oops..i mean...uh.....that''s nice.

[mimzy]

since this whole wedding/getting married thing started, i''ve found that it''s incredibly easy to find a way to insult someone when it comes to pretty much anything bridal. in the past two weeks i''ve managed to insult pretty much everyone that i''ve discussed anything wedding related with, totally unintentionally. some examples:
- insulted future in-laws by saying their venue of choice was butt-ugly (before i knew they wanted it there)
- insulted my sister by saying that i really didn''t like anything about what she later said was her ''dream dress''
- insulted my sister in law by saying that i didnt'' want anything cheesy like bows on the balcony...right as she was suggesting that it would look nice.

and just so you know i''m not the only one....

my cousin told me today that a gold wedding dress was the dumbest thing that she had ever heard of and that it was ridiculously ugly....right before (and after, for that matter) i told her i was considering the dress in gold.

i''ve resigned myself to saying "that''s nice" for just about everything, whether i love it or hate it (along with a select few other phrases). i knew a lot of things wedding related were a matter of personal choice, but i had no idea how personal they were!

 

[door knob solitaire]

You might as well be good at something...and from the sound of it, it looks like you are on a roll!

Bless your little heart. At the end of the day, measure your actions. If you did them with malice then toil, but if you didn''t just shake it off. Tomorrow is a new day...and more ground to trail blaze your path, that is if anyone is left standing...ha ha.

 

[musey]

Date: 1/27/2008 1:51:19 AM
Author:mimzy

i've resigned myself to saying 'that's nice' for just about everything, whether i love it or hate it (along with a select few other phrases). i knew a lot of things wedding related were a matter of personal choice, but i had no idea how personal they were!

That's pretty much my general philosophy--and not just with wedding things.

Anytime anyone suggests something that I don't like, my reply is some permutation of "That's really nice, but I was actually thinking of ____________." That gets across the "it's not my thing" point with no hurt feelings. No reason to be blunt until someone starts pushing the issue

Did you literally call the venue "butt-ugly?" Hehe, I can just picture their reaction

 

[gwendolyn]

Hahah, I''ve done that more than a few times with engagement rings, where my friends and I were window-shopping and I''d say "blearg, look at THAT one! Who would buy it, it''s monsterously fugly!" and then someone would get sniffly and ask what was wrong with it and, down the line, get something strikingly similar as an e-ring. So I learned my lesson before the actual weddings started, to keep my trap shut or just say everything is beautiful, while wincing inside.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 1/27/2008 2:36:40 AM
Author: musey

Date: 1/27/2008 1:51:19 AM

Author:mimzy


i''ve resigned myself to saying ''that''s nice'' for just about everything, whether i love it or hate it (along with a select few other phrases). i knew a lot of things wedding related were a matter of personal choice, but i had no idea how personal they were!

That''s pretty much my general philosophy--and not just with wedding things.


Anytime anyone suggests something that I don''t like, my reply is some permutation of ''That''s really nice, but I was actually thinking of ____________.'' That gets across the ''it''s not my thing'' point with no hurt feelings. No reason to be blunt until someone starts pushing the issue

Did you literally call the venue ''butt-ugly?'' Hehe, I can just picture their reaction

haha no, i didn''t say "butt-ugly" aloud, but i rattled off like 8 things i didn''t like about it (the carpeting is horrid, it''s in a crappy location, it''s nothing special, looks cheap, ugly brass chandeliers, etc). granted it was at the end of a really long day and i was just fed up with looking for places....but i''m pretty sure they think i''m a snob now.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 1/27/2008 2:14:06 AM
Author: door knob solitaire
You might as well be good at something...and from the sound of it, it looks like you are on a roll!

Bless your little heart. At the end of the day, measure your actions. If you did them with malice then toil, but if you didn''t just shake it off. Tomorrow is a new day...and more ground to trail blaze your path, that is if anyone is left standing...ha ha.

haha, i would NEVER say something out of malice or even say what i was thinking if i knew the other person would most likely disagree.....i just have a long, sad history of sticking my foot in my mouth and, well, unintentionally insulting just about everyone that i come in contact with

. i''m not mean, it''s just my social skills aren''t always as sharp as they should be

 

[mimzy]

Date: 1/27/2008 6:33:24 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Hahah, I''ve done that more than a few times with engagement rings, where my friends and I were window-shopping and I''d say ''blearg, look at THAT one! Who would buy it, it''s monsterously fugly!'' and then someone would get sniffly and ask what was wrong with it and, down the line, get something strikingly similar as an e-ring. So I learned my lesson before the actual weddings started, to keep my trap shut or just say everything is beautiful, while wincing inside.

haha you know the funny thing is is that i was always really careful with that too! I would never say that i didn''t like anything, just that it wasn''t '' my style''. I really should have applied the same general principle.... i''m glad you learned the lesson before you have too many casualties!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 1/27/2008 11:45:06 AM
Author: mimzy
you know the funny thing is is that i was always really careful with that too! I would never say that i didn''t like anything, just that it wasn''t '' my style''. I really should have applied the same general principle.... i''m glad you learned the lesson before you have too many casualties!

