Online registry

[iluvchoc]

My fiancee and I are in a bit of a dilemma over what to do with our registry. As mentioned by many others, we already have a lot of things we need, and we plan on moving to a new place(probably smaller than our current) so we''re unsure on how much more "stuff" we can fit beyond what we already have. My friend had an online registry where people could only register for gift cards and not specific items at places like BBB, Macy''s, etc. My fiancee and I were thinking about this since we can''t really think of anything we really need now so do you all think this is a tacky route to go? I was fine with my friend doing it because I understood that they didn''t really need anything "now" but thought the gift cards could be helpful in case of a future purchase. Also, if you put a note in your invite about your wedding site, for example, on the knot without mentioning a registry on it would that be considered acceptable etiquette? I thought it might be a bit tacky to say "Here''s out registry links. . ." but hopefully people might infer if we give them our wedding website w/o directly mentioning the registry it would be understood. I''d love to hear all your honest opinions and would appreciate your input!

 

[musey]

I can't help you with the etiquette, but we have a few experts around here that hopefully will chime in.

You know, you don't have to ask for gifts. If there's nothing you need, you can request "no gifts" or choose a charity that your guests can donate to in your name, as their gift to you. We too have everything that we need. FI and I are debating between choosing a charity, or selling our older stuff and registering for new/nicer stuff.

Unless, you know, I can find a way to register at Whiteflash or Good Old Gold or the like.

 

[ladypirate]

Have you thought about registering with the I Do Foundation? They''ll let you list charities to donate to in lieu of a gift.

 

[iluvchoc]

To clarify, I guess I'm in a bit of a pickle since I know my Asian relatives and guests will automatically give cash which is the cultural tradition. My future mother-in-law(not Asian btw) wanted to provide an option for our guests in which cash is not traditionally given which is why the registry was brought up. She and I did talk about saying "no gift requested" since we didn't really need anything. She mentioned that regardless of what the invite says some members of her family will automatically bring a gift and to have a "registry" option for them would make it easier. Thus, we brought up the idea to her of what my friend did as a gift card online registry since there wasn't anything "actively" we needed now but maybe in the future if I, for example, ruined a pan or something(which I've already done, lol) I could get another one at some point.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Have you considered asking for gift cards to grocery stores you normally use or resterants you like? Those are things you will use and people might be more comfortable with that then cash.

 

[Haven]

iluvchoc--I understand your predicament, and I think it''s a common one nowadays since couples are getting married later in life and often after having lived together for a while.

As for the gifts question--any mention of gifts at all on the invites, save-the-dates, or anything else you send out (even "no gifts" or "a donation to xyz charity is asked in lieu of gifts") is a breach of etiquette. By stating these things that shows that you are expecting gifts, which you should not (even though a wedding invitation obligates the invitee to give a gift, anyway, but that is another discussion . . . )

As for spreading the word about our gift preferences, this can easily be done by word-of-mouth when people ask about your registries, regardless of whether it''s a gift card registry or a more traditional registry. If someone wants to buy a gift off your registry, they''ll ask, simple as that.

Now, I think a gift card registry is not much different than flat-out asking people for cash, but if that is something you are comfortable doing then by all means, do it. I''ve heard of couples registering for all sorts of things like boats (seriously--every gift goes toward their boat purchase!) and honeymoons, so the times seem to be changing the face of registries as we know it. I know that I would be uncomfortable registering for gift cards (or a boat!) because I have a lot of traditional family members and it would just plain offend them.

Best registry option: Musey''s idea--a Whiteflash registry, sounds perfect!

 

[MoonWater]

I really need to get my butt out of these forums! I''m not engaged yet but I think about this type of stuff.

Have you ever thought of a honeymoon registry? I''ve seen those, people can donate money toward a trip for the two of you. My bf''s cousin, when she got married, we all wrote checks to help the lovely couple pay for their wedding. I also do not want gifts. Most of the things people typically list (like a cutting board or glasses) we already have and honestly, I don''t want tons of boxes and junk around the house. So we won''t mention it at all and when people ask, we''ll say there is no registry and leave it at that.

