ok i usually dont do this but....

[emilina22]

i need to vent....

im usually not the one who needs to vent but there are just so many things going on right now that i dont even know how to manage everything. i actually had a break down on friday night....ok so heres whats been going down

were like 2 months away from our wedding and we just started to look for an apartment two weeks ago, well after going out and spending the whole day we come back to my place (we still live seperately at home with our families) and we sat down to think over what we saw when my parents come in and explain that since its a buyers market we should buy and they know that funds are tight with the wedding and all that they are willing as a gift to not only pay for half of the wedding but also give us money for a down payment on a house or condo whcih ever.We''re are both extremely thankful that they are doing this for us and trust me we both truely appreciate and do not take for granted because i have friends whose parents would barely pitch in a cent for their wedding...


so now we shifted gears and are looking for a house, me being the one whose scared that we cant afford a house is looking at condos (ive lived in one all my life its all i know) my FI on the other hand has always wanted a house so thats all that hes been looking for making a condo our last resort. so now we''ve been stressing and arguing because im freaking out about what we can afford and he tries to reassure me but wont consider anything but a house, i do understand that this home is a starter home it will not be big or fancy but something that will need a little TLC and we would turn it into a nice looking place which we hope to sell one day and move into our dream home...i know he wants the best for us but i guess im just way too over worried and i over analyze everything...

i guess i should just be thankful that we are getting a house to start our new lives in

then i have this worry in my heart about my future father in law...

he decided back in september to go back to Romania to oversee a house that he has been building, he is almost 70...while he was there he had 2 strokes which left him partially paralyzed (counting these two strokes he has had a total of 3 strokes in the past i wanna say 3-4 years) he has lost part of his vision and some of his memory. he has been a fighter since he came home in late october but there is always this worry in my heart that he wont make it to our wedding...he just had surgery this past friday where they removed 3 non-cancerous tumors from his large intestines, he is currently still in the hospital and feeling week...all i guess we can do is pray that he will get stronger and get better, but the worry never goes away...

on top of this im trying to finish school and im in the home stretch, graduation is may 10th, and the semester ends april 30th so im swamped with final papers and projects.

then i have all the little things to finish for the wedding

plus ive been having HORRIBLE nightmares about the wedding (one was that the morning of the wedding i went to unzip the garment bag that my dress was in and when i opened it the entire top of my dress was orange, like streaked stained orange, i woke up in tears...when i told my mom she half laughed then secretly went to call the seamstress who reassured her that the dress is perfectly fine)


sorry this was so long i just had to get it all off my chest...thanks for listening

 

[decodelighted]

That''s a lot of stress all at once. Yikes! Any chance you could *sublet* an apartment for a few months so you don''t have to house hunt & finish wedding planning all at the same time? The market still has a ways to drop so it might all be for the best in the long rung ... as long as you buy this calendar year (to take advantage of the 8K 1st time buyer tax credit).

It does worry me a bit that your fiance isn''t really *hearing* you about the condo vs. house issue. If you''re really super scared about a house ... voice it *louder* maybe? That''s why I really suggest putting off the issue longer so you can really talk about house maintenence ... who''s responsible for what ... lawn care ... gardening ... figuring out all the extra expenses of a house-house vs. a condo vs. renting etc.

 

[purrfectpear]

If you can afford a detached single family home at all, that is the way to go.

1. House is far more likely to hold some value vs. condo

2. No HOA dues

3. No shared walls, floors, ceilings

4. Private yard

Seriously a condo is the fallback position if there''s absolutely, positively, no way to get in a house.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 4/13/2009 7:58:42 PM
Author: purrfectpear
If you can afford a detached single family home at all, that is the way to go.


1. House is far more likely to hold some value vs. condo


2. No HOA dues


3. No shared walls, floors, ceilings


4. Private yard


Seriously a condo is the fallback position if there''s absolutely, positively, no way to get in a house.

Normally I would agree but IIRC Emiliana you are in Chicago right? So would the condo be downtown? It isn''t such a bad investment if it''s downtown. If it''s in the burbs though I fully agree with PP. Get a house as long as you can afford it.

 

[emilina22]

We just had a talk and we did find out that we can afford a house and that isnt a problem and has never been a problem, its just that ive been so used to living in a condo that this is a huge step...

PP thats exactly what hes been saying we''re meeting with our agent tomorrow who has just emailed me a few houses that are within our price range so i just hope that one of them stands out as THE ONE and we go from there...

Neat Freak- if it were to be a condo it would be in the burbs, so thats also a reason why my FI is wanting a house

Deco-renting was our first option until we realized that what we would spend on rent would be the same as owning a place so once we found out that we were eligible to buy something we knocked that option out...and again the reason i guess im so worried is that im so used to life in a condo that a house is a huge change for me. but a change that eventually i have to get over

 

[havernell]

Date: 4/13/2009 9:02:40 PM
Author: emilina22

Deco-renting was our first option until we realized that what we would spend on rent would be the same as owning a place so once we found out that we were eligible to buy something we knocked that option out...and again the reason i guess im so worried is that im so used to life in a condo that a house is a huge change for me. but a change that eventually i have to get over

Deco mentioned subleting an aparment (not full renting), which means you temporarily take over renting an apartment from the person who is actually renting the place. Usually a sublet is only for a short time (i.e. a few months over the summer) and doesn''t obligate you to rent for a whole year. Deco was saying that you could sublet for just a few months while you look for a house. She''s saying that you will have more time/less stress to look for a house after you are married/done with school/etc... The money you spend on a few months rent really isn''t that much of a drain (in fact, if it lets you get a better deal on a house in a few months, it could actually *save* you money)

The housing market is still going to be good 5-6 months from now (and may be an even BETTER buyers market by then), so why rush into getting a house now when you''re so stressed with other stuff? Buying a house should be a decision you make when both of you can think straight, not something one of you just goes along with because you feel pressured into it and are over-stressed with everything else going on. Stick up for yourself. You''ll have plenty of years to be homeowners- a few extra months won''t matter in the long run.