I don''t know what it was about engagement rings but I (very mistakenly!) had some idea in my head that most people of a certain age liked a certain style of ring, so it didn''t even occur to me (stupidly) that they might like what I was looking at. Duh! Oh well, learned that the hard way.

 

[door knob solitaire]

The one thing I have learned about having my foot in my mouth (so much), is I seem to be far more limber than the rest of the crowd.

Call me Gumby.

Silver lining in everything!!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I nearly had one of those moments not too long ago. My FBIL is getting married about a year after us and his FI was telling me about her wedding and I thought she was kidding. Luckly I discovered the truth before I said anything.
Me: So what have you done on your wedding?
FSIL: Well, We picked the colors and the theme is going to be sort of a winter palace.
Me: sounds lovely, do you have anyspecifics?
FSIL: Yes, the dress is going to be medievil and so are the attendents clothes. My bouquet is going to be blue roses.
Me: really, so a medievil ice palace?
FSIL: Oh Yes. Your FI will be one of the ushers and he will be dressed as a court jester and the cake is going to be a purple castle with a frosting dragon.
I don''t know her that well and thought she was pulling my leg but my FMIL who never jokes with me came over and confirmed it. My FI has not made a comment about being the jester but I think he has the same take as I do.

 

[diamondfan]

This is a lesson in having a filter on your mouth! It is so easy to blurt out something. You just never know where someone stands on anything, so I always try to couch it with, "Well, for ME, I just prefer X...blah blah...versus, "Oh! I HATE that." When I was pregnant I learned that with baby names, EVERYONE has a view, hates this, loves that etc. My friend was having a daughter and told me the name was Natalia. I said, how pretty, and at least it can be spelled how it sounds. Got the birth announcement and it was Nataleeya or something. Yikes, open mouth insert foot. The best thing is to just smile and say, How nice! (while thinking, WTF?)

 

[bee*]

I usually say something like, it''s lovely but not my exact taste. It''s usually gone down well.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 1/27/2008 1:02:54 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
I nearly had one of those moments not too long ago. My FBIL is getting married about a year after us and his FI was telling me about her wedding and I thought she was kidding. Luckly I discovered the truth before I said anything.

Me: So what have you done on your wedding?

FSIL: Well, We picked the colors and the theme is going to be sort of a winter palace.

Me: sounds lovely, do you have anyspecifics?

FSIL: Yes, the dress is going to be medievil and so are the attendents clothes. My bouquet is going to be blue roses.

Me: really, so a medievil ice palace?

FSIL: Oh Yes. Your FI will be one of the ushers and he will be dressed as a court jester and the cake is going to be a purple castle with a frosting dragon.

I don''t know her that well and thought she was pulling my leg but my FMIL who never jokes with me came over and confirmed it. My FI has not made a comment about being the jester but I think he has the same take as I do.

Wow, that sounds like some show. Can I get an invite?

 

[Gwyn]

It is definately not just you.

I have a deep aversion to banquet halls with floral carpeting (and most other 70s floral prints).

I think the first time i mentioned it to my family i used some not so choice words to describe how i feel about it. This was right before my sisters wedding (she was having reception in a courtyard of a hotel). anyway, months later something happened and the courtyard fell through and they had to have it in a ballroom (too many people for the courtyard i think)

Anyway...sure enough it was floral carpeting...oops

Open mouth, insert foot...swallow ankle....


For the record floral carpeting isnt always bad so please do not be offended by my comment if you have a ballroom with carpeting like that!

 

[Harleigh]

Oh, my...I am forever speaking before I think!

My foot often has to be removed from my big fat mouth!

I never intentionally mean to hurt anyone''s feelings, but it seems I have completely different ideas from what others like, etc..., and I truly think I am a bit on the tacky side to begin with! So, as you can imagine, I cannot fathom that someone could possibly like anything tackier than I would, so I always figure I can''t possibly offend. Turns out I have some friends with some REALLY bad taste!

I now preface everything about the wedding with, "That''s lovely, but I think _______ is more my style, what do you think?" It takes the pressure off of me having to say I don''t like something and helps to refocus the person back to what I might like.

I am noticing this problem more and more as my friends give me their ideas for wedding dresses for me. Keep in mind that I look nothing like any of my friends...I am the smallest/shortest/etc..., so their telling me what THEY would like in a dress is doing me no good. I keep trying to redirect them to what they think would look best on MY body style. So, of course they keep pointing out things with lots of beading and detail up top and big poufy skirts (two of the main criteria of what I DON''t want!) and why they think it would be good for them!

I have finally stopped asking them what they like and have moved on to showing them pictures of dresses I think I like and would look good on my body. My request is for them to point out what they think won''t work on any of the dresses for MY figure. Guess what they are now choosing? Yup, you guessed it...what they don''t think would look good on them! One doesn''t like the lower sweetheart neckline because her chest would pop out, another the dropped waist because it would make her hips look wider, and another the straight skirt because it would emphasize her thighs.