(I still really want a potluck wedding so the gifts would actually be food for me haha)

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I agree that asking for gift cards is the same as asking for money.

Is there really nothing you need or want to upgrade? Sears, Home Depot, Lowes, etc...has registries now. Otherwise I would just take my chance and not register at all *in hopes* that people will give you cash.

 

[Independent Gal]

Be careful about honeymoon registries, and I''d look closely at the I DO foundation too. These organizations have to make money somehow (whether profit or running expenses) and it''s usually by taking an outrageous cut from your guests'' gifts. It''s as easy to say ''We''d love it if you gave to UNICEF [or whatever charity] in lieu of a gift'' as it is to direct them to the ''I Do'' Foundation.

I would consider what could be upgraded for higher, life-long quality. Sure, you have pots, but do you have the BEST pots? That kind of thing. Like Surfgirl said.

Another option I''ve seen brides on here suggest, but depends how you feel about it: some brides register for stuff at places like Bloomingdale''s or BBB that let you take stuff back for cash. Then if you don''t want it, you can just take it back and throw the money on the mortgage or whatever. Or get a certificate from them for future use. Or throw the money at Whiteflash for that matter!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 10/5/2007 8:24:48 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Be careful about honeymoon registries, and I''d look closely at the I DO foundation too. These organizations have to make money somehow (whether profit or running expenses) and it''s usually by taking an outrageous cut from your guests'' gifts. It''s as easy to say ''We''d love it if you gave to UNICEF [or whatever charity] in lieu of a gift'' as it is to direct them to the ''I Do'' Foundation.


I would consider what could be upgraded for higher, life-long quality. Sure, you have pots, but do you have the BEST pots? That kind of thing. Like Surfgirl said.


Another option I''ve seen brides on here suggest, but depends how you feel about it: some brides register for stuff at places like Bloomingdale''s or BBB that let you take stuff back for cash. Then if you don''t want it, you can just take it back and throw the money on the mortgage or whatever. Or get a certificate from them for future use. Or throw the money at Whiteflash for that matter!

Okay, now you got me. I want money to throw at White Flash! Bloomingdale''s gifts it is hahahaha

 

[littlelysser]

My DH and I were in a very similar situation.

We ended up not registering anywhere...

Our wedding was pretty informal - and we included a poem in the invites and included these as the last two lines:

"You''ll notice no registry, we''ve got plenty of stuff.
And truly your presence is present enough."

We ended up getting a number of gift cards and cash from folks, and only three presents - two of which were purchased by friends that knew our style and wanted to get us something (one was a funky cool vase and the other was a really neat scuplture). Mind you, our wedding was under 60 people...but still, it worked.

Just a thought...

 

[partyjewels]

My Fiance and I are doing an online registry at Amazon.com (and possibly target too, not sure yet). He picked Amazon because you can get almost anything you're looking for, and alot of times you can get a really good deal. He doesn't want our friends and family spending more money on us than we would normally spend - he's always looking for deals and it bugs him when someone buys something for twice the price they couldn't gotten it for *shrug*

I like the idea of gift cards for grocery stores, I would be thrilled! Who doesn't need groceries? Or even gift cards to restaurants or movies so you can get out once in a while. It seems alot of newly weds I know dont get to go out as much because they are still paying off the wedding, and also alot of them are trying to save their money because they plan on having kids soon. Of course, with gift cards you need to make sure you either use them pretty quickly, or see that they don't have any expiration or penalties.

Asking for gift cards is like asking for money, it's true, but if you know your friends wouldn't be offended, I say go for it. Besides that, if they're asking you what you want, why shouldn't you be honest? Alot of places you can register at also have an option of putting the gift card on the registry, I'm not sure if YOU actually put it on there or if the store just automatically does it, but I've noticed it on target reigstries and such. It doesn't make it right really, BUT, that way you're giving them some things to pick from, and if they don't really want to get any of those but still want to get you something, they can always choose to give you the gift card instead? *shrug*

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I was always under the immpression that soem people didn''t like giving money or gift cards because the recipient knows how much was spent. However, as you picked everything in the registry, you kow either way. If someone had a problem I would point that out to them.
Just my two cents.