On the verge of a breakdown...

[misysu2]

Let me just preface this by saying that none of my problems are extremely awful, but things have been snowballing on me and I just needed to vent and see if anyone out there is PSland has similar feelings.

Last night I just got fed up. I''m really starting to hate the way this wedding is making me care about trivial things like ribbon colors, because I''m the type of person to sweat the little stuff. And yet, here I am, dealing with the florist, who NEEDS to know what ribbon to tie on the flowers, and whether I want magnolias or gardenias, etc.... And then there''s the card basket on the gift table, which music we''re going to play during the father-daughter dance, and what color of napkins to put on the tables. I don''t want to get sucked into these tiny things that don''t matter in the end. It''s all causing me too much grief.

And then I''m HATING the way this wedding is making me depend on others to take action. I always held firm that if you wanted something done that you had to do it yourself. So now I''m dealing with the two groomsmen who haven''t gotten us their measurements after 4 months and ALL bridesmaids who STILL haven''t ordered their dresses since I notified them in October and then more seriously sat down with them again 2 weeks ago. And the tux store, who hasn''t called me to confirm our wedding availability, and the DJ who insists I meet with him and won''t answer my emails or calls. Never mind the guests-- FI sent out his 40 invites a month ago, and we''ve only received 4 RSVP cards back. People had better not assume we know they''re coming or not coming.

Never mind FI''s and my parents who want to invite the whole neighborhood, but I know you all know how dealing with that feels.

This is snowballing with other things going on in my life, and I just feel like I haven''t taken time out for me to unwind. Yes, I went hiking last weekend with FI. But it''s always for FI. It''s fun, but never relaxing. I need to go dancing or to a museum to bliss out, but it''s not happening. And I lost it last night, and keeping it under wraps very carefully this morning.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I''m trying not to let this wedding stuff get to me, but intricate planning like this just isn''t my style. I need out!

 

[Stephanie]

Wow - Misy, that is a snowball! Sorry that you are having to experience this. I, too, have a problem depending on other people to get stuff done, especially on such an important day. If it helps, try to get a handle on somethings. Make a list of what problems you have and rank them on important to not as important. It is very easy to get so bogged down. As for services not calling you back, find another service that will. There are plenty of djs. For flowers, can you do a mix of both so that you don''t have to make a decision? Ribbons can be changed, so just go with a color in your wedding or your favorite color. Have your FI call the people he invited to double check the guest count. Hope that you get out from under this pressure!

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

so sorry you feel this way. I too am the type of person that sweats the small stuff so I can totally relate. I also have this sense of urgency that no one else out of my friends/family seems to understand (like booking the limo for a wedding thats 9 months away...it really doesn''t need to be). I just want everything to be done so I can relax and enjoy this time.

Sometimes I have to take a step back and say to myself is this REALLY important, will the guests really notice such a small detail, etc?!? If you have a difference in opinion with family, once your FI & you are on the same page, talk with your family members and expain your point of view as this is YOUR wedding. To my suprise, after discussing with family regarding guest list/budget/etc., we have always come to some sort of agreement.

Everything will come together perfectly for your wedding so try not to stress too much ( i know its hard though!)

 

[partyjewels]

Misy - I totally hear ya! I don't want to get into the details, but I completely broke down on Sunday. Planning a big event is not a good idea for me, I stress about little details to begin with, and a wedding just has way too many little details that ultimately don't matter! Whats really annoying is that even though I know it doesn't matter in the end, I still care. And like you, combined with all these other things going on in my life right now, it's just not making for a pleasant experience. Part of the problem for me also is that I'm currently unemployed, looking for a job. So for the most part I'm home alone (with the dog) all day, sitting here letting job searching and wedding planning just overload my brain and I have no escape! I meet up with friends for lunch here and there, but even then they ask me how the job search is going or how the wedding planning is going, and I just feel like I'm trapped!!!

So yep, you're not alone, so I'm sending lots of happy thoughts your way and to everyone else who's needing them!

