Parenting Q's - vacationing without your kids

[AN0NYM0US]

Depends on the situation...

We have a 4 year old and right now, no we wouldn't.
When she's a few years older and wants (assuming) to go to a summer camp or something like that, maybe.
When she's a teenager, probably.
20's and older, yes.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

My kids are older now but no, I would never have considered going away on a month -long vacation without them. It's just too long and I wouldn't want to be separated from them for that long. I would have missed them too much! I also would not want to impose on someone to care for my children for that length of time.

Yep, I also wouldn't want to impose on someone. We only have one set of relatives we can count on and I wouldn't want to leave my kids for a month with them because that's a long time to be responsible for someone else's kids, plus, I can't be entirely sure they'd want to watch them that long even if they did say yes to watching them. A week or less is fine.

Also, I wouldn't want to watch anyone's kids for a month, while they lived here. Maybe it's because I already have two of my own...having four kids here for a month would wear me out!

 

[Ximena]

It would depend on the individual kid, age and family dynamics. A month is way too long for me, probably stick with family vacations forever?

Nope, no way. My DH and I went on a 5 day vacay when my kids were 3 and 5 and that was too much. My parents watched them so I had no fear but I just felt bad and would not do it again until they are much older (HS maybe) and thats probably only if they didnt want to go with me/us.

Where we live a kid can be left alone at 16 but parents are 100% liable if something happens to their friends, gf, gf pets, etc.
My mother's friend Kimberly, posted this on a similar thread long time ago [have her permission]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2072955

 

[JewelFreak]

I don't have kids so it's hard to say -- but I was a kid & can talk from that viewpoint. Our parents went to dad's company meetings in Florida for a week or 2 every year. From when I was about 6, my brother 5, sister 2. We had steady reliable people to stay with us & close friends & neighbors right there. I remember missing my parents & hating the change in routine, but not suffering lasting damage. I visited my aunt for 2 weeks in summers & loved it. My friends went to camp for a month & loved that.

A month is kind of long, but I would leave younger kids (with trusted carers, obviously) for a week or 2. Probably not teenagers or pre-teens; life is too complicated & full of unknowns for them. I'd rather take them along or be around to supervise.

John Rosemund, who has a wonderfully down to earth attitude, advocates parents' taking time for themselves, demonstrating to kids that the parents' relationship is the basis of their family and that they are separate people who can be be away from the children once in a while, without danger or fear. Good for children to realize they'll survive emotionally & a couple keeps their relationship healthy. Don't know if I expressed that well, but hope it comes through.

--- Laurie

 

[baby monster]

IMO, whether one thinks it's acceptable practice depends on how one grew up. I spent all of my summers , until I became a teenager , without parents at either sleep away camp or with grandparents. Most of my friends grew up that way. Now that some of them are parents themselves, they send away kids for the summer.

 

[momhappy]

It would depend on the individual kid, age and family dynamics. A month is way too long for me, probably stick with family vacations forever?

Nope, no way. My DH and I went on a 5 day vacay when my kids were 3 and 5 and that was too much. My parents watched them so I had no fear but I just felt bad and would not do it again until they are much older (HS maybe) and thats probably only if they didnt want to go with me/us.

Where we live a kid can be left alone at 16 but parents are 100% liable if something happens to their friends, gf, gf pets, etc.
My mother's friend Kimberly, posted this on a similar thread long time ago [have her permission]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2072955

Yes, I did a little more research and the legalities of unattended children varies by state. My state, for example, says that children under age 8 should not be left alone. Many states don't specify an age at which a child can be left home alone, but then I read stories about CPS becoming involved after receiving reports of unattended teenagers (for a week or so). I'm guessing that they treat it on a case-by-case basis, but if you're leaving your teenager to fend for themselves for weeks at a time, CPS is likely to become involved if a report is made.
I guess the responses vary quite a bit. I simply can not fathom sending my kids away for the summer. What a huge burden to put on someone and to be honest, it seems a bit selfish. I suppose if a child is spending quality time with grandparents and everyone is on board, no harm is done, but it's not a choice that I would ever consider.

