Old diamonds vs new

[JenStone]

One of my exes was from an affluent family. He once told me that he was glad that he never had to pay for an engagment ring, because his grandmother had given him her diamond ring before she passed away. Meanwhile, he spent a lot of money of luxury items for himself. At the time we broke up, he was saving up for a Porsche (paying in cash!) when he already had a very nice car.

I''ve also dated guys who are not so lucky. One of them confessed to me that he started saving up little by little for an engagement ring for that special someone as soon as he started working out of college, so that he will be ready when the time comes.

Receiving a family heirloom, especially one of sentimental value, is very nice. But these experiences may have influenced my way of thinking, because personally, I would rather receive a $1,000 ring my boyfriend saved for and bought especially for me over an inherited one worth over $10,000.

Which would you prefer?

 

[ilovesparkles]

While I like the sentiment of an inheritted one, I absolutely do not like the idea that you should be glad it got you outta having to pay for one. I think there is a lot more meaning in a guy who scrimps and saves and puts effort into it. In fact I''d rather have that ring worth $1000 than a $10000 ring he could simply buy because he was well off.

 

[akw94]

If I had the option, I would prefer the inherited ring (but like you, not if it came w/the attitude of getting out of buying a ring). I really appreciate when something has been passed down to me and it is important to me to share those things w/my children. I have some things that were given to me by my grandmother and they are so special to me. I also love the design/style of many antique rings. I think there is something very special about wearing something once worn by another. You''ve kind of got your story and theirs attached to the ring.

 

[cinnabar]

I''m firmly in the camp of "girls should be able to choose their own ring", and since I wanted a non-round diamond, I''d definitely not want an inherited stone if it wasn''t the shape I preferred.

I don''t see inherited diamonds as being any different from re-gifting a ring destined for a previous fiancee; if they weren''t chosen specifically for the girl receiving them, then there''s just something missing, to my mind.

I know one family where the eldest son inherited a 5ct marquise diamond from his mother, and his fiancee was delighted to have that stone in her wedding ring. I''m not partial to marquises or very large diamonds, so if that had been me, I''d have said "Would your sister like it? It was her mother''s ring, after all". That way, they could keep the stone in their family, because I''d just want to sell it and get something I liked. I''m probably in a minority - what girl would turn down a 5ct diamond?! - but I really would much rather have one that was "all about me", even if it was small.

I''m only funny about engagement diamonds, though. If I really loved his mother''s wedding dress, and it fitted me, I would happily wear that to my own wedding. I have my great-grandmother''s wedding ring, which I wear occasionally. I''d just want my e-ring to be all-new and all-mine. Even if it meant turning down the Hope Diamond in favour of some little, but sentimentally priceless, stone we chose together as a couple.

 

[Caribou]

I like the idea of an inherited ring....if it''s given to your BF because your family likes you. If it''s something that was coming to your BF regardless of who he was giving it to, to me, it wouldn''t seem as special. Of course this all depends on what it looks like.

Seriously...I''m a RB, girl, I know that I would not be estatic about anything other than round. Then again, if my BF really wanted to get married but couldn''t afford to buy me a ring and gave me the inhereited ring, I''d be okay with that.

That''s touggh questions...I guess my answer is...I don''t know.

 

[FireGoddess]

If the situation existed I would like to be given the option to have the heirloom stone and not just have it assumed it will go in my ring. If I like the stone - I''d love to use it even if it was free for my FI. If I don''t like it....then I wouldn''t want to be forced to use it.

 

[sumbride]

To me, if he has any sentiment behind it, I wouldn''t care if it were inherited or purchased. Think of it like this... he''s giving you his heart, the ring is just the symbol... I put more value in the sentiment than the price tag. If he just happened to have a diamond already, then bonus!

My sister has a whole pouch of diamonds from her mother-in-law''s various wedding rings... she''s been married, oh, maybe 8 times, and "couldn''t stand to look at them anymore." My sister is saving them to make some jewelry for her daughter... who is NEVER to know where they came from because she doesn''t really need to know her grandmother has been married so many times (as dictated by the grandmother). I don''t think there will be any less sentiment in the jewelry made from these diamonds just because they''ve been sitting around waiting for a new wearer.

 

[squeaksluv]

I would love an inherited diamond if there was sentiment behind him proposing to me with it, not just because he got out of having to spend the money on me.

My bf''s grandmother left him her diamond ring. I know it''s an rb but that''s all I know. He was really close to his grandmother. When he was little she was forever taking him on trips with her, or her ''adventures'' as she liked to call them. They''d go to South Africa, Costa Rica, Egypt, all sorts of places. His siblings had no interest in going but he loved to travel. For mothers day a few years ago he took her and his mom (it was her mother) on a cruise because his grandmother had said that was the one thing she had yet to do. For her birthday he took her to Italy to visit the Vatican before she died (she was a devout Catholic). I think that if he chose to propose to me with this diamond there would be a lot of meaning behind it.

 

[Mimikins24]

I have to agree with the sentiments of many of the other ladies here.

I think it is wonderful and sentimental to be given a family heirloom as an engagement ring as long as it is given with that in mind and not simply as a means of saving money. I have also heard of couples using an inherited stone and creating a new setting together --- to signify the respect for the old and the growth with the new. This is a really wonderful idea IMHO.

Basically, it is the thought and effort that goes into the ring that I am most moved by. I have recently realized that for many men that it is a really important and emotional decision to buy a ring for the love of their life. I think as women we can only hope that our partners love and intentions are reflected in the ring through its thoughtful selection and presentation --- regardless of the price point.

