Overgifters?

[MakingTheGrade]

My parents'' friends are making me feel a little guilty with their excessive gifts for the wedding. One of their friend''s family can''t even make it to the wedding, but still got us over 400$ worth of registry presents, eek! First off, my fiance and I didn''t register for much, so we were hoping our friends and family might just pool resources to get us the bigger items, but that obviously backfired since my parents'' friends are just being so generous. Granted, their friends are fairly well off middle-class folk, but still, it''s way more than I was expecting.

Sigh...anyone else feeling a little guilty? Or am I just weird?

(Side note: I''m thrilled that we got the stainless steel trashcan set though, even if I''m feeling a little guilty about it ).

 

[marchswallowbird]

Why are you feeling guilty? It was their choice to get you the gifts they did. They were under no obligation to do so. Accept the gifts gracefully and enjoy them.

 

[musey]

Wow, $400 is a hugh chunk of change for a wedding gift!!

Our biggest gift came from my in-laws' friends, a $240 piece of cookware (actually, it's become my favorite kitchen item

). I did feel REALLY guilty about it, but my husband said it's just what people of their culture give (I happen to be unfamiliar with their particular cultural group).

Our MOH and Best Man both spent around $200, and I felt guilty about those too

but that was more because I know their financial situations, and I was afraid they'd overdone it out of a sense of obligation.

We didn't get any other gifts over $130 from anyone, and most were under $50.

I think you and I must have general guilt issues, MakingTheGrade!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 5/27/2009 4:37:31 PM
Author: marchswallowbird
Why are you feeling guilty? It was their choice to get you the gifts they did. They were under no obligation to do so. Accept the gifts gracefully and enjoy them.

Oh, it might not be guilt per se. I guess I'm just a little uncomfortable with large gifts from people other than my immediate family and fiance. I am of course accepting the gifts, lol, and will be sure to send a Thank You card.

Heh, maybe it was just the way I was raised. I never really got big gifts for birthdays or general holidays, I got my nicest things for academic accomplishments. So getting such lavish gifts without having had to "earn" them is just kind of new and strange to me I guess. Especially from people I've never given a gift to! I feel the compulsion to reciprocate, but that'd be even more awkward, lol.

 

[fieryred33143]

I think its normal to feel guilty over it especially if you are used to getting what you need yourself.

But think of it this way: You and your parents are considered to be very special to them if they are making sure to get you something they know you''ll appreciate.

 

[bee*]

Yep, I feel the same way. Some of my parent''s friends can''t attend the wedding and they''ve given us quite a bit of money. It just feels a bit weird to be getting that amount off them.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I''d be so busy thanking God and being grateful that I wouldn''t have time to feel guilty..but that''s because my money is dreadfully tight right now.

 

[lulu]

I''ll bet your parents have been equally generous to their children so it all evens out.

 

[Haven]

I would try to receive these and all gifts gracefully. I''m certain that the gift-givers only intended the best when selecting your wedding gifts.

 

[laughwithme]

lulu makes a great point...obviously at some point, these "overgifters" were on the receiving end, and now that they are financially able, it makes them feel GOOD to be able to be the giver. And remember, money is all relative - to a college kid, $10 is a week''s worth of meal. To people with excellent jobs with a good nest-egg, $400 just isn''t a huge deal - esp. for children of important, longtime friends. Don''t feel guilty! I think its very sweet that you DO feel bad, but really, there''s no need - they know they don''t need to spend that much, yet they choose to.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/27/2009 8:31:04 PM
Author: Haven
I would try to receive these and all gifts gracefully. I''m certain that the gift-givers only intended the best when selecting your wedding gifts.

I don''t think feeling guilty = not being gracious (or grateful), it just means feeling guilty.

That''s a lotta "G" words!

 

[Haven]

I did not say that feeling guilty equals not being gracious, I simply said I would try to receive all gifts gracefully. I just wanted to remind the OP that gifts should be received in the spirit in which they were given. I'd hate for her guilt to cloud the joy of this time in her life.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

No worries, I''m thoroughly enjoying the gifts

Just wondering if anyone else out there had perhaps overly generous presents that surprised them. I was certainly not expecting it!

 

[Kaleigh]

Enjoy, they obviously wanted to share in your happiness. Even though they couldn''t be there for your biig day. They are such good friends with your parents. so don''t feel guilty.

 

[4ever]

I'm in the don't-feel-guilty-if-they-can-afford-it camp.

I'm sure they ENJOYED going shopping and buying somthing nice for you both that they thought you would use and enjoy.

 

[SapphireLover]

Just think- all they are trying to do is give you the best start to married life, by getting you the best things that they think you deserve. Just say thank you!

I agree with other people, that it also depends on social circles. My group of friend all spend about £100 ($150) on presents while DFs spend about half that.

 

[musincy]

I just checked my registry, and somebody bought ALL of my china! Granted, we didn''t choose formal, super expensive china, but it''s still several hundred dollars worth.

I''m feeling a little guilty too... I understand where you''re coming from.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 5/28/2009 7:54:45 AM
Author: musincy
I just checked my registry, and somebody bought ALL of my china! Granted, we didn''t choose formal, super expensive china, but it''s still several hundred dollars worth.


I''m feeling a little guilty too... I understand where you''re coming from.

Yay for china!
Yeah, also, while the can afford it, they''re a pretty frugal family and careful with their money for the most part, so I was a little caught off guard that they''d spend this much money. Although to be fair, they also chose some of the most practical registry items, lol.

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think some people just have a very different idea of what constitutes the "right" amount of money to spend on a wedding gift. I don''t think that a certain amount is "right" but I think some people just tend to spend lavishly, whether out of personal preference or because of cultural factors.

I think its great that you are going to just focus on accepting the gifts graciously and enjoying them - as others have pointed out, I''m sure that''s what the gift givers intended

 

[beach]

Enjoy the gifts and be sure to to thank them with at least a hand written note. It would be nice to maybe even include a picture of you and your husband with the note.