 

[Mia16]

Hi, first time posting. In Maryland where I lived for 7 years, it's OK to leave an 8 y/o home alone. In my head ---Age and Maturity are two different things-- There's no way I would leave children behind for a vacation, sorry!
Remember last fall?
http://myfox8.com/2013/10/18/fort-bragg-soldier-and-wife-accused-of-child-abuse/

 

[diamondringlover]

no, i have never took a vacation without my kids..other then i went to a wedding and did leave him at home for about 3 days

 

[jaysonsmom]

My husband and I have had 4-5 vacations without the kids since they were born (11 and 9 years ago), and each of those were 2-8 days. We left them with trusted family memebers (my parents, SIL, and my brother), and we skyped them every night. I don't know if I could leave them for more than a week or so, would miss them too much!

 

[momhappy]

Hi, first time posting. In Maryland where I lived for 7 years, it's OK to leave an 8 y/o home alone. In my head ---Age and Maturity are two different things-- There's no way I would leave children behind for a vacation, sorry!
Remember last fall?
http://myfox8.com/2013/10/18/fort-bragg-soldier-and-wife-accused-of-child-abuse/

Yikes! Definitely a form of child abuse/child neglect.

 

[LLJsmom]

It would depend on the individual kid, age and family dynamics. A month is way too long for me, probably stick with family vacations forever?

Nope, no way. My DH and I went on a 5 day vacay when my kids were 3 and 5 and that was too much. My parents watched them so I had no fear but I just felt bad and would not do it again until they are much older (HS maybe) and thats probably only if they didnt want to go with me/us.

Where we live a kid can be left alone at 16 but parents are 100% liable if something happens to their friends, gf, gf pets, etc.
My mother's friend Kimberly, posted this on a similar thread long time ago [have her permission]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2072955

Yes, I did a little more research and the legalities of unattended children varies by state. My state, for example, says that children under age 8 should not be left alone. Many states don't specify an age at which a child can be left home alone, but then I read stories about CPS becoming involved after receiving reports of unattended teenagers (for a week or so). I'm guessing that they treat it on a case-by-case basis, but if you're leaving your teenager to fend for themselves for weeks at a time, CPS is likely to become involved if a report is made.
I guess the responses vary quite a bit. I simply can not fathom sending my kids away for the summer. What a huge burden to put on someone and to be honest, it seems a bit selfish. I suppose if a child is spending quality time with grandparents and everyone is on board, no harm is done, but it's not a choice that I would ever consider.

In my case it seems selfish the opposite way, me not letting them go yet. I have family begging me to let my kids stay for the summear in Hong Kong, aunts, cousins, grandma and grandma and grandpa. They adore my children and they consider a treat to have my kids for a month or two. My kids would love it and have begged me. They would benefit from immersion in the language and culture and experience. I think they are a bit too young still but I would consider it in a couple of years. In my situation it is definitely NOT an imposition to my family. In fact my parents keep bugging me to let them take the kids on vacation without me and my husband. Alaskan cruise for 14 days-ish. OMG.

 

[Circe]

I've left my son for three days at a time, twice, once with his daddy when my MIL was in town, too, when I went to a conference with my best friend (basically my son's third parent ... she was there when he was born, arranged her teaching schedule to dovetail with mine so I could go back to work when he was two months old, and we plan to do the same with the roles reversed when it's her turn), and once when I went away for a romantic weekend with my husband and the aforementioned best friend watched him, with lots of help from *her* mom, who is local.

Both times by the 48 hour mark I was going crazy.

I assume this will lengthen as he and we all get older. But if I don't like spending more than a week, tops, away from any of the adult people that I love ... why would it be different with my kid(s)?