I recently found out that the reason my BF seemed to be dragging his feet with the ring purchase is because he decided that what he really wanted to give to me was double the original budget. He has put off any purchases (of rings or otherwise) for the last 8 months because he was saving up the rest of the funds. Anyway I now feel like a complete heel for bugging him about it!!!

To me it is not the fact that he is buying something more expensive that is moving to me --- rather it is the fact that he has worked hard to save, see what styles I like and wants to present me with something that he has poured his heart and soul into. It’s the sentiment and not the form that is important to me --- either new or inherited!!!

 

[Evie75]

Date: 3/29/2006 2:13:58 PM
Author: sumbride
To me, if he has any sentiment behind it, I wouldn''t care if it were inherited or purchased. Think of it like this... he''s giving you his heart, the ring is just the symbol... I put more value in the sentiment than the price tag. If he just happened to have a diamond already, then bonus!

My sister has a whole pouch of diamonds from her mother-in-law''s various wedding rings... she''s been married, oh, maybe 8 times, and ''couldn''t stand to look at them anymore.'' My sister is saving them to make some jewelry for her daughter... who is NEVER to know where they came from because she doesn''t really need to know her grandmother has been married so many times (as dictated by the grandmother). I don''t think there will be any less sentiment in the jewelry made from these diamonds just because they''ve been sitting around waiting for a new wearer.

well said.. I agree 100 % ... and as much as I love diamonds, and I do have my heart set on a specific ring.... my BF could give me a ring from a cracker jack box and i wouldnt care LOL...

 

[JenStone]

Date: 3/29/2006 3:20:14 PM
Author: Mimikins24
I have to agree with the sentiments of many of the other ladies here.

I think it is wonderful and sentimental to be given a family heirloom as an engagement ring as long as it is given with that in mind and not simply as a means of saving money. I have also heard of couples using an inherited stone and creating a new setting together --- to signify the respect for the old and the growth with the new. This is a really wonderful idea IMHO.

Basically, it is the thought and effort that goes into the ring that I am most moved by. I have recently realized that for many men that it is a really important and emotional decision to buy a ring for the love of their life. I think as women we can only hope that our partners love and intentions are reflected in the ring through its thoughtful selection and presentation --- regardless of the price point.

I recently found out that the reason my BF seemed to be dragging his feet with the ring purchase is because he decided that what he really wanted to give to me was double the original budget. He has put off any purchases (of rings or otherwise) for the last 8 months because he was saving up the rest of the funds. Anyway I now feel like a complete heel for bugging him about it!!!

To me it is not the fact that he is buying something more expensive that is moving to me --- rather it is the fact that he has worked hard to save, see what styles I like and wants to present me with something that he has poured his heart and soul into. It’s the sentiment and not the form that is important to me --- either new or inherited!!!

Mimi - that is just so sweet. I hope everything works out fabulously for you two!

I agree with the majority here. In the case of my ex, I think I was more put off by him actually seeing his grandmother''s ring as an easy out. In addition, he wasn''t close to his grandmother at all. When I asked why his grandmother didn''t give it to his mother or his older sister, he replied, "Because I''m a guy and to her, guys are supposed to inherit everything." His mother and sister were disappointed but agreed with this reasoning.

So glad I''m not with him anymore - just imagine how it would be like, joining a family like that!

 

[JulieN]

mmm, well, if he's that wealthy, I'm sure I wouldn't be stuck having the heirloom as my ONLY diamond ring...and I'd be able to get another ring exactly to my liking not too far down the road, yaknowwhatImean?

I don't think his attitude is off putting.

Basically, I wouldn't hold it against him that he was born into a wealthy family. He's marrying me (!) The ring is not as important as the man. Maybe you thought he was a little selfish about the Porsche, but once he's married, he promises to share all his worldy goods with her.

 

[icekid]

I would love an inherited stone as long as it didn''t come from a guy who was a big jerk (like your ex)!!

I have a family heirloom (a special pendant) that belonged to my fiance''s grandmother, and it is every bit as special to me as my e-ring.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 3/29/2006 3:20:14 PM
Author: Mimikins24
I have to agree with the sentiments of many of the other ladies here.

I think it is wonderful and sentimental to be given a family heirloom as an engagement ring as long as it is given with that in mind and not simply as a means of saving money. I have also heard of couples using an inherited stone and creating a new setting together --- to signify the respect for the old and the growth with the new. This is a really wonderful idea IMHO.

Basically, it is the thought and effort that goes into the ring that I am most moved by. I have recently realized that for many men that it is a really important and emotional decision to buy a ring for the love of their life. I think as women we can only hope that our partners love and intentions are reflected in the ring through its thoughtful selection and presentation --- regardless of the price point.

I recently found out that the reason my BF seemed to be dragging his feet with the ring purchase is because he decided that what he really wanted to give to me was double the original budget. He has put off any purchases (of rings or otherwise) for the last 8 months because he was saving up the rest of the funds. Anyway I now feel like a complete heel for bugging him about it!!!

To me it is not the fact that he is buying something more expensive that is moving to me --- rather it is the fact that he has worked hard to save, see what styles I like and wants to present me with something that he has poured his heart and soul into. It’s the sentiment and not the form that is important to me --- either new or inherited!!!

That is so sweet and romantic and oy! DOn''t feel too bad I''m sure he understands too!

 

[Mimikins24]

Thanks JenStone and ilovesparkles! --- I know that I have a wonderful and thoughtful partner in my BF. Sometimes I can take that for granted, but right now I am dealing with the death of my grandfather and law school exams in a week and a half --- I can definitely see his caring in action and it makes me appreciate him more! Sorry for the mini hijack. Good to hear that you and your BF are doing well ilovesparkles and also that you are having some progress JenStone!!! Cheers ladies!!!