I wish you could catch a break already.


I hope you are feeling better and that recovery is fast.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Missy!!! I am so sorry to hear this! I hope that the second opinion is helpful and that you can determine the best course of action forward.

((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

 

[texaskj]

Missy, go ahead and blubber away on our shoulders, we can take it. You are not being a sad sack.
And I'm so glad you're getting a second opinion. I know it seems like a giant PITA, but this is really important.
Let your hair frizz dear; that's what ponytails are for.

 

[Rosebloom]

Oh sweet Missy!! I am beyond sorry to read this. I wish there was something we could do to help. This sucks. Thank goodness you have such an awesome husband - lean on him in his time of need. And all of us here too!

 

[movie zombie]

very sorry, missy.
the high note? you'll get caught up on your reading....I know I sound flippant but I say this as a woman who has broken her left ankle three times.........in different places....within ten years.....
not much more upbeat I can say other than take your time, do as the dr says, don't push it, and sometimes just sometimes the universe acts in strange ways to tell us to slow down and smell the roses.....of course, sometimes we have to search for the roses or make do with daisies.
again, very sorry to read this.

 

[Sky56]

missy, I am so sorry this happened!! I hope you heal well and fast!!!

 

[AprilBaby]

You poor thing! Hope you find the best surgeon. I'm assuming you are talking NJ? If so I used to live near you ( many moons ago) in Aberdeen.

 

[lulu]

No sage advice, but I'm so sorry this happened to you.

 

[junebug17]

Oh no missy, I'm so sorry this has happened to you! You have been through so much, and now this, I just can't believe it - don't overwhelm yourself with thoughts of what's down the road, as MGR said take one day at a time and just focus on taking care of yourself. Try not to worry too much about work, you never know, they might be more cooperative than you think, but if not life will go on, things always end up working out. I wish I lived close to you so I could help. I'm so glad you have such a wonderful dh. Vent, complain, and cry on our shoulders all you want, whenever you want, it will help and you totally deserve to!

I hope you are feeling a little more comfortable soon - hugs and please know you are in my thoughts!

 

[Dancing Fire]

missy, sorry to hear this news.. lots of healing dust on its way to you.

 

[marcy]

I am so sorry to hear this, Missy. Sending your hugs and PS dust to wish you a speedy recovery.

 

[VRBeauty]

Awwww Missy - I'm so sorry to read this. I hope at least that the pain is more manageable now than it was when you first posted. I'm so glad you're getting a second opinion.

I don't have any advice to offer, other than to take it one step at a time. As MZ said, stock up on books, and... send DH to the bookstore for a Games magazine!

 

[Indylady]

Missy, sending you lots and lots and lots and lots of hugs! You are a really lovely person. I'm sorry to hear about your leg and foot; I am wishing you all the best as it heals and hope that the pain meds will kick in quickly.

I have a friend that recently broke his leg, and wasn't allowed to put any weight on it either, and got something like this http://www.amazon.com/Drive-Medical-790-Steerable-Walker/dp/B003VMAKVS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1403935646&sr=8-1&keywords=knee+walker to help him around. I'm not a doctor so I'm not sure if this is appropriate for you, but I thought I'd mention it in case it helps. Again, sending you lots of hugs and healing dust!

 

[Sakuracherry]

I really don't know what to say. Please relax and rest. Take care of your body first and worry about other things later. Hugs.

 

[arkieb1]

I am really sorry this has happened to you. Please let me know if there is a good book I can buy you or something that I can send to you to cheer you up. Meanwhile sending lots of hugs and get well soon dust!!!!

 

[rainwood]

Missy -

I never post anymore, just occasionally lurk. Something brought me back to PS tonight and when I saw your post, I knew it was you.

I broke my tibia and fibia (one of which was a spiral fracture) a year and a half ago in a stupid, stupid way involving stairs and wearing my husband's clogs. I had to have surgery to repair it with a plate and pins. So I know the shock and pain you're feeling right now. For a week, I thought I was in a bad dream and would eventually wake up. I can also talk about it now having come out on the other side which is important to know too.

My situation was both a little better and a lot worse. I also sprained my other ankle so badly that they initially thought I'd broken it as well so I had to be non-weight bearing on both legs and could only use a wheelchair to get around for 6 weeks, then graduate to using crutches gradually. But I had my surgery the day after the break because the swelling wasn't as bad.

