Paging Skippy and any other parents of multiples

[tbaus]

Hi Skippy, thanks for checking in on me.

I think I am on the right track. I'm 23+6 and eating like a horse, but I don't feel like I have put on anything but baby so far. Actually, come to think of it, in comparison to my last pregnancy where they weighed me at every appointment I don't think I have been weighed more than twice so far? My appetite is definitely back, although I still can't manage to eat enough of everything like is recommended in the book by Dr Luke. But I am doing what I can and my belly seems to be expanding every day at the moment so I am taking it as a good sign. It is quite easy at the moment as being summer I am managing to get a lot of fresh salads in, and now I can stomach more than chicken (which was the only meat I could eat for a while), though sometimes red meat tastes a little too "meaty" if you know what I mean? Anyway my next goal is to increase the calcium intake, besides milk in my cereal and cheeses etc I feel that is my one failing as yogurt etc just doesn't appeal to me at this stage.

Hope you and your boys are well!

 

[Skippy123]

I am glad you checked in, keep us posted!!! Sounds like you are doing well!

 

[monkeyprincess]

I don't think anyone is around much these days, but I just need a little reassurance that this twin thing gets better. I feel so overwhelmed most of the time and panicky because it feels like life will never be the same or feel manageable. My babies are 6 weeks, and my other son will be 3 in October. My son is kind of acting out or has became increasingly frustrating. I feel bad because he is probably just being a typical toddler, and I hate that I'm always scolding him now our telling him to settle down and be quiet. I worry about DH being overworked and overtired and feel guilty that he is not getting much sleep. I feel like I haven't bonded with the babies a much as I'd like, and they feel mostly like a burden right now. I'm also dealing with some postpartum stuff. And our daughter has some special needs and had to be fed by a feeding tube, and the uncertainty of her future development causes me a lot of anxiety and stress. I don't know for sure if I'll be able to go back to work at 12 weeks, but my job provides our insurance, and we wouldn't have my paycheck, which would suck because the twins are expensive and we need new cars soon. In short, life seems really hard right now, and I wonder if I'll ever feel like myself again. Please tell me it will get better. Thanks for letting me get that out even if nobody is reading this.

 

[brightlight]

I don't have twins, but I want to let you know I'm thinking of you and that it will get better eventually. I know I've felt overwhelmed taking care of one baby at times. I can't imagine how difficult your life is right now. You and your husband can't even take turns since you have two newborns and your 3 year old. It will probably continue to be this difficult for the near future, but I hope you can find little moments of happiness. It will get better eventually. I wish I could be more helpful.

ETA: Could you go back to work part-time?

 

[brightlight]

I also want to let you know that you're doing a great job. You may be too overwhelmed to feel like you are right now, but you're an amazing mom!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Hugs MP! My Mother had twins when I was 17 so I remember it well. One day at a time, you may actually feel somewhat better when you go back to work. I know my Mother was thrilled to get back to work when they were 4 months old. Work was actually a break for her. The most important thing is you try and take care of yourself and your husband. The babies will be fine, your son will adjust, take care of the two of you. The stronger and happier of a team you are together the better it will be.

 

[Laila619]

I don't think anyone is around much these days, but I just need a little reassurance that this twin thing gets better. I feel so overwhelmed most of the time and panicky because it feels like life will never be the same or feel manageable. My babies are 6 weeks, and my other son will be 3 in October. My son is kind of acting out or has became increasingly frustrating. I feel bad because he is probably just being a typical toddler, and I hate that I'm always scolding him now our telling him to settle down and be quiet. I worry about DH being overworked and overtired and feel guilty that he is not getting much sleep. I feel like I haven't bonded with the babies a much as I'd like, and they feel mostly like a burden right now. I'm also dealing with some postpartum stuff. And our daughter has some special needs and had to be fed by a feeding tube, and the uncertainty of her future development causes me a lot of anxiety and stress. I don't know for sure if I'll be able to go back to work at 12 weeks, but my job provides our insurance, and we wouldn't have my paycheck, which would suck because the twins are expensive and we need new cars soon. In short, life seems really hard right now, and I wonder if I'll ever feel like myself again. Please tell me it will get better. Thanks for letting me get that out even if nobody is reading this.