 

[armywife13]

No. In my opinion, a month is too long to be away from my children on a vacation. I think the maximum I would ever spend away from my children would be a 1-1.5 weeks-but that is only if they are with someone I trust completely, like my parents. Even then, I probably wouldn't do so. My girls deal with enough changes having to move every few years and having their Dad gone for months or a year at a time for training/deployments. Because of that, I would be very hesitant to put them in a situation where both of their parents are gone for any extended period of time(more than a long weekend).

 

[misskittycat]

I don't think I would survive (I think my daughter would probably be ok)! We are facing this in September. I have a trade fair to go to for 5 or so days. Last year we took her and paid for a nanny to watch her while we were at the conference. This year we are contemplating leaving her with my Mum. Not sure I can do it! She will be almost three and I haven't left her for a single night of her life.

 

[zoebartlett]

I spent every summer starting from grade 4 with my grandparents, and those were some of the happiest memories of my childhood. So I definitely do not have any issues with being away from any hypothetical children for prolonged periods of time.

I'm glad you have so many great memories with your grandparents, Recordas. I think of it differently. (I'm quoting you because I hadn't thought of your situation.) I consider that to be different than parents leaving to go on vacation for a month, dropping their kids off with a friend's family or asking someone to stay with them at home. I guess I think of what you described as parents giving their kids a fun adventure, a bonding experience with grandma and grandpa, possibly in a different region from where the kids live.

I consider vacationing without one's kids for a month to be a way to well, get away from them for a significant length of time. It's not something I'd feel comfortable doing, speaking of my hypothetical children. A week, maybe, but I'd want a family member to come stay in our house so our (hypothetical) kids' routines wouldn't need to be interrupted more than needed.

 

[SB621]

OP I think you will be hard pressed to find anyone (especially women) who feel comfortable leaving their kids for a month. Perhaps you should have made the question more realistic and said 2-3 weeks? I know for me I think 2-3 weeks is fine. My kids are toddlers (both of them**) and DH and I leave them at least twice a year to go on adult only vacations. Typically only 3-4 days but when they were babies we left for 10 days to celebrate our 5 year anniversary in Europe. Anyhow I really don't see anything wrong with extended adult only vacatons as long as they don't happen all the time (short ones are fine).

 

[momhappy]

OP I think you will be hard pressed to find anyone (especially women) who feel comfortable leaving their kids for a month. Perhaps you should have made the question more realistic and said 2-3 weeks? I know for me I think 2-3 weeks is fine. My kids are toddlers (both of them**) and DH and I leave them at least twice a year to go on adult only vacations. Typically only 3-4 days but when they were babies we left for 10 days to celebrate our 5 year anniversary in Europe. Anyhow I really don't see anything wrong with extended adult only vacatons as long as they don't happen all the time (short ones are fine).

I used the example of one month because as I mentioned before, I know someone who recently left their kids and went on a month-long vacation (so it actually was a realistic scenario). The whole point in asking was because I think that leaving your kids for a month is completely unrealistic (and crazy, and selfish, etc.), but I was curios to see how others felt.

 

[SB621]

OP I think you will be hard pressed to find anyone (especially women) who feel comfortable leaving their kids for a month. Perhaps you should have made the question more realistic and said 2-3 weeks? I know for me I think 2-3 weeks is fine. My kids are toddlers (both of them**) and DH and I leave them at least twice a year to go on adult only vacations. Typically only 3-4 days but when they were babies we left for 10 days to celebrate our 5 year anniversary in Europe. Anyhow I really don't see anything wrong with extended adult only vacatons as long as they don't happen all the time (short ones are fine).

I used the example of one month because as I mentioned before, I know someone who recently left their kids and went on a month-long vacation (so it actually was a realistic scenario). The whole point in asking was because I think that leaving your kids for a month is completely unrealistic (and crazy, and selfish, etc.), but I was curios to see how others felt.

I guess it is your perspective. I think the same things of people who don't leave their kids. I just find it unhealthy. To each their own. As long as the children are loved, cherish, and happy at the end of the day whose to say what is right and wrong with time spent apart. I guess it also depends on the kids. I know my kids have no issues when we leave (for work or vacation...and my DH is gone for weeks to months at a time).