So here's what I can tell you. The pain gets better after the surgery pretty fast. I hate taking painkillers and the oxycodone really messed me up so I stopped taking them within a week after the surgery and didn't really feel like I needed them. I did acetaminophen for awhile after that, but nothing more. Like you, I have a high pain threshold so it won't be as bad as you think it would be. And I'll bet you will be up and around faster than the doctor said because I doubt your breaks are any worse than mine and I was on light weight-bearing after 6 weeks wearing the boot.

Here are the things that were challenging. Wearing that boot at night and trying to sleep. Getting around in a house with 4 floors and 3 flights of stairs. But the absolute hardest was being in a wheelchair. Losing your mobility just throws you for a psychological loop. Because of some of the terrible side effects from the oxycodone, I ended up going to a hypnotherapist. It's a long story, but the oxycodone really screwed up my breathing, mainstream medicine couldn't figure out a solution, and I became desperate enough to try anything. The hypnotherapy actually worked, but she also gave me some relaxation techniques and coping mechanisms for the stress and anxiety which ended up being really valuable. A friend also told me about taking holy basil capsules for stress. I'd never heard of it but it helped too until I started the hypnotherapy. I try to avoid big pharma when I can so I was pleased there was something natural to take when I needed it.

The physical side of it was the easiest side. Physical therapy will be really important, and things improve more slowly than you'd want. I'm older than you and not in as good of shape, and I'm walking around with the dog and doing almost all of what I did before. I have to be diligent about doing my exercises because I feel it when I don't, and I'm aware of the ankle that was broken in a way that I'm not of the other ankle, but it doesn't hurt. I'm sure your recovery will be faster and more complete than mine because you're younger and fitter.

The best thing I can tell you is that you will end up being far more adaptable while healing than you ever imagined. I ended up scooting up and down the stairs on my butt just using my arms and developed some serious biceps and triceps. I slept on the couch for awhile. I learned to get around in a wheelchair. We can get used to stuff that seems so scary at the beginning, but becomes routine after awhile. And we stop taking for granted the simple things in life like walking.

You may not believe this now, Missy, but you will be okay. Let me know if you have questions. I will try to check in on this thread when I can.

 

[AGBF]

I also have an appointment at the Hospital for Special Surgery Monday AM with an orthopedic surgeon my mom saw when she had a botched surgery that he fixed. My family is adamant that I get this second opinion and they know how good this doctor is having personal experience with him and his reputation is stellar but the thought of dragging myself to the city etc with all the pain I am currently in is terrifying.

HSS is the best. I stumbled upon it while making a grand tour of the major hospitals of the northeast because my daughter had a condition that pediatric orthopedists wanted to operate on starting when she was three years old. Then, fortuitously, the mother of one of the little girls in her ballet class turned out to be a very well-connected physician who works there. We started to get all our orthopedic referrals from that mother, and we still do. She has never steered us wrong. That is where both my parents had their hip replacements, although having them locally would have been "more convenient". My father had been adamant that he would have his here until his orthopedic surgeon mentioned the risk of dying under general anesthesia. HSS, of course, does not use general anesthesia for routine hip replacements. Their anesthesiologists are all specially trained for orthopedic surgery.

Trust HSS!!! I am so very glad you will be going there!

And, rainwood, I am very sorry for all that you have been through!!! I had no idea.

Hugs to both you and missy.

Deb

 

[Sky56]

missy, I hope what I say will help you feel better. Both my sister-in-law and my closest friend broke their legs a couple of years ago.
My sister-in-law had a very similar bad accident to yours, and my friend broke her ankle by getting out of bed and having her foot get tangled in the sheet.

Both are doing great now, all healed up...and both are very active now. It's a slow process, and both were upset and frustrated, but with time all turned out well.

 

[armywife13]

I am so sorry, missy. (((Hugs))) Sending lots of healing dust and positive thoughts your way!!!

 

[JewelFreak]

Missy, my dear best twin sister! I'm all over you with wishes for healing & frustrated that I can't help in person.

I can tell you this: you will be back doing everything you do now. I'm SO glad you're getting a 2nd opinion and at such a good hospital! Right move number one.

