Oh, are you two engaged?

[LeggoMyEggo]

I know there have been a lot of posts about rude questions, but what about innocent ones? It seems that in the last few weeks, everyone has started asking my BF and I if we are engaged. Not if we''re getting engaged, but if we ARE. Seriously, two different people asked us that just this morning. These are often acquaintances who see us together and invariably say that we act like it, so they are surprised to find out we are not. There''s no tension about it, honestly we both sort of enjoy it. (OK, I enjoy it... and he doesn''t seem weird about it at all and within the hour we usually wind up talking about our house or our children... clearly he''s not freaked out.)

But I''m at a loss for how to react when people ask that question. I''m afraid that if I don''t react as if I''m surprised, I might look silly, like I''m pining away for him to ask... or people will think it''s imminent and I''m not so sure that it is. But if I act surprised, BF might get confused and get his feelings hurt.

What would you do or have you done in similar situations?

Thanks!
-M

 

[allycat0303]

What a way to phrase a question. Kind of like, "Aren''t you pregnent?" Were you talking about your future wedding by any chance? That would be the only time I could justify that question.

 

[LeggoMyEggo]

Haha, no it was unprompted. I guess I''m not as offended by it as I would be if they were asking WHEN we''re getting engaged, which automatically puts you in a position of having to explain your present situation.

One woman who asked us was an acquaintance, her brother attends our church. We know each other, but not terribly well. We bumped into each other in the park, and BF and I were being quite romantic, arm in arm, off in la la land... you get the picture. We said hello, she asked how we were doing and we both said great, and she said, "Oh, am I behind the news again? Are you two engaged?" It was totally innocent... she thought she had been left out, and I think she was feeling bad for not congratulating us. I just wasn''t sure how to respond.

 

[ladypirate]

LOL--with us people skip the question altogether and just refer to him as my husband! It''s always a bit awkward to tell people we''re not married. Kris just says not to bother--his thinking is that since we will be married eventually, why bother going through the trouble of telling them we aren''t now.

Boys!

 

[debzy103]

How does a couple act engaged? Versus acting like their dating? I think these people are just trying to say like you two look like you''re in love. Take it as a compliment!

 

[trillionaire]

SO and I get this a lot too. We usually laugh or smile and say no, we''re not. A lot of people now are just calling me the fiancee, and asking SO how his FI is. He gets it a lot from work and people at his job. I think it''s funny. We also got it at his brother''s wedding.

I kind of like it. I do feel like it''s NOYB, but what can you do. It would probably bother me if we hadn''t talked about it yet, but we HAVE been dating for 5 years now...

 

[princess_natalie]

We get it a lot, as well.

Normally, I giggle. He smiles and says, "Not yet..."

I take it as a compliment!

 

[jcarlylew82]

i just got asked that question too!! (actually, they asked if we were married yet)

it usually goes in this way
"are you and E still going strong?"
yes...
"are you guys married yet?"
no... BUT you can ask him why not

 

[idreamofcushions]

My SO and I get that all the time. As a matter of fact, our close friends have even started saying that we''re starting to look alike (like brother/sister? ewe!) I guess after being so close to someone for a while, you start picking up each other''s mannerisms, etc. I always take it as a compliment and make some kind of joke out of it, like "no but we better be soon!" or we''ll just say "no, not yet" It can be a little awkward though.

 

[gladyskristen]

idreamofcushions:

I can totally relate to the brother/sister thing! We''ve been asked by a stranger before if we''re twins (we''re the same height)! I had no idea whether to feel amused or eeked...