Parents, Infidelity, and Friendship

[Independent Gal]

I have a question that came up in conversation with a friend of mine earlier today, let''s call her Shnozzle (because she''s being nosey!). She is very close with an old friend of her DIVORCED dad''s - let''s call her Q - who over the last few years has grown more distant from her dad and closer to Shnozzle. Q has been in Shnozzle''s life ALL her life. Anyway, to make a long story short, several comments that people have made recently, and many things Q herself has said, suggest strongly that Q had an affair with her dad. My friend claims she needs to know whether Q and her dad had THAT kind of relationship and wants to just plain ask her, since Q has been hinting anyway.

I told her ''Don''t DO IT unless you WANT to know the answer.'' But it sounds like she DOES want to know.

Also, does her dad have any ''information control'' rights that need to be respected ?

I wondered what you ladies think.

 

[bee*]

I think that if she wants to know she should ask, but as you say, she has to be prepared to hear the answer. If she is in contact with her dad and they have a reasonable relationship, then it might be better if she asks him also.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Tough call. I would personally want to know so that I could answer the little voice in my head asking "did they or didn''t they??"

Wierd that Q has been hinting about this. Almost like she wants to come clean.

 

[Independent Gal]

She has a good relationship with her dad. I think if I were her, I'd probably ask my dad. But then MY dad tells me all kinds of things I don't even WANT to know about his love life!

But she seemed to think that Q DID want to come clean. Like she wanted Shnozzle to ask.

 

[Gypsy]

I think Shnozzle should talk to her dad. I mean, if Q and dad did get it on... what''s she going to do? Either let it fester or talk to dad. Might as well cut out the middle man there, IMO. If she has a good relationship with him, why put it in jeapordy by going around the man''s back to gossip with his light o'' love?

As for Q. I can''t even comment politely. I just think that''s wrong and selfish. You want to unload YOUR guilty conscience so you are torturing someone else with innuendo. Trashy.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 3/3/2008 7:03:22 PM
Author: Gypsy
I think Shnozzle should talk to her dad. I mean, if Q and dad did get it on... what''s she going to do? Either let it fester or talk to dad. Might as well cut out the middle man there, IMO. If she has a good relationship with him, why put it in jeapordy by going around the man''s back to gossip with his light o'' love?


As for Q. I can''t even comment politely. I just think that''s wrong and selfish. You want to unload YOUR guilty conscience so you are torturing someone else with innuendo. Trashy.

Totally what I would have written if I weren''t so tired. Agree totally with Gypsy!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

When I was 10, I found out my mother had contimplated having an affair and didn''t know whether she had gone through with it (she doesn''t know I know). It bothered me more than you would think and it was only last year I found out she did not. It weighed very heavily on me and in over ten years that weight didn''t dissapate.

Hwever, I second that Q is behaving exceptionally badly by hinting at it. I found out through a total accident and I can''t believe people can go so low.

 

[perry]

uggg....

Ya know... some things just don''t need to be known. In addition, what does it matter.

When are people going to accept that people have relationships... and that relationship is none of their business unless they are personally involved with it.

None of us are perfect, and unless it directly invoves ourselves - or involves others on a very public scale; its not something we should be concerned with (nor, by my understanding, judge either).

What does it say about the people who "just have to know" too?

Perry

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Honestly, I am not sure that I would want to know. My parents are divorced (have been since I was 12 years old) and a good friend of mine asked me why they got divorced (they get along now, so I think that is why she asked)...when I told her that I really did not know the reasons, she was surprised that I did not want to know. I look at it like this...yes, they are my parents, but it was their marriage and it is their business. I agree, some things are better left unknown. For me knowing versus not knowing is not going to change anything, my parents will still be divorced.

 

[swingirl]

Her dad''s personal business is non of her business and Q is no real friend to even hint at something so personal like an affair. It''s distructive behavior for Q to try to get between a father and daughter. She''s got an ulterior motive (like hurting the father).

 

[Independent Gal]

I hadn''t even thought of that, but that IS seriously obnoxious about Q hinting like that.

I think I''m going to tell Shnozzle that if it were me, I''d speak with the dad, not the Q, if it''s really bothering her. Otherwise, just let it go and maybe spend less time with Q.

Thanks for your thoughts, ladies.