A friend of mine broke his leg in a zillion places, falling off a ladder while cleaning gutters. He sent me his x-rays -- bone chips floating around & compound fracture, a total mess. He's skiing again, hiking up mountains, all the same old stuff. And he's in his 60s! Trust good docs & your own will & determination.

It's scary at first when the shock & pain are new. Once you have a plan, you'll feel much more confident. Pissed still, yes, but sure you can win. If you can make yourself not project into the future -- take it a morning at a time, an afternoon at a time, break time down into manageable chunks, a lot of stress is relieved. I KNOW that works once you get the hang of the self-discipline.

This dr. may be wrong, too -- you might be able to wheel yourself in to work in a few weeks. I think he sounds like a gloomy guy.

Much love & dust all over. Chin up -- it will improve every single day. Keep us in the loop, ok? We're here for you!

--- Laurie

P.S. RAINWOOD -- I miss you. Wish you would contribute your beautifully expressed wisdom more often!

 

[Mayk]

Missy.... I'm so very very sorry!!!

I know you will make a recovery but please give yourself time. On a much smaller scale I was in an accident with rehab and having to adjust after to a new way of fitness. From been there, done that...Don't rush things, be kind to yourself, work hard during therapy, then rest. The rest is as important to the healing as the therapy. Hugs to you as you go through this. I think you tandem. I hope your DH is ok too!

 

[missy]

Thank you all so much. Reading your comments and sharing your stories so generously with me is very helpful. I appreciate your support more than I can properly express with words. I am not as eloquent in my writing as I wish I was but heartfelt thanks to each and everyone of you to take the time to make me feel better.


I was able to doze off for an hour or so which is more than I expected to sleep. The orthopedist advised me to take 2 benadryl when I went to bed last night to help with the sleep and I think that helped.

My leg is in worse pain today but I think the doctor said that the swelling and pain will get worse within the first 48 hours. I am debating calling the hospital and asking the orthopedic resident who saw me first yesterday and who I think is on call today to write me an Rx for Percoset and see if that helps more? I don't know what to do because I am afraid of these meds too Rainwood and don't want to add to my problems. But the pain is so bad even not moving my leg. I am just sitting here and not moving my leg at all and pain is searing through me.

Last night I had decided I was going to stay downstairs on the couch but I really didn't want to be alone and my dh was able to help me up the stairs by me holding on to his arm/shoulder and hopping. LOL what a sight though not funny because each step was pure agony. Anytime my left foot moves at all it is excruciating pain. Never felt anything like that before and though I thought I had a high pain threshold I am being pulverized by this pain.
Thankfully I made it upstairs and was able to lay in the bed. My dh is now my nursemaid and I cannot wait to have this surgery and get onto the road to recovery. It might be as long as 3 weeks till I can get the surgery because my swelling is so bad. My ankle and up the shin is swollen to over twice my normal size and that was yesterday. I cannot tell how swollen it is now because it is wrapped up in some sort of cast.


Rainwood, and Mary, I am so sorry you went through something so similar and horrible.

Mary, I am sad you are not able to bicycle anymore. My heart goes out to you. My dh and I had just been talking about doing a 16 day bicycle tour in New Zealand in 2016 with Mel and his wife of Tandems East and 10 other couples and then we were going to stay there for another week or so to just enjoy New Zealand off the bikes too. I know we cannot even think about that now but I am praying I can get back on the bicycle. It's the one thing in life I love the most (besides my dh, family and friends that is). When I am cycling with my dh I feel free and alive and at peace. Sorry I knew I was going to be losing it as I wrote some of these replies. But I just wanted to thank you for sharing your traumatic experience with me and that despite how I sound it is so helpful. I hope you are enjoying other and new activities and you sound like you are in a very good place now so I have hope I can get there too. Big (((hugs))) for sharing this with me and for your support. It means so much to me.

Dear Rainwood, you are so kind to take the energy and time to share your story. (((HUGS))) to you for caring enough to post here. I miss you. I had no idea about your ordeal and I am so grateful to you for going into that detail to help me with my next challenge. Yes, I feel like I am in a bad dream but I know I will not wake from it because it isn't a dream at all. Last night as my dh was sleeping next to me I could not stop the negative thoughts from creeping into my head. The what ifs, the if onlys, and then of course what the future holds for me. My cherished job and dear dear patients who (for many of them) just won't understand why I'm not there. And then ofc the administration head who will just be annoyed I am inconveniencing them this way and whose only mission will be finding someone to replace me ASAP. And I know no matter what that is exactly what he will do. I am calling him on Monday after my second opinion consultation and not looking forward to it.