How do I kindly point out that MY chest finds sweetheart necklines flattering, I have no hips so maybe adding something will look nice, AND, hey, I don''t HAVE fat thighs, so I don''t think a fitted skirt will be a problem!!!

Okay, thanks for letting me get THAT off my chest! We''re going dress shopping on Tuesday, so I will practice keeping my big fat mouth shut about things they might like for themselves, but I''m putting my foot down about what I like for myself!!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Brazen that is hi-larious. Beyond hilarious. And I know just the thing you mean, where you think "This person must be kidding. Please tell me this person is kidding. Oh, but she MUST be kidding." And then it sets in.

But it raises this interesting question: why do so many girls seem to turn their wedding into an opportunity to act out a childhood fantasy, and one separate even from the fantasy of getting married? And I'm not kidding or derogatory here. I'm really actively curious about this.

How does one get from "I'm a bride. I'm marrying this man." to "I'm an ice princess in an ice palace with jesters and EVERYTHING!"

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/27/2008 10:49:44 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Brazen that is hi-larious. Beyond hilarious. And I know just the thing you mean, where you think ''This person must be kidding. Please tell me this person is kidding. Oh, but she MUST be kidding.'' And then it sets in.


But it raises this interesting question: why do so many girls seem to turn their wedding into an opportunity to act out a childhood fantasy, and one separate even from the fantasy of getting married? And I''m not kidding or derogatory here. I''m really actively curious about this.


How does one get from ''I''m a bride. I''m marrying this man.'' to ''I''m an ice princess in an ice palace with jesters and EVERYTHING!''

Oh, Brazen, that is too funny.

Indy--I also wonder the same thing about these production weddings, I find them so odd.

As for putting one''s foot in one''s mouth, I''m constantly astounded by how people take things so personally--why does MY preference or aversion to a particular style/design/locale offend someone else? I just don''t understand it.

Just a week ago an acquaintance asked me why I didn''t get a princess cut diamond, which is what she has in her e-ring. Now, this struck me as an odd question because she could have also said "Why didn''t you want a replica of MY e-ring?" but I answered by saying that cushion cut diamonds are particularly special to me, and that I find cushion cuts to be truly enchanting. She then got all huffy and muttered something about how everyone knows that every girl dreams of getting a princess cut diamond, and then rushed off in a hurry. It was truly bizarre--what did she expect me to say, that I really DID want a princess cut diamond but I decided to punish myself and get another cut that I didn''t like as much? I mean--I CHOSE the cushion! What a question!

 

[diamondfan]

Aren''t you supposed to have what YOU like? I cannot imagine a world where everyone wants the same stuff. Just silly. Friend A has a princess cut so all girls who get engaged should want and get one too? Baloney. Taste is a perspective, it is subjective. It is not right or wrong. It can be ugly in your view, or tasteless, but clearly there is something for everyone out there!

 

[tberube]

I totally know what you mean. Being a "bride to be", for better or for worse, has truly taught me the value of diplomacy. Especially in the beginning, when everyone was still reeling from the news that we were engaged and simply had to insert their personal opinion on everything.

"That''s nice" is a perfectly good way of handling that stuff. Top it off with a "thanks for the advice!" and a smile. Then go home and let it out to FI how GAWD-AWFUL those invitation ideas were, and happily do your own thing.

 

[staceybelle]

I think I insulted my photographer.

He was talking about how if we opt to take all the pictures before the ceremony, he could get us together and take a "first look" picture -- you know, where he captures FI seeing me in my dress for the first time.

I couldn''t help but think that a really vain woman came up with that idea, because it presupposes that the bride doesn''t really care how the groom looks, and that every groom will invariably be awestruck by seeing his bride in her wedding dress. Don''t get me wrong, I hope he is impressed with the way I look, but wanting it immortalized on film just seems a bit contrived and unnecessary. It seems like it puts pressure on us to act a certain way for the sake of the camera.

And I said something to that effect, only much, much less eloquently than I have here, and my photographer just got this look like I''d kicked his dog. And I felt like a horrible, horrible person.

So, yeah, I feel your pain. With so many people giving you suggestions, it''s difficult to handle every one of them gracefully.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 1/27/2008 1:02:54 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
I nearly had one of those moments not too long ago. My FBIL is getting married about a year after us and his FI was telling me about her wedding and I thought she was kidding. Luckly I discovered the truth before I said anything.
Me: So what have you done on your wedding?
FSIL: Well, We picked the colors and the theme is going to be sort of a winter palace.
Me: sounds lovely, do you have anyspecifics?
FSIL: Yes, the dress is going to be medievil and so are the attendents clothes. My bouquet is going to be blue roses.
Me: really, so a medievil ice palace?
FSIL: Oh Yes. Your FI will be one of the ushers and he will be dressed as a court jester and the cake is going to be a purple castle with a frosting dragon.
I don''t know her that well and thought she was pulling my leg but my FMIL who never jokes with me came over and confirmed it. My FI has not made a comment about being the jester but I think he has the same take as I do.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

I''m okay with the medieval dress/castle venue. I''ve seen some really lovely dresses on line in that mode.

But a court jester???

A dragon out of frosting????

How about a moat with alligators????