Overdue Update

[Keepingthefaith21]

Well it’s taken me awhile to write about what happened with my SO and I because it’s taken both of us awhile to figure things out.

Basically we both want the same things together but he’s on boy soon and I am on girl soon. I broke down and told him how awful I’ve been feeling that I am the very last of my group of close friends to get engaged and how insecure I feel being the last one. I explained to him that perhaps I wouldn’t feel this freaked out if we didn’t already own a home together but I was starting to feel that he was growing too comfortable with the arrangement. I told him the truth: that I am scared and if he’s not ready to give me a clear picture of where he is at, I can’t keep guessing.

He took some time to digest everything I was telling him. Once we both felt like we could sit down and talk like two adults, we sat at the table for hours talking about everything. He told me that he does want to spend the rest of his life with me, is planning a proposal and has been ring shopping. He opened up to me about some of his fears which I had guessed he had but hearing them directly from him meant the world to me. It was a good exchange and allowed me to put some of my fears on the table as well. Once we both saw what was motivating/holding back the other things became much clearer to the both of us.

I have moved my internal dead line back 6 months. He is aware of this and took my concerns and reasons for wanting to move forward very seriously. I was also forthcoming with him about my back up plan and I think he realized the moment I told him I had everything arranged so that I could get out of the house as soon as I needed to, that I wasn’t joking and if he didn’t start to put on his big boy pants, I was going to leave.

This puts us in a better position no matter what because the real estate market usually picks up in the spring/summer. So, if he isn’t there by the late spring/early summer, he knows that I will not remain in the relationship.

So that''s that for now. We''ll see what happens come June 2008. It''s sure to be an interesting 6 months

 

[tberube]

Oh wow....good for you, girlie. Looks like you''ve lit a nice fire under his a$$. The man''s lucky he got six months!! HA!

 

[bee*]

Well done for having the chat! I think what you''re doing is exactly right and I''m so hoping and praying that you will be posting your ring before June 08! You sound like a great girl and he''d be a fool not to get that ring soon!

 

[risingsun]

Well done!! We can''t just leave things in our bf''s hands and minds and sit back and wait...and wait....You have taken your life back and are being proactive about your relationship and your future. I reallly admire what you have accomplished.

 

[louisvgirl]

Good for you! I''m glad you had that talk with him. I totally understand that "we have a house together,,he''s comfortable bit." We''ve been there, done that. I, too, had those conversations numerous times. You did good. You have an internal time clock and you have said your peace. He will come around. He has taken the big step with buying a house with you and now he needs to get MOVIN! You''ll see it will happen. These men need to be shaken up a bit especially when they get tooooooo comfortable. Just hang in there, it will happen. Big hugs coming your way!!

 

[glueck]

Good on you! That took a tremendous amount of self knowledge and courage to say what you mean and mean what you say. It also takes a lot of grace to find a compromise when you are ready to walk. You are a saavy lady, and I applaud you. This was probably exactly what he needed to make him get out of the comfortable zone and to really focus on the rest of your lives together. If only we all could say exactly want we need all the time!

Big boy pants... thats a good one

 

[SeattleSweetheart]

Good for you!

What you did is so hard. I''ve been there.

I hope he wakes up and proposes before you''re gone.

At least you know your life will be good no matter what.

Sending you lots of hugs!

 

[DMBsGirl]

What you did took a lot of guts and it was clearly a conversation that needed to happen. I am glad he is on the same page with long term goals but DAMN that "boy soon!" I hope your conversation shows some results....GIRL SOON!

 

[jennypoo]

I had the exact same discussion with my boyfriend two months ago. I explained to him that sometimes I feel as if I''m on the receiving end of a cruel joke, because I''m also one of the very last out of my friends to get engaged.

Like you two, we discussed our fears, etc., but he said he definitely does want to marry me. He said he never would''ve bought the house with me if that wasn''t the plan.

I told him I''ve been more patient than most, and that basically I''m not waiting forever. I told him it would kill me to have to walk out, but if that time comes, I will be prepared to do whatever I need to because I want to move on with my life. I am SO sick and tired of being "stuck" in this waiting room of hell.

Moreover, if and when it finally does happen, I''ll be more relieved than anything else. I''ll just be glad the long and sometimes grueling wait is over. I used to be excited at the prospect of him proposing, now I wish he would do it we can move on with our lives instead of me constantly having an internal debate of what my next move will be if he doesn''t.

I''m waiting until Christmas to see what happens.

 

[ringster]

hi KTF! thanks for checking back in. i''m so glad you are doing well and that you go to say everything you wanted to your SO and that he seems to be communicating with you. you will be fine whatever happens because you know what you need

all the best!

 

[princesss]

KTF, I''m really happy for you. You have a plan (I''m a big fan of plans) and it sounds like you''re sticking to it. Moving the deadline back six months sounds like a wise choice since you now know that he does want the same things you do. I hope your timelines connect and that he is truly ready within the next six months.

Best wishes!

 

[Deelight]

It is good you had a chat with him and everything is in the open Hopefully you get what your after soon Sounds like you made a good choice

 

[gwendolyn]

Bravo, my dear. You have been strong, honest, brave and have kept your priorities to stay true to what is in your heart. I don''t even know you and I feel proud of you. Very well done.