Our Local Reception - Etiquette questions

[Independent Gal]

Hi All,

A friend of Fi''s (his boss, actually! but we socialize with them a lot and he really cares about FI), has offered to throw us a party here in town, since our wedding(s) will be abroad and we''re not inviting many of our local friends here. We are inviting him and his wife to the proper wedding, but he has an unchangeable prior commitment that weekend, so othey ffered to throw this party for us instead.

I guess my squeamishness is that it''s gotta cost a lot to throw a nice party for, say, 30 people. so my instinct is to offer to help, but I don''t want to be presumptuous either.

Soooooo... here are some etiquette questions:

1) I assume that he does the inviting not us? Do we provide him with the same fancy invitations? Or is it OK to do this electronically instead? Something in between?
2) Do we offer to bring all the booze or something, or, e.g., a wedding cake?
3) Does it matter if it''s before or after the wedding?
4) Do people bring gifts to that kind of thing (aka, do we have to register for a tonne more stuff?)
5) Can we give him a list of people?

In other words, should I treat it like a randomish party he''s throwing, or should I treat it like an additional wedding reception? Or something in between. If that makes sense?

 

[labbielove]

I would leave the invites up to them, unless they ask you.

I would graciously offer to help by saying "what would you like us to do" but be prepared for them to say "nothing"

DH''s parents threw a similar gathering prior to our wedding for 20 of their friends who they just wanted us to meet. These people weren''t invited to the wedding.
I specifically requested no gifts, so she did put that on the invites, but we did get a few anyway, they were discreetly placed in another room during the party so those that didn''t bring one weren''t made to feel uncomfortable

His mom did a good job, and sent the invites out as a ''meet and greet'', rather than a shower or reception,

i would say it could be anytime before or after, the hosts should frankly make sure it''s convenient for you both

He sounds like a nice boss!

 

[Fancy605]

We had a similar party thrown in our honor.

1) I assume that he does the inviting not us? Do we provide him with the same fancy invitations? Or is it OK to do this electronically instead? Something in between?

Our hosts asked us/my parents for a guest list so that they could make sure they didn''t forget anyone. They did the invitations. In my experience with additional parties, the host will usually ask for ideas as far as guests go.

2) Do we offer to bring all the booze or something, or, e.g., a wedding cake?

I agree with labbie. what would you like us to do works well. I would expect your host will not ask anything of you. Just be prepared to write an exceptionally sweet thank you note.

3) Does it matter if it''s before or after the wedding?

No. We had showers/parties both before and after. They were all special/fun!

4) Do people bring gifts to that kind of thing (aka, do we have to register for a tonne more stuff?)
Well it would depend whether he approached is as a "shower-type-party" or just a party. We requested no gifts at ours. We just wanted it to be a fun get together to hang out with friends (plus I had a ridiculous amount of showers in the first place). Some people brought us gifts anyway. If you do not want to register for more things, you could insist on no gifts. I bet that if he decides to have people bring gifts, he will ask you where you are registered so he could add it to the invites.

5) Can we give him a list of people?
Like I said, I would expect he will ask for one.

I think once he actually begins figuring out the details of the party, you''ll find out pretty quickly what he expects/who will be invited/ whether gifts will be involved/ etc.

At any rate, it sounds like it will be super fun!