It does get better, MP. But honestly, I would say not until 8-9 months or so. People told me it got better at 12 weeks, but that definitely wasn't the case in my experience.

Twins are just HARD, period. Anyone who says otherwise is lying, lol. Add in special needs/feeding/sleeping issues and it can feel unbearable sometimes. Hang in there. How is your daughter doing?

 

[JGator]

MP, can you get a night nurse to come help you out so you can get some sleep - maybe even covered by insurance due to your daughter's health needs? You should look into this. I'm sure you and your DH would feel a lot better if you got a good night's sleep. I am thinking of you, and I know this will pass, but I'm sure it's impossible for you to think beyond getting through each day right now. I wish I could do something to help you out. I agree with AHL, you might want/need the break from going back to work although if you are not getting any sleep, I can see that being difficult. BTW, K is acting out too and we don't even have a new a baby yet. I think it's the age they are at right now. She tries to scream to get her way all the time lately. We have had some doozy meltdowns recently. Hugs and thoughts/prayers going your way, MP. You are a rock star mom!

 

[Kunzite]

Hugs MP, just big hugs! It IS hard, I think somewhere in this thread I even said that there were days that I would just look around at the chaos that surrounded me and wonder how I ended up in this place. Honestly I felt like that for quite awhile. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel and once you get there it’s amazing. My three are best friends, seriously inseparable now. They spend hours at a time making up games together, drawing each other pictures, I even heard them sitting on the bed together yesterday singing a song!! When they were babies I mostly felt despair, but these days my life is so full of joy.

Honestly, other than the heart issues I could have written your post. I felt a lot of guilty for O, even though it wasn’t necessary. Now he couldn’t imagine life without his brothers. He’s been invited to spend the night with both my sister and my MIL (his favorite people outside of our nuclear family) and he turned them both down “until my bubbies are old enough to come too!” Three is a hard age no matter what. I felt guilt for asking people for help, even though it wasn’t necessary. They all fondly remember the time they got to spending and help with the twins. I felt guilt for how long it took me to bond with the twins. Now we’re this amazing nuclear family, we’ve bonded together even if it wasn’t instant. I’ve had more than my fair share of sleepless nights worrying about M because he’s developmentally delayed. I felt that if I could just look into a crystal ball and see what his future held I would be able to relax and enjoy each day the way it should be instead of worrying about his future. But every day that passes I feel like we’re getting that glimpse into his future.

I know it’s hard to see, but it does get better. It gets MUCH better!! I agree with JGator, see if you can get help. We had a stretch of time after my DH went back to work that we hired someone to help for a few hours, it was sanity saving. You seriously need to take advantage of all help you can get, even paid help, there’s nothing wrong with that.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Thanks, ladies. I don't have time to respond right now, but know that each of your posts meant a lot. I know this won't last forever, but my goodness, it sure feels like it right now.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Just wanted to come back to update to say I'm in a much better place than I was a couple weeks ago. Is it still hard and do I wonder what we got ourselves into? Yes, but I'm not panicky or depressed about it any more. We sent baby boy to daycare this week, so I would be able to spend more time with baby girl. I feel bad about sending him at 8 weeks, but he is a very needy little guy who always needs to be held and has the loudest cry I have ever heard. As a result, I was not able to spend as much time with baby girl who has some catching up to do due to her surgery and health issues. I'm still not sure if she'll be ready to start daycare at 12 weeks, but since my SIL owns the daycare, they will make accommodations for her, and DH is next door, so he or my SIL would be able to feed her at his office. The feeding issue is so frustrating. She still only takes 10 or so mls from a bottle and vomits about 2 of her feeds a day. We are debating whether to have a gtube inserted instead of an ng tube to see if that would help. She gets feeding therapy and PT/OT and has many other specialists already. Poor little thing.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank all of you again for your support when I was feeling so down.