And I never returned to my other job where I took an unofficial (unpaid because if I don't work I don't get paid) leave of absence a few months ago due to my mystery illness and I was just getting ready to return. I had spoken with the past admin chief of that job last week (she retired last week of May) and we chatted about that. She is still helping the new admin chief out to make the transition as smooth as possible and has been calling me every week to see how I am doing. So now I need to call them (never met the new chief and don't know who she is) and tell them to hire someone else as they were waiting for me since there are others there in my field on the other days so no patients were inconvenienced (except those who insisted on waiting for me to return). I have been at that job for 24 years this past May. Just another call I am not looking forward to making. But they have already been waiting for me to return for almost 4 months and I need to be fair to them.

Rainwood I am so so sorry for all you went through and just reading your story makes my heart ache for what you endured. So relieved you came through with flying colors despite the pain and suffering. I did LOL when you described your scooting up the stairs the way you did. My mom did the same exact thing when she went through a difficult recovery with her broken leg. Her first surgery was botched however and her second surgery allowed her to finally recover though she has a dropped foot now due to nerve damage. My mind in the dark night allowed me to run away with that thought of what if I get nerve damage etc but again need to keep the negative thoughts out. I am terrified of general anesthesia-never had it and never want it. Not sure I can do an epidural with some other anesthesia but when I expressed my fears to the ortho yesterday he said he would see if the anesthesiologist could do an epidural plus something else. But no idea what the surgeon at the HSS will agree to. Just hope when I see him Monday he feels I have a good chance at full recovery. I cannot believe one stupid accident could cause so much damage. My foot wouldn't unclip from the pedals and that's how I broke it. The front tire lost air unbeknownst to us and when we were making a left turn the bike tire lost traction and down we went. But my left foot wouldn't unclip from the pedal and the bike went one way and my ankle and foot and leg went the other. I knew right away it was broken though my dh and the police (we were in Deal and they have a strong police presence everywhere so they got to us right away to try and help) and EMT's said it might not be broken. Ha. My foot was almost 180 degrees from where it should have been. Anyway the police still have our bike because my dh went in the ambulance with me and they kindly took the bike for us so we have to (my dh that is has to) pick it up today.


As for taking things like walking for granted the funny thing is I don't. This year has taught me much in terms of life lessons and suffering and I was hoping I was wise enough from all those newly and hard earned lessons lol. I guess I need more wisdom cause I have some (many) more hard lessons coming my way. Off my pity party for a moment and onto a much more terrible and sad story. My former graduate school classmate had a car accident in December 2013 and is now a quadriplegic. After that happened I realized how precious it all is-walking, eating, breathing, enjoying life. Not having each breath and even thought be a hardship. My heart goes out to him and his wife and children. So I realize yeah I could be so much worse than I am right now but then part of me is worried if something else is going to happen to me next. These past 5 plus months have been intermingled with pain and tears and frustration like no other but I need to continue putting it all in perspective. I am looking forward to getting the surgery and starting the healing and physical therapy and just hope I don't have to wait too long for the surgery now.


Deb, thank you for sharing your story and I am so glad your parents are doing well. And your best friend's story-I hope she is doing well too and hugs for taking the time to write here to me about this. I am probably going to do the surgery at HSS but I really liked the first doctor though I cannot tell who is the better doctor I know HSS is better than Monmouth Medical. Still not sure how to pick the right doctor. I know things can go wrong no matter how skilled the surgeon and I am scared. I feel weak for saying that but I am truly scared to have the surgery and scared once I have it if I will be able to recover enough to continue all the activities I love doing.
(((Hugs))) and thank you for posting.


More replies to follow. I am very fatigued right now and need to rest. Also need to pee. Sorry for TMI. My left leg is so heavy from the plaster perhaps? That I cannot even move it to swing off the pillow it is raised on to get up without my dh's help. I pray I can start doing things without his help soon. He has to go to work and cannot be my 24/7 nursemaid.