ETA: Lucy, I have that same sense of urgency! I about flipped when I found out that one of my bridesmaids is out of state until March.. I saw her the other Sunday and she said nothing about it, then when I send her a message to see if we can get together for lunch or dinner soon and also to see when she can come with to look at bm dresses again she tells me oh no, she doesn't come back till mid march! I really wanted to get this dress thing done and over with, and having her in another state isn't helping ease my worries. FI is the worst though, he thinks we have all this time still to get a photographer and a cake person and what not, but the wedding is in September, most of the good photographers around here already have alot of September booked! And every day that goes by I feel like we're getting farther and farther behind... and I found out that FI for some reason got it into his head that we don't need to arrange for a limo if we want one, thats the best mans job! WHAT?! *sigh*

 

[bee*]

Just want to send hugs! Is there any way you can just take a few days away from the wedding planning? Or maybe hire a wedding planner?

 

[enbcfsobe]

just wanted to empathize. i''m not even as far along as making ribbon decisions, but I feel the same way and had a total PMS-induced breakdown about it yesterday. you are not alone. venting is a good thing, and sometimes it is better to vent to those folks who don''t have a vested interest (FI, BMs, etc.)

 

[misysu2]

Thanks for the support. It''s so tough doing all this at the same time as house hunting, moving, working, and job hunting. I''m a little overwhelmed, and as much as FI is helping (working on the centerpieces, etc.), it''s all just way too much for me right now. I''m glad I''m not the only one. I was avoiding the problem by just working on one thing a day, but now I''ve gotten all the big things out of the way and I have to work on so many details it''s making my head spin.

Another one of the big problems is that I''m planning a wedding for 1000 miles away, so I REALLY have to rely on others. And the DJ is already paid for. Hopefully I can take a "wedding-planning vacation" soon and take a break.

 

[gtn]

misy, I am sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed. I have to say that you are so much more on top of things that I am. I know you are dealing with a lot of stresses and you are going about it in the right way.

Call you MOH and ask her to harass the other girls for you. Have your FI call his groomsmen and the guest. Or have his parents do it.

I say why not get away from the wedding planning. You don''t have to take a full fledged vacation. Spend the afternoon in a museum or bring a book to a cafe and relax.

I hope you take solace in knowing you are not alone in this.

 

[ringster]

hang in there! i completely understand what you are going through. i''m not even having a full out wedding and i have my stress out moments. and i am totally someone that gets into the details and wants things just so. but i am trying to keep things in perspective and stop myself when i start going over the edge.

i think it helps to think of the three things that are important for you to have for your wedding - is it important that you have great food, great music, etc. just keep those in mind and the other things kind of get put into perspective. also envision how you want to feel on your special day and what you want to make sure you get to do.

take a break from the wedding stuff. even though it feels like everything needs to be done soon it can wait a day or two (unless you are getting married in four months ;P )

and if you can afford it, it may be worth hiring a wedding coordinator to handle some of the load. they may also have ideas on how to get other people to work on their tasks.

do you have any married friends who can give you some pointers on how they managed certain aspects?

 

[Harleigh]

I''m so sorry, misy, but I think a lot of us can relate...today we hit our 6 month mark, and I am going insane, I think. I have been having trouble trying to get my FI to do anything, get anyone in Maui (vendors are apparently all on "island time") to get back to me, get my bridal party to commit, get the last 15 people to RSVP by the date (which was BY today, btw!!!) and just figure out how to plan a wedding thousands of miles away all by myself as well as a reception for 300-400 when we return, and I think I may have LOST IT LAST NIGHT!

Not intentionally or consciously, actually, but I had a horrible nightmare (which I usually NEVER have!

) about FI, some of his friends I don''t necessarily care for, etc... The dream was too horrible for me to reiterate, but suffice it to say I woke up crying and drenched in sweat at 2:34 AM and haven''t been able to sleep since...

My poor FI thinks I''m nuts after relaying my dream to him, and I somehow managed to kindly refrain from mentioning that a little help on his part could go a long way to easing my mind a bit. I did tell him he has until SuperBowl Sunday to be free of wedding planning stuff, then he is going to be so deep in it he won''t be able to get out till it''s done!!! He agreed, but we''ll see what he does...

It will have been 3 weeks since I''ve seen him on Saturday, so I planned an early Valentine''s weekend up in Reno this Sat/Sun, so I am hoping that getting back in sync with my guy will help for now, then the countdown to SB begins!

Sending hugs your way...I hope things get better for you soon!