Kunzite, I especially appreciated your response because I know you can relate to a lot of what I'm going through, including having one typical twin and one with delays. It is hard to not know what challenges she will face, and she is so much tinier and floppier than her brother. It's possible she'll have other issues as she develops, and it's hard not knowing what the future holds. I am grateful she'll have her brothers to look out for her and encourage her. Also seeing my toddler with the babies warms my heart. He's behaving much better now that we are in more of a routine, and my mom is no longer here. I think he was just adjusting to all the changes.

JGator, glad to hear I'm not the only one with a feisty almost 3 year old. He all of a sudden realized he's his own person and can challenge mommy and daddy when he doesn't want to do something. And I think he probably needs to make sure he's still getting attention. I'm sure your transition will go smoother with only one baby. Thinking of you as you get closer to meeting your little boy!

Thanks Laila to you too. It helps me feel a little better to know others struggled to adjust to twins. I knew it would be hard, but I guess you can never really prepare yourself for all the changes ahead of time. I'm hoping by this spring or summer, I will feel more bonded to the babies and that things will be more settled with little N's breathing and feeding.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Oh, and here are recent photos of O and N. I need to take more pics of them without bibs and burp clothes. I've been too busy to have them do any posing!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

MP, just wanted to tell you how absolutely adorable O and N are. I'm sure the past 2 months have been a blur, but you are truly a rockstar. You are juggling so much, I can't imagine how physically and emotionally exhausted you must feel at the end of every day, but you are handling it so well (i'm sure you don't feel that way at times, but you are).

Don't feel guilt over sending O to daycare--it's honestly really lovely that he's with your SIL and your husband is close by. Plus Ev is in the same daycare, correct? So O is surrounded by family who dearly love him. Plus you get more bonding time with N and hopefully it gives you a slight mental break so that when O and Ev are home from daycare, you have a little more energy for "mom" mode.

I'm sure a lot of your mental exhaustion comes from worrying about N. I'm sorry the feeding is still difficult and that so much is uknown still at this stage (in terms of her development), but she is a very lucky little girl to have you fighting for her. You have really been her advocate through all of this and you're doing amazing.

Thinking of you lots and really hope that things continue to improve, even if it feels like baby steps!

 

[JGator]

MP, they are just absolutely adorable. They really look like each other, too. They both look like they are doing really well. Kudos to you. And, hang in there. You can do it! You are a super star mom! I'm glad O is at day care to give you a small break during the day. You are so fortunate that your SIL runs the daycare, and it's close to your DH's office. Also, sounds like things are improving with Ev so that's good news too. I think of you often and hope every day gets a little easier for you all.

 

[BrightSpot]

MP, I was so happy to read your recent post. (And N & O are both gorgeous!) You have so much going on right now & are handling it incredibly well. There are still challenges ahead but it seems like you've turned a corner. I'm so sorry N is still having a feeding issue. Poor love. I hope the gtube helps her.
That's wonderful that you can have a bit of a break during the day & that O is surrounded by family. It sounds like the routine is helping everyone.

I think of you often &, as always, am rooting for you. You're a super mom! Big hugs coming your way.

 

[aviastar]

MP, I am so glad to read your update! It's wonderful to hear that things are improving and I also think it's great that Ev an O can be together with (or around) their aunt and dad- what a fabulous option for you all!

I have another friend whose daughter has some feeding and swallowing delays and I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with- but you are doing all the right things! Just think- in the middle of that first unbearable fog you've managed the care of three kids all dealing with new situations, you've gotten the boys settled in the best possible family environment so they can have routine, attention, interaction, and love. You are researching new options for N and you've managed to bring her feeding so far from where she started! And all in the miniscule amount of time you've had away from work! This is superhero stuff! I am in awe of you!

I think about you and your family every day, I know things will keep getting better and better from here on out!

 

[Laila619]

OMG, they are so, so cute MP! Truly. What sweethearts. Your daughter has the cutest little rosebud lips.

By the way, what is it with the boy twins?! My little dude is almost 11 months and he STILL wants to be held all the time and has the loudest cry/scream ever. What you wrote sounds pretty familiar.