So, definitely buy a house, but perhaps wait for a few months until you can devote 100% energy to the house hunt (rather than only a fraction of your time inbetween school, wedding planning, etc...) Good luck!

 

[emilina22]

Havernell...thanks so much for your advise, i guess i wasnt too sure about the whole sublet thing so thanks for explaining it to me

 

[FrekeChild]

Townhouse?

I'd do houses too.

I'm sorry you're so stressed. I really really hope I don't have nightmares like that when we get closer.

Breathe. And do something to try to relax! Facial? Mani-pedi? Massage? Shopping spree?

 

[Lanie]

I don''t know if I''m much help here, but you need to slow down and take a breath. Easy for me to say, right? Hopefully you can wait until after your wedding to tackle the house issue??? Looking for a house and closing a house are very emotional times, especially as first time home buyers. I would table the discussion (only if you can!) until after the wedding. Focus on your beautiful day coming up in 2 months, focus on finishing out school (congrats!!!), and focus on keeping your FI''s spirits up about his father. If your lease is up, go month to month or sign a 6 month until you guys are mentally ready to tackle this new phase. I think it will be worth it. The market isn''t going anywhere in the next 6 months.

 

[tlh]

Date: 4/13/2009 7:58:42 PM
Author: purrfectpear
If you can afford a detached single family home at all, that is the way to go.

1. House is far more likely to hold some value vs. condo

2. No HOA dues

3. No shared walls, floors, ceilings

4. Private yard

Seriously a condo is the fallback position if there''s absolutely, positively, no way to get in a house.

DITTO!!!!
HOA dues can be quite pricey, and sometimes a condo is not necessarily cheaper than owning a house.

 

[cara]

I thritto getting a house, even a starter house, if you can afford it and it meets your requirements, is in a good area, etc. While a condo can have expensive association fees, fixer-upper houses can also have a lot of money pits that need filling! So it is important to look at the overall picture of what your expenses will be, with appropriate safety reserves for repairs and emergencies in both types of places.

But house shopping on top of everything else sounds like A LOT. Obviously you want somewhere to come back to from your honeymoon that is not with your parents but if there is anyway to sublet something, an inlaw unit or whatnot for a little while to give you and your FI some breathing room, that would be great. You really don''t want to rush into anything housebuying related, and you are currently legitimately SWAMPED with other obligations and things to worry about. Sometimes enough is enough, and hopefully your FI will understand. The buyers market is not going away in a few months. There is a first-time homebuyers tax credit of $8000 that is available if you purchase before Dec. 1 of 2009. Plus the banks are absolutely swamped right now, at least in my area, and are very slow processing anything.

To reduce some of your housing anxiety, go to a bank and get preapproved for some amount. Then when you do go shopping, look to spend much less than that amount, and be sure to discuss how you will pay for any needed repairs or updates with your FI. Good luck!

 

[Elmorton]

Re: house - if you''re nervous, is it possible to narrow down your search ONLY to move-in ready homes? DH and I moved into our first house last fall - it''s small and was a flip (2 years ago). Most everything inside/outside is new, and while we choose to work on it and make improvements to make it ours, nothing about it was necessary. So far, other than having to mow the lawn/snow blow, it really hasn''t been any different than living in a rental.

I also agree that homebuying, graduating, and wedding planning sounds like a lot. If it''s possible to wait a few months and sublet until after you''re married, that sounds like a great idea.

 

[bee*]

Sorry to hear about all the stress that you''re under emilina. If you guys can afford it, then I''d go with a house also. I know that it''s probably a big step to go from a condo to a house but you''ll get used to it quickly and you will be fine in one. Keeping my fingers crossed that your FFIL will be fine.

 

[galvana]

I''m sorry to hear you are so stressed out. I would definitly go for the house, definitly.
Many of the pro''s have already been listed.

I hope one of the list of affortables is what you are looking for. keep us posted.

 

[DiamondsforDee]

Date: 4/13/2009 7:58:42 PM
Author: purrfectpear
If you can afford a detached single family home at all, that is the way to go.

1. House is far more likely to hold some value vs. condo

2. No HOA dues

3. No shared walls, floors, ceilings

4. Private yard

Seriously a condo is the fallback position if there''s absolutely, positively, no way to get in a house.

A detached single family home can have HOA dues. It''s all the rage in the cookie cutter developments.

I would look at both (why not right?) especially if a condo enabled you to live downtown or uptown instead of out in the suburbs. Homes hold their value better but city will often trump suburb, especially if we''re talking about suburbs way the heck out. Good luck! I think you need a massage, a mani/pedi, and a glass of wine!