 

[momhappy]

OP I think you will be hard pressed to find anyone (especially women) who feel comfortable leaving their kids for a month. Perhaps you should have made the question more realistic and said 2-3 weeks? I know for me I think 2-3 weeks is fine. My kids are toddlers (both of them**) and DH and I leave them at least twice a year to go on adult only vacations. Typically only 3-4 days but when they were babies we left for 10 days to celebrate our 5 year anniversary in Europe. Anyhow I really don't see anything wrong with extended adult only vacatons as long as they don't happen all the time (short ones are fine).

I used the example of one month because as I mentioned before, I know someone who recently left their kids and went on a month-long vacation (so it actually was a realistic scenario). The whole point in asking was because I think that leaving your kids for a month is completely unrealistic (and crazy, and selfish, etc.), but I was curios to see how others felt.

I guess it is your perspective. I think the same things of people who don't leave their kids. I just find it unhealthy. To each their own. As long as the children are loved, cherish, and happy at the end of the day whose to say what is right and wrong with time spent apart. I guess it also depends on the kids. I know my kids have no issues when we leave (for work or vacation...and my DH is gone for weeks to months at a time).

Actually, I also find it "unhealthy" to never leave your kids. I think that there is a balance. I don't think that there's anything wrong with going on vacation and leaving your children with adequate childcare. Each family decides what length of time works for them. Personally, at this stage of our lives, I am comfortable with about 4 days. I could potentially see myself leaving for a week, two weeks would be far too long, and someone would have to physically drag me away kicking & screaming if it was for a month… I also have a DH that travels, but I am home with the kids, so their routine is not altered much.

 

[NTave]

I do vacation without my children occasionally. I have taken 3-4 non work trips, including to Africa over the 10+ years being a parent. I think its important for parents to do adult things in addition to caring for their children. There are certainly areas of the world I like to explore that are not suitable to bringing children. That said, most of our vacations are family based. A month is too long for me to leave my children. When I do go away my school age children are left in care of their grandparents, who see them often and they are comfortable with. I do have several bucket list trips on my radar that will take a few weeks to do, but Im saving them until my kids are older. Also, Im planning on taking each child on a trip of their choosing on their 16th birthday. My DD has chosen France.

 

[misskittycat]

OP I think you will be hard pressed to find anyone (especially women) who feel comfortable leaving their kids for a month. Perhaps you should have made the question more realistic and said 2-3 weeks? I know for me I think 2-3 weeks is fine. My kids are toddlers (both of them**) and DH and I leave them at least twice a year to go on adult only vacations. Typically only 3-4 days but when they were babies we left for 10 days to celebrate our 5 year anniversary in Europe. Anyhow I really don't see anything wrong with extended adult only vacatons as long as they don't happen all the time (short ones are fine).

I used the example of one month because as I mentioned before, I know someone who recently left their kids and went on a month-long vacation (so it actually was a realistic scenario). The whole point in asking was because I think that leaving your kids for a month is completely unrealistic (and crazy, and selfish, etc.), but I was curios to see how others felt.

I guess it is your perspective. I think the same things of people who don't leave their kids. I just find it unhealthy. To each their own. As long as the children are loved, cherish, and happy at the end of the day whose to say what is right and wrong with time spent apart. I guess it also depends on the kids. I know my kids have no issues when we leave (for work or vacation...and my DH is gone for weeks to months at a time).

I also think it depends on your circumstances - we don't have family locally so it's not that easy for us to pop away without impacting someone else's life considerably. My parents live interstate so it would be a matter of them taking time out (my dad would have to take time off from work), then there is the cost of airfares to get them here and the fact that my toddler is somewhat active (lets just say I am exhausted every night after looking after her), so it's a real imposition for us to ask. When she is older, at school, and able to be reasoned with a little more, I would have no hesitation in asking, but the situation at the moment isn't overly conducive to us leaving her.

She has plenty of time away from us - she is in day care 2 days a week and we have evenings out all the time. We are just not really in a position to leave her for an extended period.