OK, maybe I''m really overanalyzing this...

[ladypirate]

So bf got the invite to a friend''s wedding today. Kris has known the guy since high school and we''ve spent time with them before. Here''s what''s bugging me: the invitation was only addressed to Kris and I''m not sure if I''m invited. I mean, we live together and etiquette dictates that I should be, but since it only had his name on it, I don''t know what to do. The response card just has a spot for "name" and "number of persons". ???

Kris said I''m being silly and of course I''m invited, but I don''t want to assume. I understand how hard it is to keep wedding costs down and whatnot and I wouldn''t want an awkward situation to arise if he sends back a response card reserving 2 spots and they were only expecting one. Likewise, I feel like if he came out and asked, it could be awkward for them because they may feel obligated to say yes.

So what do you guys think? Am I over-analyzing? I''ve obviously been reading too many wedding etiquette blogs.

 

[CNOS128]

No, you''re right; wedding etiquette dictates that if you''re not on the envelope (even as "guest") you''re not invited.

One of my closest friends is having a destination wedding in a couple months and they were limited to 50 people, so my BF wasn''t invited. He decided to come with me anyway for the vacation, and just hang out on his own during the ceremony. As it turns out, he''ll probably get to come with me -- but the entire reason for him not being invited was simply that there was a really tight guest limit for them. At first I thought it was bizarre that he wasn''t on the envelope, but now I''m glad I didn''t RSVP for 2!

If this is a good friend of Kris''s, is he willing to call/email and check to see if you''re invited or if they''re pressed for space? Of course, it''s hard to be like, "Yeah, no, your girlfriend can''t come." But maybe they''d be honest? Or maybe they legitimately do want you there!

 

[ladypirate]

Yeah, if it was a destination wedding, I'd definitely not think I'm invited, but it's in their (and Kris') hometown. Part of the confusion on my part is that last time we saw them (at Thanksgiving), they were talking about wedding planning and whatnot and told us that "we'd" be invited. I'm going to have Kris call and ask, I think, just to make sure.

The only other thing I can think of is that since they haven't seen us since we moved in together in January, it's possible they sent me my own invitation at my old address. That mail is being forwarded, so I'll probably wait a couple of days just to make sure that isn't the case before I have Kris call. He thinks I'm insane, but I'd hate to put any undue stress on the couple.

 

[Hera]

Etiquette normally does dictate person and "guest" but maybe they don''t know the ettiquette. The card does say person and number of guests so maybe he can bring you. Either way, it''s a good plan to have him call first.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Etiquette does dictate that it should say you name or “and guest” on the envelope. Could have been an assumption that if he was invited you would be too? I know that happens to my SO and I a lot. It took people awhile to learn my name (first, last and correct spelling of both) so for awhile invites would be addressed to him, I wouldn’t attend and the host and hostess would be upset. Perhaps they did not know how to spell your name or did not know your last name and felt that putting “and guest” after having met you would have been very rude. I’m sure you are invited to the event and wouldn’t fret over it too much. Seems like it was unintentional.

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/10/2008 9:36:55 AM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
Etiquette does dictate that it should say you name or “and guest” on the envelope. Could have been an assumption that if he was invited you would be too? I know that happens to my SO and I a lot. It took people awhile to learn my name (first, last and correct spelling of both) so for awhile invites would be addressed to him, I wouldn’t attend and the host and hostess would be upset. Perhaps they did not know how to spell your name or did not know your last name and felt that putting “and guest” after having met you would have been very rude. I’m sure you are invited to the event and wouldn’t fret over it too much. Seems like it was unintentional.

I have to agree. It was probably unintentional as I am sure his friends want you (and expect you'd want to join your SO) to attend. I think many people are confused by what is proper wedding etiquette. Some people go to the ends of the earth to make sure they get everything exactly right, but honestly, not everyone knows what's right is "right." Did that make sense? In other words, they might assume that you'll know you're invited--maybe they don't have your entire name and just thought it was best to leave it blank.

I wouldn't worry about it because unless its a wedding where the couple are upfront about only being able to invite a certain number of people, it is safe to assume that each invitation is for two guests.

And, if you receive the invitation in the mail tomorrow, then all this worrying was for nothing!

 

[vslover]

If you''re engaged wedding etiquette dictates you''d be invited...as the g/f it''s optional. If you were invited they should have put it on the invitation (or better yet...sent you your own)...so I''d assume no...but it certainly doesn''t hurt to have him ask!

 

[chocolatefudge]

ladypirate I completely understand how you feel, this is exactly the sort of thing I would worry about. I think it''s strange not to put you on the invitation, even if they didn''t know how to spell your name like previously suggested wouldn''t they have written ''guest?''
I think you''re doing the right thing to check your old address and then get your bf to ring his friend. Hope it all turns out ok!

 

[ladypirate]

Just an update: Kris talked to his friend and I am invited, after all! Apparently they were at a loss over whether to write "Kris + 1" or "Kris and Liz" and just forgot to write either.

Yay! I''m glad this whole thing got resolved.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

i had this problem last summer, well it wasnt really but anyways. the envelope only had my SOs name on it and then on the inside it said number of guests. we both thought this was weird too but we knew that i was invited because i was a hostess for the ceremony lol and so was a groomsmen. i dont think some people really research the etiquette thing because the girl i knew getting married did it in 4 months after the engagement and didnt have time to research everything so she kind of just flung it

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/10/2008 7:01:22 PM
Author: ladypirate
Just an update: Kris talked to his friend and I am invited, after all! Apparently they were at a loss over whether to write ''Kris + 1'' or ''Kris and Liz'' and just forgot to write either.

Yay! I''m glad this whole thing got resolved.

Oh good!

I was going to say, if it said number of persons, I would assume you could put however many. But I don''t know much at the moment about wedding invites.........

 

[Blair138]

Date: 4/10/2008 9:36:55 AM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
It took people awhile to learn my name (first, last and correct spelling of both) so for awhile invites would be addressed to him

This is my BIGGEST pet peeve. My name is not hard to spell, but we recently went to a family member''s wedding and the favors were our place cards as well. My last name was spelled wrong on it!!

Since it was FF''s family member''s wedding, I would have expected them to ask my FF how to spell my name instead of just assuming.

 

[autumnlala]

Glad you got this resolved-- back when we were first dating, DBF got invited to a friend''s wedding (I had hung out with the couple before also), and he invited me to come. The day after I bought a PLANE TICKET, DBF got a call from his friend saying he got his RSVP for 2 people but he hadn''t intended him to bring a guest. They had space limitations so anyone who wasn''t married didn''t get to bring a guest.

I thought this was totally rude (either invite fewer people who can all bring guests, or find a bigger venue). I''m not sure Emily Post agrees with me, but with people getting married later and later, I think once you''re out of college you should always get a +1 invitation. DBF was 30 when this happene.d It''s no fun to travel to a wedding by yourself, especially if you know the bride or groom but not many other guests.

In the end fewer people ended up RSVPing so I was able to go anyway and I didn''t lose the ticket, but it left such a bad taste in my mouth, and I''m sure it was very awkward for the groom to have that conversation with DBF.

So, my advice would have been it never hurts to ask the bride/ groom before you make plans, never assume you get a guest invite!

 

[FrekeChild]

Correct invite etiquette is that only those with their names on the outside envelope are invited.

So Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Family would include everyone.

Mr. Sponge Bob plus one would be him and his date.

Mr. Prince Charming would be him alone.

Unless the person writing it down doesn''t know this of course. Anyway, take note for your future invitations ladies!